Selfed

Here's my extension of an open invitation. Thanks for a great run!

Welcome to Selfed, the podcast where I process therapy sessions for you own self reflection haha. Today I look at my relationship to rejection and how I avoid the experience in a variety of ways. Whatever the opposite feelings are that come with rejection are feelings I ONLY feel when I have a shared sexual exchange with someone. I learn from processing here that what I need isn't more sex, but what I need is that feeling between an initiation of intimacy and the receipt of rejection or acceptance. Whatever it is, I need to just BE there with it, not avoid it.

When our reality sets our standards, how does that impact us? Honestly, I think settling occurs. I thank AJ and Carl for supporting me in recognizing who I'm not, and then holding true to who I am. I missed last week for so many good reasons, including a birthday. As you know by now, I'm settled into Portland, OR. I secured a spot (house to pay rent at), I got an income secured. The release of heavy, negative energy we harbor in negative emotions strengthen us over time. While we develop resilience from the weight. the real strength is developed in the practice of letting go.

Money is a continental currency that can be exchanged for superficial interactions between consenting individuals. Services are included here as well. What we DON'T tend to look at is the currency of our character. Look at your collective traits that make up your personality and how you walk around and interact with the reality you live in. Are you experiencing wealth and abundance in character? Here I make an attempt to identify what that looks like based on my transition to Portland, Oregon and I hope it helps you!

Here we talk about the raising of standards. I think this could serve as an add on to last week's episode about potential. They actually go well hand in hand. This being my last podcast in St. Louis for now brought me to an emotional state. One of passion, excitement, enthusiasm, all things that come with change.

Partnering for potential presents problems. At its core, what's happening is that we outsource our healing when we do this. What we see in them is ACTUALLY what we hope to have validated within ourselves. By association, if that person meets your standards or requirements for potential, then you're good enough. When we do this, our identities as who we could be, exclusively in association with another person. These standards we hold someone else to may not be sustainable long-term, so when the other person fails to meet them, it validates that we don't meet our own standards. It validates a lack within ourselves. That statement, "don't ask others to do what you're unwilling to do yourself" really connects here because the request being made is that someone else 'do the work' for you (as described in https://selfedpodcast.com/podcast/selfed-04-the-work-of-discovery-exploration-and-expression '. That ain't fair to them or yourself.

How the word "crazy" is used as simply not normal in behaviors. You know what else is not normal? Queer identities and expressions that’s what. How we use crazy, we ought to instead say there's an inconsistency in behaviors and beliefs and that's not normal and perhaps a denial from the perceived “crazy” person. Then with queerness, there's an acceptance of the not normal, but typically more consistent in expression of behaviors and beliefs. This is absolutely not perceived to be negative as crazy may be. So queer is consistent, crazy isn't, yet both are various expressions of "not normal". Let’s explore!

The title is very specific but definitely transitions well into other areas of life. Think about networking, socializing, or anything else one may seek out as a parallel to dating like you're in your ideal relationship. Another pop up aha moment here was how the word "crazy" is used as simply not normal in behaviors. You know what else is not normal? Queer identities. I think this is something to explore in an upcoming episode, as how we use crazy, we ought to say there's an inconsistency in behaviors and beliefs and that's not normal. Then with queerness, there's an acceptance of the not normal, only intentionally, but that is absolutely not perceived as a negative as crazy may be. So queer is consistent, crazy isn't, yet both are various expressions of "not normal". Yup unless something crazy happens, that's next week's podcast topic.

Religion typically upholds tradition. Religious people uphold those traditions outside the relevant context. I had a conversation with a young lady I hope to bring onto the Selfed Podcast to discuss how she plans to evolve and modernize Christianity. I enjoyed our discussion because I learned a lot about myself as I had this conversation as an ally of humans humaning. I learned that my spirituality isn't "against" someone else's religion. I just recognize we are not the same. Out of Context, seeing someone defer their values to be those that no longer fit today's society with their historical context leaves me to believe it to be almost lazy to not have to 'do the work' if you will. Spirituality is about presence, whereas Religion is about upholding tradition. Integrate these two and you have something I'm sure far more people can get behind.

I made the decision to move to Portland, Oregon when I came back from Portland. One of the most common responses I've gotten has been that it's expensive out there or the cost of living is rising. Well what's the cost of NOT living? What's the cost of ignoring your intuition, not giving your passion to the world, repressing your natural expression? That's the real rising cost we should be talking about, the rising cost of NOT living.

Throughout my time back in St. Louis, Missouri since being there, I've come to realize despite the uncertainty of pursuing my passion full time, I have a calming sense of peace about it. I've experienced more anxiety at the thought of NOT moving forward. That's how I know this is in alignment for me.

I'm having to say no to a lot of things in the meantime specifically involving spending money, but each of those no's is a yes to my intention, strengthening its impact to create clarity as I move forward.