SheHeWeAwakening Podcast

In this episode, Noah and Jamie discuss how to differentiate feelings and emotions from thoughts, and how to work with them within the context of bottom-up vs. top-down therapy models. Also included is some discussion around when emotions may actually be caused by physiological imbalances and some thoughts on emotional addiction.  

0:00 Introduction 

1:34 Differentiating thoughts, feelings, emotions 

5:16 Bottom-Up vs. Top-Down Therapy strategies 

8:05 When emotions masquerade as thoughts (and online communication) 

12:18 Psychosomatic mapping in the therapy room 

20:25 The pitfalls of a solely top-down therapy focus 

22:27 The pitfalls of a solely bottom-up therapy focus 

25:22 An example of a “faux” bottom-up process 

31:31 Patterns of consumption and its effect on emotions 

32:57 Natural predispositions- "the stars impel, they don't compel" 

36:55 Where does responsibility for one’s emotions really lie? 

46:26 The nuances of feelings vs. emotions 

53:54 “Pure” thoughts- do they exist? 

56:33 Empathy 

59:29 The pitfalls of identifying as an empath 

1:10:52 Options for emotional regulation 

1:06:34 Emotional Addiction 

1:16:40 Pros and cons of naming emotions

In this episode, Jamie and Noah discuss the difficulties of being in a relationship with those who are in active addiction.  They discuss boundaries, martyrdom, unconditional love, and how to decide if being in such a relationship is workable for you.  This conversation is also relevant for anyone in a relationship with someone who is abusive in some way.   

0:00 Intro and the question: How can one be in a healthy relationship with someone who is in active addiction? 

1:22 Noah’s lived experience in his family of origin 

3:39 Moving beyond self sacrifice 

6:33 Loving someone is not equal to enabling them 

10:06 Defining relationships by boundaries and access 

11:35 Research is necessary to know how to take care of yourself 

13:11 Unconditional love is not equal to martyrdom 

16:53 Its ok to not be comfortable being in relationship with an addict 

18:53 Rock Bottom 

22:29 Aquiescing our own boundaries hurts everyone  

23:55 What do you do when people are sometimes nice and sometimes awful? 

28:06 Recognize your limits in managing these dynamics 

28:35 Relationships should ideally not be based on pity, responsibility, or obligation 

34:45 Noah’s take on whether or not you can be in a healthy relationship with an addict  

Resources:  

Big Book of AA: https://www.amazon.com/Alcoholics-Big-Book/dp/1893007170/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1RH1JRRQXFSNR&keywords=big+book+aa&qid=1658413636&sprefix=big+book+%2Caps%2C275&sr=8-1  

Adult Children of Alcoholics: https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658413669&sr=8-1  

Facing Codependence: https://www.amazon.com/Facing-Codependence-Where-Comes-Sabotages/dp/0062505890/ref=sr_1_1?crid=I8ZV0ODOMQ6P&keywords=facing+codependence+by+pia+mellody&qid=1658413714&sprefix=facing+co%2Caps%2C112&sr=8-1  

The New Codependency: https://www.amazon.com/New-Codependency-Guidance-Todays-Generation/dp/1439102147/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658413739&sr=8-1  

Where to Draw The Line: How to set healthy boundaries: https://www.amazon.com/Where-Draw-Line-Healthy-Boundaries/dp/0684868067/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658413777&sr=8-1  

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: https://www.amazon.com/Realm-Hungry-Ghosts-Encounters-Addiction/dp/155643880X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658413823&sr=8-1  

Girl Walks Out of a Bar: A Memoir: https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Walks-Out-Bar-Memoir/dp/1590793218/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658413856&sr=8-1  

How to Murder Your Life: https://www.amazon.com/How-Murder-Your-Life-Memoir/dp/1476752397/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658413888&sr=8-1 

My Fair Junkie: A Memoir of Getting Dirty and Staying Clean: https://www.amazon.com/My-Fair-Junkie-Getting-Staying/dp/0316430935/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658413919&sr=8-1  

We Can Do Hard Things Podcast: Episode on Addiction: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7qKIIxKosZ4isdlegeNsJW?si=d877af00fca84a53

Interview with Mia Francis

In this episode, Noah and Jamie discuss the shared qualities of the problematic groups that they have been a part of, and give a list of red flags to be on the lookout for in relationships as well.  This episode has a more personal bent, so please take the content as the opinions and experiences of the hosts.  Nothing in this podcast is intended to malign anyone or anything.   

