If I say the god I believe in doesn’t carry a brief case

And the devil is in need of a shave

If I dare to ask the question 

Will you stop me and tell me to behave

If I question every answer

If I fold beneath the sheets

If my soul is eaten with cancer

Will you still believe 

I take up arms so defensive

I take up position so wide

I act not to be offensive

I act until I die

My god needs no worship

No slavery in sight

No servants at the door

No widows plight 

I take up arrows of good fortune

And plunder what is left

Of your sanctions comes my thunder

Of you love I am bereft

Stolen from me before birth 

I reach out and yearn

Taken from what I’m worth

But in you I never learn 

Take up arms of good sorrow

Spears turn into earthly tools

In your yoke I will borrow

The wisdom of wisdom fools

I look now for life’s long lesson

And find it lacking in plain view

I beg forgiveness for my transgression

I wish your judgement were not true

I wish now for an answer

A way to make it all worthwhile

Take god away this cancer

 And put back my childish smile

Finding meaning without reason

Finding reason where meaning once stood

No changing within the season 

No words that come out good

I ask now for the guidance

To find a way through it all

I ask now not for your silence

I ask now not to let us fall

This thing we’re creating, it’s not natural but it comes from it. At least we used to be. Now we are part robot. And we don’t mind it.

In fact

We love it.

We get withdrawals if we are moments away from it.

This thing we’re building. It is not natural. It will suck the life out of everything and keep going.

I would tell you to watch, but you won’t miss a second. You’ll click replay.

Because that’s what you like. And they know it. They knew it before you did, and that is the scary thing.

At least it should be.

But you don’t seem bothered.

You never really do. As long as you can get your rocks off. And play your role. It’s panto. And your happy.

And so am i.

If I don’t engage, I am shunted. If I do, I am de-framed.

So, I do. But I don’t. but I so do at times. We all do. There is no point denying it, when we don’t, for the longest while, we find contemplation. And things growing we never noticed before. And then we reach out for it, its all over again.

They paint algorithms with our lives so that we live on eternal.

And we wonder why mother has left the building.

She might not be going for a pack of cigarettes this time. And we know we are right. But we are easily distracted and hypnotised by machines.

I am robot.

Photo by Alex Knight:

Visit sleeplessdystopian.com to read more of my work

people say they are going to go dark and they don’t mean it

they say they are disconnecting, going off-grid but it is all just utter bullshit

and I am no different

I mean clearly look at me typing into a computer to write a post on my website to share on social media in the vain hope that someone might be in some way touched by it

Narcissist that I am

But I would love to be a painter

A sculptor

For then I would not touch high definition

As I would be touching on life

So, I would like to go off-grid

Buy some woodland

Live off the land

And be a good neighbour and caretaker to all the beings that live within it

Grow my own food

But only some of this will happen and not in the rose-tinted way I would like them to

And some things won’t happen at all

And I will have to be okay with that

Because one day we all go

You will go, I will go, everyone will go from this world into another

And we are so tied to this one that that process can be painful

And can break our heart

So let it

It’s meant to

Don’t be fooled by the Hollywood bullshit endings

There are no great speeches

There are no grand finales

And certainly, no encore for the likes of you and me

Not this time

so, living off the land sounds nice

and we should all give it a go

or at least die trying

but in harmony with it, not the other way

a million fucked up consciousness club together to buy a second-hand car

and then drove it through your mall

and the worst thing is you saw it coming, all along, and you were too paralyzed with fear about your own incompetence that it came true

well, that’s the way it goes junior

but remember what the film said

“c”

And then the line died,` and with it the party

--

Photo by James Frid:

Written and read by Sam I am from SleeplessDystopian.com

We court ourselves our entire lives. We are hardly getting to know ourselves and we disappear. The reality of that should hit home, but it doesn’t. It never does. We wonder at ourselves. Pity ourselves and are let down by ourselves far more often than we would like to mention. But it’s ok. We are only human. Whatever that is. 

And so, the mystery continues. We are never quite where we think we are when we look to try and find ourselves. And we are always the same. But somehow different. We can sit and stare all day and yet never really be there. We can be lost. Even to ourselves. Only to realise we were meant to be thinking about nothing and not be lost in something. 

Shadows dance across the periphery and bring smiles to our faces. And sometimes pain. But those versions of ourselves we remember but it is not quite us. It’s not quite who we recognise as the image we have painted in our minds. Bad or good it makes no difference. But it is seldom what we see in the mirror and recognise when we truly know who we really are. 

