Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham

Am delighted to be sharing this interview with the fantabulous Dr Emma Bede. We met online when we were both presenting at Online Events’ Living and Working with Neurodivergence Conference last year and she is SUCH a joy.

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Here are some of my favourite quotes from our conversation:

“These are the structures I need to have in place. I think as someone with ADHD, I think if I think of that as like, ‘Come on, you’ve got to do this every day for the rest of your life,’ I just get angry.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“I’m not very good at forming habits. Things don’t become autopilot except for the really unhelpful things. I played Candy Crush once and I’m going to play it every day for the rest of my life. But for the helpful things, I’m never on autopilot, you know, I always need the reminders, the prompts, the visual cues, the apps, the habit trackers. But I’ve been gradually adding more and more things.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“I can’t do all of those things every day, but they go in waves and I’m getting better over time at noticing, oh, I’ve skipped a few days of this actually. And I quite kind of miss it and I want to come back to it. I want to feel how I feel when I do that thing and that might mean that I give up on something else a little bit.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“I’m saying to other people, ‘Well, that’s OK. That’s how your body works. That’s how your brain works. Let’s find a way to go with that. Let’s find a way to go with the rhythm of that.’ And then to walk out of the room and swear at myself for doing the exact same thing? You can only sustain that for so long.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“If you’re holding a screwdriver in your hand and everyone else is holding a spanner, you can sit there for years trying to use it as a spanner and it’s not going to work. But then you go, ‘Do you know what? This is a screwdriver. I cannot do the things that those people can do with their spanners, but screwdrivers can do amazing stuff. I’m going to go do some of those things!’” ~ Dr Emma Bede

JOURNAL PROMPTS

As you watch or listen to our interview, ask yourself:

Let me know in the comments or by email – [email protected]

le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS

0:00–1:54 Self-care without punishment: the paradox of acceptance and change

1:54–5:13 Welcome and introductions: Dr Emma Bede

5:13–13:02 Ideal vs actual self-care: ACT, gentleness, and finding a rhythm that works with ADHD/autism

13:02–20:06 Self-acceptance, perfectionism, and “acceptance permits change” (including the screwdriver metaphor and RSD moment)

20:06–28:21 Support systems and boundaries: co-regulation, humour, cats and spotting capacity before meltdown

28:21–33:06 Healing your Younger Self: reassurance, being more of you, and not being a “tribute band”

33:06–35:35 Where to find Emma, book mention and closing notes

LINKS

Emma Bede’s website:

https://www.willowpsychology.co.uk/

https://thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

for all episodes and more information

https://selfcarecoaching.net

for free resources (including Míle Buíochas Mondays), more information and to book a free telephone consultation for potential clients and supervisees (and for media enquiries or booking me for events).

#AcceptanceAndCommitmentTherapy

#selfcareforAuDHD

#selfcareforADHD

#selfcareforautism

#dremmabede

#newpodcastepisode

FULL TRANSCRIPT

That paradox between that second, the Love [part of your framework] of “You’re perfect as you are, you’re wonderful.” And also, “Right, what are you going to do today? How are you going to make today better? How are you going to fix yourself?” And to have those two parts alongside each other. But I think it connects to that very first thing you said. It’s not what you’re doing, it’s the attitude with which you’re doing it.

And to situate all this kind of self-care, not in a kind of punitive, come on, you’re malfunctioning, you’re not quite as good as other people. And if I just whip you hard enough, you might just about be up to scratch. Yeah.

But all that self-care, including the difficult stuff and the self-regulatory stuff and the boring stuff to come from that position of it’s because you’re wonderful and you’re lovely and you’re okay and you deserve to be here. It’s because of that that I actually think you should probably get a good night’s sleep. Yeah.

Welcome, Emma. Thank you so much for joining me. I met Dr. Emma Bede when we were both presenting at the Online Events Neurodivergence Conference last October.

And I so loved what you were saying, and the compassionate approach you had to your own needs with neurodivergence and trying to be loving towards, in the case I’m remembering, someone you were eating with, but the communication that, like, I know you do so much amazing work.

Can you tell people where they might find you and what you’re working on at the moment?

Yes, I absolutely can. And also, the feeling is mutual because I came to your presentation at the conference and used cats as a medium of explaining Polyvagal Theory, which I’ve never managed to grasp until someone put some cats in front of me and suddenly everything made sense, because that’s language I understand.

You’ve made my day.

Yes, so I do a mixture of different kinds of work. I’m a therapist, first and foremost. I work with neurodivergent neurotypical people. I do autism and ADHD assessments and kind of post-diagnostic support, but also support for people who don’t want to or aren’t currently ready to or choose not to, for whatever reason, go through a formal process before or after. And I do quite a lot of workshops and presentations and so on.

And I’ve just, I’ve got a book manuscript deadline in a couple of weeks, which is exciting as well. Yes, I’ll look like that after I’ve handed it in. But right now, I don’t quite look like that.

But yes, so I don’t do very well on social media because I’m not very good at being consistently doing the same thing every day. So I’m mainly at my website, which is willowpsychology.co.uk. And I do quite a lot through Online Events. I do quite a lot of teaching and workshops through there, but I try and post everything on the website.

In theory, I have a newsletter and people have signed up to it and I haven’t yet put an edition out. So if people sign up to a newsletter, if enough people sign up to it, I will have to actually write it at some point. So that’s also part of the plan.

So you could say quality, not quantity.

Yes. Led by the muse who shows up sometimes 30 times in one day and sometimes not for a month. So yes, it’s rather like that. Yeah. Wow.

Well, good luck with the book manuscript. I’ll definitely, I’ll add it to the show notes when it’s available. When it’s available to pre-order as well. I would love you to say a little bit about your ideal self-care and your actual self-care, particularly around neurodivergence trauma.

And I’ve briefly explained my framework where the Feel bit, Feel. Love. Heal, the Feel bit because in different moments, let alone different days, we have different bandwidths. We need different things.

The same activity or the same approach one day could be pure self-care. The next day it could be punitive. So, the Feel bit is that kind of lowercase hyphenated self-care, the regulatory, the things we can do to help ourselves feel better.

The Love bit is the kind of Love archetype in psychosynthesis, the acceptance, the there’s no need to change a thing. You’re part of nature, part of the divine already whole. And I’m aware this year it feels like there’s more people saying that around New Year, New You, forget that you’re already wonderful. But we also know when we accept ourselves, when we’re compassionate to ourselves, any kind of change we do want to make, it becomes much easier because we’re not in the Stress Response. That’s the love part. And then the Heal part is the co-regulation, the collective care.

I hope I’m not overwhelming you with all of this and continue to ask questions as needed. But what would you say would be your ideal self-care in terms of things you do to help yourself feel better?

And just to pick up on the way you frame that, I think one of the therapies I use quite a lot is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I find it’s a good fit for me personally and also for a lot of neurodivergent people who maybe haven’t got on with other well-known therapies.

That paradox between that second, the Love [part of your framework] of “You’re perfect as you are, you’re wonderful.” And also, “Right, what are you going to do today? How are you going to make today better? How are you going to fix yourself?” And to have those two parts alongside each other. But I think it connects to that very first thing you said. It’s not what you’re doing, it’s the attitude with which you’re doing it.

It’s the attitude with which you’re doing it. And to situate all this kind of self-care, not in a kind of punitive, come on, you’re malfunctioning. You’re not quite as good as other people.

And if I just whip you hard enough, you might just about be up to scratch. But all that self-care, including the difficult stuff and the self-regulatory stuff and the boring stuff to come from that position of it’s because you’re wonderful and you’re lovely and you’re OK and you deserve to be here. It’s because of that that I actually think you should probably get a good night’s sleep even if you don’t feel like going to bed right now.

And, you know, I know you want to eat that for breakfast, but maybe, Love, let’s try with this first and then we’ll try that later. But you know what you need right now, that all self-care as far as it can to come from that place of gentleness. And I think a lot of talk about self-care comes from that place of like, you know, all successful people do this one thing or, you know, you will never succeed if you don’t X, Y, Z. So I think one of the things I try to hold in mind with self-care is that allowing myself to have a kind of rhythm.

I think all human beings, we’re cyclical on tiny, tiny scales across the course of kind of hours of kind of exertion and rest, thinking and then playing, you know, waking and then sleeping and on bigger cycles across weeks and months and years.

To allow myself to have that rhythm and to think of it in those terms, I think a lot of the things where I’ve been gradually over the years trying to understand how my brain works, how my body works and build up this pattern of I do need a certain amount of sleep and I do need it realistically to happen within a certain window, even if that’s not when I’d really like it to happen.

These are the things I need to eat. These are the ways I need to move my body. These are the bits of work I need to get done. These are the structures I need to have in place. I think as someone with ADHD, I think if I think of that as like, “Come on, you’ve got to do this every day for the rest of your life,” I just get angry.

