Selfed

When things are going “bad” we tend to have more language and familiarity with the feelings associated with it. However, what happens when things are going well? Why is it weird to feel “good”? Why do we so readily respond to negativity and let that linger within us, but struggle to embrace positivity? Cultivating positive emotions is challenging, but with self-trust, we learn to lead with our intuition, creating more comfort with that process and the positives that come with it.

When you expect success, you begin to manufacture in reality your manifestations from your dreams. These previous episodes are really tying in together very well almost as if a larger structure is coming together. I made a decision for my career and over a 4 day period watched the foundation come together and for once, I was not surprised by things going my way. I also go into how an internal transition will collectively impact the catalyst for an external transition needed by the world considering where it is right now.

Here I break down a dream I had about my energetic capacity simplified by a dolphin and an octopus. An octopus has 8 tentacles, therefore can grasp many things, although if all tentacles are occupied, the octopus is immobile. The dolphin however, while unable to physically grasp things like the octopus, had me captivated by its freedom. Both of these animals represent me. Just because I have the capacity doesn't mean the limit needs to always be stretched thin. Energetically, what happens if perhaps I apply three of my 8 limbs to one task or connection? What does it mean for the connection if I don't grasp at it at all? This challenges my views on focus vs letting go.

I also talk about common unity (community) expands our capacity to serve. The support of those in community with us gives us the ability to rest and recover so that we too can keep the mission moving.

I follow up from episode 06 about having had boundaries asserted on me. This episode I begin with a story of having had to put the shoe on the other foot of that and STILL experienced discomfort around it. What I learned from that experience is that boundaries make us better humans for the next humans we interact with whether we are asserting them or respecting them. To be true to your own boundaries is a demonstration of self-respect.

The main focus of this podcast episode touches on the point of success being a surprise, whereas we expect things to go wrong for us. I share a story and some metaphors of what it looks like to Expect success.

I experienced a redirecting rejection recently (ayyy alliteration game strong) that made me realize that having boundaries upheld is as challenging as upholding them. In therapy this past week, I learned that I have a magnetism for not only a certain type of people, but also situations in my life that extend beyond relationships to being more about my boundaries not being firm and fixed. Adapting my four values for connection enables people and situations to slip through the cracks so to speak, only to later warrant my own immediate poor reaction to the person or situation that shouldn't have been there in the first place.

As I processed the redirection caused by the rejection, I recognized that a boundary of mine wasn't upheld in the interactions that should've let me know to shift the dynamic in the first place.

Creating and upholding boundaries is a challenging process, but well worth it. While it seems like we limit the quantity of connections we can have, it exponentially increases the value of QUALITY connections we have along with quality opportunities that align with who we are. Knowing your boundaries and having them be firm serves as a warning to others for dealbreakers. Having boundaries does NOT make you selfish, so please don't let that be what holds you back from having them for yourself!

I've been challenging my habitual patterns when it comes to sex lately. What I've found is that oftentimes when I think I want to have sex, what I want is something else. The something else is the undercurrent of what sex represents to me, which is connection. What's that look like or feel like? I look at past experiences I've had where I felt like I had sex and reflect on the fact that what I actually felt was a sense of connectedness.

What's "doing the work" look like? Following up from episode 03 where I talk about self care being care for your identities, the word discovery stood out to me as being the work of healing. Through discovery we explore, or through exploration, we discover. Whichever comes first, I think they feed each other. It's through caring for the identity that the work we hear people talk about just organically happens. The ever elusive "work" people speak of is done through discovery and exploration so that healing can happen through expression.

Self care is in fact Identity care. My therapist and I went over some things that serve as self care, and they all seem unappealing or expensive. I don't exercise for me, I do it because I need my body to function as it does. I don't exercise my mind for me, but because I need it to be sharp for survival through communication. Now where my identities lie are in an invisible space. How do we care for THAT/THOSE? Through exploring, discovering and expressing our identities, we are able to heal and override beliefs that don't serve us because our behaviors start to challenge these beliefs which validate our identities.

With so many signs of assurance from the world around me, I've felt like lately, I keep having to talk myself out of my own decisions. Why it's so easy to go against my intuition, I'll never know, but it is. I recall a few recent situations where impulsively acting on intuition worked out in my favor. The currency for connection is karma and I've been getting old checks in the mail unexpectedly which is way better than owing anyone money. Trigger warning here as I mention attempted suicide from a past partner I reconnected with recently who gave me the closure I had no idea I needed.