SEX COMMUNICATION

An interview that starts with sex magic and turns to pussy whispering, much to my surprise.

First of all, what the f*ck is sex magic?? John describes the philosophy and practice of it but it basically sounds a lot like being intentional and using language and focus to manifest something. Like “The Secret” perhaps?

John came from a repressive and born-again Christian background and some time in his late teens he turned to reading and studying as a means of comfort. This research led him to discover texts about mindset and action.

Which came first, his exploration of magic or sex?

He believes pleasure is a tool not a way of life > use pleasure, have the experience, get wisdom, bring it back to your tribe. Speaking of tribes… what is his tribe like? A mix of people who care/practice and those who have no connection whatsoever.

He also believes that magic is like love and everyone has their own definition.

Does magic ever become a fetish or kink? No, but kink is a part of it sometimes… for example, using sex or masturbation without orgasm to “charge” a sigil for use at a later time. Pain, starvation, kink etc. can also be used as a means of instilling a “charge” and then once you release the orgasm from your body, you are releasing the sigil as well.

***”Sigil” is being used as a term for a magical device to hold energy and intention for a specific purpose, and then as an aid in the release of said energy and intention towards bringing forth the outcome of your focus.

As an aside, while sex magic is fun, it takes planning and mental concentration, so John uses the term “fun” sex to refer to non-magical and spontaneous sex that occurs without aforementioned planning and concentration.

So just how important is finding a like-minded partner? Turns out that it’s pretty challenging to find someone who is not only also into sex magic, but into the specific type of sex magic that is of interest to him. And along that line, he isn’t interested in engaging with someone who requires pain to be a part of their sex magic even though he engages in activities like self-flagellation in his own practice. This boundary is the result of past abuse and is something he just won’t do. He has considered the possibility of allowing someone to apply pain to him for the purpose of gaining ownership of his abuse experience, but it would have to be with someone he trusted implicitly in that realm; hasn’t happened just yet.

Next we get into the “label” talk: is he pansexual? heterosexual? other? Turns out while he would say bicurious, and has had same-sex relations, he thinks about women while masturbating and so that’s perhaps more truthful? This leads to some discussion about the commonality of bisexual experience and fantasy about typically straight men and the reason for hesitancy in embracing that part of themselves. John speaks about it openly when asked, not because he feels safe in doing so, but because he just doesn’t give a shit anymore.

Nowwwwww we get into the other stuff he’s into, specifically GIVING ORAL SEX. In fact, he wonders if perhaps he does it too much. Wait, what? Turns out sometimes he’s on a first date and all of a sudden he finds himself going down on a woman, that he perhaps jumps into it too soon and too willing to do it without knowing someone very well.

Aside from the cunnilingus, he’s into intimacy and touching, emotional connection, etc. He would be into having larger group experiences if he had an “anchor” or someone with whom he was connected to, engaging into said activity with him… this hasn’t happened YET.

Sooooo, how did this interest begin and is he good at it? Unsurprisingly, it resulted from his religious upbringing and the idea that penetrative sex was sinning thus the oral sex was his workaround. He

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So much porn! Well, at least on Monday [see below for links]

The very next day I wound up playing with a real-life person! One of the recurring dudes from the masturbation party — good times were had by all but still no penetrative sex…

Next, I continued photographing erections for the male body series I’ve been working on. Saturday I shot a gentleman who I’ve been in touch with for a while; captured the before, during and after while playing the selection of porn clips he had sent me prior to his visit.

The rest of the week was occupied by work and then yesterday I celebrated 7 years of sobriety! Also! I appplied to lead a panel at the SXSW conference; proposal idea: “Using Sex And Porn Online To Change The World IRL.” You can view my newbie-made, quick video accompaniment if you promise to be kind.

***REMINDER: This week is the official start of regular episode publishing every Thursday [instead of Friday]

Porn links:
Bisexual 3-way / MMF, underwhelming / not particularly believable or hot
Amateur cuckhold threesome, decent except for fake tits
Cunninglingus close up, not believable / meh
Another pussy licking close up, not my preferred technique / hard pass
Restrained lady getting manhandled, yes! but ugh fake tits
Japanese nipple stuff, yes!
Amateur nipple play, decent but awful music and too close up

An interview with a longtime friend about personal sexual evolutions… actually, less of an interview and more of “recorded girl talk”

We start by recounting the start of our friendship and openness among the two of us and others regarding the discussion of sex.

