Settling Is Bullshit

Consider this your “In Case of Emergency” episode, my dear. It’s ready for you the next time you’re in an anxiety spiral, a weepy meltdown, or any other overwhelming set of feelings that you might call a freak out.

If you can’t (or don’t want to) call somebody, you can press play and listen to me remind you that you’re going to be okay, and it’s totally normal to freak out sometimes.

We’ll take some deep breaths together, we’ll co-regulate, and hopefully you’ll feel a little less alone in your big feelings. (Because your feelings are valid, and I’ve totally been there, too!)

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/05/22/if-youre-freaking-out-right-now/

Resources, References, and Links

Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.

“Freak Out” by CHIC. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXgSHL7efKg

Squishmallows. https://shop.jazwares.com/pages/squishmallows

Sympathetic nervous system – listen to the episodes on “Befriending Your Nervous System” (#20 & #21) https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/10/befriending-your-nervous-system-1-activation/

Episode #5 – “Embracing the Messy Sides of Self-love with Dawn Church” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/05/02/podcast-embracing-the-messy-sides-of-self-love-with-dawn-church/

Rage room. Go smash things! If you live in Portland or Vancouver, I can vouch for Outraged: https://www.outragedroom.com/

Self-compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780061733529

How often are you getting to do the things that you are already good at? Do you wake up each day knowing that you’re going to get to show up in the world in the ways that you naturally shine? If not, then it’s time to change that, darlin.

In this conversation with strengths coach Lee Peterson, we talk about how important it is to our wellbeing for us to lean into doing the things we’re naturally good at – instead of being in a never-ending spin cycle of trying to get better at the stuff we’re bad at.

Lee convinces me that trying to be well-rounded is a bunch of bullshit. (Which is still blowing my mind, but it seems like letting go of trying to be good at everything is a better way to live).

While the conversation is centered around the Gallup Clifton’s Strengths assessment specifically, it’s useful to anyone ready to think about how to really honor the things that make you awesomely you.

Read the transcript and see the visuals at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/05/14/leaning-into-what-youre-already-good-at-with-lee-peterson/

Connect with Lee

Visit her website: https://www.learningkarma.com/

Follow her on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leedpeterson/

Resources, References, and Links

Gallup Clifton Strengths. (Costs around $50 but is worth it, in my opinion) https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx

Meyers-Briggs. A personality framework where eight ways of thinking are broken out into four pairs (resulting in 16 different personality types). https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/myers-briggs-overview/

16 Personalities. My preferred/recommended resource for understanding Meyers-Briggs. https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

The Enneagram. “A powerful tool that helps us understand our motivations, core beliefs, and unconscious patterns that drive our behavior.” It’s my FAVORITE, and I’m a certified Enneagram coach. You’ll be hearing more about this from me in the coming months. https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

VIA Character Strengths. Free strengths assessment! https://www.viacharacter.org/

SMART goals: specific, measurable, accountable, relevant, and timebound.

Lee’s book: Gardening for the Soul. https://www.learningkarma.com/product-page/gardening-for-the-soul

Fixed vs. growth mindset. For an overview, watch Carol Dweck’s TED talk about it. https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve

We all know that sleep is good for us, but it turns out that play is super good for us, too! Both are vital for healthy brain functioning – though, obviously, sleep is most important in that category. But we need both rest and play in order to live vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful lives.

And we don’t have to earn them!! Rest and play are our birthrights. We are allowed to both rest AND play regardless of how “productive” we have or haven’t been!! (Yes – I’m shouting about this!)

So this episode is your reminder, pep talk, and permission slip to let yourself play! To let go of the inner critic bullshit and lean into the magic that can happen when you’re just doing the thing for the sake of doing it (not to get a particular outcome). And to take whatever nap or form of relaxation you need in order to recharge.

Read the transcript (and see a pictures of my spotted dick!) at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/05/01/rest-and-play-are-requirements-not-rewards/

Resources, References, and Links

Episode #8: “Recharging Your Batteries” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/05/23/podcast-recharging-your-batteries/

Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry. https://thenapministry.wordpress.com/

Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. A whole book on how important sleep is! (In case you need convincing). https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781501144325

Sleep hygiene! Check out Andrew Huberman’s “Toolkit for Sleep.” https://www.hubermanlab.com/newsletter/toolkit-for-sleep

National Institute for Play. https://nifplay.org/

Stuart Brown – Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. The subtitle says it all, in my opinion. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781583333785

Huberman Lab: “Using Play to Rewire & Improve Your Brain.” https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/using-play-to-rewire-and-improve-your-brain

Episode #38: “Saying ‘Yes, And’ to Life.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/04/23/saying-yes-and-to-life/

Spotted Dick recipe. https://www.daringgourmet.com/traditional-spotted-dick-english-steamed-currant-pudding-with-vanilla-custard/

Brene Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection. Excellent book in which Brown outlines 10 guideposts for wholehearted living. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781616499600

Catherine Price – The Power of Fun. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780593241424

We usually don't like to look at it this way, but the truth is that we’re all just making things up as we go along. Life isn’t scripted. And embracing the improv comedy concept of “yes, and” can help us move through the world with greater flexibility, less self-criticism, and an increased capacity to be truly present.