And so, we project out. Because it’s easier. It is easier than doing the work and finding the answers. We can palm it off on the other guy and let him feel its retribution, so be it. In our disregard for human existence. We disregard our own. And yet we know it and we do it anyway because we are just too damn hard on ourselves. we didn’t ask for this. It’s not our doing. We’re just trying to survive the game. Until we expire. 

So, we know so little by its end that we read it aloud. We search for meaning in the meaningless and pay over the odds for it. And it’s mediocre at best. Back of the postcard semiprecious platitudes make up for a lack of any discernible integrity. But yet we buy into it because we’ve got to find something to take the edge off. We need to find meaning. 

They say that as you get older you start to settle into yourself. And it’s true. But you also look back at the older, or younger, versions of yourself and somehow you are unrecognisable, even to you And yet a grain of you was there all along. Which should be enlightening but it leaves you asking, “well if it wasn’t me there all along who was it and where have they gone?” And you are right to ask. 

Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/macro-photography-of-brown-and-black-lost-cat-signage-on-black-bare-tree-159868/

This life

This life, this life it hurts and sometimes 

Sometimes the people make it worst

Chasing, chasing words away 

Chasing, I wish the words would stay 

And inspire me 

to find something else to do 

And inspire me 

to do something like you 

But this life is what they put me through, they said

Know your place son

And get your homework done

Learn the system of success 

Don’t give in to sin, lest you will confess 

This life 

This life sucks out your soul 

All pain, no angst no rock n roll

Left dying on the road 

History let’s your mind explode 

This life will never let you rest

This life will beat you at your best 

This life, this life is a struggle from the start

Lost in confusion of the heart 

This life is all that’s left to give 

This life is all I have to live 

---

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

A poem about meaning

The cult of conspiracy ravages within the echo cambers of social media. Painting the wall monochrome with the blood of the naysayer. Leaving the stale scent of resentment for all that do not believe. 

A warning sign for all that should doubt, with the head of John the Baptist placed out front with a spike shafted up through his neck and out through his left eyeball. 

The crime? He wasn’t an anti vaxer, he was a baptiser of tax collectors, working for a higher cause of course. 

People have become too lazy to do the real work, to dig a little deeper than the meme. To find out the real cause or source of the information they spew forth, like, share and use to justify the hatred and bile that envelopes them. 

To find out where the real conspiracy lies whilst they promote Russian filled disinformation, misinformation and make the news seem fake.

Grasping at every straw to suit their world view. To try and make sense of the senseless. And normalise abnormalities. “The numbers are fake” they cry “it is no more deadly than the flu”, “They are trying to bring down the economy and enforce sodomy on the young.”

When was it that conspiracy theory became mainstream? When did the theorist move from sweat filled darkened rooms, with news paper clippings connected by bits of string on every wall, or maybe that was just the movies? 

When will people realise that the real conspiracy is the conspiracy theories themselves that point people in the wrong direction whilst data-driven disco kings dance across their timelines. 

Critical thinking, becomes less critical. No need to study and learn when you are reposting and how it sits within the world when universities are filled with communists looking to force gender specific pronouns on you, whether you want them or not. 

Everything is a lie. 

Everything is fake. 

Everything is driven by greed. Well no shit Sherlock. 

If conspiracy is the rich conspiring to make themselves and their friends richer, then yes conspiracies are everywhere. Or that is just business a usual. 

But what about the deep state? What about the illuminati? You don’t hear too much about them anymore. Why not? 

Don’t get me wrong I like and will entertain a good conspiracy theory. But at the moment people seem to be grasping at straws. Aligning with badly thought out theories with very little substance behind them. 

They are easy to pick apart. But be wary, when you do expect the wrath of the theorist to turn on you and name you part of the “problem”. 

Watch you don’t find yourself cancelled.

But why I hear you proclaim have they become so popular. 

The cult of conspiracy needs cult leaders. And they have found a way to monetise hate and generate a star following by spewing forth bilge in disguise as insight. 

Watch closely my friend and see who is getting rich off the theory. Who is dinning out on your dime whilst you throw yourself into the firing line of yet another ill throughout out meme war?

A world stuck in its own shadow not growing 

Not moving the way, we were told it would

Was it a lie?

