Sitting in a Car

Part of parenting is protecting our kid(s) and sometimes this looks like providing them with information that makes us uncomfortable because it’s horrible and unpleasant.

So how do we give them important information when it’s horrible and unpleasant?

How do keep their view of the world intact whilst simultaneously alerting them to the horrors that are also present?

In today’s episode I’m answering a question about child sexual abuse.

More specifically, how to tell your young kid about it so you can help protect them.

There are a range of skills that you’re being called to access here, and if you don’t have them please don’t beat yourself up.

This is not something that is taught. There’s no “How to be a parent” guide or a handbook that helps us to ‘get it 100% right’.

There are 3 things I’m sharing that I hope will help you in having this convo.

I’m also sharing 7 books to support you as well, because let’s face it even if we’re speaking our kid’s language there are so many different ways we can say something so we all want to do our best in this respect.

Another key element to consider before having this convo is where you stand.

What beliefs do you have about kids who experience sexual abuse?

Have you had an experience (directly or indirectly) that you haven’t dealt with?

This is such a complex and layered topic so go easy on yourself when approaching it.

I really hope these resources and this episode helps you in maintaining your kid(s) innocence whilst giving them the info they need to stay safe in this world.

Until next episode,

x Sarah

Udders (a functional part of cows, lambs, goats) produce milk in the same way that breasts (a functional part of women) produce milk for tiny humans.

Do you think cows, lambs, or goats shame other cows, lambs or goats when feeding their young, just because farmers also milk them for dairy milk?

Because breasts are also used for sexual pleasure, they should be kept hidden, covered up and not be seen outside of specific environments.

Despite their original, natural function of feeding newborn babies.

This week’s podcast answers a Mum’s question of how to answer her 2-year-olds questions around breastfeeding as she is expecting baby no.2 soon. With her first daughter she bottle fed if in public or went to a private room.

Let me just say that these options are totally ok, if they are your choice.

However, a mother who has been taught that her breasts should remain private and hidden, EVEN, when providing food for her kid, is being shamed and made to feel embarrassed about a natural, everyday thing.

So this episode is made to help the Mama’s with inquisitive 2-year-olds that want to know why Mummy is putting a boobie/breast/(insert word used) in their sibling’s mouth.

I share how you can satisfy any questions they have whilst building a foundational connection.

My answers, also potentially, bring you some comfort if you’re facing your own feelings (maybe shame/embarrassment/discomfort) around breasts and breastfeeding.

A lot of the work we do around building connections with our kid(s) involves us taking a look at what we believe and what we were taught. This can be very uncomfortable.

So remember to be kind to yourself and get ready for some surefire ways to support you in a situation like this.

As always if you’re needing some extra support do reach out via https://www.instagram.com/iamsarahsproule/

or join the The Evolve School waitlist.

Until next time.

x Sarah

Shownotes

Book: Milky by Agnes Saccani & Maria Betsworth - www.milkmakingmamas.co.uk IG: @MilkMakingMama

My 4 yr old is asking about my pills and I don't know what to tell them!”

The thing that scientists and our kids have in common is their curiosity devoid of judgment.

They seek information to give them an understanding.

Whereas most of us are conditioned to attach our preconceived ideas to information.

Minimal information in a situation like this is similar to stonewalling and the opposite of building connection.

So what can we do instead?

Practicing layering is a good place to start.

Our kid is constantly gathering info and so we can give this info to them in small bite sizes, often.

It’s also beneficial to remember that we’re also learning info about ourselves and that can sometimes be just as shocking as the questions we get asked. So we get to choose to be kind to ourselves and show compassion for where we are as we move towards where we want to be as parents.

Let’s also introduce some fun. How can we move from this being an awkward convo to it being informative and interesting for us and our kid(s).

We can offer our kid info in a way that builds connection, soothes our nervous system and gives them age-appropriate information.

You can find me over on https://www.instagram.com/iamsarahsproule/ to let me know how you get on and if these pointers were helpful.

x Sarah

There can be a lot of conflicting advice around raising kids. 

So who do we listen to when our kid, along with his friends, has been asking other kids to pull down their pants to see their genitals? 

Immediately we might think:

• Omg, my kid is pressuring other kids to do things they don’t want to do! 
• Will he not ask for consent when he’s older? 
• What kind of kid have I raised? I’ve failed!
• What will other parents say?
• [insert your own immediate reaction]

And anything that comes up is valid.

Because we know what the world outside of our homes is like.

However, it’s also important to remember that behaviour is communication. 

So, no you haven’t failed! 

Our kid is just letting us know, through his actions, that he needs more information.

So, how do we get him the information he needs to understand consent and respecting other people’s bodies?

This episode gives you 3 options you can use with your 6yo to give him the information that he needs.

Of course, first ruling out that there is nothing untoward happening to him or his friends,

such as an adult having asked them to pull down their pants,

and then we can practice consent and respect in a safe and loving space. 

You’re encouraged to remember that raising confident and caring kids is not always easy. 

So please do be kind to yourself. 

Especially if you didn’t have many role models for this style of parenting.

If that’s the case for you my diary is open to have a chat about the specific needs of you and your family. 

Visit www.sarahsproule.com/bio to book a chat with me here.