I get frustrated and I get that demand avoidance of like, “No, I shan’t, I’ll show you” you know, but to think of it in terms of a rhythm of, “Come on, we’re going to push a little bit now and then we can rest a little bit afterwards.” You know, if I put the effort in to kind of get up and then it makes actually the next bit of my day a little bit gentler and I don’t have to push so hard and then I have a little push to get this bit of work done. And then so I’ve really been kind of in the big picture over the last few years for me has been trying to kind of build in that balance of those things and the small details have been adding things in.

So the most recent thing is, I don’t know if you know Sarah Beth Hunt. She does quite a lot of breathwork teaching. She teaches us. Messy luminous beings, I think is her website [https://sarahbhunt.com/].

And I’ve been on, I’ve been taking part in a thing that she’s doing all through January of meeting very, very briefly at seven o’clock every Monday morning and doing some breathing and stretches and really sort of 10, 15 minutes. And I looked at this and I thought, oh, seven o’clock on a Monday morning. And I thought, I’m already up at that time.

I have to do a school. I’m already up. What if I just did this tiny bite size thing and actually sustained it myself in between the things and it’s been, it’s been a revelation for me.

Because I’m not a morning person. I don’t want to get up, but I have to. And I think I always end up in that in-between state where I’m not sleeping.

I’m not actually resting because I’m lying in bed knowing I need to get up, but I’m not up. But I’m not up. And actually it’s been really a revelation for me that I do not want this to be true.

I don’t want it to be true that I feel better if I hop out of bed at seven o’clock and do some stretches, but it turns out to be true. And I kind of resent that for being true, but it’s, it’s been really interesting. So I’ve been doing that at the moment and that’s, I told my children and my partner that I’ve been doing this and they genuinely said to me, “Are you OK? Are you well?” Because this is so much not like me, but it, my body responds really well to it.

I’m trying to kind of go with that and with curiosity and slight amusement, find out where that takes me. So that’s what I’m doing at the moment.

Wonderful. And would you say that’s your essential, like if you only manage one thing, like if you don’t get the sleep, if you don’t get the food or is it different?

I think that’s very new. So that bit is very new. There are lots of things. I’ve gradually been adding in more and more things. I’m not very good at forming habits. Things don’t become autopilot except for the really unhelpful things. I played Candy Crush once and I’m going to play it every day for the rest of my life. But for the helpful things, I’m never on autopilot, you know, I always need the reminders, the prompts, the visual cues, the apps, the habit trackers. But I’ve been gradually adding more and more things.

And I’m aware there’s quite a lot of it, there’s lots of things that really help to build this kind of scaffolding around me almost. And what I find works is if I let myself, I cannot do everything every day. And I actually, if I aim for every day and I miss one, I’m going to go, well, that’s it’s ruined.

I’m going to do that again. Yeah. I get frustrated. I feel trapped. I feel angry with it. I resent it.

Whereas if I let myself just push and ease off a little bit. So there’s lots and lots of things whereas long as most of them are mostly there most of the time. And so sleep is a really important one.

I get older and I can’t stay up all night without really paying for it for a number of days. Eating, I’m slowly working out like, what are the things that my body really needs to eat? When do I need to eat? And also writing. If I go too long without sort of creative writing or journaling or something like that, I just need a place to put my thoughts kind of on the page where they’re manageable and they’re sort of trapped in a book and I can shut them in there so they’re not running around in my head all the time.

And so I can’t do all of those things every day, but they go in waves and I’m getting better over time at noticing, oh, I’ve skipped a few days of this actually. And I quite kind of miss it and I want to come back to it. I want to feel how I feel when I do that thing.

And that might mean that I give up on something else a little bit. If I’m straight away going to my journal, I’m not straight away hopping out of bed to do yoga. And that might ease off for a little bit, but then my body will miss that and I’ll lean back into that, you know.

So there’s not one essential, but there’s more and more things I’m sort of adding to this structure.

It sounds like the essential is your attitude and even that approach most of the time. And I’m also aware with the kind of rotation, with the what are you craving, that’s supporting the ADHD, isn’t it? The novelty that it’s not completely the same every day. You’re going with what feels good.

And waiting until I’m excited to do something and missing it, yeah. But I think it’s important as well. I don’t want that to be true. I want there to be an end point where I am perfect and I’m doing all of these things every day. And how much of that is living in capitalism and how much of that is kind of a masked neurodivergent person for most of my life, trying really hard to be good enough so that one day I’ll learn how to be like everyone else.

And it will be easy for me like it’s easy for them. This combination of all the various things, I don’t want it to be true. I don’t.

When I hear you say back to me most of the things, most of the time, I’m like, well, that sounds kind of shabby, you know? Oh, my God. It’s not good enough. It’s not perfect.

So why even bother? But realistically, it’s the only way I can. To me, it’s like hearing you. It’s reminding me of stuff like my herbal medicine person says, or my acupuncturist or like the kind of 80, 20, the like 18 or 18.

I don’t know if I got that wrong. But listening to you, it’s like, “Oh, kitten, don’t!” but of course, and I also know when it comes to me, it’s very much like, come on, just try a little bit harder.

Come on, like, yeah. And I’m also struck as we move into the Love part of the framework, that acceptance that everyone is part of nature. That’s why I use the cats. No one looks at a cat and thinks you should be doing more. It’s like they’re just amazing. We’re all mammals and we’re all conditioned that we have to prove ourselves and like be productive and all of it.

But when we connect just with what our animal bodies need, our nervous system needs, our spirit, like it’s just everything gets easier. But because it’s so radical to do that, it’s sometimes really, really challenging to believe that we are enough, that we’re not too much, that we are worthy. We’re lovable, all of that.

And you were talking about like kind of self-care. And I’m thinking I wrote a book, self-care. My practice is selfcarecoaching.net. But the way you were talking about it and the care element of self-care and just thinking, wow, it really has been hijacked, hasn’t it? It really has become such a punitive stick for people.

It’s become self-discipline with a cloth thrown over it that’s got self-care written on it. Yeah, absolutely. But there’s so much harshness.

So what is your ideal, like in terms of connecting with that like highest, truest, wisest, that uppercase S Self, that most miraculous part of yourself? What would be your ideal and then your essential? When you were talking about the cat, Mary Oliver quote pops into my head. Probably, you know, I’ve got...

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If it hadn’t been for the immediate pain relief from the endometriosis, I’d have run a gazillion miles in the opposite direction from yoga, breathwork and meditation. Back in 2001, I didn’t understand about the impact my trauma history had on my capacity to feel safe around other humans, let alone my differently wired brain and extra sensitive nervous system.

I’d adore elements (was getting up for 6.30am classes in London at one point) but be full of angst – which I blamed myself for – around many other seemingly inevitable parts of every class (e.g. other people’s feet waaaay too close to my face when I struggled with even my own feet being so close).

In this episode, I share some of my yoga glimmers as well as triggers and ideas – using the Feel. Love. Heal. framework – to help you give yourself the chance to experience calm and ease as you build strength, resilience, flexibility, focus, stamina, balance and reconnect with the peace and joy that are your birthright.

JOURNAL PROMPTS

As you watch or listen to this episode, ask yourself:

What do I hate about yoga, meditation and breathwork?

Might there be ways around it?

To get the benefits without wanting to run a gazillion miles in the opposite direction?

What do I LOVE about them? In the moment? For minutes, hours and even days afterwards?

What will you do differently (with your self-talk and communicating your needs and wants to others) as a result of watching or listening to this episode?

Let me know in the comments or by email – [email protected]

And if you’re feeling sad reading this because you can’t think of anything that supportive, let it be a cue to encourage you to be open to more of it in 2026 and beyond.

LINKS

Moving into 2026 with Roxy Romaniuk: https://youtu.be/3fZVHL_4wzk

Community as Self Care (with Elizabeth Potts): https://youtu.be/ukjngIR6U_w

Book bonus videos: https://selfcarecoaching.net/book/

Míle Buíochas Mondays: https://feelbettereveryday.kit.com/f7f730d651

Trauma-informed and neuro-affirming yoga, breathwork and meditation: https://selfcarecoaching.net/services/yoga-and-meditation/

Endometriosis:

https://selfcarecoaching.net/?s=endometriosis

CHAPTERS

0:00–4:12 Introduction and recognising the benefits of yoga, breathwork, and meditation

4:12–8:43 Trauma-informed and neuro-affirming approaches and adapting practice to your needs

8:43–11:34 Sensory considerations, self-advocacy and embracing self-love

11:34–15:34 Community, co-regulation and giving yourself permission to experiment

15:34–20:16 Resources, support and moving further into 2026

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you like the idea of yoga, breathwork, meditation, but think that with your trauma history, hypervigilance, AuDHD (that’s autism and ADHD) brain, you simply can’t?

This episode will share some of the things that I use with clients and students, as well as the things that have helped yoga, breathwork and meditation really become a way which I come home to myself, rather than a way in which it often felt quite torturous.

Welcome to Episode 93 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach, and senior accredited supervisor specialising in AuDHD, ADHD-friendly, trauma-informed and neuro-affirming and transpersonal and somatic approaches.

I help people through self-care practices that honour how your brain and nervous system work, as well as your Self with that uppercase S, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself. With new episodes each Tuesday, you can subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss new episodes.

