Slop Quest

The episode opens up with Andrew talking about Dolph Lundgren's TED Talk. After that, there's some parrot and Stockton, CA talk. There's then a smooth transition into discussing a UFC fighter who has the last name Holtzman. We also have some mortician talk. Andrew decides to write a letter to O'Neill's wife to apologize for some past comments he's made on the show. It goes super well. That goes into some height and Chumlee discussions. 

This episode starts with the entire gang having Wendingo nightmares to report. Then, O’Neill sets a fire during Thanksgiving Dinner via the dreaded Green Bean Casserole preparation. Andrew brings up a point about ancient sculptures, which triggers an O'Neill vs. Andrew debate on ancient art as it pertained to weiner size in statues. And the show ends with the guys listening to a great new river pirate song submission.

Ryan tells a story of having an encounter with a Native American trickster spirit (a wendingo) in the dream world, and Andrew thinks it followed him home. What does this mean for the Beach Cops? Andrew reads the tarot (on his phone) for Ryan, and the devil is revealed once again. There's also some talk about cold weather pole-licking. Enjoy! 

Aaron starts off the episode with a wild cautionary tale of athletic supporters and emergency dumps. This leads Andrew to demand jock strap lingerie equality for men. Then, a business idea erupts that involved Danish’s Jewish Christmas tree menorah patch, and they debate how many and what kind of birds could lift Andy for a flying show. This leads to O’Neill coming up with a kissing booth idea for Andy. 

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More recycling can talk! Then, O’Neill says goodbye to Aaron. A discussion starts about lunch ladies, and the question "have you ever seen a man serving school lunch?" is asked, which gets DeWitt raving about his school's calzone. This leads to him craving calzone and pizza throughout the episode. Duran Duran comes up, and O'Neill takes a few cracks at singing their hits.

This episode is brought to you by Helix. Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to helixsleep.com/beachcops. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

It’s tire pressure season in Los Angeles! And, Andrew opens up like a bat out of hell with a tire pressure story that will keep you on the edge of your seat. O’Neill sees how tall Andy is with sciatica and talks about a documentary he saw, which gets Andrew going on some classic impressions. There's also some long legged mack daddy discussion!

The boys talk cutting-edge political news and brilliant current event riffing before…who am I kidding? This episode goes off the rails immediately as the boys spend almost the entire episode making soup jokes when they find a website that has hundreds of soup jokes on it. This may be divisive but the soup jokes are decisive. It’s a recipe for soupcess! 

This episode was recorded on Halloween day but is obviously coming out after the fact. DeWitt gets scared when he arrives at a spooky, empty studio. O’Neill hides his toilet comics after he found out DeWitt reads them. Danish has an amazing report on Holtzman’s “Roast of Dracula”. Also, DeWitt takes a chronic masturbation mental health test.

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Another booger gets thrown away in the DeWitt household. And to make matters worse, Sorbitol farts keep DeWitt up all night. A new segment called “Let’s Google Things to See If They Exist” is debuted. Danish reveals that a lot of young people hate the “thumbs up“ emoji, and DeWitt and O’Neill fight about it.

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There’s more can talk from the DeWitt family as they take their empty beer and weed soda cans to school for recycling day field trip points. Then, a new show idea emerges: “The Real House Santa’s of Atlanta”. Ryan proposes an X-rated partnership with ATC. Also, the gang remembers that they missed National Wizard Name Appreciate Day and hand out Wizard and Gizzard names! Danish brings up a political dynamo, who makes a porno for freedom. There’s a good bit of moral high ground grand standing that gets immediately destroyed by incompetence.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BEACHCOPS and get on your way to being your best self.