Until next week’s episode of Sitting in a Car,

x Sarah

No you weren’t wrong. 

We do need to have sensitive convos with our kids

that provide them with information that they will need as they grow.

But what a lot of experts miss is that to have these kinds of convos 

we need to establish and have nurtured a connection with our kid.

The same connection we had with them as babies isn’t the exact same one they need now. 

So in learning new skills & strategies, 

we can grow with them and maintain our connections.

Have a listen to this week’s podcast and let me know if you found it helpful. 

As always, if you need more support in any part of your parenting

The Evolve School would love to help you care for your kid.

Join the waitlist here, www.sarahsproule.com/evolve 

and I'll be in touch before the next enrollment. 

x Sarah

Firstly, what a win that your kid could come to you and share this discovery with you!

How many of us hid our identities because we didn’t feel safe enough to express what they might be or were? 

I’m bisexual and I came to this identity late. 

When I read this question I was delighted for this kid. 

He’s 12 and has realised this about himself and it made me realise, in retrospect, how much I would have loved to have had this conversation about my bisexuality sooner. 

The thing to consider here is that your kid is learning about themselves. 

And in learning who we are, what we do and don’t like, we have to have experiences.

Being able to encourage our kid through their experiences is major. 

It will be something they remember for life. 

Because, you know, they may get to a point where this identity no longer fits. 

And how you supported them through this experience will make all the difference. 

So join me for this week’s episode where I help you to support your kid when they discover something new about themselves. 

As always, if it feels right for you, I’d love to welcome you into The Evolve School. 

It’s currently closed but if you head over to www.sarahsproule.com/evolve 

you can join our waitlist and I’ll reach out nearer the next enrollment date. 

Please share this podcast with anyone you know who is building an evolved, communicating family and let’s have more conversations that support us in caring for our kids. 

x Sarah

Behaviour is logical. It doesn’t come out of nowhere. 

Our kid’s words, actions, body language, and tone of voice are communicating something to us.  

What is she thinking and feeling yet not unable to say? 

We need to find a way to allow her to SAY it. 

To connect with our kid we need to meet her where she’s at.

This isn’t the time to justify or explain why logically what we’ve been doing is ‘right’.

So how do we connect with our kid so that whenever we talk to her about sex it doesn’t bring about disgust and anger? 

That’s what we’re diving into in this week’s episode. 

Are you willing to say 2 words, 7 letters? 

Are you willing to take full responsibility for your actions, no matter your intention? 

Are you willing to prioritise the connection with your kid over anything else? 

Join me for this episode and learn how to turn this scenario around. 

Now, I know this can be quite a challenging journey for most of us, so if you’d like to learn more strategies that can help you connect with your kid(s) alongside the skills required to implement them then join the waitlist for the Evolve School. 

We’re currently closed (we only open twice a year), but as soon as we reopen for enrollment I’ll be sure to let you know. 

If it’s a good time for you then you can join us. 

www.sarahsproule.com/evolve. 

Remember these strategies can be used time and time again, so be prepared to take notes. 

I look forward to hearing your thoughts and stories in my comments and DMs. 

x Sarah

My 13-yr-old has started watching porn but doesn’t want to talk about it. 

He feels awkward when I try to discuss it with him as he says it’s weird. 

What can I do?

This is the question that I’m answering this week and I love this question because it give us a chance to really build a deeper connection with our kid(s).

The answer comes from the Courage pillar inside the Evolved Family Method which helps us build evolved, communicating families. 

Now, I’m sure you probably have your own thoughts/judgments around porn. 

And there’s no judgment around that. 

But how do we set those thoughts/judgments aside to have a useful convo with our 13-yr-old kid?

We want to make sure that they’re safe and have information that helps them to make healthy decisions. 

And let’s be honest, porn is bad sex education.

So, what is the “answer”? How do we help?

Connection builds. So we need to connect with our kid. 

If you’re asking how, it’s by following their lead. 

Let him help us learn HOW to talk to him about this stuff. 

Listen to the episode to learn three strategies to help you do this. 

These strategies are ones you will use over and over again. 

Parenthood is a journey that requires support. It takes a village. 

So if you would like the support of a village to learn new skills, strategies and have support whilst implementing, join the Evolve School waitlist. Sign up at www.sarahsproule.com/evolve and I’ll let you know as soon as the doors re-open. 

For now catch the strategies in this episode and be sure to let me know how you get on, if you use them.

x Sarah

Have you been wracking your brain for all the reasons why they’re not talking? 

Especially when you know they need someone they can trust to confide in? 

Maybe you’re feeling regret about past parenting decisions? 

Blaming yourself for how you handled a past situation? 

If this is you, please remember that parenting is a lifelong journey, and we’re constantly learning. 

Kids go through many developmental stages. 

One of our jobs is to have the skills to help them navigate each one. 

High level connection is a skill. Being able to talk about sensitive things is a skill. 

We may not have learned these skills in our own families. 

And it’s likely that we weren’t taught these skills in school, either. 

So now it’s time to learn those skills. 

In this episode we discuss:

• collaboration culture 
• two competing truths existing at the same time
• a family meeting agenda; and 
• the steps for a successful family meeting

Have a listen, and feel free to share with me your insights or experiences from implementation. 

x Sarah