Would you rather Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer was brandishing a gun or some bamboo? Or would you rather listen to two (well, one and half) idiots work out the opposite of those three things instead?

Don't share, and definitely don't enjoy.

Never, under any circumstance, scoop mayonnaise into a mail bag using the cat spoon. I mean, that's just common sense. But what's the opposite of that? Only one way to find out.

Don't share, and don't enjoy.

Park up the van, lay out a picnic, finish it off with a slice of Black Forest Gateau, and wash it all down with a nice cold glass of orange juice. Or don't. Do the opposite of all that.

It's more fun. Or is it?

Wherein we discover through the art of stupidity what may well be the opposite of a butterfly, the opposite of a car showroom, and the opposite of a bucket.

Don't share, and don't enjoy.

Ah look, a bee hovering over a noise daisy. But what's the opposite of that? Only one way to find out.

Don't share, and certainly don't enjoy.

Hang up the phone. Check for spiders. And know your onions. It's time to work out the opposite of these things.

Don't share. And don't enjoy.

But do vote for Iszi in this book prize please.

Time to don our baseball caps and roll the dice, then work out the opposite of a library. But first, we need to work out how to pronounce the word library.

Don't share, and certainly don't enjoy.

We probably should stop recording these when we're hungry. This week, we work out the opposite of Jelly Babies, of a cat's tail, and of a 99 ice cream.

Don't share. Don't enjoy.

Never eat a biscuit while riding a motorbike to a salad bar. Instead, work out the opposite of those three things, and talk bollocks about them for twenty minutes.

Don't share. Don't enjoy.

Bowled out for one whilst eating a Snickers. It's a terrible way to go in Cricket, but at least it tastes nice. Which is more than can be said for the opposite of all that. But what is the opposite of all that?

Don't share. Don't enjoy.