And if you’re new here, do check out older episodes, access free deeper dives and more resources and information at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoy this episode.

I am recording this after I recorded the rest of the episode because I realised that I had focused so much on the challenges when you have a trauma history, when you have that hypervigilance, if you have autism or ADHD, AuDHD, and I missed the GLIMMERS and what keeps me going back.

And especially with Roxy’s episode last week (Episode 92). This morning, we’d been snowed in yesterday and I had to cancel attending a class. And this morning I was expecting ice. So I hadn’t had my hopes too high up, which meant I hadn’t psyched myself up as much as I normally do for an early start.

I was like, when it wasn’t all icy, it was like, “Oh, so I can go, but I’m so cold and I’m so cosy and I don’t want to get up and I maybe I don’t like yoga and maybe I’ll just go back to sleep and maybe…”

And I had a word with myself gently and I went. And I again, when I say I almost weep sometimes in class, like no one would see, but it just feels like my whole body is saying THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

And I think that’s the other side of sensory issues that we often don’t talk about.

We talk about the distress. We talk about when it’s triggering. We talk about when people feel too close to intrusive. Where there are like smells or any kind of senses being overly stimulated. But of course, we need stimulation and we benefit from stimulation and the movement, the joy of feeling the joints and the muscles and the blood and just the heart lightening and the mind calming and the soul connecting.

I really wanted to add this little bit to today’s episode because it’s the mental health, the emotional health, the physiological and the spiritual benefits that keep me going back and that keep me practising at home in between classes.

But I’m really finding that attending classes is so, so worth it if you can manage it.

So Happy New Year! It’s really important that if meditation, breathwork and yoga appeal to you, that you know that there are trauma-informed ways of working, there are neuro-affirming ways of working.

It can be an accessibility issue. And I know I’ve said before in other episodes, I only stuck with it because it was such good pain relief with the chronic pain condition I had for so many decades. I really want to save other people the pain.

We’ll be talking more about rejection sensitivity dysphoria in a couple of weeks. But throughout my training, throughout almost every class I attended, I’d always have such a huge inner voice telling me I was doing it wrong.

Often, instructors would be really kind of didactic in terms of not fidgeting and taking your socks off when I had sensory issues around any of that. I’m hoping that listening to today’s episode or watching will help you give yourself permission to do what’s appropriate for you. Maybe talk to instructors in advance.

Whether you’re doing a home practice or going to a class, knowing that yoga, breathwork and meditation is for everybody and every mind. It can be transformative when you own your sensory issues and you own other aspects, your hypervigilance, other things that have stopped you getting onto the mat, feeling like you’re too much and you can’t do it.

You absolutely can. But as with so much around self-compassion, first of all, we’re going to work through the Feel. Love. Heal. framework again, but recognising that it’s not about overriding sensory issues or other ADHD or autism traits.

It’s about recognising them purely as information. It’s another opportunity to be mindful, to work with yourself rather than arguing with reality and wishing that you move through life differently. It’s about body work that we do for ourselves. It can be so beneficial in so many different ways.

I’ve spoken about yoga nidra and the research showing that it increases dopamine by up to 65% (for this and more visit selfcarecoaching.net/yoga). No side effects. It’s just a gorgeous deep rest, non-sleep. You can do it in as little as 10 minutes. You can take longer practices and choose voices that appeal and choose whether you want music or not music in the background. There are so many options.

And similarly, there are so many different types of yoga classes. There are so many that you can do online videos, you can attend a local studio, you can try different studios, different classes within the same studio. With breathwork, there’s going to be somewhere it’s much more tailored to the individual, others where they’re trying, like, or you feel that they’re trying to make you conform to another way of breathing.

There’s so much we criticise about ourselves on a day-to-day basis. We really want any kind of self-care practices to be nourishing and supportive and affirming. And so, as we move into the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, I want you to think about some of the obstacles.

When you think about yoga, breathwork, meditation, make a list. All the things that get in the way of you going or enjoying those practices, if it appeals. If this does not appeal, I don’t imagine you’re listening this far into the episode.

Is it something that could be solved by wearing socks, by talking to an instructor, by getting special socks with a grip? Maybe explaining that you’re going to kind of move in your own way. Some instructors are great about encouraging that at the start of every class. Some instructors will ask if you’ve got any injuries or illnesses they need to know about.

Others won’t. But you can own your brain. You can befriend your brain.

You can befriend your body and just speak up for yourself and say in advance, either ringing the studio or emailing or just speaking quietly to the instructor before the class and just say you’re taking care of yourself. It might look a bit strange. You can get there early and find a space where you’re less likely to feel disturbed.

You can recognise that even if you’re looking very serene, you may be feeling very hypervigilant and you can talk soothingly to yourself. There are a million things you can do and I’d love to hear what you’re already doing. Let me know, email eve at selfcarecoaching.net or message in the comments and ask me any questions.

I still remember an instructor I had in London. He was brilliant, but he had no idea about women’s bodies and hair. It’s all right for a guy with a crew cut to say don’t touch your hair, but when you have longer hair and it’s at different lengths and you’re moving into different poses and you’re having to adjust clothing to fit over curves, you can’t not.

You can’t be exposing bits that aren’t appropriate to be exposing. You can’t be having enormous sensory issues about hair on the back of your neck. I mean, you can and I used to in my 20s.

I would override what felt friendly for me and my body and my brain and obey the strange man who was doing his best as far as he was concerned. It was a wonderful way to be mindful of the desire to move and to not do it. I had no idea just how torturous that was until I got older and more confident and gave myself permission to work with my body and work with my brain and move in between poses.

There are so many things I wish I’d known when I was younger, my hope is that by sharing some of these now, you won’t take so long to learn them.

As we move into the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, this is more about your being perfect just the way you are. You’re part of nature, part of the divine and there’s nothing that needs to be changed.

It’s about giving yourself permission to have your preferences, to have your needs, to have your wants. Again, reminding yourself that sensory issues are not something to be ashamed of. They’re information.

It’s helping you design a life and environments that support your nervous system, that enable you to then thrive. Pay attention to your sensory issues. If a certain studio or instructor or meditation teacher or anything is unable to hear what you’re explaining, there are plenty of others.

Honour yourself, stop apologising for yourself. Know that you deserve the benefits of yoga, breathwork and meditation just as much as everyone else.

As we move into the Heal part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, it’s about the co-regulation, the community, the finding a studio where you’re able to, ahhhh, and if you listen to the Elizabeth Potts episode (episode 83), I talk so much about how delighted I am to have found a local studio where I can, ahhhh, at the Yoga Root and last week’s episode with Roxy Romaniuk (episode 92), just really gorgeous class.

It’s really lovely to be able to be held myself because so much of my work is about holding others, which I also adore to do. But with yoga, with breathwork, with meditation, wonderful as it is to do it in community, wonderful as it is to let yourself be held, it’s also body work you can do for yourself.

You can, by changing your breath, changing your posture, changing the way you move on the mat and through life, work with your vagus nerve, send those signals up to the brain that then cascade down, 80% of going upwards.

That’s so much faster than telling yourself to be more confident or calmer or however it is you want to feel moving in those ways. And you can check out the book bonus videos on my website, selfcarecoaching.net/book. And I have some of the mental health benefits, some of the mood benefits around many of the different poses and breath practices.

You can use yoga as medicine. Think, how do I want to feel? And use your body alone. You don’t have to go anywhere.

It’s body work you do for yourself. You don’t, especially with interpersonal trauma, it can be really hard to let yourself be held. It can be really hard to put yourself in someone else’s hands.

Give yourself permission to do what feels right for you, every step of every way. And recognise that co-regulation is one of the ways in which we heal trauma, in which we just thrive better. If it’s making you feel sad, thinking that you don’t have that in your life, notice that and think of ways in which you can create more of it in 2026 as we move into this year more.

I know I had some journal prompts last week with the Roxy episode around that (link in show notes). So you may want to refer back to your answers there or start again. I hope that you will give yourself more grace.

Give yourself permission to be your beautiful, wonderful, perfect just as you are self. And go to the classes, go to the websites, go to the whatever, access the support that makes you feel good. Know again, we’re wired to thrive when we feel safe, welcome and loved.

If you don’t, try something else. It’s 2026. There are all sorts of options out there.

But I don’t want you denying yourself something that could be so beneficial, just because you’ve had maybe a bad experience or seen something on TV or thought there’s no way you could do that.

There are way more trauma informed instructors around and increasingly neuro-affirming as well. But ultimately, it’s about you having that compassion for yourself where you identify what would make your practice easier.

It might be that you’re completely new to yoga, breathwork and meditation. You’re thinking what you want about I have no idea. I don’t know what it involves. How can I possibly know what I need, even just explaining to the instructor that you’re new. Recognising the executive functioning issues, recognising that it can be challenging to follow the instructions, just giving yourself permission.

It might be that you don’t need to say a thing to anyone, but you give yourself permission, play with it, experiment it, but know that you deserve to feel amazing.

