Settling Is Bullshit

A deeply relevant reminder that we are all always allowed to change our minds – in decisions big and small. So if you need that reminder, this is an excellent one. Permission granted!

Read along at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/08/02/permission-to-change-your-mind/

We all need to take a break sometimes, and this episode is both a reminder and announcement! I'll be taking the next few weeks off for a much-needed season break, and this episode is a lovely little pep talk for you to take some time off, too.

We all have shit going on in our lives that scares us, even if we don’t necessarily think of it as fear. And that means we all have to make brave choices sometimes, even if we don’t necessarily think of it as bravery. But facing our shit – whether it’s the big, heavy stuff, or the seemingly inconsequential stuff we keep putting off – requires courage. It requires bravery.

So this episode is your pep talk for taking action. It’s a reminder that you’re not alone in not wanting to face the thing, and also that you can absolutely face the thing. You can do it! Whatever it is.

Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.com

Swearing is caring, y’all! And in this extra sweary episode, mindset coach and recovering perfectionist Ally Rounsley takes us on a deep dive into how to build resilience by stepping into a f*ck around and find out (FAAFO) mentality. Though, not in the getting-into-fights sense that this phrasing sometimes implies. (And also not in a sexy-time connotation, but you do you!) We’re tackling this in the “stop taking everything so seriously and just TRY and see what happens” kind of way.

In addition to sharing how she’s applied this to her own life and coaching journey, Ally offers a structured FAAFO framework for each of us to follow that can help us break free of limiting patterns in our thinking and behavior.

Here are some of the other points we hit on this jaunty adventure into fields of rainbow sheep:

• Doing brave shit in service of our authenticity.
• How coaching will ruin your life (in a good way!)
• Trying new things in ways that feel fun and exciting instead of terrifying and exhausting.
• Redefining rest based on what we actually need at the time.
• Meditation! And how it’s totally normal to struggle with it.
• Distinguishing between judgment and discernment (and being nice to yourself!)
• Slowing down and digging a little deeper to uncover the why behind what we think we want.

Read the transcript and access additional resources at SettlingIsBullshit.com

Connect with Ally

Follow Ally on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ally-rounsley-createyourfullest/

Follow Ally on Instagram: @Allythegyst https://www.instagram.com/allythegyst?igsh=MTVwOXp0dWNhYnpyaw==

The GYST. Book a session with Ally. Buy some of her shit. Sign up for the newsletter! It’s punchy and delightful and comes out every Wednesday: https://thegyst.life/

Yesterday marked my 14th anniversary of getting sober – which is a big deal! And also tends to stir up a lot of weird emotions: ambiguous grief, an intense combination of gratitude and longing, lots of hope and heaviness at the same time… So this episode is very much about my recovery specifically, but also about pausing to reflect on how far we’ve come – any of us, around anything we’ve been working toward or events that have changed us.

The invitations I offer here are to reflect on where you were a year ago and all the things that have changed, and also for you to think about one of the things you want for yourself, the change that you want to make for your higher good, and to then reach out and get some support. Because if I’ve learned anything in the last 14 years, it’s that we can’t do this shit alone.

Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.com – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/07/03/honoring-anniversaries-of-sobriety-and-other-milestones/

Resources, References, and Links:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. One of the most famous books about trauma. Also, written more for mental health professionals than us lay people, but it’s a pretty big deal in the field. https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score

My coaching business: https://www.wanderlightcoaching.com/

Original post “What My Recovery Means to Me” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/07/02/what-my-recovery-means-to-me/

My post on perfectionism, “Doing Things Imperfectly in Public” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/16/doing-things-imperfectly-in-public/

My post on personal archives, “Viewing Our Past with Generosity” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/03/18/viewing-our-past-with-generosity/

The episode on comparison, “Comparison Is the Thief of Joy” – https://rss.com/podcasts/settlingisbullshit/1432154/

In this lovely, vulnerable conversation with filmmaker Jacob Combs, we explore the ways that personal identity evolves over time, and how a vast range of experiences accumulate to form the rich tapestry of the person each of us gets to become. We unpack our experiences with creative evolution, our mutual journeys of queer identity, and what it means to belong to both ourselves and to our chosen communities.

Jacob's newest film – The Orange at the Seder - explores themes of queerness, chosen family, tradition, and belonging, and it will premiere next month at the LA Shorts International Film Festival. Which is super rad! As is the film itself, and so is this episode.

Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.com

Follow Jacob on Instagram – @jacobdcombs https://www.instagram.com/jacobdcombs/

Follow the film on Instagram – @orange_seder_film https://www.instagram.com/orange_seder_film/

See The Orange at the Seder in LA! Premiering at the LA Shorts International Film Festival Saturday, 7/20 at 10:30pm (yes, it's late, but so worth it!). https://www.lashortsfest.com/

Resources, References, and Links:

Multihyphenate. Apparently this is a movie industry term for someone with experience and expertise in many different roles. It was a new-to-me term, and I love it. Let’s all embrace our multihyphenate-ness in all arenas! “Why Being a Multihyphenate Will Boost Your Hiring Potential” –

https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/multi-hyphenate-70457/

Multi-passionate. Whether this term has a positive or negative connotation apparently depends on which corner of the internet you ask. “Being Multi-Passionate: A Jack-Of-All-Trades and Master of None Or Is it?” – https://womensbusinessleague.com/being-multi-passionate/

The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein. Which has, as it turns out, been turned into a movie (if you don’t have the bandwidth for reading the book).

