After releasing Episode 37 - Boundaries vs Control, I received many comments asserting that as a woman, I don't need to have male friends if I'm in a relationship. So of course, I had to invite my dear friend, Alejandro, back on the show to discuss whether men and women can be friends. Alejandro is the first guest to come back on the show twice and is someone who offers thoughtful perspectives.

Alejandro is a psychologist, avid traveller, freediver, surfer and socially successful ambivert from México. He has worked with companies and individual clients in the areas of tourism, psychotherapy and how to maximize human performance through evolutionary biology. He's still working remotely helping fellow nomads maximize the worldview experience through science-based protocols and 1-on-1 mentoring.

Contact Alejandro:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alejandropedraza_/

What we discuss:

(01:34) What has Alejandro been up to? 

(10:10) Our own platonic friendship

(12:45) Don’t project your experience

(19:40) It takes 7 seconds for a woman to know if it’s a yes 

(20:58) Our species relies on our eyes

(22:28) Chemosignalling 

(24:27) Being honest about attraction

(26:43) Are you in a friendship or just waiting for something to happen?

(28:50) Heterosexual male mating strategies

(33:16) Attraction, interaction and pursuit while in a relationship

(38:34) Is there something suspicious or am I projecting?

(44:14) Friends that ultimately want what’s best for the other

(47:53) Behavioural mastery

(53:43) Changing the narrative that men can’t be trusted

(56:43) Addressing a particular friendship within your relationship

(59:00) Growth within the relationship

(1:00:50) So can men and women be friends? 

(1:07:05) Recognising love

(1:08:50) In summary

(1:13:27) A Shout out to my mates

(1:17:05) How to reach Alejandro

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I've often felt the need to look for problems in my life being so accustomed to chaos. As someone who can et caught up in the constant need for growth, I am reminded of the importance of being present and appreciating what is, right now. I'd love to share your joy too so if you feel compelled, please share any goodness happening for you too!

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The stories we attach to things and the meaning we give to events profoundly impact how we operate in the world and with others. Today, I explore some of this for me and how challenging these narratives have helped me move past some challenges.

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For a long time, I was someone who expected the best outcome from myself all the time, every time. Even when I looked at effort, I would measure it. It was exhausting for me and those around me because it also meant projecting this on to others. Today's episode is about recognising that people are just out there doing their best - regardless of how it seems to us. Whatever expectations we have are our own. By recognising that at any given time, we are all just doing our best, we can have more patience and compassion for others and ourselves.

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I competed as an athlete in my first-ever freediving competition. Having not had an athletic upbringing or been a competitive sportsperson, I had no idea what to expect. Starting out fresh as a woman in her 30s was exciting and taught me some valuable lessons that I'll be sharing today.

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Today is a short and sweet update about what's going on over the next few months... because no one asked.

Back next week for more regular SELF episodes!

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Establishing routines gives us a sense of safety and stability which directly impacts our mental and emotional well-being. Structure is the framework that allows us to develop consistency in our lives and consistency breeds success and helps us achieve our goals. Today's episode is about my journey to embracing structure and routine and finding a healthy balance amongst the chaos that is a nomadic life. I talk about why it's good for us (and our brains) to have these things in place but also why flexibility is still needed. It's all about balance!

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Insecurities and jealousy are natural emotions that can sometimes find their way into even the strongest of relationships. Today, I share my take (and anecdotes) on experiencing insecurities and jealousy in relationships. These feelings inform us about ourselves and ultimately allow us to know ourselves better and communicate that to our partners. I share how to navigate these feelings so they don't play out in the form of unhealthy and toxic behaviours within a relationship and instead, to manage them constructively.

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Today I’m joined by Ruby Josif, a Certified Holistic Sex Coach and Female Sexuality Specialist who supports women to do the inner work and healing so they can feel confident and alive in their sexuality, experience deep pleasure and create a sex life that nourishes them on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. Ruby shares her journey from being a liberated teenager into a controlling and abusive relationship to exploring her freedom again. She talks about the importance of self-pleasure (and this means more than what you might be thinking), about some hard conversations that have come up in her relationship due to her line of work, and how she and her partner have navigated this. We talk about how the right kind of relationships can be spaces of healing and how her work has allowed a deepening of a connection to herself and her partner. 

Contact Ruby:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ruby.josif.sex.coach/

Website: https://www.ruby-josif.com/

What we discuss:

(01:00) What led Ruby down this path of holistic sex?

(04:30) Ruby shares her journey coming out of an abusive relationship

(06:10) The relationship that supported her healing

(07:37) How did Ruby grow up?

(11:03) Losing yourself in the wrong relationship

(12:38) What did her exploration period look like? 

(14:43) How does that Ruby today look compared to that time?

(16:24) The pendulum swing to the other side to find balance

(19:23) What does holistic sex mean?

(20:22) What happens when we’re disconnected from ourselves

(21:09) How do you know if you are blocked sexually?

(22:36) What does help look like?

(24:34) Are we living more connected or disconnected lives? 

(26:25) Ruby’s self pleasure practice

(28:50) Do I give myself what I need? 

(30:37) Self pleasure is more than masturbation

(32:03) Discovering various tools for pleasure 

(37:00) How her journey and field of work has impacted her relationship

(43:00) Challenging conversations

(45:15) Moving from insecurity to reflecting on self

(47:34) Projecting insecurities onto our partners

(52:00) Resisting the urge to become defensive

(54:24) Do we focus on correction over connection with self?

(55:20) 3 of Ruby’s favourite ways to experience self pleasure

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Vipassana is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation that is now taught all around the world. To learn the technique, you are required to dedicate 10 days in one Vipassana centres around the world and adhere to some precepts such as noble silence. I learned a lot of valuable lessons about myself and life in this experience. Today, I'm sharing a few of those lessons. I would encourage everyone to learn Vipassana if it feels right and calls out to you. It was something that sounded crazy to me when I first heard about it but one day it just felt right and I went with it. It is one of the most transformative experiences of my life and I'm grateful that it is freely available for anyone who wants to learn.

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