And I hope that you let yourself. So having listened to this episode, or having watched this episode, I’d love to know what action you’re going to take and what you’re going to experiment with. So either comment or let me know eve at selfcarecoaching.net

And the Sole to Soul Circle has moved from my Substack to my website, and it’s changed, it’s evolved so I’m encouraging you to sign up for my free newsletter, Míle Buíochas Mondays, and there’s a link in the show notes.

As well as the weekly polyvagal informed journal prompts, and me sharing some of the things I’m grateful for each week, and some of which may be of interest, either for you to try yourself, resources, or other things that are completely free, and just encouraging you to know what you know already. I’m going to be sharing more of the bonus content around each episode in those newsletters.

The Sole to Soul Circle is becoming a monthly online circle to complement the in-person Westport Lunar Circles. And email eve at selfcarecoaching.net if you have questions because the new pages aren’t yet ready. And hopefully they will be by the time you listen or watch this, but I’m moving into 2026 with more compassion for myself and not putting myself under as much pressure as I used to.

But it just feels like it makes more sense to simplify and the podcast is still available on Substack. But the Sole to Soul Circle has moved back to selfcarecoaching.net. And this episode, like all episodes, has been produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can access lots of free resources and more about the book and all sorts of things at selfcarecoaching.net or thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com.

And I hope you’ll join me in two weeks where we’re talking about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, also known as RSD. [Next week, I have the delightful Dr Emma Bede as my guest so I switched the weeks around.]

And again, happy, happy new year. Thank you so much for listening. And if you haven’t already but would like to subscribe, that’s wonderful wherever you listen.

And feel free to leave a five star review or comment. And I read all of the comments and emails and I would love to hear what ADHD, autism and AuDHD traits you would most like me to cover in the coming months and year. Because I’m being more flexible than I was last year, but not as flexible as I’ve been in previous years.

But I very much want this to be beneficial for you. And yeah, really looking forward to moving through 2026 with you. Thanks again.

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. This episode, like all of them was produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can find full transcripts, links and more information in the show notes.

And also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing. And if you’re interested in those deeper dives, joining the Sole to Soul Circle, as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings. If this episode was helpful, please leave a five star review.

In a world in which so much is coming up for healing and so many people are feeling unsafe. I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma, helping create a world

Happy New Year! And welcome to Season 3 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast!

As we move into 2026, am delighted to share my (Eve Menezes Cunningham, author, podcast host, columnist, trauma-informed and neuro-affirming therapist, Self care coach and senior accredited supervisor – https://selfcarecoaching.net has more information) interview with yoga teacher, Roxy Romaniuk.

I adore her yoga classes and really loved our conversation and her honesty about moving through difficult feelings, emotions and situations by paying attention and moving them through her body with movement and journalling.

I know yoga students and groups have often called me serene (and that I so often feel anything but!) AND while I don’t know how Roxy feels on the inside while she’s teaching, I do know that she wouldn’t embody such serenity as a yoga teacher if she wasn’t doing all this inner work.

Nothing’s good or bad. Everything is simply information. But we all need support (compassion for ourselves as we face challenges, the courage to ask for help and support and community around us to offer it when we can’t ask).

JOURNAL PROMPTS

As you watch or listen to our interview, ask yourself: How might you make more space to process, reflect and work with ALL the feelings in 2026? How and where might you access support and that essential feeling of being held we all need in order to co-regulate and thrive? Maybe there’s a yoga class local to you where you feel able to exhale deeply and let go? Maybe a great friend or loved one you don’t have to mask around? A therapist or coach? Some other kind of relationship?

Let me know in the comments or by email – [email protected]

And if you’re feeling sad reading this because you can’t think of anything that supportive, let it be a cue to encourage you to be open to more of it in 2026 and beyond.

THE SOLE TO SOUL CIRCLE IS EVOLVING

Whereas before, the deeper dive exclusive content would go out on Wednesdays, this will now be an additional bonus for my Míle Buíochas Mondays newsletter subscribers (as well as the regular polyvagal-informed journal prompts and some of the things I’m most grateful for and delighted to share with you). If you’re not already a subscriber, you can sign up for free at https://feelbettereveryday.kit.com/f7f730d651

And I’ll share more about the evolving Sole to Soul Circle soon.

Happy New Year!

Le grá (with love),

Eve

LINKS

@yogawithroxy

theyogaroot.org – check out their upcoming open weekend with free classes

CHAPTERS

(0:03) Difficulty expressing “negative” emotions

(2:07) Introducing guest Roxolana Romaniuk

(3:47) Ideal vs actual self-care through my Feel. Love. Heal. framework

(6:00) Small daily rituals and intuitive movement

(8:13) Expressing anger and difficult emotions safely

(12:21) Community, belonging, and collective care

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you struggle to express yourself when you’re feeling really sad or angry or hurt or any of the so-called negative emotions?

Today’s guest is an absolute delight and while she’s one of my favourite yoga teachers, I especially love what she shares about her own self-care in terms of giving space, making space for messy movement and expression.

I hope you love listening to her as much as I enjoyed talking to her and I’d also love to hear from you in terms of maybe the emotion you struggle most to process and what you’re going to do differently, what you’re going to try as a result of today’s episode.

Welcome to episode 92 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and I look forward to hearing from you.

I’m your host and producer Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach and senior accredited supervisor specialising in ADHD and AuDHD friendly trauma-informed neuro-affirming and transpersonal and somatic approaches. I help people heal through self-care practices that honour your body and your brain and your nervous system as well as yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself.

With new episodes every Tuesday you can either subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss new episodes but you might also enjoy some of the older episodes and access deeper dives with the Sole to Soul Circle, access free resources and more information at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com.

Welcome Roxolana Romaniuk. Thank you so much for joining me.

Thank you. I’m so happy to be here. Thank you, Eve.

Roxy is one of my favourite yoga teachers at The Yoga Root and when I joined, I think it was in August, September, I changed my schedule to enable me to attend her Monday morning classes and it’s just such a gorgeous start to the week.

It was like a gift to myself to really and just like I really appreciate that every week. So where can people find you? What are you working on at the moment?

Sorry, I was so happy to hear all of this and I think my face is red now. Yeah, so I’m working in Yoga Root now and that’s where people can find me. Yeah, I’m planning to do my YouTube channel with short practice to make it accessible for everyone but at the moment I don’t have any progress on it so maybe in future this channel will be named Yoga with Roxy but at the moment. OK, and what about on Insta or anywhere else you want? Oh yeah, my Insta is @yogawithroxy but I anyway not posted that much so the place where you really can find me it’s theyogaroot.org. So that’s theyogaroot.org

I talk to everyone about ideal and actual self-care because we all struggle with it. We all know what we wish we could do every day and then the reality hits and something has to give. So I go through my Feel. Love. Heal framework.

The Feel bit is like the regulatory self-care: It might be breath practices, it could be going for a swim, it’s something you need a bit of, you have to do something, you’re changing the way you’re, you might be working with the way you’re sending those signals of safety or confidence or whatever come but it’s something you’re doing to help regulate, help yourself feel better.

Then the Love bit is the more kind of accepting, recognising you don’t have to do a thing, you’re perfect just the way you are, you’re part of nature, part of the divine but also that can be more challenging. I know that’s the part I find most challenging, I’d always rather be doing rather than accepting myself how I am.

And then the Heal bit is the collective care where it might be about community and it’s where you, as well as you’re holding space for others obviously with your work, but where you receive that for yourself.

And it might be that you’re not at the moment but in each category I kind of ask about your ideal and the reality. So if you’re happy to say, what would be your ideal in terms of that kind of lowercase self-care, the regulatory, the Feel better?

Yeah. So my ideal, which has never happened, but it’s I’m waking up at 6am and I’m just seeing how the sun is rising, doing my yoga outside, doing some journalling and planning my day and decide how would I like to live that day.

But my actual routine is I find that it’s important to have at least one small thing which you will repeat every day like day by day. So my small things which I do every day if I’m sick or like I can do this every day actually it’s just a glass of hot water. Yeah I’ve got a mug of hot water here now.

Yeah same. So that’s how my body understands I’m waking up and it helps my body waking up, my mind and also I’m doing like some it might be not something that some movements that I repeat but what I do. Just moving somehow. Like sometimes I’m playing the music and just allow myself to move however I feel to move right now. Like yeah.

That’s fantastic and what about the I always start by introducing it is when you don’t have the bandwidth to do something that kind of that accepting yourself where you are that kind of recognition that you don’t have to do a thing you’re part of the divine you’re part of nature and I also realise that can be so much harder especially for people with AuDHD.

What helps you or what would be your ideal in terms of connecting with that highest wisest truest part of yourself? Yeah so in this part I think meditation is helping me a lot to feel that I’m enough that everything is all right. Yeah, I can’t control everything what happens around me in the world but in meditation I can feel like the connection with something bigger and the feelings that I am enough and I also find that it’s important to see where you are to understand what you feel right now and try to express it somehow and I just creating some space in my house and just playing music and allow myself moving like horrible like strange like I don’t know no one can see me and I can be like how I feel now and at least have one place in the world when I can be anger when I can be like anyone.

Have you come across five rhythms?

I’m not sure.