A mass conspiracy 

A social hoax, on us all

An experiment gone wrong

They promise so much and yet deliver so little

False prophets peddling fear and lies

Empty headed and lose tongued 

Whispering in the ears of informants

Whilst snarling in the face of democracy 

False vipers

Fangs removed, looking to incite a riot

A false revolution 

A knuckled headed coup on the people

Fooling no one but those attracted to the alternative to truth

Look into your mirror, if you dare, take a good look at yourself, are you who you wanted to become? Or are you a shell of your former dreams? You can feel it can’t you? It’s a gnawing at the base of your skull. Always there, always gnawing away bit by bit devouring what dreams once lay beneath. 

Look into your eyes. Directly into your own eyes and breathe. Take a deep breath in and fill your lungs right down to your abdomen. Keep staring into your own eyes. Don’t look away. And breathe out slowly. Feel the energy rise up your body. From your toes to the base of your feet. Up through your lower legs, up through your thighs, you groin, ass and hips, up to the base of your spine and hold it there. Keep staring into your eyes and breath in deeply and then on your out breath let the energy rise into the base of your spine and your lower abdomen. Rising slowly up the spine and into your chest space and breathe. Keep staring into your own eyes, you may feel a little light head and dizzy but keep eye contact with yourself, keep looking for what is inside, who is that staring back at you? Not the shell or the ego but the person behind the shell. Breathe in. Let the energy fill your hearth space and connect fully with your heart, you can feel, can’t you? That connection between the energy centre in your gut and your heart. Hold that feeling and keep focused on keeping eye contact with whatever entity is now looking back at you. And breathe. 

Take another deep breath in and let the energy rise up into your shoulders and arms, down your biceps and forearms, into your hands and fingers, you feel it don’t  you, let the energy flow through back up into your throat area and the base of your neck in up the spine. You can feel it can’t you, more vividly than before. You can feel that gnawing right at that point at the base of your skull, the gnawing doubt of realisation that you might never become the person you wished to be. Breathe in and watch that energy rise up into your head. 

Feel the energy rise up into your chin and the back and centre of your head at the same time, as if your skull was filling with water, and breathe, keep looking into those eyes. Its looking back at you, whatever it is, it sees you and you see it. The energy continues upwards at the back and centre of your head and over your lips, you feel it in your tongue, your teeth and up into your nose. The front of your face. Your cheeks, your lower sagging and tired eyelids, you let out a big, tired sigh until the energy seeps up into your eye line, into your eyeballs that feel dry, now the energy is sat right back at the very windows from which you see into your soul and within which you have connected with this entity that is calmly observing you becoming aware of it. The energy rises. 

It reaches the spot on your forehead just between your eyes. The spot where they say the third eye remains. You feel the energy there and the connection. You become aware of the energy centres of your heart and your gut have become more alive and connected to that spot. You place your left hand on your heart and your right on your stomach and breath. Breath in deep that connection, you feel centred and connected. Your deep connection with that thing that sit behind your eyes moves into a new space of knowing and you breathe.

You rest in that spot of the longest while and then…. you let than energy rise up filling the rest of your head until it reaches the peak, the very top of your head and your consciousness. You take a deep breath and hold it as the energy reaches the tip of your head, your very highest peak and you hold that breath you feel a little light headed but still you hold that breath until you can hold it no more and you let go, you breath out a big long breath and you feel the release from your entire body as it softens and relaxes and all the time keeping eye contact a sense of relief and relaxation comes over you as you realise that the entity that is looking back at you is you, not the ego and the constant chatter that thinks it is you but the real you, the universal life source connected to all energy that is experiencing itself as you and you accept it and connect with it. And you realise that that gnawing at the base of your skull is subsiding, it is fading away and it was not your egoic false connection to perceived failure but a growing need to connect to the real you, the observer behind the eyes, behind the egoic mind, the observer that watches and connect us to something greater. The one who sits in quiet judgement of us, who knows what is truly good and what is not, who knows if we are living the best lives we can be, who knows more than any words could convey who you really are. Now I will leave you in peace to get to know each other.

Step inside yourself, they say

Set aside your outer senses

Step inside and see

Your inner workings

Step inside and see

What is hidden

What awaits you there

Fear not

Although the path may be weary for your soul

It is worth doing

Knowing your inner workings

And what lurks within the shadows

Forgotten and buried deep

Step inside yourself and see yourself anew

It’s a path worth treading only if you dare

Step inside yourself and awaken your inner demons

Only then would you be able to tame them

Only then will you be able to step outside yourself

And know what it is to be you

Step inside yourself, they say

It is a journey worth taking

Step inside