This episode is all about helping us learn to tolerate ambiguity, let go of perfectionism, and live from a place of expansion rather than shutting down.

My deep and sincere hope for all of us is that we can show up, do the best we can, treat ourselves kindly, and give ourselves credit for all the wonderful ways we do contribute to the world. And one of the ways to get there is through “yes, and.”

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/04/23/saying-yes-and-to-life/

Resources, References, and Links

Whose Line Is It Anyway. A show featuring improv short-form games that has been running for decades. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKg_ZFByYTINckLG76cjUEg

Hidden Brain – “Sitting with Uncertainty.” The excellent episode that inspired this one. https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/sitting-with-uncertainty/

Merlin Works. The place I took my first improv classes, which I highly recommend if you’re in the Austin area. https://www.merlin-works.com/

“The Difference between Settling and Acceptance.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/03/difference-between-settling-and-acceptance/

Here is my spontaneous love note to anyone struggling with self-doubt, self-criticism, or the shitty fucking stories that like to get their grips on us. In particular, this is for my NeuroSpicy folks, my friends in recovery, and anyone who just feels like it's impossible to fit into the box of what "normal" is supposed to look like.

Here's your pep talk, here's your empathy, here's your reminder that the voice that's telling you you're not enough is a liar, and it's mean, and you're not alone in the feeling.

xoxo

Stay tuned for Season Three coming at ya in a few more weeks.

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/03/28/if-youre-feeling-like-a-fck-up/

It’s that time again – Mercury is going retrograde and things are going to get wacky. But if you want to have a better sense of what that actually means and how it might impact your life in particular, we are here for you!

In this conversation with astrologer and energy worker Fi Russell, they walk me through what the heck Mercury retrograde means, why the sign it’s going retrograde through matters, and how to look at the implications of each retrograde in our personal charts.

I left feeling a lot clearer on at least one big component of astrology, and I hope you do, too! This shit is way too complicated to take on more than one bit at a time.

Also! I’ll be taking a season break over the coming Mercury Rx. So, I’ll see you back in April for more adventures in claiming your joy.

Connect with Fi

Follow them on Instagram @Venus.aura

And check out @PsychicSister where you can book in-person readings with them here in Portland

Resources, References, and Links

Check your chart! I like the Chani Nicholas app/website for ease of access/explanation. https://chart.chaninicholas.com/

Retrograde: the period of time when a planet appears to be moving backward in the sky. It impacts the areas of life which that planet rules.

Shadow phase: period of time before planets enter actual retrograde. Things can start going wonky (or still be wonky) during this period, though it won’t be as acute.

Astrological houses: the twelve areas of life that are impacted by the signs and planets in your chart. The placement is determined by your rising sign, which is always in your 1st house of self-identity and is the sign that was on the horizon at the moment of your birth.

E.g. Because my rising sign is Aquarius (1st house), Aries rules my 3rd house (of communication, daily rituals, siblings, and extended family).

Here’s a link to the full breakdown of the different houses on the Chani Nicholas website: https://chaninicholas.com/the-12-houses-in-astrology/

So, for the upcoming retrogrades, check which houses these signs govern in your personal chart to learn what areas of your life will be especially impacted.

Mercury Retrogrades of 2025:

• March 14 - April 7 – in Aries/Pisces
• July 18 - August 11 – in Leo
• November 9-29 – in Scorpio/Sagittarius

The world is bananas right now. A lot of us are angry, afraid, and struggling to stay out of the pit of despair. And that makes sense! It’s totally understandable. AND… my offering to you in this episode is the idea that centering ourselves in joy is what will fuel our ability to keep showing up.

Joy isn’t the byproduct of things being amazing, it’s the lighter fluid for keeping ourselves alight.

If we don’t center our joy, we will burn ourselves out, my love. And now more than ever, claiming your joy means relentlessly deciding that joy matters. That you deserve joy, that it isn’t frivolous or inaccessible.

And if you don’t know where to start, I’ve got a whole big list of ideas to offer ya! Not in a toxic positivity or spiritually bypass-y kind of way, but in a small, daily practices to contribute to your mental and emotional well-being sort of way.

References, Resources, and Links

Spiritual bypassing: using spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201901/what-is-spiritual-bypassing

Improv comedy. Where all the things are made up on the spot! So good! Find your local improvisers and go laugh at the absurdity. In Portland, I recommend: https://www.curiouscomedy.org/

Microjoys: Finding Hope (Especially) When Life Is Not Okay by Cindy Spiegel.https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780593492222

Follow me on Instagram and tell me what brings you joy! https://www.instagram.com/settling.is.bullshit

“Good Day” by DNCE. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LksMebsBzc

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781607747307

The Lightmakers Manifesto: How to Work for Change Without Losing Your Joy by Karen Walrond. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781506469942

Jolene covers. SO GOOD! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6tIrJUTXaJPxrZxK2EF9yx?si=vV5mtmHNSY2wySE5y4Ka0A

Why do we do the things we do? And, more importantly, why do we keep doing them? Taking the time to reflect – to slow down, look back, and ask ourselves whether the path we’ve been on is the one we want to stay on – helps us be the person we want to be.

