"If I seem mean when I tell you no, just know that I am being very kind to myself."

In this episode, I talk about a trend I have been floating on social media, the idea that setting boundaries, advocating for oneself, being kind to yourself, may have the added flavor to it that somehow you are being mean. To who exactly? 

Are ingrained responses we have  that powerful as to manifest in worrying about are we being mean by putting our own mental and physical health first?

Sometimes it is the narrative that we tell ourselves, sometimes it is legitimately those who are the most confined in their poor behavior by the boundaries we are setting with them that tell us, we are mean now that we are healing. 

But healing has to be an internal priority, where you simply say, with no reservation, if I don't do this for myself, there may be no real self left for those people who preferred the old version of me. And I no longer want to exist as that version.

"That can look really fucking mean to the people who benefitted from your lack of boundaries."

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"Learn to listen to you body, whatever that means to you."

Did you know your body keeps score? I didn't, until mine started deciding to show me the effects of what that score was. All the hurt, the trauma, the abuse. Your brain can do what it wants with memories and you can work hard to repress them, move them, reframe them, but parts if it will stay trapped in your body in various ways (hence the somatic healing discussion in episode #11). Until you literally grind to a stop. 

"I still find it difficult to find genuine joy in my body, as I think of happy memories." I discuss why that is such a profound realization to have, but also some ideas to change how that actually presents itself. 

This was an appropriate follow up to the discussion I had with guest Ashley, a few episodes ago (#11). This is the realization of what all the years have stored in my body, the feelings locked in there and the understanding now of how to start moving them into healthier, more fitting places. 

"The biggest takeaway for 2025, I wish I had paid attention to what my body was trying to tell me."

My hope is that after listening to this, you will start listening to what your body is saying. 

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"Having boundaries is the biggest act of self love I have ever done for myself"

Who would have thought that would be the case. In a world that sells you tonics, creams, classes, pills and any other modality under the sun to take care of yourself, who could imagine that boundary setting, in any form that it takes, is really the key to deep self love. 

Because what you are really saying, to yourself first and often others, is that I matter. I know that I do and I am going to set these limits, these standards, these ideals, that protect my sacred space and peace and they are enforced. Not cruelly, but consistently and without malice. 

"You show other people your self worth by the boundaries you establish for yourself." But even more than that, you validate your own ideal of self worth, to yourself. 

As I say in this episode, "Boundaries are not fun. They are not easy." Boundaries are not just related to external relationships, you can also set boundaries with yourself. Screen time, eating habits, sleep habits, they are all boundaries you can reflect on and negotiate a better space for yourself if need be. 

This episode I talk on my expanding knowledge of and how I have been trying to implement boundaries in my life, as well as how I have struggled with them over the years. Thoughts such as, "If I do what you want me to do to be happy, I am going to feel safe." Trying to be healthy in many aspects of your life and relationships will require you to take a good long look at where you need to define what you can tolerate from both yourself and others. 

Hope you enjoy!!

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" The dis-ease, will come as a disease later on." What a profoundly different way of looking at one's health in the form of your relationship with your body. This was one of the truth's that my guest dropped early on!

 This week's guest is Ashley; a gifted somatic therapist, devoted mother, and intuitive energy worker. Ashley’s work goes far beyond the physical body; she guides others into deeper awareness, helping them reconnect to themselves through presence, touch, and energetic alignment. With her gentle strength and intuitive wisdom, she creates sacred spaces for healing, embodiment, and transformation. 

Our conversation touched on many aspects of her work, but during the first of what will likely be many conversations together, she specifically wanted to share what healing via the work she does can look like. Embracing thoughts like, "I'm ok as I am" and the healing that can come from that statement alone. 

It has been enlightening to visit her practice and feel what this work can do to bring your body more into harmony with itself and my hope is that by listening to her speak, it spurs you to seek out your own somatic therapist!

How fitting it is then to hear, "Every place I have been, is where I was meant to be."

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"Any man that came into my life, was going to pay for what my father did and didn't do."

What a realization to have lurking in the back of my mind, for as long as I can remember in life. And to have as an approaching storm, that is getting stronger and stronger until the realization of it crashes against the shores of the life I want to build. 

These events in our lives, as well as a deeply personal one I share this episode, affect every relationship we have: friends, coworkers, intimate partners, our kids and most importantly our relationship with ourselves. 

