SEX COMMUNICATION

An interview with Lotta, also known as "Alotta” on FetLife…

Lotta identifies as both pansexual and a sensualist so we talk first about what these words mean to her and how they represent her identity. Also how that identity formed through early exposure to the LGBT community and an incredibly accepting open-minded and accepting family. Re: sensualist, Lotta is not into pain but into all aspects of sensory pleasure…

She is poly / non-monogamous, but “non-slutty” and focused on love. In fact, many of her relationships may be intimate and loving but not inclusive of sex. She enjoys watching her partners have sex with other people, and is known among friends as a bit of an “instigator.” Lotta grew up in a non-monogamous family and community and open relationships were the norm.

Unsurprisingly, she is open with her family about her interests and relationships, as they seem to be with her.

We dive into some specific interests and how they manifest in her activities: age play, doctor/patient play, needling, etc… Lotta also identifies as a “humanist” and is accepting of all people regardless of how they present. Her endless compassion, coupled with experience caring for elder relatives with disabilities, developed into a role as caregiver and nurturer, both personally and professionally.

We discuss all of the many ways she has been intimate and exploratory with her sexuality and love, as well as how and why she has brought these aspects of herself into her work…

With all of her experience, is there anything left to try??

***Lotta and I are making plans to meet in real life! Stay tuned :)

***It’s still Pride month! Here is a list of vetted organizations doing year-round work on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community: https://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=5013

Please consider making a financial donation this month, and every month.***

GRAPHICPAINT will be making donations throughout the year but also with every episode published this month

New posting day! Mondays from now on

And heads up, the posting date of the regular episodes will be switching to Thursdays soon - probably around Episode 49

So. I didn't get off this past week even one single time - even with the extra day! But, now I have the opportunity to speak about the effect of my depression and hormones on my mood and subsequent interest, or lack thereof, in anything sex. Also stress! Stress remained a big factor for me this past week.

More about my approach to depression (hint, I don’t “treat” it): "Why I Choose Not To Medicate My Depression”

***

Reminder: GRAPHICPAINT is always looking for photo / video / audio / written submissions BUT ALSO local NYC people to be photographed by ME!

Email me: [email protected] with any questions about any of the things.

***It’s still Pride month! Here is a list of vetted organizations doing year-round work on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community: https://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=5013

Please consider making a financial donation this month, and every month.***

GRAPHICPAINT will be making donations throughout the year but also with every episode published this month

A conversation with perhaps the most romantic, sex-positive couple I've ever known, Brendan and Erika. We talk about all the stuffs and they are each so open and enthusiastic and so at ease sharing all the juicy details that I just know you'll enjoy every minute.

Some highlights!

Vaginal vs. anal sex — they now almost exclusively have anal sex and share a wealth of tips and insight into how they make it a great shared experience…

Brendan and Erika met in the burlesque world and we talk about the inherit sex and body positivity that comes with the territory along with the effect of being a burlesque performer on one’s sexuality.

What it’s like for two sexually open people to exist in a world that doesn’t share their approach and how their openness developed. Being the ice-breaker in the social group…

Thoughts on marriage and what makes a relationship good and healthy. Also, specifics on the communication during sex, verbal role playing and trust.

Frequency of sex / masturbation — they have sex every day, but how often do they beat off?

These two are maybe poly-light? Some talk on the struggles of juggling multiple partners.

Speaking of multiple partners, what is it like to attend your first orgy / sex party? Some helpful tips like, go just intending to scout!

***It’s still Pride month! Here is a list of vetted organizations doing year-round work on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community: https://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=5013

Please consider making a financial donation this month, and every month.***

GRAPHICPAINT will be making donations throughout the year but also with every episode published this month

Fuckkkkkk meeee! I only came once this week!

