Self-Defined Human Podcast

I want to tell you about a new 1-1 piano program called Removing the Mask.

It’s 2 months long and costs $1000.

In the program, you’ll learn to:

* stop hesitating

* add emotion to your playing

* ensure you’ve accomplished something before quitting a piece, and

* understand which notes are OK to leave out.

Here’s how we’re going to do it:

Over the two months, you’ll practice 4 exercises, one for each of the above outcomes:

* Remove the mask

* Accept your feelings

* Do the minimum work

* Take some f*****g risks

I’ll give you one assignment per week and you’ll have access to me over DM.

By the end, you’ll have unlocked the raw materials you would use to build a real pianist. Not only that, but these same skills can be used to fix your relationships and make everyone else in your life proud to know you.

So, if you think this program is right for you, let me know and I’ll send you a PayPal request. Otherwise, tell me your plan for solving this on your own (be more specific than “spend more time practicing”).

—Michael

P.S. If the cost is the only thing stopping you, let me know. It would be a shame to let everything go to s**t on account of numbers.

Habit trackers are b******t. I know people who have been sober for months and months and then suddenly died from an overdose. So, streaks don’t impress me.

And, by the way, God isn’t impressed by streaks either. He only cares about your actions one at a time.

So, when your kids see you use a habit tracker, this is what they’ll say:

* “Mom taught me never to abandon a sinking ship.”

* “Mom taught me that as long as you clock in, it’s okay to check out.”

When your kids watch you practice piano, they should be proud of every moment they see. Not just that you practiced. Not just that you practiced for 5 days straight.

They should be proud of every movement they see you make, and they should be proud of themselves when they imitate you.

They should say things like:

* “I watched Mom practice piano and she was just hitting random keys like a crazy person. It sounded like s**t but it inspired me to listen to my body.”

* “I saw Mom play a Chopin nocturne, full tempo, from beginning to end, even though it was too hard for her and she ignored most of the notes. It reminded me that good enough is better than perfect.”

* “I heard Mom playing along with a recording of a professional. Of course she couldn’t think about every single note, but she spent more time listening than playing, anyway. It taught me that I’m able to jump into a challenging environment and figure it out as I go.”

* “I once saw Mom sight-read through a whole book of songs, all in one sitting. Most of it sounded awful, but she didn’t care. It taught me that sometimes you just have to plow through, and to hell with everything else.”

* “This one time, I saw Mom recording herself playing Moonlight Sonata, listening back, re-recording, re-listening, until it was perfect. It reminded me that I can and should hold myself accountable to meet my own standards.”

* “Not only that, but I saw Mom comparing her own recording against a professional recording. Then, she re-recorded hers until the two sounded identical. It taught me that I can and should hold myself to objective standards.”

So, let me ask you: have you done any of the things on this list? What lessons have your kids learned by watching you play piano?

Be specific about cause and effect. We don’t need more stories about the kind of person you wish you were.

—Michael

Here’s the deal: I need money tonight. I don’t need a lot, and I’m embarrassed to tell you what it’s for, but I need it right now.

So, if you can give me money, that would be awesome.

I’m not trying to sell you anything. No product or service. Right now, I just need money. Even a total of $100 (from everyone) would be super-helpful.

If you give me money, I’ll put you in the Hall of Fame. True, we don’t have a Hall of Fame yet, but you’ll go in it when we do. I’ll also draw a picture for you.

Seriously, it would mean a lot to me.

If you’re willing to help out, follow this link and you can choose an amount:

https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/R697T3QUC9R6E

—Michael

Yesterday, on Instagram, I was chatting with a former client and she expressed some doubts about my ability to relate to beginners:

“You have a masters in music. You’re an expert. Somewhere along your road, someone drilled into you ‘do not hesitate’. All the things you say to your students.

But when a novice is playing and learning about this terminology, you do not have to extrapolate their hesitation into a dissertation about their psyche.”

On the contrary, this is entirely about your psyche.

Your hesitation at the piano has nothing to do with your piano skills and everything to do with your fucked-up psychology.

It has to do with a choice you’re scared to make, a choice you’re faced with multiple times a day.

It has nothing to do with piano. Even Harry Potter had to make this choice. He had to choose between being a Muggle and being a wizard.

