Settling Is Bullshit

When was the last time you deeply felt your relationship to the world around you? To the land, to the plants, to the ways in which everything is interconnected?

In this philosophical and exploratory conversation with Karma Maymi the steward of Clary Sage Herbarium in Portland, Oregon, we discuss the concept of stewardship and what it means to be in relationship with our surroundings. Our discussion delves into the complexities of ownership, the role of conditioning in our lives, and the importance of patience and deep presence in how we show up in our communities.

This episode is an invitation to contemplate the interconnectedness of nature and our human experience, inviting listeners to recognize how beautifully devoted we all are, even when we inevitably fall short of our aspirations and expectations.

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/21/stewardship-karma-maymi-clary-sage-herbarium/

Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

Connect with Karma & Clary Sage Herbarium

Order supplies online at ClarySageHerbarium.com or visit the shop in Portland at 2901 NE Alberta St (and say hi to Karma in person!)

Follow Clary Sage on Instagram @ClarySageHerbarium https://www.instagram.com/clarysageherbarium?igsh=N3BkZXFtcDQ0cTdq

Resources, References, and Links

Vipassana meditation. A practice focused on observing oneself without judgment, the name means “to see things as they really are.” https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-vipassana-meditation

Turtle Island. “‘Turtle Island' is the name for the lands now known as North and Central America. It is a name used by some Indigenous peoples who believe their land was formed on the back of a turtle.” https://deadlystory.com/page/culture/articles/World_s_Indigenous_Peoples_Day/Turtle_Island

Permaculture. A framework striving for sustainable and ecologically responsible ways of living (that often includes growing food). https://www.permaculture.co.uk/what-is-permaculture/

Fixed mindset expects instant results. It tells us that if we aren’t immediately good at something, it’s because we lack the talent or capacity. It tells us to give up without really trying. A fixed mindset feeds the inner gremlins of not good enough any time we make a mistake or things don’t turn out perfectly.

But, we have to be willing to be bad at things if we ever want to get good at them. And that takes courage and effort. It means cultivating the willingness to bear the discomfort (and occasional indignity) of being a newb, being a learner, not being the best.

But it’s such a beautiful and kind and generous way to hold ourselves.

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This is a hybrid episode where I read a post that I wrote for the website and talk about it/offer commentary. To read the original post or transcript of the commentary, visit https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/13/the-insidious-grip-of-a-fixed-mindset/

Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

For recovering perfectionists, type-A planners, and those of us who really just want to get an A at life, it can be extra hard to try new things. It can also be super hard when life throws us curve balls and those meticulous plans have to change. But it doesn’t have to be quite so bad! There are a lot of adventures to be had when we can loosen our grip on how things are “supposed” to be.

In this conversation with Carrie Andersen, PhD (former educator and valiant career changer), Carrie shares about her blog The Side Quest Project, her Brodents Podcast, and the joys of exploring the nooks and crannies of life without needing to follow a linear path.

It’s an affirming listen for anyone struggling with wanting to figure your life out (spoiler: you don’t have to!) or wanting some inspiration for adding a bit more curiosity, playfulness, and joy to your day-to-day routines.

To support this podcast and help keep the lights on, please consider joining my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/SettlingIsBullshit

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/08/embracing-imperfection-and-the-nonlinear-path-with-carrie-andersen-phd/

Connect with Carrie

Follow her on The Side Quest Project: https://thesidequestproject.beehiiv.com/

Listen to Brodents. Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! But here’s the spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/show/35NluNppY0VwTKWDS7eMUz?si=52a154207b794ac1

Resources, References, and Links

Hero’s Journey. The narrative archetype that most stories follow. https://www.masterclass.com/articles/writing-101-what-is-the-heros-journey

Legend Planner. https://legendplanner.com/

Skyrim. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elder_Scrolls_V:_Skyrim

Past life regression. “What Is Past Life Regression:?” https://outlanderpastlives.com/past-life-regression/

Kintsugi. Carrie’s post about it: https://thesidequestproject.beehiiv.com/p/side-quest-1-kintsugi-art

Radiolab rat laughter episode. “Is Laughter Just a Human Thing?” https://radiolab.org/podcast/91589-is-laughter-just-a-human-thing

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy

Rather than treating our limitations as problems to be solved or burdens to be borne, what might shift if we treated them with respect and appreciation? Finding our limits means finding our boundaries, and we have the option to view them as useful tools for self-care and safety (instead of cages we’re trying to break out of).

