Self-Coaching

In everyone’s life, there are times of intense chaos, challenge, and uncertainty. Where we become overwhelmed with crippling emotions making it difficult to think or act rationally, and yet, even in the throes of such tumult, there are ways that you can fortify yourself to withstand life’s inevitable ‘meltdowns’ better.

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss, what I call, your “resilient gene.” Once you realize that we humans are genetically equipped to handle adversity, you can begin to cultivate confidence and perseverance, even in your darkest moments.

In every relationship there will inevitably be ups and downs, disappointments, and regrets, but what if I told you that there’s a way to protect yourself from needless relationship conflict and surprises? There is—and in this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn that managing relationship “orbits” is the key.

By understanding relationship orbits, you’ll be in a position to place your relationships in their proper orbits based on how you're treated. Your inner orbits are reserved for those close, trusting, loyal people with whom you have absolute trust, but as you move out to more distant orbits, you have those who are less reliable, less trustworthy, and even destructive.

By placing your relationships in the proper orbit, you will never wind up scratching your head asking, “Why did he hurt me like that?” Or, “I can’t believe she spread that lie about me.” The reason you won’t be confused is because your expectations are in sync with the actual person, not the illusion of the person we wish they would be.

In this week’s Self-Coaching podcast, I wanted to give a more complete overview of why Self-Coaching is much more than a “coaching” approach to solving life struggles. Whether it’s anxiety, depression, stress, or other struggles, you’ll find that an understanding of the dynamics of how you inadvertently contribute to your own suffering will put you in a position to choose the life you want—the life you deserve.

Once you understand why you’re struggling, you’ll have a format for recognizing that the path of true healing doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out process, not once you realize that worrying less, doubting less, and being less negative are all here-and-now possibilities that can get you started today. In time, as you practice your Self-Coaching, you’ll find that less becomes more.

Is true happiness an illusion? Well, yes and no. If you think you can be happy all the time, you will be sadly disappointed. Clearly, it’s not realistic or possible to be happy all the time, but if you’re willing to understand that within the quiet space between life’s circumstantial struggles, there resides and opportunity. An opportunity to experience life altering serenity and joy.

In this Self-Coaching podcast, I argue that true happiness is definitely real, and with a proper perspective you too, can open yourself up to the potential happiness that you’re capable of. What’s the proper perspective? It has to do with embracing the four simple steps of humility, empathy, serenity, and joy.

In this, the first of a three-part Self-Coaching series, I talk about an old Native American tale of two wolves, one bad, one good and the battle that goes on in every human struggle. The focus of this week’s podcast is on “bad wolf” tendencies, i.e., anger, envy, regret, self-pity, guilt, inferiority, false-pride/ego. We are often aware of our negative, or ‘shadow’ traits, but when these traits operate reflexively, they tend to erode our potential for happiness and effective living. By shedding light on our shadow traits, we begin to make these tendencies more conscious, enabling us to be less victimized by them.

Next week’s podcast will focus on the “good wolf” tendencies, followed by a Self-Coaching approach to neutralize negative personality traits, actualize positive traits, and claim the life you were meant to have—the life you deserve.

“To thine own self be true.” Common sense, right? But, how do we really know what our “self” is? Our, true self?  There are those who argue that the concept of a ‘true self’ is an illusion, that there is no such thing as a “true self.” From a Self-Coaching perspective, I completely disagree, not only is there a true self, but unless you understand how we inadvertently smother it’s expression, you will never be totally in synch with your life.

In this Self-Coaching episode, join me as I discuss why your mental health is intimately dependent on you beginning to de-contaminate the insecurity that has restricted your connection to your true self.

You’re probably familiar with the quote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Same goes for neurosis. If we keep indulging our habits of insecurity, why should we expect to feel different? In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the reason why we get entangled in our reflexive, neurotic ways, never realizing what the fundamental answer to our liberation is.

If you’re tired of the same old same old struggles, perhaps it’s time to understand what’s really going on and why you’ve inadvertently become victimized by your own passivity. Feeling better doesn’t have to be that complicated.

From time to time, we all worry. Right? Sometimes however, our worry-thoughts just keep spinning and spinning in spite of our best intentions to stop. It’s as if worrying has a mind of its own. This isn’t far from the truth. Insecurity does have a voice; it’s the hand-wringing, what-iffing voice of chaos. If we passively yield to that voice, we do become powerless.

In this Self-Coaching episode, I suggest my simple, “pink elephant” technique, that will show you how to interrupt the flow of worrisome ruminations, proving that when it comes to worrying, we do have a choice. We can choose to step apart from reflexive, neurotic worry-thinking and replace it with a more moderate mature voice that deals with life’s facts rather than our insecurity-driven fictions. Think "pink!"

Do you want to be liked? Well, according to cognitive dissonance theory, get someone to do you a favor. Sounds crazy, right? Well, not only is it not crazy, but it explains how we justify doing things that are contrary to our better judgment and moral values.

Cognitive dissonance is a mental conflict that occurs when our actions, feeling, ideas, beliefs, or values don’t line up with our actions. In this Self-Coaching episode join me as I explore the many ways we rationalize, deny, or otherwise convince ourselves that our psychological transgressions are, in fact, okay and not transgressions at all.

Many people use ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ interchangeably, but they are, in fact, quite different. Join me in this Self-Coaching episode as I not only explain the difference, but dig deep into my own personal history to reveal an incident that took place many years ago that, to this day, still echoes with guilt and shame.

What about you? If you forget to feed the dog, say something you regret to a friend, or how about if you say no to a request for help? Do you feel guilty? Ashamed of yourself?

Although guilt and shame can be legitimate responses to shabby or hurtful behavior, most times these feelings are neurotically driven by insecurity. Once you know how to ferret out truth from emotional fiction, you’ll be in a position to a use a few Self-Coaching steps to extricate yourself from needless suffering.