Jenny grew up as a preacher’s kid, with conservative values and many restrictions — no dating, no sex before marriage, no pants, no short hair — and now she’s open and exploring her sexuality with abandon!

How did this evolution occur? She was determined after adult sex sans orgasms for years. Now she has discovered she’s a squirter and owns nipple clamps ;)

Her plan was aided by therapy and being encouraged to explore by the therapist and friends, plus dating more and maturing, getting better at picking partners. As her intentions grew, she became more vocal about asking for what she wanted and moving forward with trying new things. There was one guy in particular that she tried a whole bunch of new things with and in a more committed relationship type of setting.

What was her “talk” like with her family? Turns out it never happened. She also didn’t feel comfortable talking with her older sister about it. And it wasn’t just the sex talk, the period talk didn’t either. Development occurred at her own hand and contributed a lot to her slow progression but also her determination to know and do more. These days, she works at a middle school and she makes sure the kids know they can come to her and speak about sex and periods and anything else they want.

We detour with some personal sharing of period stories and experiences with mothers. Specifically, learning how to use tampons and pads and the hands-on approach my own mother took. Also a bit about our experience viewing sex in movies and how long it took for both of us to get our first vibrators.

Are our evolutions the result of age or something more specific? Is it our social circles or just maturity? There certainly is a confidence that comes with age.

How about the stuff she’s interested in trying? Threesomes and new positions!

And since she mentioned threesomes, we get into some nitty gritty about male bisexuality and sexual fluidity, especially as it relates to her own relationship… she used to be threatened by it and now she feels like it’s natural and not something to be concerned about. Though it does still give her pause some times.

And when she says threesome, does she mean MMF or FFM? FFM! She digs women and thinks they are lovely, seems easier to imagine and something she’s interested in exploring. If she was to have a MMF threesome with a man that had bisexual tendencies, would that be threatening? In thinking about it, she sees the FFM setup as being a bit safer but also she would prefer to have all the attention in any setup. Maybe just add more of each gender to balance everything out?

We dabble into my own threesome experiences…

And that get into the anal sex and how she wants to get into it more and the experience I had that made me an anal sex convert [magic wand!!]. This led to my memory of our initial encounter and how I had promised I was going to draw her a “how to” book about successful masturbation and other sex stuff.

That conversation led to some bondage talk — the experiences we’ve both had and what has worked best. Rope stuff, ball gags, handcuffs, etc…

We finish up with her musing about the vanilla direction she feels her current relationship is headed, her concerns and plans to focus more on spicing things up. This leads to discussing watching porn with partners and how we each watch porn.

We love each other :) The end.

Toys, toys, toys and some exciting extracurricular activities…

So, I watched a couple have sex on Skype Tuesday… I went into it thinking that the experience wouldn’t be much different from watching porn but it really was. It was very surprising how affecting it can be just being able to communicate in real time with the “performers.” Going into it, I wasn’t certain that I would masturbate while I watched, but in preparation for the video call, I was asked to at least be naked so that really set the odds in favor of my beating off.

I arrived sans clothes as requested, prepared with my two vibrators and lube just in case I felt moved to act. Turns out the other lady had the same cordless Magic Wand at the ready so that was a fun moment of recognition. I don’t suffer from much self consciousness in such circumstances so once the couple began going at it, so did I.

Another surprise was how envious I became of sex they were having, which was of the anal variety btw. I was sitting there, casually using the wand and my Tiger vibrating dildo and wishing I was the one getting fucked in the ass… sigh. Anyway, my envy inspired me to use a third toy, a slim curvy thing, up my ass as a consolation. Eventually I was worked up enough that I put the Tiger up my ass instead and had a self-produced anal [A-spot?] orgasm for the first time in ages.

Thursday was the first shoot of the “Growers vs. Showers” series. The gentleman arrived and we chatted to establish a base comfort level. We moved into my bedroom and began shooting the pre-arousal, flaccid pics. My model had sent me a selection of porn links so I put on a few of the clips and began shooting images of the “during;” pics of him stroking and then the resulting erection.

I really didn’t know what to expect but I anticipated the possibility of getting aroused which didn’t actually happen. I was so focused on the images and the lighting, etc. that no other thoughts had space to exist. I finally understood how professional photographers can manage to shoot nude models for erotic shoots without getting distracted! Anyway, more shoots to come so we’ll see if this is the case every time.