But as long as this project is about communication, I figured I’d tell you about a shitty date and the shitty shit leading up to it and the shitty shit that came after. Also, about a series of failed attempts at a date and general scheduling woes…

To sum up the lesson from both the shitty date and the failed, attempted date: LISTEN TO THE UNIVERSE. If something is a struggle, LET THAT SHIT GO. Friction, rejection, etc., these things are generally indications that something is not the right thing. Save yourself the wasted time and pain and pay attention! Oprah says this too so you know the advice is good.

Anyway! Till next week my dears…

***RE: Pride month — here is a list of vetted organizations doing year-round work on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community: https://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=5013

Please consider making a financial donation this month, and every month.***

GRAPHICPAINT will be making donations throughout the year but also with every episode published this month

An Interview With BlakSyn…

We jump in with how they distinguish between the function of the labels they identify with; queer vs. pansexual vs. non-binary and how identity differs from orientation. They mention body dysphoria so we talk about how that plays into their identification as non-binary; what does it mean to have a penis? We dive deeper into the expectations that come with a body with male genitalia and how that affects identity and pleasure. What is it like to have sex with a penis? How does physical presentation affect the experience and expression of sexual pleasure?

Next we get into how they got into sex education and how it all began with work at a shop in Philly and a class aimed at people of color and kink. While we’re at it, they clarify the distinction between kink and BDSM before moving on to the practice; is sex always included? They describe how BDSM functions in their life, professionally and personally, and how it can be therapeutic for practitioners.

BlakSyn describes how their upbringing and trauma have affected the development of their identity and expression of sexuality. We get into some nitty gritty about family and the struggles that come with being the “black sheep” and using independence and distance as a means of self care.

The importance of being the “first domino” and an advocate, and the responsibility that comes with visibility in a marginalized community. They discuss how the work they do has long ago evolved past their own needs, but instead is about others and how they me be of value to others.

So many projects! We dive in to all the platforms and work they are currently working on. Writing, photography, porn, education, etc…

Race is a big part of all these things for them; especially when it comes to providing representation for people of color in the kink community. We talk specifically about race in pornography and the kinds of porn they are into right now. It just so happens they have a lot of friends who are making kick-ass, diverse and inclusive porn — check out the links below which include the makers they mention.

In addition to their personal projects, they are also participating in a number of events around the country — links below to those as well.

What a great talk! BlakSyn is awesome — follow them on all their platforms for fantastic content, information and inspiration…

***One more thing, this is Pride month and while it is certainly a time for celebration, it is also a time to be mindful of all the work which remains. Rights are being stripped, people are being killed, and the battle for equality continues every day. Here is a list of vetted organizations doing year-round work on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community: https://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=5013

Please consider making a financial donation this month, and every month.***

GRAPHICPAINT will be making donations throughout the year but also with every episode published this month

Independent and Queer Porn:
Eva Wo
Aorta Films
Bishop Black
Pink and White Productions
Crashpad Series
Hot Bits Film Fest

*

Events:
The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsel

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Up until yesterday, this episode was set to be about 5 minutes because ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED.

So what turned the tide? Well first of all I was busy and cranky all fucking week; I someone cancel last minute and then another just completely blow me off with no apology or explanation. Aside from those irritations, this has just been a very legwork-heavy 7 days. Lots of reaching out and following up and planning and recording, etc… I felt drained every single day and not all interested in “rubbing one out.” And then — I was back in contact with a younger gentleman I met several years ago (the friend of an ex) and he’s been trying to get together and with very filthy intentions. Well young sir started getting real explicit and it got my mind going and then my body going and then Saturday afternoon I’m beating off in bed watching clips of cunnilingus.

It started with a repost on Instagram of a new “Must Have Big Dick And Thick Skin” graphic to which he messaged and asked if it was an invitation to submit. Of course I said yes! He sent 3 pics of a pretty good size dick, nothing gigantic but a solid entry.

The pics were shortly followed by:
“I got tested last Friday also I’m negative for everything. So let’s fuck pls [kissy face emoji].