We carry this weight with us, not bothering to recognize how it is dragging us down as we try to navigate the deep waters of improving ourselves via all the work we have been discussing on this show. Letting things go in a healthy, restorative manner is the key to progress. "Give yourself grace, give yourself patience, and give yourself time."

This was a rough one to record, as it contains a lot of deeply repressed memories of abuse at the hands of the man who should be a protector. I have not publicly shared this part of my life before, but I knew it was something to let go of in some fashion, to be able to turn the corner on the continued evolution of me. 

As I closed the show by saying, "You deserve a whole life and a life of peace. You're not going to find that in another person or another place. It's inside you and waiting to be found."

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What a terrible lie to tell yourself, to justify poor behavior on someone else's part. Abuse comes in all forms, granted there are levels to it and we are not talking about disagreements. We are discussing on this episode, real dysfunction that hasn't risen to the level of physical, but it still more than anyone should endure. 

Why do we do that? Could it be growing up and being told, "You're too much." "You're too sensitive, you need to stop crying." How often can becoming numb to that critique in your life, lead to accepting treatment from someone that crosses every acceptable relational code?

"It's a vicious cycle, and it doesn't stop until you decide it stops." I would love to hear you repeat what I share in this episode, "I don't choose this for myself anymore."

This is a bit of a short form dive into conversations I am having all too often, about the state of some relationships that linger on under the guise of, but they aren't hitting me. I don't think that should be the barrier to be broken to demand that change occurs in how you allow yourself to be treated. 

But as I said in this episode, "We don't talk about it enough, so talk about it."

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This weeks episode is a short but sweet one, discussing the difference between healing or isolating and my personal journey on both sides of that equation. 

One of the things to consider, healing loudly can look like leaning on others, delving into working on your attachment style, patterns of behavior or deep introspective work. 

There is a difference between isolating and going inward to heal, I talk about what both of those spaces felt like for me. 

One thing to remember, which I touch on, is enjoying breaks in this and enjoying where you are and the work you have done, something I have to give myself grace and remind myself to do regularly. Be kind to yourself on this, it isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. 

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This episode is a story of courage, willpower, an indomitable spirit, and healing. 

She shares the brutal beginning of her life, the darkness of addiction, yet the strength to re-parent herself and become the mother her daughters deserve. In her words, “Seeing the face of my daughter was having a reason to live…. I’ve seen so much death and re-birth….. Life keeps on life’ing….”

She talks about the profound journey she has embarked on and how she has learned to connect with herself, a process she describes as the trilogy of healing. She is a woman whose hands and heart have spent years in service to others.

She is a skilled massage therapist who understands the power of touch not just for the body, but for the soul. She's a devoted mother, a proud new grandmother, and a natural healer whose compassion radiates through everything she does. Her work goes beyond muscles and tension - she helps people release, restore, and reconnect with themselves. 

Please join me in welcoming Jennifer.

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"You're not doing enough, you're not being enough...."

These are the stories I have told myself, amongst other things throughout life. Why is that? Why do we do that to ourselves? More importantly, how do we do better for ourselves?

This episode is a bit of a pivot, as the first take of it had a tech glitch and was not able to be uploaded. While I had accomplished it, it didn't fully speak to me, so the tech fairies granted me another opportunity, albeit at the 11th hour. This one was so much deeper and aligned with where I wanted to be for this episode.

In between takes, I had a pretty deep break through in a specific emotional space and in the course of that, had some intense shame feelings poke through. These are also part of the stories we unfortunately tell ourselves. I have worked on that feeling a lot over the years and while it has lessened, it still sometimes hits me. 

But, as I discuss during this, that tide is turning and the power of the female voice is being amplified. I for one, could not be more ecstatic about it and I am excited to have this opportunity to be a small contributor to that movement. 

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This episode is dedicated to Sanchez, my companion through many years, miles, states and stages of life. 

Grief is something that will find us all, in some form or another, occupying different periods in time and learning to navigate the many stages of grieving. Whether a loved one, beloved pet, meaningful relationship or something else impactful in life, we all must face the challenge of grieving, while still living. 

How does one do that?

The loss of Sanchez brought this topic right into the forefront recently, so I decided to pivot to discussing this and how I am learning to live with a big void left by his passing. I am not experienced with this type of loss and processing grief, so I decided to share what was on my heart and what I am finding helps. 

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