So Gabrielle Roth she died but for decades she basically it would be a playlist and I did some when I was doing my psychosynthesis training and I was so disembodied back then and I was like I can’t dance sober everyone else was sober as well but I was like oh yeah but it would be like songs music that would deliberately provoke the kind of anger or sadness or grief or joy or I can’t remember the five specific rhythms but I remember anger was one of them and I think what you’re describing is absolutely gorgeous because you’re accepting how you’re feeling and you’re allowing it to move through you rather than suppressing it or telling yourself I should be feeling.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah that’s great I might read something about it yeah so I will ask you the author again after podcasts but I think it’s really interesting.

It’s wonderful I think what you’re doing like doing it naturally you’re not needing someone else’s playlist yeah like it’s a bit like the yoga poses it’s great to have that or it’s great to move how inherently want to but I think sometimes it’s hard to I found it through my psychotherapy like I have my therapist who I visited every week and I found that sometimes you can’t recognise some emotion so because it’s covered some other emotion and it’s like hard to realise that I’m not sad now I’m angry so yeah I think it’s important maybe at the start of this way like use some playlist to help you going through this to understand how I can express myself when I anger how I can express myself when I happy and yeah yeah yeah that’s really great.

Do you choose music or do you just let yourself move to the feeling or both.

Yeah, so I just I try to choose some music like I play in one feel like no that’s not what I need now change it and then find like something that I need at this moment. Yeah yeah and what do you notice afterwards like sorry what like how do you feel afterwards like oh I feel like really our all tension is released and I feel like I am free and I can be just who I am.

Yeah so I love it so you’re basically giving people something they can do although it’s technically regulatory it’s something you can do where you want to feel you want to upset but there’s too much. I love it thank you.

So in terms of the Heal, the collective care the co-regulation, I mean you teach gorgeous classes you hold that beautiful space and what is your ideal in terms of both holding and receiving from a community from individuals? What helps you ideally and what do you like what is your actual…?

Yeah essential yeah I think maybe ideal is I don’t know it’s hard question for me so I find that’s really important to be in some community where you can feel yourself be accepted and where you can be who you are. When I teach in some places when I will talk about yoga and what I do some people cannot understand me because. And that’s all right because we are all different that’s great but where I’m teaching in Yoga Root I feel like I’m in right place.

I feel that what I do can be important here and it’s important for me as well like because at the end of class especially in Savasana, I feel that I’m happiest person in the world. I feel just relaxed. Released and full of joy.

I don’t know yeah because yeah so yeah and I think that’s really important to find a place where you will feel acceptance where you will feel like that you know need to acting you know need to do something like extra you can just be and it will be enough yeah so this space can be like everywhere but yeah it’s hard to find the space.

And I’m aware we’re both immigrants I moved after I’m Indian Irish born in London but I moved after the Brexit vote and broke my heart because I realised that lots of people had thought that the British Empire was a good thing I’d kind of grown up assuming that everyone felt horror and shame but no and it was just even though I look white and I sound English I felt unsafe. And it was a really weird thing for me I’m 50 now but I’ve never been happier choosing like I thought I’ve always had an Irish passport so I didn’t know my dad’s from Limerick but I knew I wanted the sea I knew I wanted mountains a journalist friend said “Westport meets all your criteria” and the more I found out about it, it was like oh my god this place sounds incredible.

And I’m still pinching myself that I get to live here but it it’s also a really unusual way of having moved somewhere different to kind of create that community and that feeling rooted and safe that I never had in I mean I never fully have it because I’m not I am a blow-in I am an immigrant but I’m technically a Londoner but I’m not. Like I’m all these different things yeah but the deliberate choice and the thinking what is important to me like the sea the mountains yeah people but thinking like if you were to think in I’m not like for me Westport does meet all my criteria but if you were to think of how people might find their place in the world like yeah what advice might you have.

I think maybe just try different things like try to do some I don’t know actually maybe some sorry I just forgot how to say like the whether people meeting and they have a same interest about something like how to say it so this group like of differencing oh maybe like group of drawing or group of reading or something yeah so maybe just visiting two different groups and one day I think you can find a place where you will feel like that’s the right place I feel good after and it is that feeling good at the time and after isn’t it and I guess we upset ourselves the more upset ourselves the more you are likely to try drawing or try something that interests you rather than I should like whatever yeah I force myself to yeah yeah yeah it’s really important to listen how you react to this.

Like to listen like uh do you like it or no and if it’s no like not to try like oh no maybe I need to try again maybe I need to be like different.

Yeah it’s important to listen to yourself as well like your reaction for everything yeah yeah so in the Sole to Soul Circle bonus deeper dive content if you’re happy I’m going to ask you how you do that like what something like maybe if you’re happy to share a practice is that okay like it doesn’t have to be something else but thank you so much for joining me absolutely delightful and I’m looking forward to your class in the morning thank you so much I’m so happy to be here thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast this episode like all of them was produced by me your host Eve Menezes Cunningham.

You can find full transcripts links and more information in the show notes and also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and if you’re interested in those deeper dives joining the Sole to Soul Circle as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings if this episode was helpful please leave a five-star review in a world in which so much is coming up for healing and so many people are feeling unsafe I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma helping create a world in which everyone is safe welcome and loved physiologically emotionally spiritually and mentally able to thrive so you’re subscribing or liking or sharing feedback and other support helps me help as many people of all genders with trauma histories and ADHD and you’re learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you it creates a ripple effect helping others heal too so keep looking after yourself do what feels good let yourself honour your nervous system let yourself honour your charge your life force and míle buíochas a thousand thank yous.

Happy New Year!

Do you love New Year’s Eve? Do you hate New Year’s Eve? Do you feel indifferent to New Year’s Eve?

However you feel, I hope you have a wonderful New Year! Watch or listen to episode 91 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast wherever you get your podcasts for some of the self-care rituals and practices that I do every year or most years.

I hope they’ll help you work with your own ADHD brain, AuDHD brain, and also to continue to heal from any trauma. Use this time of year, where there is so much external pressure in terms of how you might be thinking you should be celebrating or what you should be doing to go for it with all that appeals and ignore all the rest!

[Link to selfcarecoaching.net/blog for show notes, full transcript and more]

le grá (with love),

Eve

LINKS

Sign up for Míle Buíochas Mondays (Polyvagal-informed and more every Monday) here

Westport Lunar Circles

Your vibe for 2025: Episode 38 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Choose your transpersonal quality for the year ahead

Happy New Year and bring what was good about the break into your year ahead

Make the most of the seasonal energies

CHAPTERS

0:00 – Mixed feelings about New Year’s Eve?

2:28 – Checking in with what actually appeals

4:53 – New Year intentions and PDA-friendly resolutions

6:01 – Lessons, blessings and reflecting on the year

8:18 – Choosing a guiding word or theme for the year ahead

10:26 – Clearing space and symbolic release rituals

12:02 – Self-acceptance instead of self-improvement

13:39 – Community, connection and designing New Year’s Day

16:12 – Creative visioning and sensory mood-setting

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you love New Year’s Eve? Do you hate New Year’s Eve? Do you feel indifferent to New Year’s Eve?

However you feel, I hope you have a wonderful New Year and in this episode, episode 91 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, I’m going to be sharing some of the self-care rituals and practices that I do every year or most years in order to help you work with your own ADHD brain, AuDHD brain, and also to continue to heal from any trauma and just to really use this time of year where there is so much external pressure in terms of how you might be thinking you should be celebrating or what you should be doing and they’re very tentative invitations in terms of if anything appeals, go for it and ignore all the rest.

I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach and senior accredited supervisor specialising in ADHD and ADHD friendly trauma-informed, neuro-affirming, transpersonal and somatic approaches.

I help people heal through self-care practices that honour your body and your brain and your nervous system as well as your Self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself.

With new episodes every Tuesday, you can either subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss new episodes and if you’re new here, even if it’s nowhere near New Year’s, when you’re listening to this, you might still enjoy this episode. It can be great for a fresh start at any time of the year.

The PDA, “Don’t tell me when to celebrate New Year! I can redesign my life anytime I choose!” but you might also enjoy some of the older episodes and access deeper dives with the Sole to Soul Circle, access free resources and more information at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

As you listen to today’s episode or watch today’s episode, ask yourself what appeals. Just check in with yourself.

Notice how you feel. Do any of the ideas make your heart sing? Do any of them feel really heavy, too much pressure? You don’t have to do anything. You can completely ignore the New Year!

It is just another day and it can be a wonderful time to reset, to remind ourselves of all the choices we have in terms of doing things differently. As always, it’s aimed especially for trauma survivors and people with ADHD or AuDHD brains and I’ll be going through the Feel. Love. Heal. framework that I developed in order to share these ideas.

We have different levels of bandwidth at different times and (have I forgotten to record? Nope, I haven’t forgotten to record, I had forgotten that it’s not a touchscreen screen) with different levels of bandwidth, sometimes we might be very able to do the things that we know are going to help us feel better, the Feel part.

It might be reaching out to someone. It might be some form of movement. It might be anything at all that helps you regulate, that kind of lowercase self-care.

