Self-Love 365

The fourth basic of Self-Love is energy--as in having some! All too often, when our energy is low, our self-love practice wanes. Even though self-love is a restorative practice, we haven't received the message to prioritize our needs; thus, self-love & self-care are often the first things to suffer when we're feeling low on energy. Ironically, when our energy is low, we need self-love even more! Start to notice and name the times when your energy lags, and the behaviors or external factors that cause this lag. For me, two red flags are managing other people's behavior and avoiding tasks that require a greater amount of energy. (Once again--the irony is that I spend a lot more energy & time avoiding the task than I would sitting down to do it!). What are the ways in which you sabotage your own energy levels? If you can start to notice and name them, you can start to keep track, and eventually we'll work together to re-wire these behaviors.

Wouldn't it be great if we looked forward to "self-love time" just as much as we did to dinnertime? or to date night? or to the time when the kids are safely on the bus and off to school / out of our hands? Good news! We can look forward to this time, if we manage our time in such a way that self-love IS important and valued and prioritized and comforting and fun. On the other hand, if we're always feeling in a rush and pressed for time, it will be a challenge to set aside the time we need to love ourselves. Time management is certainly a privilege, and if you are lucky enough (as I am) to have the time to manage your time, then I urge you to pay attention to how you're spending your moments. Also, to get yourself in the mood for self-love time, consider enacting a ritual that signifies your readiness to begin; for example, an alarm on your phone or the lighting of a candle.

Alongside cultivating a life with stability, safety, and security, we can cultivate a support system to turn to when challenges (or chaos!) arise. Do you have a select group of people you can turn to when you need help? Are you even able to ask for help when you need it? Asking for help is not a weakness! Still, for many of us, we've been conditioned or molded into "independent" thinkers who see asking for support as being weak. Needing support is normal + human, though it does require vulnerability. Asking for support, though, will be much easier if we cultivate systems of support in which there is reciprocity. 

For our self-love practices to thrive, there are certain non-negotiables we need to put in place--the "fundamentals" or basics of self-love. For me, these begin with safety, security, and stability. When I am living in an environment that is safe, secure, and stable--both physically & emotionally--than I am better able to love myself, which means I am better able to pass along that love to those who cannot access the fundamentals at this time. What are your non-negotiables for living your ideal, loving life?

What would be different about your life if you loved yourself unconditionally? If your self-love was the purest, richest, most rewarding love in your life? Can you picture it?  Paint it? Dream it in to being? Dreaming about the "perfect" self-love relationship is just like all the dreaming about "falling in love" that we did when we were kids or teens (or now!). Dreaming is manifesting the goal into being. It's an authentic and necessary part of the realization process. The good news is we are perfectly equipped to fulfill our own dreams! We don't need to rescue or be rescued; we just need to get familiar with our desires and meet our own needs. We just need to love ourselves, in whatever way that love needs to be given.

Alongside adopting habits of Self-Love, we must also reconcile with and reckon with our past experiences--our "story." If we don't accept all that we've become and all that we've experienced then we can't truly love our present selves. One challenge is accepting even the pieces of our story that we didn't engineer--those parts of us or experiences we've had in which we didn't choose for it to be that way. In these cases, we don't have to LOVE the incident or the aspect of our personality/body/etc, but we can still reconcile with those things, in order to fully appreciate who we are, and to love ourselves unconditionally.

The next Self-Love habit we're going to cultivate is recognizing our own beauty. Now, unless you have been born with "traditional" beauty features, this will necessarily involve re-defining what is and isn't beautiful. If you buy into patriarchy's definitions of beauty, and you don't fit into those parameters, then it's pretty hard to call yourself beautiful and believe it. So, this habit also involves challenging traditional beauty norms and finding the beauty in your "flaws" or "scars," or whatever makes you Y-O-U. 

Music by Henri Lew

Custom graphics by Little Legends Design Studio

In addition to talking to ourselves, another important habit to cultivate in our self-love practice is paying attention to ourselves! We're both the child in need of attention, and the parent willing to give it. What's nice about this is that we can meet our own need, which is often both a present longing & a deep-seated desire to be noticed. No more looking outside of ourselves to be noticed! We can be our own observers. We can give ourselves the attention we need and deserve. Spending time with ourselves is part of a self-loving relationship. So get started today!

Music by Henri Lew

Custom graphics by Little Legends Design Studio

What relationship have you enjoyed without talking to the other person? I mean, we even talk to our animals--and they don't even know what we're saying half the time! It's only normal + natural (and necessary) that we talk to ourselves, if we want to be in a loving self-relationship. Try narrating an action you're doing, or having a dialogue with yourself about a particular decision you're making. Do it in the moment, and keep it neutral. Right now, as we practice the habit of self-talk, we just want to normalize it and feel comfortable doing it. Just as we have to talk to others for our relationships to remain healthy, we have to talk to ourselves if we want to stay in love!

Music by Henri Lew 

Custom graphics by Little Legends Design Studio

Self-Love is a practice, and practices require patience. If you set perfection as a goal, you'll become frustrated more often than not. Instead, show yourself compassion and kindness, which are both integral aspects of a loving relationship. No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. So, let's not expect perfection in our self-love either. Aim low, and show up. You'll surprise yourself!

Music contributed by Henri Lew

Custom graphics by Little Legends Design Studio