0:00 Intro to cults and cultish energy 

5:55 The bodywork cult 

28:59 The next culty experience 

37:18 Coming out of these groups  

40:17 How is a cult defined? 

41:35 Why cults/problematic groups cause us to reject ourselves 

44:20 Psychological themes of authoritarian Groups 

1:12:13 Red flags of problematic leaders/people  

Resources:  

Take Back Your Life by Janja Lalich: https://www.amazon.com/Take-Back-Your-Life-Relationships/dp/0972002154/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1655990763&sr=8-4 

Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell: https://www.amazon.com/Cultish-Language-Fanaticism-Amanda-Montell/dp/0063244683/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1655990818&sr=8-1 

A Little Bit Culty Podcast: https://www.alittlebitculty.com 

Sounds Like a Cult Podcast: https://www.soundslikeacult.com 

Troublemaker by Leah Remini: https://www.amazon.com/Troublemaker-Surviving-Scientology-Leah-Remini/dp/1101886986/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

In this episode, Jamie and Noah discuss the nature of suffering as understood by the nondual, Buddhist path and the Christian alchemical metaphor. They talk about how suffering really just arises from how we see the world and how our mind interprets what we see.  Lastly, they discuss how to relieve suffering through a process of self-inquiry.  

0:00 Intro and a caveat on acute suffering 

4:50 Buddhism: 4 Noble Truths 

12:31 Suffering is a result from an ego perspective 

15:53 Map of Jamie’s suffering 

19:15 The nature of duality  

29:04 Seeking perpetuates suffering, and is a part of alleviating it 

36:07 The Hero’s journey and its role in alleviating suffering 

40:11 Suffering is in the stories we create about who we are 

42:49 How to dis-identify with pain so you suffer less 

45:53 Why does God “allow” suffering? 

53:15 Suffering ends when the stories about who other people are ends 

58:44 Alchemical understanding of suffering 

1:06:34 The Temperance card and sword-making metaphor 

1:09:22 All suffering originates in a loss of perspective of the truth 

1:10:32 Tapas and puja for moving beyond egoic perspective (Hindu perspective) 

1:14:10 Virtuous suffering- crucifixion is not the end 

1:18:40 Beliefs that increase suffering: #1 I am my body 

1:20:53 Bad things are punishments, good things are earned/are rewards 

1:22:18 Magical Stories (twin flames) 

1:29:14 Self-reliance or attachment to one person meeting all your needs 

1:31:01 Life is unfair or hard 

1:39:59 The kingdom of Heaven is within

In this episode, Noah and Jamie discuss the concept of death as a transition, rather than an ending.  The Death Card from the major arcana of Tarot is also discussed, and how to become more conscious during change rather than fight it.   

0:00 Introduction 

1:29 Why we fear change 

3:22 Death as expansion 

6:52 Divorce as a death/transition 

9:55 How we experience each moment usually depends on what we have experienced before 

11:40 Being present with change as it’s happening 

14:00 Transition as the essence of who we are 

15:41 Kaleidoscope metaphor for the witness perspective 

21:32 Death/Transition Card and allowing ourselves to become conscious agents of change 

29:20 Do relationships ever really end? 

37:20 Can you ever cut cords permanently? 

39:15 Pre-trans “Deathlessness” 

40:50 Suffering because we resist change 

44:44 Death as an agent of love 

47:01 Zombification happens when we refuse to accept death 

51:00 False impotence of the ego 

51:55 The watch story, and the agency of sacrifice 

55:40 Take homes: how to be with transition from a masculine and feminine energy perspective

In this episode, Jamie and Noah discuss Ken Wilber’s theory of the pre-trans fallacy, where a more primitive state of awareness can be conflated with a more advanced state of awareness.  This shows up along the healing journey and can cause us to either doubt our progress or think we have come along further than we have.   

0:00 Intro and definition of the Pre-Trans Fallacy 

10:20 Specific examples of the Pre-Trans Fallacy  

10:30  "Impersonal"  

21:56 "Powerless"  

25:28 The Spiritual Bypass of "Let go and Let God"  

31:42 "Faith"  

36:56 "Aimless" or "Purposeless"  

45:15 Nihilism vs Enlightenment: "Life is meaningless."  