Next:
“At least let me eat your ass?
Lmao.
Thank you. [I said he had a nice dick]
It’s better in person. [winky face emoji].

AND THEN we were texting and he sent:
“For reals tho. Like I do really want to fuck you and shove my face in your crotch but I also want to hang out as friends and not think about just sex.
I’m a perv and a lot of stuff I say is related about sex. But I wanna chill with you as a person…
Sit on my face please.”

All this talk of faces in crotches! My crotch specifically! Ahhh what’s a girl to do!!! To clarify, this guy is very attractive — banging body, beautiful face, sweeeeeet personality — pretty full package AND we already know each other as people. Anyway, I actually laid down fantasizing about being manhandled by two men at once but there was some pussy licking stuff that came up in my feed and I just went with it.

And now I can’t stop thinking about his mouth on my clit…

The end.

Porn links!
The threesome I started with but quickly turned off because meh, whatevs

An accidental click / Threesome action. The music in this one ohmygod!

Another threesome — fully intended to watch this but got distracted by the pussy licking clips that appeared in my feed below it…

***HOLY SHIT! BEST PUSSY LICKING EVER! Check out the move at 1:25 time marker ***

Good rimming, rubbing, pussy licking, etc!

Did you know that babies touch themselves? For reals it’s true, and if that doesn’t normalize masturbation, I don’t know what can. Now I’ve had fantasies and sexual inclinations for as long as I can remember, but sadly I don’t recall my own baby beat off sessions to recount for you.

However! I do recall a wealth of other details regarding my rocky journey to become the open, self-lovin’ woman you now know.

My earliest memory of touching myself is putting my hand between my legs, cupping my vagina, while trying to fall asleep. I think it must have started around the age of 9? It never really progressed from there; it was a satisfying feeling, one of protection, comfort, pressure. It was essentially my sleep aid — later it would inspire my first sharing of sex tips though I didn’t quite see it this way at the time.

I was maybe 12 years old, a devout attendee of Girl Scout camp, and one summer night I led the other occupants of my tent through a guided-masturbation exercise. Ok that may be overstating a bit; basically the topic of masturbation had come up and I decided to mention what I did, described how I did it and as far as I know (it was dark of course) we all tried it together. Also by “together” I mean at the same time while remaining in our individual cots. You can read more about that night and the other trouble I got myself into here.

After that I finally started having sex and was more interested in that than figuring out how to make myself cum. My teenage years and early 20s passed uneventfully but full of partner sex.

It wasn’t until the age of 28 or 29 that I finally masturbated to orgasm; it happened while watching porn and fast, like one minute at most. I watched quite a bit of porn after that, as you can imagine. I got my first toy, the classic Rabbit shortly after, at the age of 29 or 30. Both worked well and helped counter the “but I see the man behind the curtain” feeling that comes with attempting to beat off without visual or physical assistance. I just couldn’t clear the mental hurdle of overthinking and hyperawareness of self-generated pleasure. For me, the orgasms come when I can lose myself in physical feeling and fantasy, which are both tied to my ability to imagine being touched by someone else.

Fun fact, I only masturbated to porn as an experiment, prompted by a terrible relationship and the porn-viewing habits of my partner.

Moving into my early 30s, my drinking and drug use was escalating at a steep pace and I started relying on masturbating to porn in the wee hours of the morning to help me fall asleep for a brief spell before having to leave for work. It was during this same time that I discovered my body was more prone to fantasy and arousal at midday; naps especially got me all hot and bothered. One magical Saturday, I spent several hours masturbating with my Rabbit over and over again. And then it died. I knew the moment I smelled the acrid electric burn that the motor had burnt out.

I kept this now defunct vibrator in my nightstand along with a smattering of other devices that never managed to get me off: a hard g-spot vibrator, a small handheld waterproof deal… I shut the door and went back to porn exclusively UNTIL I began dating a man who owned a Magic Wand and one day made my vagina cry.

