Silver Screen Cesspool

Attack Of The Lederhosen Zombies  (2016)

"The hills are alive with the sound of bloodshed."

Tonight's movie is “Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies.” The basic premise of this movie is that the Nazi Zombie thing has been overdone, so we’re going to set it in Austria and replace the Nazi uniforms with the most humorous of all the pants, liderhosen.  

The movie opens with a hot shot of an American snowboarder pulling a wacky stunt where he boards down the mountain in his birthday suit, only to discover there’s a make-a-wish kid, complete with a wheelchair, waiting to meet him. The movie kinda goes downhill from there, and not just because they snowboard. It's a fairly standard zombie movie, except everyone is doing their best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, there's zombie deer, and the black people don’t die first. But that's because the movie was cast before they swapped out the nazis. Not a lot of black nazis. 

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Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!

Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo

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Sharks of the Corn (2021)

"You're gonna get stalked!"

Tonight's film flop is Stephen Kang's Sharks of the Corn. Yes, you heard me right. Kang, K-A-N-G. Now, you may be expecting a children of the corn knockoff, but with sharks instead, and honestly, that would have made a lot more sense. Then movie opens with a woman trying to seduce the local Kentucky county fair's, corn-eating champion. But he's drunk, so the obvious course of action is to invite him to chase her through the saddest-looking cornfield ever, as she removes four layers of clothing she was wearing, leaving them sexily hanging from stocks of corn. But almost as soon as her breasts are exposed, she's eaten by a shark. Random sh-t of Stonehenge! But maybe it's not a real shark, maybe it's this serial killer-looking dude wearing a gator with a shark jaw print. He shows up in the next scene and kills a hooker with a museum gift shop shark jaw. Damn it, Bruce, hookers are friends, not food.

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Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!

Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo

(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))

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Spooks Run Wild (1941)

For tonight's shitty cinema, I originally chose Spooks Run Wild. When I began to watch this movie and realized it was in black and white, I remembered there's the Cowardly Lion's useage of the word "spooks,"  and there's the War of Northern Aggression. To be honest, I wasn't brave enough to find out which one it is. 

Send us a text

Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!

Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo

(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))

SilverScreenCesspool.com

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Ninja Cheerleaders  (2008)

"This Summer's Destination For Fun"

Tonight’s Sh*tty Cinema is “Ninja Cheerleaders.” They’re high school cheerleaders by day, go-go dancers by night, and ninjas … by dusk, I guess. 

The movie opens with one of the girls talking to her 60-year-old male teacher, but he’s clearly at a loss for words because he thinks she’s hot. Oh my! In the next scene, the middle-aged male cheerleading coach openly invites another cheerleader to go to Mexico with him. Oh my! But they do go out of the way to make sure we know the Ninja Cheerleaders are over 18 multiple times, so it’s okay, I guess.

Send us a text

Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!

Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo

(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))

SilverScreenCesspool.com

Facebook.com/SilverScreenCesspool

Instagram.com/SilverScreenCesspool