Passover. The weeklong Jewish holiday commemorating the Jewish people’s departure from ancient Egypt. The name stems from the way that God “passed over” the houses of Jewish people during the 10th plague. https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/passover

Seder. A ritual meal held during the Jewish Passover holiday in which the story of the Exodus is retold. This is the event at the center of Jacob’s film. “The Passover (Pesach) Seder” – https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-passover-pesach-seder/

Jerusalem Open House for Pride and Tolerance. The venue for the Seder that Jacob attended in Israel that planted the seed of the film’s story. https://www.joh.org.il/en/homepage/

Sharing vulnerability is the foundation of meaningful relationships and wholehearted living. It’s also really fucking hard – by definition. To be vulnerable means to share our tenderness and open ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt. But it’s super worth it, and it’s the only way to cultivate the kind of connection that most of us crave.

This episode serves as a reminder that vulnerability is worth it, and also offers support around the almost-always-inevitable vulnerability hangover. Having the language of vulnerability hangover and the capacity to recognize when one is happening opens up the doors to self-compassion and self-care.

The more we’re able to take good care of ourselves around our vulnerability hangovers, the more resilient and empowered we become. And the more we share our vulnerability in safe (enough) and supportive spaces, the more courageous and connected we feel.

So! As a heads up, I’m practicing what I preach in this one by sharing something that meets my quality standards for content but the audio quality isn’t ideal. As always, you can read the transcript on SettlingIsBullshit.com – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/06/20/podcast-sharing-our-tenderness-and-navigating-vulnerability-hangovers/

Resources, References, and Links:

Brene Brown – Power of Vulnerability Ted Talk. If you haven’t seen it, please give yourself the gift of this 20 minute video. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en

Vulnerability hangover. Here is a useful article that includes coping strategy suggestions: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/vulnerability-hangover/

Trauma dumping. What it is, how to recognize it, and hopefully, therefore, how to avoid doing it! https://www.talkspace.com/blog/trauma-dumping/

Jim Henson documentary. Jim Henson Idea Man – so good! Also, much as I appreciate and respect the guy, he was definitely a workaholic. Appreciate that the film does address the toll it took on his family. Just wish they’d talked more about Fraggle Rock! https://ondisneyplus.disney.com/movie/jim-henson-idea-man

The Dark Crystal – very strange, cult classic film that came out in 1982 and was a radical departure from The Muppet Movie.

The Labyrinth – also a very strange and (in my book) marvelous movie featuring the late, great David Bowie as the villain.

Brene Brown's Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. The title here pretty much says it all. Highly recommend, as with all of her work.

Figuring out who we are and who we want to be is a long and winding road for all of us – gay, straight, and everything in between. Whether it’s a matter of gender, sexuality, or just what the hell we want to do with our lives, the journey of self-discovery often involves a lot of trial and error, of figuring out what we don’t want in order to get one step closer to learning what we do.

In this magical conversation with one of my very favorite humans, we talk about Jayme’s journey of gender identity, the long process of getting to know ourselves, and the joy and freedom that come from embracing all of our various parts in all of their messy and glorious fullness.

Jayme’s website: https://www.jaymeroderickcoaching.com/

Follow Jayme on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachjayme?igsh=cWs3bmw4bXAxN3Vq

Connect with Jayme on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayme-roderick-847151178/

For additional links and resources, and to read the transcript, visit SettlingIsBullshit.com – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/06/13/podcast-emotional-archeology-and-the-joy-of-queer-authenticity-with-coach-jayme-roderick/

Most of us have parts of ourselves that leave us feeling like a weirdo. We have hobbies or interests that we keep quiet about because we're worried about what other people will think. This episode is a pep talk for letting go of all that gunk and letting our metaphorical freak flags fly – even if they're just those little mini flags and we only wave them in our living rooms. We gotta start somewhere!

Today's invitation is to take a peek at the parts of ourselves that we tend to try and hide away, and to invite them out for a conversation instead. Often, the parts of ourselves that can feel like a burden are actually important elements in what we bring to the world. And sharing our experience, strength, and hope can serve to inspire others.

Read the transcript on SettlingIsBullshit.com – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/06/06/podcast-be-the-weirdo-who-dares-to-enjoy/

Holding out for the right person takes a lot of courage, resilience, and self-awareness. It also takes hope! And coach Lisa Lewis-Cogswell’s long and winding love story is a hefty dose of inspiration for anyone trudging the long road of searching for genuine partnership.

We talk about what it feels like to surrender, to listen to your knowing, to open your heart, to cultivate hope, and to manifest the shit out of finding your person – even if it takes a couple of decades. Plus, the healing that happens when you do finally meet your match and have a safe place to dig deep.

Visit Lisa’s website: https://heartspacerising.com/

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heartspacerising/