It wasn’t a one-and-done thing. It was a choice he had to make over and over again:

* Was he going to stay with the family he’d known his whole life, business as usual, or hop on a motorcycle and fly off into God knows where?

* Was he going to stay in the normal, predictable, physical world, where the ground is solid, or smash face-first into platform 9¾? Was he going to take that leap of faith, not knowing what would happen?

* Was he going to stay on the ground or fly on a broomstick?

* Was he going to let himself be bullied and let his friends be bullied, or stand up to the bully?

It’s the same choice, over and over again:

* Was he going to play it safe and let Dumbledore handle it, or confront the most powerful evil wizard of all time?

* Was he going to let himself be seduced by the image of his parents in the mirror, to fall asleep into the daydream, or snap out of it and get to work?

It’s the same choice.

Yes, it has physical ramifications, but it’s a psychological choice: do I hold back or do I go for it?

Wizards don’t hold back.

(Wizards are a little crazy.)

Muggles hold back.

That’s why wizards can fly, fight evil, and save the world.

Wizards don’t hold back.

That’s what magic is.

It’s all the same. A Harry Potter who isn’t an expert at Quidditch isn’t going to stand a chance against Voldemort. It’s the same thing.

Accountants are Muggles. Pianists are wizards.

If you thought your existing personality was good enough to be a wizard, I hate to break it to you but it’s not. There’s a reason you can’t do magic, and it’s not because you haven’t taken the right classes yet.

It’s because you hesitate, because you’re afraid to go for it, because you’re afraid to take off the mask, because you’re afraid to leave the normal world.

This problem won’t solve itself until you’re ready to take a leap of faith.

It’s a hero’s journey and it’s not for everyone.

But, when you’re ready to take that journey, the next step is to find another area of your life where you have this same problem. It isn’t just about piano, so you should admit that ASAP.

—Michael

I’ve been diagnosing a lot of disorders lately, and I’ve got another one to add to the list. It’s called ADV (action-deficient verbosity).

Here’s an example of ADV I received in response to an offer I made to a former client:

“Hey, thank you I enjoyed working with you as well and hope things are going well. At the moment with recent career changes I am not having a lot of disposable income, in the future when I scrape some together I would be happy to reach out to you as music is a worthy investment to me, so I will have to let you know when that time comes 🎹”

It’s no wonder you’re not getting anything done.

There’s too much verbosity in this paragraph. Even just with these words right here, I can see you’re trying to do so many things at once:

* Reject my offer

* Be polite

* Deny responsibility

* Give a plausible excuse

* Appear interested in music

I’m not judging any of this, but I’m pointing out what I see. You’ve got to take an objective look at your own actions.

What I see here is lots of talk but no action.

For example, you’re not asking for free advice, you’re not asking about payment plans, you’re not doing work on your own and telling me about it. Those are the kinds of things you’d do if you wanted to do something rather than just talk.

If you suspect you may be suffering from ADV, there are several phrases you may notice yourself saying:

* “I have extreme ADHD.”

* “My parents brainwashed me into thinking I need to get a secure job.”

* “I never did homework in school but I wish I had.”

* “Btw, music is NOT homework. It’s completely enjoyable and I love it.”

* “I just need to learn some songs.”

* “I just need to kick my own butt.”

* “I just need to prioritize this.”

* Anything starting with “I just need to…”

I know these phrases sound on paper, but talk is cheap. You’ve got to have action to support them. Otherwise, they’re empty words.

Questions to ask yourself to identify actions you could be doing but aren’t:

* What problems is the extreme ADHD causing and what am I doing to solve them?

* Have I confronted my parents about the brainwashing?

* Have I taken any steps at all to fight against the brainwashing?

* Why doesn’t it bother me that I call music “completely enjoyable” and yet, I also say “I just need to prioritize this”?

* Don’t I see the contradiction there?

* What’s my plan for kicking my own butt?

* What homework am I doing as an adult, to make up for the fact that I didn’t do homework in school?

This is why your musical skills are below what you wish. It’s not because you’re not talented, you have ADHD, you “just need to…” whatever. It’s because you’re spending too much time talking. You’re saying too many things that have no meaning.

Once you fix that, the next step in becoming a music expert will be obvious.

