Smarty Pants Lance

Smarty Pants Lance delves into the old saw; "Actions speak louder than words." It's about those things people say, but don't really mean. Manipulations, game playing, misrepresentation to out-and-out-fraud, and niceties, too, such as , "Oh, my, what a cute baby! he/she/they/it are just soooo cute!

Politicians are notorious for saying things that sound good but when pressed- sometimes by The Press-, don't really mean what they say or promise.

So, what's not to like?

Watch what people actually do, not the words they say and you'll have brighter, more predictable day!

At the insistence of so-called, friends, "Smarty Pants Lance," "Big Bangs" his way into podcasting with his first episode containing a short, humorous descriptions of a few of his life experiences, including: cheap and broken furniture and general messiness at radio stations, unusable toilets, how to distinguish between movie actors, TV personalities, and radio peeps, hating every moment of religious school, my childhood dentist who smoked while working on me. how swimming pools are cesspools, annoying relatives from the "old country", dread fear of talking with girls, those damn hippies, and more.

These experiences shaped Lance into the Smarty Pants he is today. So, listen, enjoy, and for heaven's sake "hak mir nisht keyn tshaynik!" (Don't bang your tea pot!)

Smarty Pants Lance talks about his experiences with penny-pinching, cheap bastards. 

Including: a tight-as-a-tick, cheapskate, landlady who was always trying to save a buck, including the time she baked rolls of toilet paper in the oven to dry them because they got wet due to a leak underneath the sink, and buying "swap meet" cottage cheese, and all those other, coupon clipping, penny-pinching, misers.

Save the time to listen to Smarty Pants Lance as he supplies comedy commentary. As always, it's free of charge! 

Smarty Pants Lance takes turbulent flights of comedy fancy when he talks about the airlines. 

From a true story involving outrageously stupid airport security who try to prevent an FAA flight inspector from boarding, to another true story featuring those stupid, stupid, stupid- not enough stupids?- security folk, to gaining altitude with the lovely  "pleasures of flight, and finally making a perfect landing on your funny bone.     

Where's Dean Martin, George Kennedy, Burt Lancaster and Jacqueline Bisset when you need them?  Airport (1970) reference. 

Smarty Lance has a BMW for Sale. It has a broken sunroof which must never, ever, ever, ever, be opened.

A succession of flakey and highly annoying perspective buyers come and go, then, The Law of Attraction, abracadabra's the right buyer, at the right time.

Despite Lance's clear warning, she searches out a mechanic brave enough to attempt to repair the never-to-be-opened-sunroof.  Unexpected romance, ensues.

Later, Lance thinks about selling, in general, including garage sales, tag sales, swap meets, flea markets, and an age-old disagreement with his landlady about Swap Meet Cottage Cheese.

Let's all crank open the Sunroof to laughter!    

Lance goes on a semi-rant about doctors, chiropractors, dentists, and veterinarians. Yes, chiropractors, are doctors, but like veterinarians, they usually go by their first names- Hi, I'm Dr. Bob"- whereas, stuck-up, pretentious, pedantic, full of themselves, ego manic, MD's go by their surnames- "I'm, Ima Midelfart."

From, can-you-see-lightning-and-hear-thunder-physicals to government health care- Medi-Cal's popular slogan, "Medi-Cal. Poor people; poor medicine!" Lance rants about lack of health care. 

Now, open your ears wide and say whaaaaat?!

Lance works a summer job at a radio station inside the dilapidated American Tin Can Factory on Cannery Row. The location included piles of old tin cans, a disgusting bathroom, and a very large daylight work room- which fell dark at night

Becaus the owner of the station never trusted anyone with a key, one early morning Lance got locked out.

Is Lance's story a key to humor?. If you can relate to - a, we'll-all-laugh-about-later story, about being locked out- and who couldn't- this is a lock!  

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes his experiences with dating apps. 

Smartphone apps lure you in with profiles of lonely supermodels with PhD's, who speak 10 languages, and lived in thirty nine countries, who don't care about another's looks or money because they just want to do acts of service, and love, and be loved forever! They're Dr. Supermodel and they're available to  you right now! 

While he awaits replies from his supermodel matches Lance asks himself is all fair in love and dating apps?  Find out as Smarty Pants Lance meets your ears for a coffee and gives you the scoop. Now, please pass the almond milk.      

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes his experiences in college. Living with a dormmate obsessed with Diana Ross and brushing his long hair, to the Campus Crusade for Christ, to skipping class to play Dungeons and Dragons all day and all night, to college sports, gross bong water, to legendary drinking contests, to lovely co-eds, and practical jokes, college offered a fun, four year vacation from reality. 

Roll the multi-sided "Dungeon and Dragons," dice, and see if the burden of all that debt from student loans was actually worth it. 

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes differences between dog and cat owners. Pardon, "guardians." But not of the Galaxy, just pets.

A doofus interrupts asking about lizard people. Lance via celebrity impression, defers to senior investigative reporter for Dateline NBC, Josh Mankiewicz for a comment.

Lance wryly observes not only do people look and act like their pets but their personalities and appearances vary depending if they favor a cat or a dog.

For example: dog people are extraverts who enjoy being physically active whereas cat people are lazy introverts, hole up like a shut-in and drinking to excess.  

A podcast for those with pet cats and dogs but not with pet peeves.