Self-worth – Michelle Sparkes

The one thing that has been most transformative in my healing journey from anorexia has been the ongoing, unfolding and deepening revelation of the love of the Father (God) for me. This revelation is available to every hungry heart. As spiritual truth gets “fleshed out” in our experience of life it heals and transforms us from the inside out. How does this happen? In this podcast I unpack and explore this process and invite you to consider my findings from your own perspective. Your questions and comments are welcome: [email protected]

Understanding and experiencing the Love of the Father* has been one of the most profound and significant keys to helping me overcome the fear and striving at the heart of my anorexia. Sinking the roots of my being into this Love helps me manage all the ways anxiety continues to show up in my life today. If this content resonates with you and you would like to explore these ideas further feel free to contact me at: [email protected]

*The way I speak of the Father reflects my beliefs and experience from a Judeo-Christian worldview.

Late last year I had a dream that brought home to me in a powerful way the preciousness of each individual life, and fuelled within me a desire to let every individual to know how precious they are, how much they are loved and how much their life matters. May this truth blossom in your heart and lead you to a life that is free and flourishing.

Note: For some reason the podcast player below isn’t playing this episode. Click the relevant link to hear this podcast on Apple Podcast or Spotify Podcast or listen on your preferred podcast hosting platform.

Chelsea, 19, struggled with anorexia in her mid teens followed by a period of binge-eating and purging, which is not an uncommon experience in the recovery process from anorexia. In this podcast she speaks with Michelle about recovery, finding her way back to balance and discovering more peace and self acceptance. “Finding balance” Chelsea says “has been such a beautiful journey and not just in the sense that I have more peace with myself, I actually feel like I am more myself.” This is part 2 of a 2 part interview.

There are a number of things to embody and embrace (skills to learn, knowledge to apply) to get free from disordered eating behaviours and beliefs but at the heart of it all, I believe there are 3 pillars that are foundational to living a life that is whole and free…

“Value is your birthright, your body is your home, and in a world of uncertainty you can experience a security deep within that will set you free from the dis-ease at the heart of disordered eating.”  Michelle Sparkes

If embodying value is the first pillar to freedom from disordered eating; experiencing your body as home (not object) is the second…and they are intimately connected…listen here for more.

Here are three things that can help you value yourself in ways that are life-affirming and health promoting:

Self and body acceptance go hand in glove. The message of EMBRACE may be a challenge for the young(er) person struggling with anorexia or ED because when we’re struggling in this space, our sense of self as “unacceptable” can go very deep. Without a doubt we need to see and celebrate more diverse body shapes and sizes (this is super important for everyBODY!) but when the message that self is not okay, not acceptable, not worthy of taking up space, goes DEEP and ISOLATES, what can a young person do to break out of this harmful bind? In this podcast, I suggest the best thing a young person can do is to actively look for and seek out relationships/connections with people that have the time and space to see and acknowledge, affirm and encourage, listen and share – allow give and take. In this stretched-out time poor world these connections may not be with the person/people you may first choose or expect, but there will be people in your world that can offer you a nurturing connection. Stepping into these nurturing connections will take you FORWARD in your recovery and enable you to take in MORE nurture and more life. Don’t isolate. Reach out. Don’t settle for connections that are cold or rejecting; go where there is life, nurture, affirmation, and encouragement. Questions and feedback welcome.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

“Pornified messages are bombarding our young people and giving them distorted ideas about their bodies, about relationships, and about sexuality,” says Melinda Tankard Reist, in this podcast interview, “According to global research, (this is) making our kids very unwell.”

We are seeing a rise in negative physical and mental health outcomes, eating disorders, anxiety and depression, self harm, low self-esteem and poor academic performance.

“I believe we are facing a significant crisis amongst our girls,” says Melinda.

Girls are experiencing increasingly negative attitudes towards their bodies, describing themselves as fat, disgusting and unworthy (even to live). Boys are comparing girls’ bodies with porn star bodies on the basis of whether or not they match up.

“And we wonder why girls are anxious and depressed,” says Melinda, “to me the mystery is that any girls make it through unscathed.”

Boys start seeing porn at an average age of 11, often viewing pornography that eroticises and glamorises violence against women.

“We’re teaching boys that violence is sexy,” says Melinda, “We have these national campaigns to address violence against women but we are doing nothing to address the cultural drivers of that very same violence.”

Drivers such as the normative, permission-giving beliefs to boys that girls’ bodies exist for their sexual gratification and pleasure.

“Boys are learning a sense of entitlement to the bodies of women and girls,” says Melinda, “and girls are learning that they exist primarily as sexual service stations for men and boys.”

Girls are so disconnected from their own sense of pleasure, intimacy, and authentic human connection, says Melinda, that when she asked a 15-year-old girl about her first sexual experience, the girl responded, “I think my body looked okay. He seemed to enjoy it.” [Italics, mine]

“Girls shouldn’t have to be navigating sexual requests at 11 and 12 and be assessed on the basis of their bodies,” says Melinda, “they are not being valued for their gifts, their talents, their abilities, their desire to change the world, to be a loving sibling, a devoted friend, their spirituality…they are not being valued for anything other than whether they look hot or not.”

This is making our girls very unwell.

Change is difficult but possible…and every voice counts.

This is the premise behind Collective Shout for a World Free of Sexploitation, a grass roots organisation co-founded by Melinda, that works to address the toxic messages of pornography that give our young people distorted ideas about their bodies, about their relationships, and about sexuality.

Melinda speaks to girls and boys across the country, empowering girls to say no to unwanted sexual intrusions and encouraging boys and girls to seek respect-based relationships.

“It’s difficult and it takes guts,” she says but change is possible and evident in the stories she shares in this interview.

Collective Shout is active politically and also works with corporations that want to take a responsible approach by agreeing not to sexualise women and objectify girls to sell products and services. It’s a big job but Melinda and her team are proof that when voices join together for the common good, they can indeed make a collective SHOUT!

If you would like to know more about Melinda Tankard Reist and the work of Collective Shout, please click the embedded links.

Feedback and questions welcome.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes

Are you believing a lie about your worth and value? As you journey out of your eating disorder (or any life consuming/life controlling problem) you will “hit” some of the deeper (painful) self experience that sits below the surface of your (disordered eating) behaviours. This is a difficult but necessary part of recovery. At such times, it will be incredibly helpful if you can “be” where you’re at in the presence of someone who genuinely cares for you. This may be a therapist or counsellor. It may be a parent or friend. One of the safest and most profoundly healing relationships I discovered in my recovery journey was with the God I did not know as a young person. A God who I discovered loved me unconditionally and wove me together in my mother’s womb with immeasurable worth and value. It’s one thing to speak about this; quite another to experience it which is why in this podcast, I invite you to step into the experience of this Love. No strings attached.  You can take it or leave it.  I know that lives hang in the balance this very moment because individuals do not their worth and value or may believe there is no hope for them. Nothing could be further from the truth.

This audio is stripped from the video teaching I do on this subject in the 4×4 Freedom Express. You can access the video here.

As always, I welcome your questions and feedback.

[email protected]

@mp_sparkes