In this conversation with Dr. John Miles, a writing professor and academic assessment specialist (and my former boss), we talk about the importance of reflective practices to help us move from living on autopilot to living intentionally.

Since John and I are both trained in rhetoric and writing, we’re obviously big fans of writing shit down. So we talk about that a fair bit. And/but we also talk about:

• Navigating distraction in the digital era
• Celebration as a form of reflective practice
• Recognizing that what we do is not who we are (but it’s a part!)
• Reevaluating goals as we grow and evolve
• Figuring out our strengths and limitations as a pathway to career satisfaction
• Consciously using tools and practices instead of just doing them for the sake of it

References, Resources, and Links

Wofford College – where I was as an Assistant Professor of English and the Director of Digital Pedagogy (best title of my career thus far!)

Reinhart University – where John is the current Provost and VP of Academic Affairs

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780525536512

Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780553380118

Sherry Turkle – scholar focused on the impacts of technology. Reclaiming Conversation is one of her more famous books. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780143109792

Kathleen Blake Yancey. Reflection In The Writing Classroom https://www.amazon.com/Reflection-Writing-Classroom-Kathleen-Yancey/dp/0874212383

Ironman. The ultimate triathlon event in which participants swim 2.4 miles, then bike 114 miles, then run a full fucking marathon (26.2 miles). It’s bananas.

DiSC Analysis. Very business-oriented personality assessment. https://www.discprofile.com/what-is-disc

Habit Tracker. An app I used to use for, well, tracking habits. https://apps.apple.com/us/app/habit-tracker/id1438388363

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780143129257

Thích Nhất Hạnh. Vietnamese monk and prolific author. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Nh%E1%BA%A5t_H%E1%BA%A1nh

What would it be like to live in a world filled with unconditional love? A world where we fully trusted in ourselves, where we felt utterly supported in showing up for the lessons the universe has laid out for us? It’s aspirational, for sure. But maybe it’s not quite so out of reach as we often feel.

In this soul-nourishing conversation with spiritual counselor Julie Day, we talk about how to put that kind of spiritual conviction and mysticism into practice in our daily lives. Offering a vision of a loving, expansive God/Divine/Source, Julie brings a message of hope and light to these challenging times.

For anyone struggling with your relationship to the Divine or just those of us in need of a reminder, this episode serves to bring home the message that we are all on track and on time for our soul’s curriculum.

Connect with Julie

Visit her website: https://www.thejulieday.com/

Follow her on Substack to join the conversation! https://practicalmystics.substack.com/

Resources, References and Links

Christian Science. https://www.christianscience.com/

Mary Baker Eddy (1821-1910). https://www.marybakereddylibrary.org/mary-baker-eddy/the-life-of-mary-baker-eddy/

Religious Science & Science of Mind. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_Science

Unity Church. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unity_Church

Jivamukti Yoga. “A path to liberation through compassion towards all beings.” https://jivamuktiyoga.com/

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780937611012

The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781577314806

Thích Nhất Hạnh. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Nh%E1%BA%A5t_H%E1%BA%A1nh

Agape International Spiritual Center. https://agapelive.com/

Michael Bernard Beckwith. https://www.michaelbeckwith.com/

Affirmative prayer. https://www.unity.org/article/unity-spiritual-tool-affirmative-prayer

Especially in the midst of chaos, grief, and what very much seems like the apocalypse, what there is to do is show up for each other – in whatever ways we can. The trick, of course, is in recognizing our own capacities and only offering what we actually have to give. Which may not be a lot right now, and that’s okay.

But participating in relationships with people we care about means leaning on each other. It means having the willingness and vulnerability to ask for what we need, as well as getting out of our shit by showing up for others in the ways that we can.

The key to all of it? Talking about it. If we want to show up well for and with the people we love, we need to talk about what everyone wants and needs and has to offer when the going gets tough.

Resources, References, and Links

The platinum rule: treat others as they want to be treated.

Five love languages. https://5lovelanguages.com/

Normalizing the Struggle. https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/01/23/normalizing-the-struggle/

Toxic Positivity by Whitney Goodman (is the book), and then the definition is: avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions in favor of an unrealistic optimism. https://bookshop.org/p/books/toxic-positivity-keeping-it-real-in-a-world-obsessed-with-being-happy-whitney-goodman/17026036?ean=9780593418277&next=t&affiliate=109472

Rage Room. A place where you can pay a fee to go smash all kinds of things! Highly recommend. Here’s the one I’ve been to in the Portland area: https://www.outragedroom.com/