Aside from those excitements, I beat off with toys on two additional occasions — pretty standard fare. The only new development was maybe last night’s session when I stroked and pulled my own nipples, imagining of course it was being done by someone else. Generally I stick to imagining that act or watching it, not attempting to do it myself because it’s so apparent that it’s me, the knowledge of which pretty much kills the joy.

More to come next week!

Toys:
”The anal toy” except it’s NOT an anal toy [aka The Silky G]
Cordless Magic Wand
Tiger Vibe G5

Interview with Billy Procida, stand-up comic and host of The Manwhore Podcast

How is his “quest for love” working out? Apparently not so well because his partners always want to keep it casual and not explore a relationship with him. Is it his personality? Is he bad at dating? Why do women not want to date him but are happy to screw him? He thinks it is mostly just bad timing.

How about his orientation? Straight but identifies more as “coming out as something else in the next five years.”

As an aside, if a woman was describing his dating situation it would be labeled as a series of “he’s just not into you” situations; is this different for him as a guy?

Has he ever had a long-term relationship? Eh — 22 months is the longest so far. He started kind of late, having sex for the first time at 18. Part of it may be that he gives more than he asks for, or because he is open about being non-monogamous. He does not believe it’s a product of “hookup culture” nor does he feels he just “hooks up” with women. He takes interactions seriously but just prefers to do it with multiple people. Except for right now! He’s actually too busy for relationships at this very moment.

What led to him being non-monogamous? Turns out he found out about it relatively young and it just made sense to him; it seemed natural that loving a person might overlap with loving another person. Then — he wound up randomly meeting a former swinger in person and that helped legitimize his feelings. Plus some Ryan Reynolds movie, “Definitely, Maybe.” All these things also contributed to him being as comfortable as he is speaking so openly about sex.

We speak about how a person’s openness inspires openness in others… this is how communities form! How self acceptance spreads!

Backing up a bit, why did it take so long for him to have sex? Well, he had no idea how to speak to women but mostly, he was bullied quite a bit. He learned, not from family, but mostly porn, the internet, common sense, and later from sexual experiences with women who told him matter of factly what to do and how.

About porn… what was he watching back in the day? What does he look at now?

About body image, weight, etc… his struggles, his acceptance, his wins. He shares about the specific struggles of having body issues as a dude and the lack of body positivity campaigns out there directed at men. How does his body image affect his sex and dating life?

More about porn! Does body image affect his selections or experience? Does he make his own? What about the porn you said you were in? [Teen BJ II]

What’s left to try? Pegging! Also receiving attention from a lot of women at once.

Speaking of butt stuff… how much butt stuff has he done?? He uses lots of toys but this one sounds like the most fun: the Motor Bunny.

I was really trying to make masturbation a part of my daily self-care practice but only managed to get off three times this week; the weather and period cramps got the better of me. Pretty uneventful play: once with just toys (decent orgasm; this was following my attempt to make myself squirt so the play was longer than usual thus bigger buildup thus bigger orgasm), once with just porn (SO quick, so very meh) and once with porn and toys (convulsions but nothing special).

Early in the week I did an interview with a woman I consider to be a bit of a squirting expert and she had very specific recommendations for how I could make myself squirt, which is why I was focused on that for beat-off round #1. I probably got closer than I had before, judging by the sensation I achieved, but alas nothing. I couldn’t quite achieve orgasm with that specific type of motion and focus and I think trying so hard didn’t help matters. I finally switched to just trying to get off and that worked out much better.

In all honesty, while I REALLY want to squirt, I don’t want to be the one to make it happen. I want someone else to drive it out of me! Not only because the mental part is just too out of whack with where I prefer to be when I masturbate, but because I’d like it to be a bit of a surprise. And a bit of a challenge to whoever the ‘someone else’ may be. Anyway, goals!

Aside from beating off, I was supposed to watch a couple have sex over Skype on Saturday night but we needed to reschedule for tomorrow. I assume I’ll participate in sexytimes in some way when it happens but I don’t want to plan too much, would rather just see how it all shakes out.

In other news, I’ve decided to stop taking birth control so we’ll see if my mood and weight improve at all without the addition of bullshit synthetic hormone crap in my system!

Also, it’s really fucking hot where I live, and not just hot, but oppressively humid. Is anyone fucking in this weather? Kudos to you if ya are.