Other times you just have to accept where you are because bandwidth is too low. Other times that Love part, the acceptance, the support, the self-love, it can feel more challenging than the Feel part.

It can be harder to accept ourselves exactly as we are, to love ourselves exactly as we are. In those cases, the more regulatory things can be easier.

And the Heal part, the more collective self-care, the co-regulation. Whether that’s you offering space, holding space for others and, just as important is you accepting the space that others hold for you, finding spaces where others can hold you because you deserve holding and that might be something that you want to build more into your life.

Perhaps you’re very much about giving and you find it harder to receive? As we move into the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework this week, we’re looking initially around any PDA you may feel around New Year’s resolutions.

That Pathological Demand Avoidance (or Persistent Drive for Autonomy! Because let’s face it, if you are neurodivergent and if you were conditioned out of knowing what you knew was right for you from even potentially pre-verbal, it would have manifested as Pathological Demand Avoidance and doing the opposite of what people wanted you to do but it’s that part of you that can’t be tamed. And honouring that, recognising you can do Resolutions your way.) You don’t have to do them at all but you might want to think about something that is going to help you live a life that is more fulfilling, more meaningful, more joyful and that enables you to thrive.

Be curious around that. You might want to do something I do each year again in terms of making a note of the Lessons and Blessings from 2025.

Lessons might have been really painful things that occurred, things that you survived, things that you might still be dealing with, challenges that you’re still facing. Being open to what might be trying to emerge at a soul level with even the most challenging of situations, whether that’s around setting boundaries or asking for help or whatever it might be, if you’re able to think in those terms, it’s not going to make the challenges go away but it can make it a bit easier to bear. Just asking how you can learn from each problem, how it might be trying to help you. And I realise that it’s one of those really frustrating things to hear and it can be very helpful to reframe things that we struggle with in this way.

With Blessings, again, it might be that with hindsight you see some of the challenges turned into Blessings or it might be things that were utterly joyful and you can immediately, but it can just be a lovely way to connect.

I have the Míle Buíochas Mondays newsletter which helps you create and sustain a gratitude practice that hopefully honours your whole Self, your whole nervous system. It’s not all about love and light. It’s also acknowledging the times not only when you’re in ventral vagal, when you’re in Purr!, when life is good, when you feel connected, when you feel safe, when you feel happy. But it’s also about the things that move you out of that into sympathetic survival, into that Hiss! or even dorsal vagal, that Freeze!

You might want to sign up for that if you haven’t already and you can just ask yourself now, how does it feel to think back over the year? It might be that you take one month at a time, a Lesson and a Blessing for each month.

Or just write or – for some embodied journalling – record yourself talking or as a video or even just talking at your reflection. Just ask yourself what have you learned, what have been the themes? Ask your Self.

And there’ll be a link in the show notes to your transpersonal quality for the year in previous years or as you think about the year ahead. It may have already occurred to you and I often begin thinking about this before my birthday in November. Next year (and I’m recording this in 2025) Freedom has stood out for me.

In previous years, it’s been like for 2025 it was Harvest, for 2024 it was Pleasure, for 2023 it was Ease. I’ve had Joy, I’ve had Love, I’ve had all sorts of different words. I’ve been using this, Assagioli who created psychosynthesis, he used to have what he called “evocative words” dotted around on index cards in his home.

I loved when I visited his house which had been turned into a museum, and seeing his handwriting and (in Italian) Patience and Serenity because everything I’d read about him I assumed that those qualities came naturally to him and they very much did not.

He had to focus on what he wanted to bring more of into his life and he did that by writing it down and looking at it on a regular basis. We now have so many tools, we can create vision boards, we can create mood boxes, we can create a beautiful wallpaper for our phone and have it kind of in your face on a regular basis. I think Steve Harvey, the American actor, he used to have his evocative words, he wouldn’t have called it that, but sewn into the hem on his suit so he’d see it like when he was getting dressed.

It’s really about anchoring what you want to bring into your life as much as you can so if it’s peace you might be choosing images that represent Peace to you or Freedom for myself for example. Have fun with it, be creative with it, share it, I’d love to hear whether you want to comment or whether you want to email eve at selfcarecoaching.net and again show notes will have links to previous suggestions.

Something I love to do each year before New Year’s and also before my birthday but I noticed more resistance this year because I was away in Malta for my birthday so I didn’t do my pre-birthday deep clean so it feels more overwhelming for New Year but I do love a deep clean of my home.

It just feels lovely to be letting go, to be releasing and to be welcoming and I think it’s in Japan where they talk about having like bookshelves not being completely full or drawers not being completely full, always having room for new goodness to enter and just notice how it feels.

You might think, “Cleaning? No way!” or it might be, “Actually, that feels better than a party to me” or whatever it is and it might be a symbolic clean, you might do one drawer or you might like just do kitchen counters or you might want to do all the things. But do it in a way where you’re intentionally releasing what no longer serves you.

I love taking the bins out before New Year’s and there’s a lovely way to open the back door before midnight and release all you’re ready to release from the year that’s gone and then at midnight, just after, open the front door and consciously welcome all the good you’re open to receiving.

There are some ideas that you might want to implement and as we move into the Love part, that uppercase Self care, that acceptance, that loving yourself exactly as you are, you don’t need to take on anything new, you don’t have to improve yourself or do a thing. You are already part of nature, you are already part of the Divine.

You might want to take a moment or longer to connect with yourself as you imagine the year you’re moving into while remembering that you’re already whole, complete and you get to heal more deeply and to enjoy more.

But there can be something, it’s like with EFT, we start with the setup statement and we’re saying even though whatever the issue is, I choose to soothe and support myself or I’m OK or traditionally I deeply and completely love and accept myself, the more we can love and accept ourselves as we are, in EFT they call it the psychological reversal, we lose that resistance to change, so by accepting whatever you don’t like about yourself as much as you can, ironically you allow that to dissolve the resistance, what we resist persists, it becomes easier to make potentially healthier choices in that area of your life and choices that support what you want but from that loving accepting rather than punitive shaming which of course is going to trigger a stress response.

Notice what comes up for you there as you consider that and as we move into the Heal part, the collective care, think about your ideal community and ideal company. If you are a party person, who are you looking forward to seeing tomorrow night?

Who are you looking forward to spending time with on New Year’s Day?

Are you hosting?

Are you going out?

Are you staying home?

Learning to drive has revolutionised my life in terms of being able to have more choice about what I do and doing all the things I love on New Year’s Day to have a taste of all the things I want to bring into my New Year, so like there’ll always be yoga, there’ll always be ideally a sea swim unless it’s too stormy, time with loved ones, time writing and reflecting and intentionally creating that kind of vision that what I want to consciously release and invite. I like to eat something delicious and nourishing, movement is very important, getting out in nature.

Just thinking of ways in which you can bring a taste of all the things you want 2026 and beyond to offer you into your New Year’s Day. Not in a way that overwhelms you but if you’re thinking about your ideal community and company, if that isn’t already the case for you, let yourself know that you deserve it, let yourself want it, let yourself be open to creating it in 2026 and beyond.

I’m going to be offering new live in-person monthly lunar circles, it will be my first time offering in-person for a good few years and you can email eve at selfcarecoaching.net if you’re near enough Westport, County Mayo Ireland to potentially join us but the theme for this year it will be around the Waning Half Moon where it’s going to be releasing the things that get in the way of balance and harmony so each month will have a different theme but that will be a consistent theme throughout the year, releasing blocks to balance and harmony, releasing blocks to freedom, releasing blocks to whatever it is you’re wanting to bring more of into your life.

This week in the Sole to Soul Circle I am going to be encouraging participants to create a mood box or bag or whatever works for them, it could be a vision board but I find the mood board it works also with the, it works with additional senses not just what we can see, you can have music, you can have taste, you can have smell and you can have tangible like fabrics or other things you can feel as well as connecting with the strongest feelings of whatever it is you want to create for yourself.

You can join the Sole to Soul Circle for free or as a paid member and as a member each Wednesday you’ll receive a deeper dive into each episode. Free subscribers get journal prompts and paid members from just eight euros a month get an exclusive video or audio recording and you might also like to sign up for my free weekly newsletter which I mentioned earlier, Míle Buíochas Mondays, where each week I share some of the things I’m grateful for as I support you in building your own gratitude practice that honours your nervous system by welcoming all the feelings and all the states of your nervous system.

Whether you want to heal your trauma or befriend your ADHD or AuDHD brain you can find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and explore self-care coaching and other ways in which we might work together as well as accessing lots of free resources through selfcarecoaching.net

Thank you so much for listening or watching if you haven’t already subscribed or reviewed that would be delightful and the more five-star reviews the more shares the more engagement I get the more likely it is that people who are trying to heal their trauma and befriend their ADHD or AuDHD brains will be able to access this content which I hope will be helpful.

I love hearing from you and next week we’re going to be looking at moving into the new year with neuro-affirming trauma sensitive yoga and meditation [this’ll actually be in another episode!]. I hope that you have a beautiful start to the year as you release all that you’re ready to let go of.

