Slop Quest

full episode available at patreon.com/slopquest

O’Neill gets mad when someone doesn’t know what the term “gooner’ means. Then Andrew dissociates at a Rite Aid. Then the boys talk about the perfect legal judge for their podcast. O’Neill leaves a bunch of .357 ammo all over the apartment and Andrew  ones up with a lube based gum for oral sex. Then there’s a legit Earthquake during the podcast . They deep dive on height length surgeries now that there’s more data. Andy explains Catholic sex rules to O’Neill and they look for loopholes in language and O’Neill tries to convince Andy that all nuns are secretly horny. Then they talk about national IQ scores and try to break down 3hat that means for the world. Then Andy gets mad at the state of O’Neill’s recording studio. Then the boys make a new movie pitch that’s got unbelievable legs to it.

Full episodes here: Patreon.com/slopquest

Andy welcomes everyone to the show and talks about a kid’s YouTube channel that is so stupid it makes kids non-verbal. Ryan gets an outrageous Venmo request and they try to come up with heartstring pulling Venmo scams. Then they talk Less Than Zero and eyebrow mites. Then the boys talk about airport spaghetti and meatballs from DFW 711. Then the boys diagnose American bowel movements in the Great British Dump off. O’Neill brags about his Cambodian dumps and Andy worries about the Khmer Rouge hiding in toilets with machetes. Then O’Neill is still angry at Arnold Schwarzenegger for banging his dumpy maid. Then they try to figure out the sex lives of conjoined twins and that tiny lady from TLC has a new boyfriend.

full episode at Patreon.com/slopquest

Rats are at war with crows in Southern California. Ryan tells Andy what “Hotwifing” js and they weigh in on the pros and cons. Then Andy’s wife has a message for O’Neill…about how much she loves the Jamaican Me Horny Spring Break album. Then O’Neill promises to never censor himself or conform to ridiculous societal norms. Then they talk about what’s really inside the Ark of the Covenant. Andy exposes Reiki Healing as a scam through a Reddit post. Then they pitch an action wartime drama called Dog B*mb that’s so good YouTube cuts their live stream.

Listen to the full episode Patreon.com/slopquest

Ryan accuses Andy of staying up all night partying. Then Andy gets a new electrical panel and the results are hilarious. Then there’s some bathrobe related neighborhood shenanigans going on and Ryan won’t let Andy play with some new toys he got for her nieces and nephews. Then Andy tells Ryan about the Chinese Sherlock Holmes, “The Honorable Judge Dee”, who solves mysteries by torturing people and talking to ghosts. O’Neill find out about the CEO of Pirate’s Booty who tried to take over an entire town. Andy gets berated at the Dollar Store for “cutting in line”. Andy unclogs a major toilet disaster and Ryan tells him he’s getting played. Then they have a business idea about how to get business men to covertly unstick their balls from the side of their leg.

FULL EP HERE: https://www.patreon.com/c/slopquest  It’s St. Patrick’s Day, Ryan is not wearing green and Andy wants to claim his rightful pinchings. Then Andy plays a devasting testimonial about a woman whose heart was broken by a man who wouldn’t let her fart. Then the boys talk about how irresponsible Los Angeles dog owners are and then we find out a dodgy dog secret about ‘O’Neill. Then HGTV does Goon Cave Makeovers. O’Neill chastises Andy for his public bit addiction. Then he talks like a cave man before the come up with a Gooning For God Christian goon plan.  Then O’Neill orders a piss test for Andy. Andy contemplates using a paring of step ladders as a nice tv dinner tray. The boys reveal that O’Neill’s studio actually has trash piled to the ceiling because he won’t throw anything away. A listener’s wife won’t let him listen to the podcast while he washes dishes and the boys come to the rescue. And finally, O’Neill remembers how much he hates PF Changs.

Full episodes at Patreon.com/slopquest

O’Neill has a concussion and Andy smells blood in the water and goes nuts on O’Neill. Then he reveals that the concussion has given him impression powers. There’s some Princess and The Pee talk, Pocket Watch hypnosis, and performing stand up concussed. Then White Lotus breaks the R word taboo. Andy tells O’Neill about Jimmy Carter and the “prison planet” conspiracy and O’Neill converts to Gnostic Christianity. They reminisce about trashy ladies with Tweetie Bird tattoos. Then Andy and Ryan come up with a game plan for having to sit next to a dead guy on a plane. Ryan tries to hypnotize Andy with a dangling finger. A rich guy blows his penis out with enlargement surgery. Then O’Neill sings the praises of David LoPan . Then he humble brags about a woman attacking him in his sleep. Andy criticizes O’Neill’s impression of his own voice which he considers “performativly sexy”.   Then they talk about a fair price for crimes. A cab driver tries to bang Andy’s ex girlfriend and left hilarious messages. Then Andy plays a heart warming story of a pastor beating up a kid for “playing games with God”.

Originally recorded 3.03.2025

The boys talk about about an Action News chopper that only looks for breaking adult entertainment. Andy doesn’t like reality and he’s completely comfortable about it. Then he uses gnomes from The Dollar Store and uses it as a way derail bedtime. Ryan and Andy talk about how cool they are about cuss words and then Ryan feels old at a softball game. Then they talk about raising the age of consent to 25 to get rid of all creepers. Then they talk about comedy that doesn’t hold up anymore and the seriousness of male depression. O’Neill remembers back when he used a soundboard to prank call Andy during the Boner City USA days. Then they get a mental diagnosis from a science guy. Then Andy finds the Redditor who thought he liked doody stuff and found out…that he didn’t.

Andy has a new hit theme song. O’Neill wants two apartments, one for sex, or maybe just two mattresses or maybe just a sex shack. Hooters goes tits up on the business angle. Andy has a dream that someone steal’s O’Neill new stand up bit. Then Ryan does stand up at a restaurant and watches a guy bomb harder than he’s ever seen before. Then Andy watches a man have all his comedy dreams fall apart in real time. Then they talk about hilarious Titanic improv scenes. O’Neill tries to plan the ultimate self defense jacket and there’s some talk of a second pot cast. Then they rip on billionaires for a bit. Andy and Ryan decide to review the Bible and Ryan tries to tell Andy what he would be in the 1950’s. Then they write a new redpill post voiced by Siri and it’s great.

Andrew has a bad dream about kissing butts and O’Neill doesn’t comfort him at all. Then O’Neill comes up with a Scared Straight idea that is unhinged. They talk about Andy getting sent to RFK’s fat camp. Then Andy makes a LinkedIn page for Slop Quest lawyer, Bruce Comanche and blast everyone with an incredible new business idea about “hard power” and a real East are business idea that uses an obscure law from the 1800’s to work. This episode was cut short because of a technical issue,  next episode has been recorded longer to make up for it.

We’re live from the “O’Neill Home Studio” and Andy blows it apart by censoring the opening credits. Then a ghost knocks over O’Neill’s sparring helmet and freaks us out. Then they discuss how to judge a person’s intelligence based on what they think heaven is like.  Andy then plays delusional music from Instagram and O’Neill loses it. Then Andy’s ex boss sings insults at people and the boys put offensive words in their passwords that get them in trouble. Also, Ryan and Andrew take cheap flights where passengers try to sneak in bags of underwear. It’s a doozy!