Settling Is Bullshit

Especially when times are tough (and the world feels full of doom and gloom), we need cheerleaders in our lives – people who will believe in us when we can't believe in ourselves. And when we can't believe in big, cool shit for ourselves, it can be easier to believe in it for others.

So! Let's all be the change we want to see in the world and offer our support, encouragement, and enthusiasm to each other. It'll become a reciprocal snowball of awesome!

This is a blog episode, but in a new twist, I offer a couple of minutes of prefatory commentary before diving into the content I wrote for the website.

Visit SettlingIsBullshit.com to read the original post.

Whether we call it magic, prayer, intention, or simply mindfulness, there is power in how we show up in our lives. It’s often just a matter of how much we’re actually paying attention.

In this delightful and seasonally appropriate conversation with tarot reader and witch Julie Miller, we talk about what it means to embrace the magic of the everyday activities that so many of us pour our love and intention into: cooking, gardening, crafts, and whispers to the universe.

We also touch on the misery of denying our own authenticity, the freedom and joy of being who we really are, and Julie offers a nice little tarot reading for the end of October.

AND! In the spirit of the episode, I’m running a special give-away for listeners. Now through October 31st, 2024, visit SettlingIsBullshit.com, subscribe to the newsletter, and then email me ([email protected]) a screenshot of your review/rating for the podcast. You’ll then be entered into a drawing for a free Prisma Visions Tarot Deck!

Follow @Settling.Is.Bullshit on Instagram for more details and an opportunity for additional entries!

Connect with Julie

Visit her website and sign up for Caffeinated Tarot https://www.saltandcrow.com/

Follow Julie on Instagram @Salt_and_crow

Resources, References, and Links:

Phyllis Curott – The Book of Shadows. Julie’s first book on witchcraft! https://www.phylliscurott.com/books-and-tarot/book-of-shadows

Practical Magic: “There's a little witch in all of us.” 1998 movie starring Sandra Bullock and Nichole Kidman that gave me and so many other teeny-boppers and aspiring witches LIFE back in the day.

Andrea Leda – a beautiful, magical, amazing coach who I deeply respect and is helping me continue to birth my coaching business and this podcast! https://www.bravercoach.com/

Trout Lake Abbey. B&B, zen center, and druid sanctuary near Mt. Adams in Washington state. Highly recommended treating yourself to a few days’ visit. https://www.tlabbey.com/

The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope. https://www.stephencope.com/shop/books/the-great-work-of-your-life-a-guide-for-the-journey-to-your-true-calling/

Dharma. Honestly, I’m going to just suggest that you read Stephen Cope’s book to understand this concept, but it’s a way of thinking about/approaching/understanding what it means to live into our calling or duty or reason for being.

How do our bodies store trauma and what does that even mean? Why does getting triggered hijack our capacity to think straight? And what the heck can we do to heal from our past and nurture a well-regulated nervous system so we’re not freaking out all the time?!

Well, listen in my love! In the second part of this two-part series, coach extraordinaire Marjorie Schreurs answers all those questions and more – including a conversation about how and why psychedelics help with healing trauma.

While this episode can stand on its own (mostly), I’d recommend going back and listening to part one (last week’s episode) first – as it sets the context for a lot of the vocabulary we use and the way we talk about levels of activation through a color-coded analogy.

To read the transcript, visit SettlingIsBullshit.com

Connect with Marjorie:

Marjorie’s coaching website: https://soulsticecoaching.com/

Follow Marjorie on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marjorie-schreurs/

Follow Marjorie on Instagram @SoulsticeCoaching https://www.instagram.com/soulsticecoaching

Resources, References, and Links:

EMDR. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. One of many excellent, somatic approaches to healing trauma, and the one I have several years of experience with as a client. https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

Deb Dana. https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/

Polyvagal Theory. The Polyvagal Institute’s website is a great resource for more information. https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory

Vagus Nerve Resets. All sorts of resources available on this. Here’s a video/instructor we like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnV3Q2xIb1U

Heart Rate Variability. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/21773-heart-rate-variability-hrv

Goldfish – “This Is Water” by David Foster Wallace. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC7xzavzEKY

How well do you hear the signals your body is sending, my love? Most of us either don’t hear so well or too often choose not to listen... and the consequences can look like burnout, meltdowns, freak outs, and tantrums, or chronic fatigue, self-criticism, and general cranky-pants-ness.

So! Got a body? This episode is for you! It’s the first installment of a two-part conversation with body wisdom coach Marjorie Schreurs, where we dive deep on how important it is to pay attention to the multitude of signals our bodies are sending us – so that we can take better care of ourselves and de-escalate when we’re on our way to the red zone (or orange zone!, which will make more sense when you listen).

You’ll walk a way with a better understanding of how to recognize your levels of activation – as in, the signs that your internal “threat” detector is getting loud and cutting off the signal to the rational/thinking part of your brain. In part two, we’ll cover how to bring your brain back online by soothing your nervous system.