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast this episode like all of them was produced by me your host Eve Menezes Cunningham you can find full transcripts links and more information in the show notes and also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and if you’re interested in those deeper dives joining the Sole to Soul Circle as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings.

If this episode was helpful, please leave a five star review. In a world in which so much is coming up for healing and so many people are feeling unsafe I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma helping create a world in which everyone is safe welcome and loved. Physiologically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally able to thrive. Your subscribing or liking or sharing feedback and other support helps me help as many people of all genders with trauma histories and ADHD and your learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you it creates a ripple effect helping others feel too so keep looking after yourself do what feels good let yourself honour your nervous system let yourself honour your charge your life force and míle buíochas. A thousand thank yous.

With ADHD, with AuDHD, with trauma, our nervous systems can really struggle with rest. It can feel unsafe to rest.

Why do I share how hard I find rest this while extoling the virtues of rest? Because it’s STILL an advanced practice for me. The whole point of this podcast is to show the gap, sometimes gulf, between what we – as self-care and Self care professionals – want to be doing and are actually doing. Especially with trauma histories and the hypervigilance that comes with having needed to survive. And AuDHD and ADHD where endless cycles of burnout eventually teach us how to honour our sensitive nervous systems.

It doesn’t have to take you the decades it’s taken me!

Everyone (and I’ve interviewed neuroscientists, other therapists, somatic therapists, energy workers and coaches, nutritional therapists, choreographers, artists and more) knows what would help us. We just need to give ourselves permission to make the necessary changes. For me, that’s constantly taking more and more off my plate and becoming more strategic (and actually getting MORE done while feeling better about it all!) by paying closer attention to my own nervous system and energies.

I hope that you’ll gift yourself some extra breathing space over the holidays. Begin to ponder ways in which you can build in sustainable changes for a more restful, easier, more peaceful and joyful 2026.

I’ve shared loads of resources to support you (and myself!) over the decades and you can access some here (including some research on rest) as well as listening to Tracy Otsuka (am imagining that the 43% of ADHDers with excellent mental health are better at prioritising rest. I know my mental health has improved along with my capacity for more rest), Caroline Shole Arewu and others share some of their tools to support prioritising rest.

Enjoy the episode and let me know what you’re going to do to rest more today, this week, this month and in the New Year!

le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS

0:00 – Why rest feels so difficult

2:55 – AuDHD, ADHD, trauma and nervous system safety

4:02 – Different ways of resting

5:27 – Productivity, pressure and burnout

8:25 – Rest, holidays and emotional release

11:37 – When rest feels unsafe to the nervous system

13:59 – Learning to love a sensitive nervous system

16:24 – Collective care, boundaries and co-regulation

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you struggle to take time to rest, to give yourself a break, to take things off your plate? It can be especially challenging with trauma histories, with AuDHD (autism and ADHD) with ADHD.

It’s especially important to pay attention to your nervous system and make sure that you are getting enough rest, because we’re mammals, just like my little role model here, Meadbh.

Cats don’t feel guilty about all the snoozes, all the rest, it enables them to play harder, to climb, to do other things, but we humans, we are in a world which doesn’t encourage rest. It encourages us to think we need all sorts of things we don’t necessarily need.

Welcome to Episode 90 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I’ve talked and written about rest a lot and there’ll be links in the show notes to some of those blogs and episodes, but I’m hoping you’re going to leave this episode with a renewed commitment to your own renewal and yet rest over this festive period, as well as some neuro-affirming and trauma-informed ideas to help you rest your way, to help you let yourself rest your way.

I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach, and senior accredited supervisor specialising in AuDHD and ADHD-friendly, trauma-informed, neuro-affirming, and transpersonal and somatic approaches.

I help people heal through self-care practices that honour how your brain and nervous system work, as well as yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, and miraculous part of yourself.

There are new episodes every Tuesday and you can subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss any new episodes.

If you’re new here, you might want to check out older episodes, access deeper dives and free resources and more information at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

As you listen to today’s episode, ask yourself how might you build more rest into your day-to-day, into this week, into if you’re listening to it as it’s coming out this holiday season, or whenever it is that you’re listening to it in the future potentially.

Ask yourself what gets in the way of you giving yourself the rest you know you deserve at some level and you know you need. If you need it, it just shows how strong the conditioning is that we deny it to ourselves.

With ADHD, with AuDHD, with trauma, our nervous systems can really struggle with rest. It can feel unsafe to rest. This is partly of why I use the cats to demonstrate.

So little Meadbh has her claws into me, but cats don’t feel guilty about allowing themselves rest and allowing themselves to find the sun puddle, allowing themselves to find what’s going to feel more comfortable, most comfortable for them in any given moment.

And the more we acknowledge and befriend our nervous systems, work with the vagus, recognise what’s going to, like what is the kind of rest that appeals to you. If it feels like going from 100 miles an hour to nought is scary because of course it would be, your nervous system has been so lifted and then all of a sudden you’re expecting yourself to calm right down.

For some people it can be researching a new topic or painting or writing or rest comes in lots of different ways. I’ll link to the blog I did about Claudia Hammond’s research and the biggest rest survey that had been done at the time. There are many, many different ways to rest.

Ask yourself, How you can give yourself permission to rest YOUR way?

As we work with the Feel. Love. Heal. framework this week, the Feel element is that lowercase hyphenated self-care, the regulatory practices, the things we actually do to help ourselves feel better. The Love element is working with the love archetype, that acceptance, that support, that reminder that you don’t need to do a thing to improve yourself. You are part of the divine, you are part of nature, you are already whole, it’s about acceptance. And then we have the Heal element which is around collective self-care and co-regulation. Not just helping your community, your family, the world at large, but accepting help and support from other people. We’re all connected.

As we are in the Feel part for this week in terms of rest, it sounds simple but you’re likely to have a lot of resistance towards it because we live in a world where we’re so conditioned to be productive and doing and not being.

But I really encourage you, especially at this time of year working with the seasonal energies, look at your diary, look at your calendar, look at whatever planners you use, look at your to-do list, look at the people asking you to do things, demanding things from you and be honest with yourself about what is getting in between you and feeling more rested.

Why are you choosing to say yes to things that mean that you’re not getting enough sleep, you’re not getting enough downtime, you’re not getting enough rest?

You may want to be yelling at me in frustration: “But I have all these demands, I have all these people who depend on me, I have all these projects, whatever it might be.”

You might think it’s completely impossible. And I remember, I think it was two Christmases ago where I was very burnt out and I was sobbing walking down the lane and a neighbour friend basically shook me and said, you need to take some time off over Christmas. And I was like, I can’t, I have to do, do, do, do, do, do.

Because at that time I had not realised that I had replaced alcohol with work back in 2001 when I got sober, because it was so uncomfortable for me to be present in my body, in my feelings, even though this is the work I do and I’m much, much better than I used to be.

I was still overworking and I hadn’t really acknowledged it until that bout of burnout two years ago. And since then, I recognise the benefits much more so and I actively scheduled time off last Christmas and have done the same, taking more time off this Christmas.

That’s after 21 plus years of being my own boss. I am my own boss. I could have done that 21 years ago.

I took my first holiday in over nine years. I’m back just over a week at time of recording. And basically, I denied myself a week away, partly because of cat care, but also partly because I felt like I had to be ON. I might forget with my AuDHD brain, which I didn’t know about until a few years ago, I might forget how to do my work. I might forget how to do all the things. If I got out of that routine, I didn’t realise how much of a fear response that was.

And it was absolutely gorgeous to take that time. Look at your schedule, think about ways in which you can incorporate more rest in a way that doesn’t make your nervous system freak out, that doesn’t feel unsafe, that doesn’t feel overwhelming. I’m also aware with the holiday I took the other week, it was a gorgeous week for my 50th in Malta, and we did a lot of time, we had a lot of time in the water, which is heaven for me.

A lot of snorkelling, I did a lot of swimming, I was ill as well, my partner was ill, but we had a great time. I did a try-dive, a discovery dive, because I’m a snorkeller rather than a diver. I only got as deep as I think two and a half metres before I couldn’t equalise, and I kind of very much wanted to go up to the surface.

In my imagination, the free diving was going to be where I really kind of found my inner Ocean Ramsey, and I didn’t get below five metres because, again, I wasn’t equalising well enough, and I had an amazing time, but I found myself, when we were having a nap one day, on the edge of the bed, sobbing my little heart out.

I didn’t want to disturb him, I was just basically sobbing my little heart out, thinking, what is wrong? I feel good, I thought I felt good, I’m on holiday, I’m having a lovely time, I’m with the person I love, we’ve not had an argument or anything like that, all is good, and I could not stop sobbing. And because I do this work, and because I recognised that, for whatever reason, I needed to sob, I let it all out.

I thought about doing some tapping on myself, and I thought, I don’t need to write at that point, I did a bit later. Even though this is so much of the work I do, I was kind of telling myself, I shouldn’t feel like that, I was having a restful time, and then I realised later, of course, that felt so alien in my life, in my schedule. I had been so overwhelmed, overstimulated with the free dive earlier that day, something I thought I would be a natural at, and very much was not.