If you enjoy this podcast, please consider joining my Patreon to help me cover the production costs and keep this show going. https://www.patreon.com/c/SettlingIsBullshit

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/07/30/honoring-our-limitations/

Resources, References, and Links

Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.

Nervous system activation. Listen to Episodes 21 & 22 with Marjorie Schreurs for a deep dive!

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780143129257

Expressive writing. Listen to episode 42 with Stacey Hettes.

Parts work. Listen to episode 46 with Celine Redfield.

July 2nd, 2025 marked fifteen years of continuous sobriety for me. And since I wrote about it two years ago and then recorded an episode about it last year, it seems like marking my time on this platform has become a tradition.

But I don’t feel good this week! (I’m kinda sick). So, I sat down and recorded something anyway and captured what’s true for me in this moment.

I set out to talk about staying positive without being toxic, and then I ended up having a lot to say about that, as well as:

• feeling our feelings
• the relationship between fear and faith
• step two and believing change is possible
• that we can’t do life alone
• we get to choose our perspective
• and a bunch of other sober shit :)

So, if you want to hear me be a bit rambly and reflective and willing to normalize that even those of us on a mission to spark more joy have hard, uncomfortable days… you’re invited to listen!

And you’re also invited to let me know how you’re doing in this moment and what brings you joy.

Reach out on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/settling.is.bullshit/ or email me at cate[at]settlingisbullshit.com

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/07/03/reflecting-on-fifteen-years-of-continuous-sobriety/

If you struggle with a mean inner critic, then this episode is for you, buddy. Unfortunately, it won’t offer a magic solution or quick fix to ridding yourself of that inner voice, but it will help explain what the fuck is going on and offer a pathway to a life filled with greater self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care.

In this conversation with art therapist and marriage and family therapist Celine Redfield (they/them), we walk through the concepts of shadow work, parts work, and the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework. (Spoiler: all of those are basically the same thing with different names!) We also touch on dissociation as a coping strategy, recovering from alcoholism and addiction, creative healing modalities, and our own lived experiences of parts work – both as recipients and facilitators.

Major conclusion? Parts work is the magic sauce for lessening the cruelty of the inner critic and healing our childhood wounds.

Connect with Celine

Visit their website: https://innergrowththerapy.com/

Follow them on Instagram @Innergrowththerapy

Have a convo with me!

Grab a free, 30-minute chemistry call: https://tidycal.com/cate/chemistry-call

Book a $75 sample session to dive in and do some work together: https://tidycal.com/cate/sample-session

Email me at cate[at]settlingisbullshit.com

Read the transcript and view the detailed shownotes at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/26/cultivating-self-acceptance-through-parts-work-with-celine-redfield-lmft/

If we don’t have clarity about what's most important to us, about the principles we try to live our lives by, it’s no wonder that we end up wandering around feeling a bit aimless. It’s also no wonder that we get into the same arguments over and over again. Values are at the root of most conflict, we just don’t tend to see it that way.

In this blog episode, I cover some ways to clarify your values and offer some perspective on how to bring that awareness forward into navigating conflict in your relationships.

Also! If you want support in figuring this out, I'm offering discounted sample coaching sessions all summer. Book a one-hour coaching session with me for just $75.

https://tidycal.com/cate/sample-session

Read the original post at https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/19/unpacking-conflict-by-understanding-our-values/

While it’s tremendously important for each of us to have support when things are rough, we also need support when things are awesome. And sometimes, it helps to have a model to follow!

Active constructive responding (ACR) is a framework for how we can actively communicate encouragement and support. It’s a useful tool/concept to help all of us show up as better friends, lovers, and general cheerleaders. It provides a clear pathway for nourishing our relationships through our everyday communications.

