Shitty Cinema

Is Eric Roberts the hardest working man in Hollywood? Do Hallmark movies think parents are just around to further the plot? Who are we supposed to be rooting for? Join us as we argue over exactly how much money it would take us to get passionately kissed by Eric Roberts while fake sleeping.

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Back to back movies with Mark Blankenfield playing a comedic take of a public domain character. We try to figure out what exactly the metaphor is, who is the real bad-man, and Jay makes a startling confession.

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This week we watched a tale as old as time itself... and the jokes were even staler. Co-starring a young Leslie Jordan trying to go above and beyond his lackey duties to carry the whole film. Frankenstein general Hospital leaves us feeling as though we need help for the comatose state it put us in.

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Steven Seagal tries to convince us that he's a serious doctor, and thought leader in virology, but all we can do is get upset about his medical safety practices. Maybe we should have focused more on Waco does a COVID but we had to talk about Steven's relationship to that damn mini horse.

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Shitty Cinema laments another lack of splits in the Van Damme classic Death Warrant. Despite that, we find joy by making our own Mentos moments and eyeing the little outfits!

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This week we find out the mob really wants to buy your local mall dojo. Dave educates us on crimes against Bruce Lee while Casey suffers from vitamin JCVD deficiency.

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Casey has Van Damme blinders, Jay wants Scott Adkins as the Punisher, and Dave can only see dating red flags in movies but not in real life.

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The gang discusses the merits of our favorite actor doing Die Hard on a train, the joys of miniatures, why we sympathize with the guy buying everyone drinks on a train, and complain about the fact that Derailed is the most cut film in the universe.

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This film confirms that wizards are lazy and could solve all their own problems but instead choose to rope other people in to screw it all up (we see you Gandalf).

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Today I learned John Cena can turn any police vehicle into a Tie fighter. While you might not see him, when he throws you through an office window the cameras definitely will.

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