When I say, “made my vagina cry” I mean this in the best way. You see he’d pull out this giant device to use on me while I was restrained in a variety of manners so I already knew what it felt like, what it could do; it was a flash of genius the night I thought to position it under me during anal sex when I ha

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Well I certainly wound up beating off more this week than last. It did help that I’ve been using the recorded audio from some one-on-one sessions as episode material because that led to reliving the events which led to sexy thoughts which led to communication with the parties which led to more sexy thoughts and on and on.

Also there was porn again! I did watch some gangbang stuff as I had planned, but only one clip. There was one scene in particular where this group of guys picks the girl up and they’re all groping her while she’s held in the air — that was pretty amazing. However! It was one of those clips driven by the premise of a bunch of well-hung black guys and a [surprise!] blond white girl. The racial aspect turned me off and I didn’t finish the clip or search for much more beyond scrolling through the rest of my “recommended” feed. Whatever, I’d already gotten off and the clip was too long anyway.

Basically this week was toys toys toys and lots of lusty musings while in transit or attending events not conducive to masturbation. The exception was last night, when I got in a quick session which I recorded for the sake of Masturbation Month; I don’t know if the pressure of the mic got to me or what, but the toys weren’t cutting it and I relapsed on two porn clips I’ve watched a million times. Also, the vibrator dildo died midway so that did impact the effectiveness of the toys. As it turns out, the Tiger toy is quite effective in it’s own way and I really miss it when it cuts out.

Also! There was another cybersex encounter. My ol’ cuckhold buddy across the border talked me through to a pretty satisfying orgasm, the two of us role playing a MMF threesome situation where he’s doing cleanup and servicing me in various ways while I enjoy the much larger cock of the other guy. It was a lot of fun and he has a great voice. Unfortunately he is still working up the nerve to allow me to use our interactions as episodic material but someday…

Here are the links from this week…
Porn:
Interracial gangbang with the superhot lifted groping scene
ohmygod why is this clip so short [relapse video 1]
I legit wish I was this girl when I watch this, and the choking! Ahh so hot [relapse video 2]

Toys:
Vibrating dildo
Cordless Magic Wand

So one evening I had plans to record an interview with the other male attendee of my initial masturbation party and then all of a sudden I’m recording audio of him jerking off instead.

How does this happen? Well it starts with the unexpected reveal that said interviewee is too fearful of his voice being recognized to participate in said interview without vocal distortion. What to do instead? It didn’t take long to figure that one out so a few minutes later, the gentleman was on my bed, my podcast mic now directed his way.

This particular guy enjoys the ball torture and used a figure eight cock ring that he just happened to have with him ;) Anyway! I do enjoy watching this guy beat off and the cock ring really makes his dick look very enticing so I touched him every once in a while till finally I couldn’t take it anymore and I started beating off as well.

An unexpected turn of events but quite pleasant…

***See pics from this encounter on the web page for this episode!

Happy end of Masturbation Month!

The week started off with high hopes for some freaky shit and ended with none… I was scheduled to attend a private orgy on Wednesday, however, after the combination of not receiving the email with the location and the unexpected emotional fallout over recent political events relating to the legislation of women’s bodies, I wasn’t exactly in the mood. I took the email mishap to be a sign for the universe that my time was in fact, NOT best spent fucking a bunch of probably mostly white guys, and decided instead to mope, write, cry and eat.

The silver lining of the orgy disappointment is the increased motivation to organize my own. I’d much rather participate in one of my own making anyway and I’m already hosting sexy sex events anyway so why not move up the timeline for this particular theme?

Anyway! No porn this week either but I did beat off over twice; once inspired by a very brief text check in with the gentleman from Friday’s episode: Mutual Masturbation With #57, and once inspired by boredom? I actually can’t remember just that it was satisfying and I was surprised my dildo was not more covered by creamy pussy juices after since it felt like a gusher.

Till next week!