—Michael

I got this email from a former piano player:

“I’ve given up on piano. I’m just not good enough to play the pieces I love.

I took lessons from a teacher once, but he had a short temper and made me feel stupid for not knowing exactly what he wanted me to do. I’m 70 years old. I told him I just wish could play Bach like the 9-year-olds I see on YouTube, but he laughed and told me to ignore them. Finally, I leaned back and said ‘I give up.’ But, it’s OK. We weren’t even playing pieces I wanted to play anyway.

I can’t play in front of people because I get nervous and tense, even in front of my wife. When I try playing from memory, I can’t concentrate and all the work I did goes out the window. I found some relaxation exercises online, but they didn’t help.

I can’t play fast. I’ve done arpeggio exercises I found on YouTube but they don’t transfer to real pieces. When I read music, I fixate on one note at a time and can’t look ahead. I got a little bit better at looking ahead, but it’s still not good enough.

Nowadays, I’m happier just listening to music. Piano isn’t for everyone.”

Let me give my diagnosis.

This isn’t a case of being a beginner. What we’re dealing with here is NMD (narcissistic musician disorder).

Here’s why:

* You blamed your teacher for being hard to please, instead of helping him understand why you weren’t willing to trust him.

* When you quit piano, instead of admitting you were frustrated, you said “eh, it’s a stupid game, anyway”.

* You blame mysterious, external forces like “tension” or “lack of concentration”, instead of taking responsibility for your role in the problem.

* You insist you should be able to play as well as 9-year-olds on YouTube, instead of accepting that they’re better than you and you should be learning from them.

* When you play piano for your wife, you have a problem with the feelings that happen. You don’t let yourself accept those feelings (“tension” or whatever you want to call it). You avoid the whole thing because you’re unwilling to subject yourself to them. For your wife, even.

* You believe random exercises you found online should be able to fix you as if you know enough to know what to look up or what the problem is.

* Your solution to the problem of reading music is “looking ahead”, rather than extracting meaning from the music you’re trying to read (you know, like you’d read a book?).

So, I don’t believe you when you say you don’t want to play piano.

I think what’s going on here is that we have a 70-year-old with NMD who thinks he’s already paid his dues.

—Michael

Let these words sink in:

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

shitshitshitshitshitshit

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Now, let this sink in:

Your piano playing sounds like f*****g s**t because you can’t even read these words without obsessing over the moral decay of society.

Stop being so entitled.

Do some f*****g work.

—Michael

P.S. I may have a few ideas for you, but first, I’ve got to check something. I need to know that we’re on the same page with all this theoretical s**t. What you need to do is reflect it back to me, so that I can verify.

P.P.S. It’s not just your piano playing. I would bet money that your relationships suffer from the same…quirks.

A fellow trendsetter posed the following problem to me:

“I’ve got all these great creative ideas, but when I go to do them, I get bored and quit and do something else. As a result, I never make any money because I’m not sticking around long enough to build whatever I’m trying to build.”

Here’s what I think: you’re wrong about what’s causing this.

It’s NOT because:

* You’re stressed out

* You’re anxious

* You can’t focus

* You don’t have creative inspiration

* You don’t have follow-through

* You have too much ADHD

* You don’t have enough ideas

* You have too many ideas

* You have too many interests

The problem is none of that.

It’s more about BPD. It’s fear of abandonment. You’re abandoning your work before anything gets good. You abandon it before it abandons you. Typical BPD behavior.

But, work doesn’t abandon you and projects don’t abandon you. People abandon you. So, you’re afraid of people, because you don’t want to be abandoned.

This is something you need to fix.

Your work sucks.

Do it for your work’s sake.

Look at it objectively, your social media posts. Things get good and then what happens? You delete all the posts. Come on.

This is the definition of a boring social media account: an account with no posts. Of course you’re bored. Everyone’s bored. You’ve engineered it that way. You’ve guaranteed this is not a project worth sticking around for. Of course you’re going to go do something more exciting.

“But, Michael. It’s not abandonment I have a problem with. It’s conflict! I love people. As long as we’re getting along, everything’s great.”

You know that’s b******t. You know you can’t be like that. You know that’s not really what you want.

