Sitting in a Car

This week, let’s talk about what happens when you have open chats at home about relationships, sexuality and consent - but other friends, family and loved ones maybe don’t.

To show you how I really messed this up, I’m going to share with you one of the great stories from our family. I call it The Great Condom Story :)

But first, let’s chat about how different families have different values.

It’s so interesting.

WE know how important it is to give our kids the information they need, to make good, empowered decisions about relationships as they get older.

But we also know that not every family feels that giving this info to kids is important.

So, how do we balance doing what’s right for our families with respecting the journeys other families and loved ones are on?

We give you some tips in this weeks episode of Sitting In A Car.

And I also tell you The Great Condom Story :)

Sarah x

This week I’m talking about being kind. . .

But first, let’s talk about how much pressure there is on us parents, to chat with our kids about sex.

You might find these convos easy.

Or this might be a place of huge stress and pain for you.

I get it.

We know that when kids have parents who understand  that sex is a normal part of life, those kids have an easier time of growing up and making good decisions. Because they’re not ruled by shame or fear.

The problem is, so many of us were taught that sex is scary or dangerous.

So what do we do?

When we look at the enormous job of talking about sensitive stuff with our kid our brain says, Danger! Danger!

Could it be possible to be kind to ourselves in these moments?

Maybe being kind to yourself looks like accepting that you find these convos hard, for now, because you haven’t yet learned how to have them.

And then the next step is what you’re doing right now.

You’re sitting in a car with me.

You’re acknowledging that you can’t do hard things alone.

And you’re caring for yourself and seeking out the help you need.

I have a beautiful story for you this week.

It’s about what kindness to yourself might look like.

Sarah x

This week, let’s talk about not being able to talk.

See if you recognise this.
You’re with your kid. Something comes on the car radio, or the telly.
A horrible news story, about rape, or abuse, or something like that.

You feel it in your body. I need to say something.
But you can’t.
And you don’t. And the moment passes.

Been there? We all have.

It can be so painful, to feel so keenly that the moment is now, for you to speak,
and to not be able to find the words.

But here’s the thing.

The point is to talk, even a little bit -
even if all you talk about, is not being able to talk.

It’s not only ok to do this with your kids - it’s actually quite good.
It models for them that it’s ok to be vulnerable.
And it tells them that there’s no unsafe place to go, when it comes to chatting with you.

We have scripts for you, to make these convos about convos, easier.
And before you know it, it’ll be easier for you too.

This week, a parent asks:
‘What if I say too much?
My 4yo asks questions about sex and I try to answer them, but I’m afraid I’ll freak him out.
Help!’

Do you have this fear?
That in doing your best to give your child all the info they need,
you’ll somehow go too far?

Many of us have felt this - and there’s a reason why.
We might have been told too little, or the wrong thing, when we were kids ourselves.
And maybe that made it feel a bit scary,
or even bad, or dangerous.

But you know what?

Human sexuality is not bad, or wrong, or dangerous.
Sex is neither good nor bad!
It’s just a normal part of life.

The other thing about this,
is that you already know how to give your kids information
in tiny pieces they can handle.

As parents, we play to our audience all the time.
We watch how our kids respond, and we go from there.
So the stuff you’re already doing every day as a parent,
will work for you here, too.

We have a few hacks - and a funny story from my own childhood for you this week :)
to help you feel comfortable,
and to help you know your kid will feel comfortable, too.

Sara

Hey there!

Happy New Year!!

We are starting a new decade. How shocking is that??

Time is speeding by. Will your kid grow into an adult in the next 10 years? If your kid is 8 or older, the answer to that question is a very big YES!

And it is quite possible that your kid will have sex in this new decade. Let’s get real … few of us like to think about that but it’s the reality.

And many loving parents want to make sure they provide their kid with the information, skills and support they need to speak up for themselves, stay safe, be happy and healthy.

Whether your kid wants to have sex or not when they get older, they will DEFINITELY need all the emotional intelligence, the communication skills and the assertiveness to stand up for what is right for them in the areas of s=e=x= and s=e=x=uality.

You can help them with all that BUT here’s the thing …

… you have to take the first step to being able to talk about sensitive stuff like consent, self respect, s=e=x=ual assault, love and lots of other stuff.

What is the first step YOU can take? And do you need help?

Happy New Year!

x Sarah

Hi There,

A lot of the times, Christmas brings a huge change of schedule your family.

Often times this means you are spending a lot more time with your kid(s) than usual.

More time = more chances to talk about sensitive stuff.

This week’s episode of sitting in a car gives you an example of how to link conversations about s=e=x=uality with the Christmas theme! Random! It’s a short and sweet episode with a very weird but also exciting Christmas tree that I got given as a present. I LOVE it!

So (if you celebrate it) Happy Christmas to you and your family from me and my family – may your days be merry and bright. And have a wonderful break where ever you are.

x Sarah

Ps. If your kid is 8 or older there is a good chance that they will become s=e=x=ually active in this next decade! Is that shocking?!?! Don’t worry, you aren’t alone! I’m planning something to help you next year. It’s going to calm your worries about raising your kid to have the information, skills and support to make good decisions and care for themselves and others around s=e=x=.

I’ll let you know more next year 🤜🤛

I have such a great question for you this week.

‘My 8-year-old son searched for sex on my brother’s laptop.

What do I do? I’m so shocked’ O_O

The first thing to know is how normal this is.

And that, as a parent, it’s a source of information for you.

If your kid is doing a search about sex, it’s because they need more info than they’re getting.

So far, so simple … BUT…

…you are probably still panicking just a little bit, right?

A lot of us have an instinctive panic reaction to the idea that our kid has ‘been exposed’ to things to do with sex.

But here’s the thing. 

What you want is to be the ask-able, approachable parent for your kid, a trusted grown-up they can come to if they have questions.

If you notice your own panic reaction, and are kind to yourself about it, you’d be surprised what a great opportunity this can be.

You can really be present with your kid and give them the info they need, in a way that empowers both of you.

We have great hacks for you this week

- ideas about how to have these convos, and online resources for you when you want to share something with your kid that is both accurate and empowering.

Sarah x 

Well hello there

Have you ever been fearful that you might give your kid too much information about relationships, puberty or consent?

You are not alone. This week I’m answering this exact question: is it possible to be too open and honest with our kids when they ask us questions about s=e=x?

Here’s the thing. The answer isn’t straight forward.

YES, it’s possible to say too much … BUT it is NOT for the reason you might think.

And mostly we won’t give our kids ENOUGH information, that’s the reality.

So NO, it’s unlikely that you will tell your young kids too much. 

Remember, we live in a country that hesitates to give information to kids about bodies, consent and s=e=x=uality.

That means these conversations might still feel risky to you, even though you might have heard me say multiple times that even very young children can be taught lots of age appropriate information about bodies and babies and human reproduction and consent.

To learn more listen here or watch here.

Go well,

Sarah x