Self-Coaching

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the subtle differences between fear, anxiety, and panic.

Fear is an inherited, survival—fight-flight—mechanism ensuring our ability to react spontaneously to an external danger.

Anxiety is fear injected with insecurity driven-thinking.

Panic is the end result of a mind-body depletion caused by prolonged stress, anxiety, and loss of self-trust and confidence.

By understanding the physiological changes in our body and our psychological reactions to danger—real or imagined—we can begin to wrestle our lives back from needless neurotic living, learning to live more courageously in tune with our objective present, rather than an insecurity projected anticipation of future chaos.

Ever ask yourself, “what’s normal?” Actually, ‘normal’ is a statistical concept, not a people concept. We can, however, use the term to refer to your uncorrupted personality—your normal personality. Insecurity is what hijacks your pristine—normal—personality, convincing you that in order to handle life’s challenges you need to develop strategies to compensate for your vulnerabilities. This may not sound so bad until you realize that these controlling strategies are at the expense of self-trust.

Without self-trust you are dependent on trying to control life. More precisely, to “over-control” life. Over controlling life takes effort, produces stress (which depletes our chemistry) ultimately paving the way to anxiety or depression. What was normal now becomes neurotic.

Our lives flow from childhood through adolescence to the middle years and, so as not to spook you, to what I call the, post-middle years. It’s the middle years (let’s say from our 30s to our 50s), which are typically spent in what we might call the acquisition phase of life. That’s where we typically go through an external whirlwind of doing, buying, competing, becoming, evolving, and so on (phew!). These are years of seismic growth as we form relationships, establish roots, careers, all the while enjoying an exuberance mostly for life’s external things--the seemingly essential things.

Then, at some point middle age begins to—ever so gradually--yield to our post-middle-age. For many, the concept of growing older can evoke a deep rumbling associated with feeling a bit disoriented, anxious, if not depressed. But, as much as there’s a tendency to cling to what was, some do manage to transition effortlessly. What’s their secret? Well, truth is there is no secret and the solution is really rather simple. So, join me in this Self-Coaching episode as I explore an invaluable mindset and understanding that will pave the way for your ultimate psychological maturity ensuring a life of meaning and purpose.

Let’s face it, no one escapes life challenges. Sometimes, it’s all we can do to slog through and regain our emotional balance. In this Self-Coaching episode, I reintroduce and expand my ‘wave’ theory for handling life’s inevitable struggles. You’ll learn about the four types of “waves” and various Self-Coaching strategies for getting through even the most devastating life events.

What’s interesting is that as inevitable as actual life challenges are (i.e., illness, loss of a job, etc.), they only make up a small portion or our overall struggle. The majority of our emotional struggles are the result of our tendency to become “wave creators.” We generate needless, artificial, neurotic waves and struggles. By learning to eliminate your propensity to generate anticipatory waves of insecurity, you can learn to Self-Coach a more fluid and healthy way to handle life’s real challenges.

No question we’re all looking for quick, abracadabra solutions to our emotional struggles. But the reality is that unless you realize the habit nature of anxiety, depression, unhappiness, and so on, you’ll never understand the real solution. In this Self-Coaching episode, I talk about what’s necessary for you to unravel the habits of insecurity that continue to reinforce your struggles. The only caveat, you have to be prepared to commit yourself to practicing your Self-Coaching efforts every day.

Let’s face it, emotional liberation doesn't just happen, especially if you’ve been suffering for years. It happens if you have clear path to follow and a willingness to fight-the-good-fight, taking your life back from the reflexive distortions of habituated insecurity.

To some extent, humans seem to have an innate fear of abandonment. When early life circumstances (divorce, neglect, etc.) cause a disruption to the child’s developing ego, chances are that the fear of abandonment can percolate through life creating anxiety, stress and dysfunctional relating.

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the origins of abandonment fear as well as the many manifestations it may take in adult life such as a heightened sense of insecurity, inability to trust, jealousy, etc.

“I can’t find a job.” “I can’t lose weight.” “I can’t stop worrying.” Are you paralyzed by self-doubt or discouraged by lack of confidence? There’s no question that self-doubt and self-distrust will suppress your true potential for success and happiness. In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn the attitude that’s necessary to effectively challenge and reverse your hesitations, paving the way for a more courageous path forward toward a more fulfilling life.Perhaps it’s time to become your own best coach and to confidently start to make good things happen. What are you waiting for?

“I can’t find a job.” “I can’t lose weight.” “I can’t stop worrying.” Are you paralyzed by self-doubt or discouraged by lack of confidence? There’s no question that self-doubt and self-distrust will suppress your true potential for success and happiness. In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn the attitude that’s necessary to effectively challenge and reverse your hesitations, paving the way for a more courageous path forward toward a more fulfilling life.

Perhaps it’s time to become your own best coach and to confidently start to make good things happen. What are you waiting for?

Through the years, I’ve been told by many patients entering therapy, “I don’t want to blame my parents.” This is especially true with loving—however misguided—parents. What’s the truth? Is it fair to point a finger of blame for your struggles on your mother or father? Or is it a cop out?

A child grows up, in a sense, through the “eyes” of the parents. Parents dealing with their own neurotic issues will indirectly send an unsettling message to the young child that the world must not be such a safe place. After all, if mom or dad are struggling…. So, the question comes up as to just how significant an impact do parents have on whether or not their child will grow up with neuroticism?

In this Self-Coaching episode I explore the relativity of the parental influence, the non-parental environment, and the genetic influence of why we suffer. With notable exceptions (i.e., unloving parents; alcohol or drug addicted parents; etc.) it’s usually not fair to point a finger of blame. Doing so makes us victims of our childhood; a mature and honest understanding of our parents can be catalytic in helping us break the historical habits of insecurity that feed our emotional struggle in the present.

Confucius once said, “man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in.” Is this you? Are you passively waiting for life to deliver your happiness? Just plodding along, day by day, hoping that things will get better? Wishing that things were different? In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss how you can determine what you need—really need— to have a happier more successful life.

It all begins by learning to differentiate holistic, mature goals from misguided, insecurity-driven pursuits. With this clarity, you can begin to start to change the psychological and behavioral habits that have contributed to your less-than-optimal happiness.