Connect with Marjorie:

Marjorie’s coaching website: https://soulsticecoaching.com/

Follow Marjorie on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marjorie-schreurs/

Resources, References, and Links:

Marjorie defines some of these terms in the episode, but in case you didn’t quite catch it or want to dig in more, I googled it for you! :)

Neuroception. “Unleashing Your Sixth Sense: The Power of Neuroception” – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-reboot/202310/unleashing-your-sixth-sense-the-power-of-neuroception

Autonomic nervous system. “Autonomic Nervous System: What It Is, Function & Disorders” – https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/23273-autonomic-nervous-system

Limbic system. “Limbic System: What to Know” – https://www.webmd.com/brain/limbic-system-what-to-know

Polyvagal theory. “What is Polyvagal Theory?” – https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory

Burnout by Emily Nagoski, PhD. Really excellent book that walks through how burnout happens and what to do to take care of ourselves around it (either preventative or after it’s too late). https://www.burnoutbook.net/

Read the transcript on SettlingIsBullshit.com

When life is doing shit that we don’t like, acceptance is the jumping off point, y’all. Settling is the crash landing. Or maybe it’s the getting stuck on a sandbar landing. Settling is definitely muddy and gross, and I do not wish it upon any of you beautiful souls!

Acceptance, on the other hand, is key to figuring our way out of the quagmire of settling. Once we identify and accept the things we cannot change, only then can we find our way to the areas in our life where we do have agency and choice. And way more often than we tend to realize, we do have choice! We just might not like the options.

But not settling for bullshit means choosing what we’re willing to tolerate in order to get what we actually want.

Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.com

Things I reference in this episode:

“WTF Is Settling is Bullsh*t?”: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2022/12/02/wtf-is-settling-is-bullsht/

Designing Your Life: https://www.amazon.com/Designing-Your-Life-Well-Lived-Joyful/dp/1101875321

Episode 17: A Pep Talk for Patience

Episode 18: How Trauma Disrupts Our Capacity for Joy

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/B01I29Y344/

We all have trauma, y’all. It just might not be Trauma with a capital T. Instead, many/most of us are just wandering around on this journey of life getting hijacked by our little-t trauma responses without even knowing it!

That’s why I brought in a globally-renowned trauma expert to talk to us about how trauma gets in the way of our joy. And, in full transparency, Dr. Stephanie Goldsmith, PhD is also one of my best friends from college. So, you know this will be fun. That’s right, I said it. A fun conversation about trauma.

Key concepts? Everyone has trauma, and you can’t talk yourself out of a trauma response! They are stored deep in our sweet lil’ brains, and they happen before the thinking part of our brain can take back the wheel. They also really fuck with our capacity to feel joy. But there is hope! And all sorts of options when it comes to getting help.

Connect with Steph (probably Dr. Goldsmith to you)

Goldsmith Psychological Services in Clairemont, CA. https://www.goldsmithpsychologicalservices.com/

Gestalt Associates Training Los Angeles (and all over the world!): https://gatla.org/

Dr. Goldsmith’s podcast about Gestalt Therapy: All Gestalt

For detailed show notes and resources, visit SettlingIsBullshit.com

Season two is finally here! And getting it launched took longer than I had hoped/anticipated, which ended up being juicy fodder for an evergreen topic: PATIENCE! We all need it. We all have a hard time with it. And we can now all come back to this episode when we're struggling around it.

This is a 20ish minute pep talk, mini-meditation, and practical exercise all rolled into one that applies universally to any topic that we're feeling impatient about.

Huge shout out to the fabulous designers at The Sly Studio for the magnificent new logo and album art: https://www.theslystudio.com/

Takeaways:

• Waiting can be frustrating, and your feelings are valid!
• Empowerment comes from making conscious choices and we need to get chill before we can get to a place of choice.
• Creating a to-do list can help redirect focus during impatience.
• Engaging in self-care activities can alleviate feelings of powerlessness.
• Trusting the process is key to navigating life's uncertainties.

Self-love is an inside job. And this is your pep-talk for recognizing and appreciating your own awesomeness. It's there! I promise! The trick is just to start looking for the good in ourselves instead of focusing on what we don't have or what we're bad at – none of that shit really matters! Wherever you are on your self-love journey, there is hope!

This one includes some juicy journal prompts and practical exercises, so check out the original post to put things into practice: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/02/20/if-you-cant-love-yourself-how-can-you-trust-that-others-do/

What would shift if we all gave ourselves a bit more credit (or brownie points or gold stars) for all the things we do? Whether it's a single squat or one minute of meditation or one sentence of writing, how much might we accomplish if even the little shit counted (as better than nothing)?

Read the transcript/original post: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/09/29/what-if-everything-counted/

Wondering WTF a faux feeling is? While you might not be familiar with the term, it's pretty likely you'll know what we're talking about: "feeling" unappreciated, manipulated, judged, ignored... it's a long list of not-actual-feelings that we can get trapped in when we're trying to navigate conflict with the people in our lives.

Read the original post: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/10/26/escaping-the-mire-of-faux-feelings/

And the companion post on nonviolent communication: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/11/27/the-life-changing-magic-of-nonviolent-communication/