In this blog episode, I explain the mechanics of the ACR framework. There is a visual to go along with the explanation, so I recommend visiting the website to look/read along.

https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/12/nourishing-our-relationships-with-active-constructive-responding/

Also! You can book either a free chemistry call with me or a $75 sample coaching session by using the links below:

Free chemistry call: https://tidycal.com/cate/chemistry-call

Sample session: https://tidycal.com/cate/sample-session

Do you gravitate toward certain colors in your life? Do you find yourself looking at the world through rose colored glasses (either literally or figuratively)? Well, it turns out that we’re all in relationship to the world of color, whether we’ve got a picture of our aura or not.

In this delightful conversation with aura photographer Selena Bakakis, she walks us through the rainbow – and what the colors in our field can reveal about our outlook and experiences in life.

Even if you haven’t had a chance to see your aura, this conversation offers food for thought about how color can impact us, the energy we bring into our lives, and how we can embrace those things that truly bring us joy no matter how offbeat or anticapitalist they might be.

If you’re in the Pacific Northwest and want to get your aura photographed, you can catch Selena at the following dates/locations:

• Saturday, June 21 at Seagrape Apothecary in Portland
• Friday, July 18 at the Shady Pines Music Festival in Sandy, OR
• Saturday, October 25 at 10/25 - EARTH SPIRIT in Kennewick, WA

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/

Book a one-hour sample coaching session with me! https://tidycal.com/cate/sample-session

Connect with Selena

Visit her Website: YourCosmicCrown.com

Follow her on Instagram @YourCosmicCrown

Resources, References, and Links

Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.

Elizabeth Gilbert quote comes from Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear (one of my absolute favorite books!) https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781594634727

Tarot cards. If you aren’t already familiar, here’s a great article from my favorite meditation app (Insight Timer): https://insighttimer.com/blog/what-is-tarot/

Reiki. Japanese healing art that works on/with your energy: https://iarp.org/what-is-reiki/

Chakras. These are the energy centers of the body and are typically associated with specific colors. Selena references a few of them, but here is a rundown: https://www.arhantayoga.org/blog/7-chakras-introduction-energy-centers-effect/

No matter how much we cognitively “know” about how trauma works, none of us are immune from the grip it can have on our capacity to deal with life. Thankfully, there are ways out, and writing is one of them.

Dr. Stacey Hettes knows this firsthand. In spite of her PhD in neuroscience and decades of teaching it to undergraduate students, a tense campus event in 2019 triggered a debilitating post-traumatic stress response tracing all the way back to her childhood experiences of sexual abuse. With the help of her therapist (and eventually a coach), Stacey was able to write her way out of the pit via a gorgeous, heartbreaking, and riveting memoir that was just published this month.

In this lovely conversation, Stacey and I talk about her experiences of writing her way to healing, the neuroscience of trauma, and the value of finding meaning and purpose on the other side of surviving terrible shit.

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/

Connect with Stacey:

Buy her book! Dispatches from the Couch: A Neuroscientist and Her Therapist Conspire to Reboot Her Brain https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781627205672

Visit her website: https://www.staceyhettes.com/

Follow her on Instagram @staceyhetteswrites

Resources, References, and Links

Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.

Book a free chemistry call with me! https://www.joywalking.life/services

Questions Stacey offers as reflection prompts for reflecting on therapy sessions:

• What were the emotions I was feeling?
• What were the reasons behind those emotions?
• What are the experiences? What are the memories?
• What do I think this is all about?

Excellent book on expressive writing and the science of its benefits: Opening Up by Writing It Down by James W. Pennebaker and Joshua M. Smyth https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781462524921

Melissa Walker – Heydey Coaching. https://www.heydaycoaching.com/

Julie Day, spiritual counselor and podcast guest on episode #33. https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/02/13/practical-mysticism-and-trusting-the-divine-with-julie-day/

Julie Valentine Center for sexual assault and child abuse recovery in Greenville, SC. https://www.julievalentinecenter.org/

CPTSD – Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Here is a great episode about it on Trauma Rewired: https://illuminatedwithjennifer.libsyn.com/what-is-cptsd