So That Happened!!!

Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen! For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great. You have no power over me!

Thats right, we watched The Labyrinth (1986).

The classic tale of a girl wishing her baby brother would be taken by a goblin king and having it actually happen.  Be careful what you wish for everyone, or else you’ll get stuck in a labyrinth where half the creatures you meet will try to get you lost.  Once she’s on her journey there’s a lot of lying, poison and moose knuckle to be had-everything you want in a kid’s movie, right?

The Labyrinth stars David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly and Toby Froud and was directed by Jim Henson.

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Dance Magic Dance video just for the heck of it…

This week we sit through Romancing The Stone (1984).

This Indiana Jones-esque film centers on Kathleen Turner as the mildly useless and hopeless romantic writer Joan Wilder attempting to save her kidnapped sister from two greedy goons (Zach Norman & Danny DeVito) who are in search of buried treasure. Joan manages to find herself in the middle of the “Colombian” rainforest with skinny Jack T. Colton (Michael Douglas) as they are chased by Danny DeVito and a corrupt military officer and his army as all three parties attempt to find a long lost Jell-o mold.

The gang discuss Joan’s utter uselessness, creepy DeVito (obviously), the difference between alligators and crocodiles and Erin’s missed opportunity to feed a croc!

Romancing The Stone stars Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny DeVito and Zack Norman and was directed by Robert Zemeckis.

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For this episode we talk about, (Oooooooo) Shock Treatment (1981), a sort of not really sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show.   We learn what happened to Brad and Janet and it has some similarities to RHPS but don’t go into it expecting it to be like Rocky Horror.  Brad and Janet are pawns in an elaborate plot by a madman who controls everyone in Dentonville through the magic of television, a creepy pitchman and mind control.  It’s a colorful cult classic, packed with music and we’d be remiss not to mention Nell Campbell’s butt.

Standout numbers include Little Black Dress, Bitchin’ in the Kitchen, and Shock Treatment. This also happens to be The Infamous Bill’s favorite soundtrack out of any film that we have viewed to date!

Shock Treatment stars Jessica Harper as Janet Majors,  Cliff De Young as Brad Majors/Farley Flavors and Richard O’Brien as Dr. Cosmo McKinley and was directed by Jim Sharman.

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Happy Life Day! The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

AKA “Star Wars 4.5”.  This 97 minute made for TV special nearly brought down the lucrative and game changing Star Wars franchise.  The program centers around Chewbacca’s family preparing for his arrival for the celebration of Life Day on their home planet of Kashyyyk.  This is the longest and most bizarre 97 minutes of your life featuring Chewie’s creepy dad enjoying beastiality, black face robots, 30 seconds of Darth Vader and a random cartoon that will make you think you fell asleep and woke up in an alternate universe.  Merry Christmas from the whole So That Happened gang.

The Star Wars Holiday Special stars Mark Hamill, Peter Mayhew, Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher and was directed by Steve Binder.

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A movie so crazy that it required a guest, and a dramatic recreation and got at least 3 snorts from Swan. This week we process the bombastic ridiculousness that is xXx 2: State of the Union (2005).

Darius Stone (Ice Cube) saves the World by foiling a plot by the Secretary of Defense (Willem Dafoe -aka the man of the pointy nostrils), NSA Agent Augustus Eugene Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) is there because he likes having checks to cash and Xzibit shows up as Zeke because 2005 was the year when we couldn’t get enough Xzibit in our lives.

xXx: State of the Union stars Willem Dafoe, Samuel L. Jacksonand Ice Cube and was directed by Lee Tamahori.

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This 1982 musical disaster brought down an entire franchise, including two subsequent movies and a tv series.

New student, Michael Carrington (Maxwell Caulfield aka Rex Manning from Empire Records), falls in love with Stephanie Zinone (Michelle Pfeiffer), a too-cool-for-school Pink Lady. Michael, or as we like to call him Cool Rider, changes himself for Stephanie using the biker outfit from the Village People and a time inaccurate motorcycle. This film features such amazing tunes as “Cool Rider“, “Turn Back the Hands of Time” and “Reproduction“. Get ready for an amazing reenactment by Swan & Hooch, plenty of anachronisms and sexual innuendos.

Grease 2 stars Maxwell Caulfield, Michelle Pfeiffer, Lorna Luft and Adrian Zmed and was directed by Patricia Birch.

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This 1984 Walter Hill Film set in the future past follows  mercenary Tom Cody (Michael Pare), as he attempts to battle a group of wader wearing ne’er-do-wells lead by Raven (Willem Dafoe) after they capture his one-time girlfriend and rockstar frontwoman, Ellen Aim (Diane Lane). Tom and his lumberjack suspenders wearing and possibly gay sidekick, McCoy (Amy Madigan) take off on an explosion filled journey to rescue Ellen and their town from the wader people.

Along the way, they meet up with Rick Moranis as Billy Fish; Ellen’s manager and boyfriend, surprise Ed Begley Jr, Bill Paxton, Villainous Titty Bar Owner and The Chief from Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. Featuring talk about explosives, if Willem Dafoe’s chiseled nostrils are sexy or creepy and dissecting the lyrics to Ellen Aim’s terrible songs.

Streets of Fire stars Michael Pare, Diane Lane, Rick Moranis, and Willem Dafoe and was directed by Walter Hill.

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This week we all managed to make it through the abomination that is Flowers in the Attic (1987).

This 1984 V.C. Andrews book turned movie in 1987  focuses on 4 bratty kids being locked up by their cray mother and religious zealot grandmother – without all the incest included throughout the 4 book Dollanganger series.

Flowers in the Attic stars Kristy Swanson, Louise Fletcher (aka Nurse Rachet), Victoria Tennant and Jeb Stuart Adams and was directed by Jeffrey Bloom.

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This week we dive in to the Kickstarter funded release of ArrowStorm Entertainments  Dragonfyre (2013).  Now, if you’re saying to yourself, “But, they said Dragonfyre, why is the cover art for something called Orc Wars?” well I’m here to tell you, they’re the same movie!! Orc Wars was retitled Dragonfyre for distribution.

It’s basically a fantasy action film that stars absolutely no one you’ve ever heard of in a movie about orcs and elves and 4 minutes of a dragon.

If you loved the Lord of the Rings movies, if you go crazy for Jason and the Argonauts, if you enjoyClash of the Titans…

…Then this film is probably going to make you angry!

So go ahead and click that play button and listen to what we have to say about it.

Dragonfyre Stars Rusty Joiner, Masiela Lusha, Wesley John and Isaac C. Singleton Jr. and was directed by Kohl Glass.

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“…A domesticated girl that’s all you ask of me, Darling, it’s no joke, this is lycanthropy. Moon’s awake now, with eyes wide open. My body is craving, so feed the hungry…”

Thats right, for Episode 4 we cross over to the realm of werewolves as we “dig in” to Ginger Snaps (2000)  Hide yo’ dogs…

This Canadian horror film uses turning into a werewolf as a metaphor for menstruation and becoming a woman… or whatever.

Ginger Snaps stars Emily Perkins, Katharine Isabelle, Kris Lemche, and Mimi Rogers and was directed by John Fawcett.

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