Porn I watched:
Amateur wife-sharing MMF thing
Japanese big tit porn

Yay! Audio porn!!!! Welcome to a lovely recording of a couple having anal sex! AND THEN all the practical tips for butt stuff you could ever want!

Seriously, after the deliciously dirty audio, I share all the ins and outs and dos and don’ts of playing with the butt. Hygiene, prep, setting, mindset, props, etc…

But, let’s not ignore some important lessons from the recording:
Ask first: can I put my finger in your ass?
Start small: fingers!
Check in with your partner about their comfort and pleasure: do you like that? does that feel good?
Give feedback: wait, that burns, harder please
Mix it up: blow job for one, finger up the bum for the other 
Positive reinforcement: that feels so fucking good, you take it so well

Among my tips and tricks, I talk about the A-spot, a wonderful cluster of nerves present in female bodies. And if you’d like to know a bit more about the anatomy stuff and how to stimulate the area, here are two handy articles:
How To Have Butt Orgasms

All About The A-Spot

Soooo, I’ve got some lingering embarrassment over the emotions I shared in last week’s [QUICKIE] but it was the truth so I went with it. Anyway!

I wouldn’t go so far as to say my dryspell is over, but I did get off once… Sheer force of will? I think I was so put off by my own wallowing and emotions during the weeks before, that I did it out of pure determination.

This last session was porn-free; I got my mind right by thinking about being manhandled by two different people at once. I used my usual toys: a cordless Magic Wand and the Tiger insertable vibrator. Compared to the last time, the orgasm I had this past week was much more powerful than the week before. I think it was a combination of intention but also allowing the vibration of the Tiger to really do its part. I drew it out a bit and then when the blood was flowing and my breathe getting heavy, I switched from slow and deep penetration to quick and more shallow pumping. After doing that for a few seconds, I remembered it vibrated (it had been turned off until that moment). Once I pushed that button, the combination of the internal rumbling with the faster in-and-out motion just pushed me over the edge and I finally had that deep, internal orgasm I was hoping for the last time.

Will this upcoming week surprise me? After all, the only plans I have so far are to discuss a client’s website design — not the sexiest summer holiday plan! We’ll see, wish me luck ;)

Toys
Cordless Magic Wand
Tiger Vibe G5

An interview with Shane, another friend found on FetLife. Shane is into feet and femdoms and was an absolute delight to speak with. We talk about how is interests developed, his struggles with acting upon them and how family and culture have influenced his identity and sexuality.

First off, how did his foot fetish begin, and how do you act upon it? Does it combine with femdom interest? Like, pain applied by feet? Being stepped on? How far do you go?

Next we talk about intercourse and how often it comes into the picture. Also, how soon do his interests come up with new women? Does he speak about these things with friends?

Shane feels his culture, and black men especially, are pretty close-lipped and judgmental about sexuality; that there’s a perception of weakness, especially re: femdom stuff. Does Shane believe he is weak as a result of this? No! He believes it's therapeutic, a taking back of the power dynamic…

How and when did he find out about sex? Not from his grandparents, who raised him and sound completely asexual. Shane feels like a black sheep, like he developed the way he did in opposition to the repression around him.

What about race… preference or fetish? Does he use race keywords in porn searches?

We finish up by discussing his social comfort level with his interests, frustration with current circumstances and experiences using professionals to engage in his kinks.

Shane was one of the most entertaining and sweet guests I’ve spoken with yet, and you can speak with him too! He lives in Indiana and can be found on FetLife, username: US_AGENT

***It’s still Pride month! Here is a list of vetted organizations doing year-round work on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community: https://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=5013

Please consider making a financial donation this month, and every month.***

GRAPHICPAINT will be making donations throughout the year but also with every episode published this month

Well this episode was a doozy; did not expect to start crying but I did and that also terrified me so I just went with it and kept recording.

No one ever speaks about the emotional toll of investing in yourself — it’s not very easy! It brings up all sorts of unfortunate feelings of self doubt and lack of faith and fear of the unknown and failure and on and on.

Perhaps you’ll be disgusted by emotion or perhaps comforted to know it’s not just you, if you too have gone through similar challenges and bouts of emotion.

Anyway! I did beat off once this week and I am planning on arranging an orgy to celebrate turning 40 so there are sexy happenings afoot!

***It’s still Pride month! Here is a list of vetted organizations doing year-round work on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community: https://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=5013

Please consider making a financial donation this month, and every month.***

GRAPHICPAINT will be making donations throughout the year but also with every episode published this month