You know how I know that? Because you’re so funny when you get going and you feel safe enough to say what’s on your mind.

You come up with things that are funny and witty. They’re not nice and they don’t avoid conflict. They’re actually pretty oppositional.

I see that twinkle in your eye and I know you’re having fun. This isn’t rocket science. That’s where you need to be if you want to have fun.

(Of course, then you have to deal with the fact that people might leave. I think you might be overblowing those fears, but that’s another topic.)

You want conflict.

Don’t kid yourself.

You’re all about conflict.

—Michael

P.S. If you prefer audio, you should know that the audio version of this post is recorded by me. It’s not AI-generated or whatever.

I got this Instagram DM from a future superstar:

“I’m not moving my body freely when I play piano, because I’d rather play well first. I’ve always struggled with hand positioning, you brought up a weird way I put my hand that I hadn’t noticed, accepted and now try not to.”

That’s not good enough.

Remember what Yoda said: “Do or do not. There is no try.”

So, let’s make this practical. Otherwise, it’s just philosophy, and that won’t make you any better at piano.

Yoda tells you to “do”. Do what? What, Yoda? Specifically, what do I do?

And he’ll reply: “Make a video where you focus on theatrical spice instead of playing well.”

Don’t “try” to make a video. Make a video. Don’t “try” to focus on theatrical spice. Focus on theatrical spice.

Do it. Don’t try.

So, here’s my offer: if you do it, send it to me and I’ll give you some comments.

I won’t “try” to give you comments. I’ll give you comments.

—Michael

P.S. Stop trying to play well. If you want to learn piano as an adult, moving your body freely has to be more important than playing well. There’s a reason kids learn faster: they move their bodies freely, by default. But, as adults, we’ve been taught to disconnect from our bodies (I don’t mean you were taught that by a piano teacher, but by society, your friends, your parents, everything). So, you have to fight against that programming, or you’re screwed. Fuhgeddaboudit.

In this video, you can see a familiar riff from the song “Bohemian Rhapsody”.

The video shows the wrong way to play it and the right way. I’m emphasizing the word “see” rather than “hear” because this is obvious when you’re looking but not so obvious when you’re listening.

I can see, just by watching, that there’s all this extra effort. Maybe you don’t know what you’re looking at, but I know you can feel it.

I can feel it too because I’ve been there.

I’ve got an explanation for why it’s hard: you’re leading with your thumb and I’m not. That’s why it’s hard for you and easy for me.

So, what do we do about that?

You say you have to practice it 10,000 more times and then it’s going to be easy. And that might be true. But, it didn’t take me 10,000 times to play this.

You’ve got to be more like ME

I don’t think you understand how powerful you’d be if you upped your sensitivity. Because that’s what it’s going to take: more sensitivity.

It seems like such a minor tweak, but it’s really not. Unfortunately, it’s going to cost you your soul.

Your whole entire soul is wrapped up in the way you move your body. The way you do these tiny things tells me everything about you, about your whole way of looking at the world.

This is not a decision to be made lightly.

I don’t even know how you would make the decision. You’re going to have to let go of whatever you’re trying to do right now and do something else instead.

You’re going to have to pay attention

It’s like meditation. You have to go deep into minute nuances and pay close attention to what’s behind your urges to move a certain way. It’s subtle.

Why are you balancing in this direction? Why put the weight there and not there? Why do you turn slightly this way and not that way? Tiny little things.

The only way to change them is to pay attention to your feelings. You know it feels bad. You may not know why you’re doing it but you know what it feels like.

You’re wrong about why you’re doing it

You think it’s because:

* you’re a beginner

* you don’t have enough experience

* Michael is so much better because he’s so much more experienced.

No, it’s because your priorities are screwed up.

You’re uncomfortable but you’re pushing through it. You’re forcing your body to do something it’s not designed to do. You’re doing that because you’re trying to impress people.

Stop trying to impress people.

Try to suck even more.

Keep your eye on the prize

It’s going to stop feeling hard and it’s going to start feeling easy. You’re going to have more control, and as a result, you’ll impress more people. And then you’ll forget why this was ever hard.

So, fix it.

Yeah, no one’s going to understand what you’re doing, but they don’t have to understand.

They’re not your peers.

They’re your future public.

—Michael