Self-Coaching

Ever heard of Occam’s razor? Essentially, Occam’s razor states that the simplest explanation is preferable to one that is more complex. In my early years practicing psychology, I decided to challenge the complexities of traditional analysis. As I began to formulate my Self-Coaching approach to emotional struggles, I came to a ‘chicken-egg’ issue: Does anxiety produce anxious thoughts, or do our anxious thoughts produce anxiety? The same goes for depression and emotional struggle in general.

My contention is that anxious people have anxious thoughts and, it’s the anxious thinking that promotes what we refer to as anxiety. You may be a bit underwhelmed by this, but consider the fact that traditionally, we refer to anxiety, depression, and emotional struggle as forms of mental illness. You know about illnesses; you catch a cold or flu. Do you “catch” anxiety or depression? I think not. Listen to this week’s Self-Coaching podcast to start making psychology much simpler than you heretofore may have thought.

If you believe that you can’t be happy, that too much is going on and you can’t handle it, or that you can’t shake feeling anxious or depressed, then you’re allowing yourself to become corrupted by such beliefs. You need to understand that insecurity-driven beliefs are not facts. Facts are stubborn things, and when you allow yourself to feel victimized, you’re treating feelings as if they’re facts. When this happens, you become powerless to change the course of your life. The truth is you’re not powerless. And that’s a fact!

In this the second of a two-part Self-Coaching podcast, I dig a bit deeper into the roots of unhappiness and offer a simple path that will begin a process of empowering you to find the solace and satisfaction that, regardless of your current struggle, is, in fact, within your grasp.

Are you living the life you want?  Do you feel a sense of meaning and purpose? Or are you feeling victimized, powerless over your struggles both emotionally or circumstantially? Before capitulating to hopelessness and despair, understand that the potential for a happier, more meaningful life is, in fact a free lunch, i.e., no one is denied this possibility. But first, you must understand what’s in the way.

In this first of a two-part Self-Coaching podcast, I discuss the roots of unhappiness and a simple path that will begin a process of empowering you to find the solace and satisfaction that, regardless of your current struggles, is, in fact, within your grasp.

Self-Coaching is an “impatient” form of therapy. Whereas traditional analysis patiently explores the depths of your past, looking for the “truth” that will set you free, Self-Coaching rejects this notion. Like a cigarette smoker, you don’t need to know why you started smoking; you need to know what you can do to break the habit. It’s not the truth that will set you free; it’s understanding how you unwittingly reinforce neurotic thinking habits. Asking ‘why’ you struggle isn’t the right question; what are you going to do about it is.

Learning the simple truth about what needs to be done to liberate you from your reflexive, insecurity-driven habits of thinking and systematically replacing these thoughts with more objective, mature thinking may take practice, but at the very least, you will know what has to be done. You will no longer feel victimized by your struggles.

“I’m so stressed! I can’t take this job anymore!” “I don’t have enough time to get things done!” Stress is a part of everyday life, but that doesn’t mean you have to be victimized by your stress. Victims are powerless, and you are not powerless! The truth is we were built to handle day-to-day stress; it’s part of our fight-flight nervous system that evolved to protect us from danger. We may have been built to handle situational stress, but we weren’t meant (or equipped), physically or emotionally, to live with chronic stress. And that’s a fact!

In this Self-Coaching episode, join me as I discuss the deleterious effect stress has on your body and emotions. You may not be able to eliminate all the stressful challenges of your life, but there’s a lot you can do to minimize life stress, especially self-induced, needless stress.

As we juggle the complexities of our lives, we often find that we just don’t have “enough time.” We feel that we’re spread too thin, we’re worn out, depleted, and stressed. Life has become more and more convoluted by the ever-growing demands put on us by incessant texts, emails, phone calls, and interruptions that simply can’t wait.  

And yet, rather than simplifying our lives, we just keep adding layer after layer of new complexities as we seek that mythic place where our to-do list actually gets done, where we can catch our breath and get off our hectic treadmill. For some, they hang on to fantasies of a getaway vacation—where we leave all our complexities at home and experience simply being present. Ahh! Perhaps it’s time to listen to this Self-Coaching podcast and take a look at de-cluttering your emotional life…now!

Self-consciousness is a form of egocentricity….we feel all eyes are upon us. It’s called the spotlight effect. However, the attention you get when you notice a large ketchup stain on your blouse or when you slip on a banana peel isn’t the attention you want—it’s embarrassing.

We inherently strive to have others see us the way we want them to. Unfortunately, life has many pitfalls and obstacles to challenge us. In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn that Self-consciousness is relative--the more insecure you are, the more likely you are to spend your time neurotically anticipating and worrying about what people think about you. Learn to explore what can be done to release you from the burden of being neurotically self-conscious.

Do you have difficulty saying no? Are you a “pleaser”? A “yes” person? If so, you must recognize that you’re being held hostage by a long-standing habit of insecurity. You find it so hard because if we please someone, it will be much safer than if we displease them. Maybe you don’t want someone getting angry with you, or perhaps you don’t want to disappoint them. Or maybe you don’t want to feel guilty. Whatever the reason, pleasing others at your expense isn’t a free lunch--you pay an emotional price for suppressing your needs.Isn’t it time to stop beating yourself up and feeling frustrated because you wind up doing someone else's bidding? In this Self-Coaching podcast, I explore why we have such difficulty standing up for our needs and why it’s critically important to understand how to become more assertive. Being assertive isn’t synonymous with being aggressive; it’s simply and effectively taking care of your own needs. Yes, you can!

Stress and anxiety are closely related, exhibiting mostly identical symptoms such as trouble sleeping, digestive issues, difficulty concentrating, muscle tension, irritability, and so on. Although the symptoms are similar, what triggers stress isn’t what triggers anxiety. To rid your life of the friction created by stress and anxiety, it’s critically important that you understand these differences in order to employ the appropriate Self-Coaching strategy to alleviate your struggle.

In this Self-Coaching episode, you'll learn a whimsical yet important lesson as to why 'Daisy' the cow never gets anxious.

People come to therapy with the expectation that therapy will help them change. Is this a myth? After all, it's not unusual for people to remain in therapy for months, even years. What’s the truth? In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the truth about psychological change.

Current research suggests that there’s no question that our genes predispose us to five identifiable core personality traits: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. This, however, isn’t the whole story because a predisposition is only a tendency toward certain traits, NOT a life sentence!

In this podcast, you’ll hear the “whole” story.