56:40 "Sameness"  

1:02:56 "Alone"  

1:10:45 "No Boundaries"  

1:13:05 "Self-Centeredness"  

1:16:10 The importance of understanding the Pre-Trans concept  

1:17:27 Summary   

Resources:   

Integral Theory website: https://integrallife.com/who-is-ken-wilber/?campaignid=13156780690&adgroupid=122067825043&adid=522458038745&gclid=CjwKCAjw9qiTBhBbEiwAp-GE0fHsPk2cvWhicmFPMECpBbo5W0fkk7r76cAvaKZq6U-ZKqmm4L62MBoCcK8QAvD_BwE 

Waking up and Growing up: https://centerforintegralwisdom.org/world-spirituality-project/world-spirituality-practice/

In this episode, Jamie and Noah continue to discuss characteristics of emotional immaturity and how they impact relationship dynamics.  They also discuss how to mitigate these patterns both in ourselves and within our relationships.   

0:00 Intro 

1:15 Sign #8 Self-referential and unable to self-assess 

5:38 Antidote: pay attention to communication dynamics, work on humility 

14:27 Sign #9 Center of attention, dominates the energy of groups 

15:35 Antidote: am I showboating?  

19:35 Sign #10 Promote role-reversal 27:35 Antidote: create boundaries, give up trying to fix others’ emotions 

29:22 Sign #11 Insensitive and non-empathic 

32:05 Antidote: learn to accurately read the room, don’t escalate or retaliate in kind 

34:14 Sign #12 Inconsistent and contradictory  

37:34 Antidote: Develop empathy yourself, bring things into the light 

39:27 Sign #13 Strong defense mechanisms 

42:06 Antidote: shadow work, accepting life with all its “good” and “bad,” take off armor 

48:55 Sign #14 Paradoxical relationship to emotions 

49:50 Antidote: explore emotions when not in an emotional state  

51:17 Sign #15 Flat affect with inflexible personality   

Resources:  

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PsyD (https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703)  

Emotional Incest: What To Do When a Parent’s Love Rules Your Life, by Patricia Love (https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Incest-Syndrome-Parents-Rules/dp/055335275X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1647207506&sr=1-3)

In this episode, Noah and Jamie discuss some of the characteristics of emotional immaturity and how it impacts relationship dynamics.  They also discuss how to mitigate these patterns both in ourselves and within our relationships.   

0:00 Introduction to Emotional Immaturity 

3:50 Why does Emotional Immaturity exist?  

4:52 Emotional maturity= ego strength 

6:34 Sign #1: Rigid or single-minded thinking 

11:29 Antidote to rigid thinking  

19:45 Sign #2: Loss Stress Tolerance and Stereotypical Responses 

25:34 Hot Button Topics 28:12 Antidotes to low stress tolerance  

33:00 Sign #3: Avoidance- doing what feels best 

36:50 Sign #4: Subjective, not objective thinking and communicating 

42:45 False elevation of “intuition” 

45:08 Sign #5: Fear of differences, preference for role-related relationships 

50:02 Sign #6: Egocentric attitude- childish, not child-like  

56:23 Sign #7: Self-preoccupied and self-involved (not narcissistic personality disorder) 

58:26 Antidotes to all of the above  

Resources:  Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PsyD (https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703)

In this episode, Noah and Jamie complete the list of characteristics of emotional immaturity and how these impact relationship dynamics.  They also discuss 3 different general categories of emotional awareness and healing tools- the masculine/observational approach, the feminine/somatic approach, and the mixed approach.   

0:00 Introduction 

1:03 Sign #16 Focus on physical needs more than emotional needs 

8:49 Antidotes: Understand when you are asking too much, notice family belief systems around needs  

16:11 Sign #17 They are killjoys 

18:47 Antidote: Boundaries, communication, and “grow up” 

20:29 Sign #18 No mixed emotions, or limited emotional bandwidth 

23:13 Black and white feelings 

25:14 Signs #19, 20, 21 Simplified thinking, “Because I said so,” literal thinking (facts vs. concepts), and one-sided conversations 

30:05 Antidote: notice rigid, factual thinking, be willing to speak about feelings and concepts 

32:30 The 3 categories of emotional tools 

34:15 Observant/Masculine Emotional Processing 

42:32 Somatic/Feminine Emotional Processing 

48:53 Mixed Emotional Processing   

Resources: 

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PsyD (https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703)  

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs)  

Gottman Institute: “Unsolvable problems” https://www.gottman.com/blog/p-is-for-problems/ 

Playlist of healing meditations: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMnzugE-ytaQQwL1__f4ql7HbQdFkzkS2 

Atman Vichara meditation (Ramana Maharishi meditation): https://youtu.be/zP4FVywVwOg