I loved it, and I loved so much of it, and it brought up a lot for healing around the instructor (I’m going to have her on the podcast at some point, she was amazing, and she has ADHD, and she was very neuroaffirming, she was very patient with me, and I really struggled).

Basically, every time she did anything, any attention, I interpreted as I was doing whatever wrong, so it brought up a lot of school stuff, a lot of all adults in my life stuff when I was growing up, and I clearly needed to just weep that afternoon on the edge of the bed. Because I let it all out, I then slept amazingly, and I just felt better than I had in such a long time.

It can feel really scary when we think, when your nervous system has been in sympathetic activation lifted for so long, and we live in a world where it’s 24-7 excitement and stress, where in sympathetic activation, when we go into that parasympathetic, it’s that rest digest, and when it feels unfamiliar, it can feel very scary.

Even I’m telling you this story, like there’s a part of me thinking, am I oversharing?

I well might be, but I also think I am a human, and I have a nervous system like every other human, like every other cat, every other mammal, and the more we stop arguing with reality and honour what is, the better we can support ourselves and those in our lives.

When you look through your schedule, when you think about the demands that others are placing on you, or that you’re perceiving from them, because often we internalise demands, people don’t even have to ask us, and we think we should be doing X, Y and Z, just ask yourself, what can you take off your plate that’s not going to create a meltdown, or if it might, how can you build in a bit of space around that as a buffer for yourself?

How can you let yourself know it’s safe to ease into more rest, especially at this very busy time of year, we’ve got all the festivities, it might be that you’re out a lot, it might be that you’re grieving an enormous amount of what you used to celebrate and what’s no longer available to you, or it might be that you’re comparing your holiday season to films and adverts that have never been any people’s actual reality, but use your nervous system to support you in reducing the overwhelm on your schedule, and as you plan for the year ahead, as you plan for the week ahead, as you plan for anything moving forward/

Get used to checking in with yourself and asking how does that feel, like whatever it is you’re thinking of doing that’s taking you away from potential rest, and it’s a simple thing and it might be helpful, feel free to email me if you have any questions around that.

As we move into the Love, that uppercase S Self care part, it’s about accepting and even loving your sensitive nervous system. I’ve spoken about that a little bit already about how even though I didn’t love that I was on the edge of my bed sobbing while my partner was snoring on the other side of the bed, there were very big beds in the hotel, I knew enough to know that it would pass and to have that compassion that it’s taken me decades, it’s taken me a lifetime to develop for myself, so a part of me felt ridiculous, a part of me felt stupid, a part of me felt spoilt, a part of me just felt like I didn’t know why I was feeling like that, but I had that compassion for myself, I was able to move into that ventral vagal (Purr!), that curiosity, that compassion.

Why am I feeling like this matters less than I am feeling like this, and I’m just going to let it out, I’m going to let the whole everything out, and it then felt amazing, so you have a sensitive nervous system and you can learn to love it, you can learn to recognise that yes, other people might get away with more in terms of going with society’s flow, but you can use it to design a life that really nourishes and supports you, that you are excited about rather than stressed and overwhelmed about.

And a big part of that is giving yourself rest, thinking again of the roots in winter going deep into the earth and it looks like nothing’s growing above the surface and yet so much is happening below, accept that you can’t see all the growth that you’re doing, all the healing, all the rewiring of your nervous system, the retraining of your brain, I meant it the other way around, retraining your nervous system, rewiring with practice your brain, but you giving yourself time to nap, you giving yourself permission to say no to things, you giving yourself permission to recognise that you know what you need and just because you were conditioned away from doing what you needed doesn’t mean that you have to continue to deny it, honour, love, accept and support that sensitive nervous system of yours.

And then as we move to the Heal part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework I developed, it’s around collective care, it’s around thinking who are you most looking forward to seeing to, who are you most looking forward to seeing even.

The postie just drove up the driveway and my attention got taken for a moment, got my words in a muddle, I could edit this out but I won’t.

Who feels restful when you think about the people in your life? Who do you get to be held by energetically, emotionally, maybe physically with an enormous hug if you like, enormous hugs? Who are you there for, who are you restful for? Know that (if that is a motivating factor for you, often people talk about self-care like put your own life mask, oxygen mask on first and then you can help others, you deserve your own oxygen mask just because you are worthy and you deserve to live and thrive, but if it helps you, you might think about how) you’ll be better able to be there for others in your life when you’re rested, when your bandwidth is higher because you’ve given yourself the time and space and care and tenderness.

And you are also modelling for them so you’re going to be helping any children, older adults, people your own age, colleagues, employees, whoever it might be, people in your community, you modelling rest is helping them break the cycle of feeling like we have to be constantly on the go, productive, contributing, that’s not nature, that’s not where we’re all served, we have to take as we have to receive as well as give, so just notice when you think about the people in your life, the people in your communities, who feels restful, who helps you replenish and how can you use the idea of you giving yourself permission to rest in whatever way is best for you, recognising that that’s going to help you help other people co-regulate as well and also there are going to be people that you love who are far from restful and that’s okay, it’s the ventral vagal both and that Purr!

And potentially claws coming out, you get to set boundaries, you get to send enormous love and you get to just be frustrated for short periods of time or just notice how you’re going to do things differently next year or next time, do not try to be saintly, do not try to not have human reactions to people who potentially trigger you.

This week in the Sole to Soul Circle there’ll be a yoga nidra for non-sleep deep rest and it’s going to be specifically to help you throughout this holiday season and any time you choose to listen where you just recognise there’s an enormous amount going on and you need deeper rest. So yoga nidra, you’ve probably come across many of mine and others, there are loads on the website and on my YouTube channel and obviously the Sole to Soul Circle as well, you have instant access to the rich archive if you join but it’s a wonderful way, it lowers blood pressure, it helps increase dopamine by up to 70 percent, it helps us harness the power of the unconscious mind through that deep rest and by working with that sankalpa, that positive intentional resolve, we’re more likely to take those steps that we need...

A Polyvagal-informed approach to the seasonal energies for trauma, AuDHD and ADHD

Feeling the weight of the darkest days? In this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast,

I’m sharing gentle, nervous system-friendly rituals to help you honour the seasonal energies of Yule (Winter Solstice) while healing your trauma and befriending your AuDHD or ADHD brain.

Discover how to:

✨ Use a Yule log tradition for releasing and renewal

✨ Navigate seasonal overwhelm with polyvagal-informed practices

✨ Honour both the darkness and the returning light

✨ Set intentions that actually feel good for your nervous system

✨ Create community connection on your own terms

Whether you’re struggling with the season or finding joy in it, this episode welcomes all your feelings and offers practical ways to thrive through winter’s longest night.

🔗 Free resources and show notes

📖 Get the book: 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing

💌 Join the Sole to Soul Circle for deeper dives, exclusive content and instant access to the whole archive

🎙️ New episodes every Tuesday – listen on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts

#WinterSolstice #Yule #TraumaHealing #AuDHD #ADHD #PolyvagalTheory #NervousSystemHealing #SelfCare #NeurodivergentSupport

Wishing you the coolest of Yules! 🕯️

LINKS

Listen to Purr! Hiss! Freeze! Episode 48 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Watch and read full transcript here

Find out more about how embodied journalling can help you here

CHAPTERS

(0:00) Honouring the darkness and welcoming renewal

(0:57) Trusting your nervous system and honouring your needs

(2:05) Introducing Episode 89

(3:38) Yule log ritual

(5:38) Embodied journalling and self-acceptance

(7:03) Collective care and community intentions

(8:39) Free newsletter and polyvagal-informed gratitude practice

(10:31) Book, coaching and other resources

(11:04) Closing message and thanks

FULL TRANSCRIPT

How do you feel about the dark nights and long [I meant SHORTER 😊] days? You may be loving it, you may be feeling a bit hopeless, and this week we’re looking at ways in which you can celebrate your winter solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere by honouring the darkness, the cold, potentially the hopelessness, and also remembering the renewal, the hope, the deep roots growing underground even when it feels like there’s nothing happening on the surface.

Trusting your nervous system, giving yourself permission to go to events that feel good for you and avoid potential sensory overload or make up for it by having quiet days after, just really honouring how you feel, whether it’s through trauma, through ADHD, through autism, honouring what you need.

With it being the longest night in terms of darkness in this part of the world, it can feel a bit hopeless. If it feels good for you, I encourage you to connect with that, dipping the toe into that dorsal vagal, that Freeze! Only dipping a toe in.

We’re focusing on Ventral Vagal (Purr!) the feeling good, the renewal, the hope, the letting go of what no longer serves, and setting intentions around what you want to bring into your life.

It can be a wonderful time of year to connect with the worry, the anxiety, the fear, the fear of the darkness, fear of the cold. I’m going to introduce this episode, episode 89 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Thank you for listening.

I’m sharing a couple of my favourite rituals for this time of year in this episode, and I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach, senior accredited supervisor specialising in AuDHD, ADHD-friendly therapies, trauma-informed, neuro-affirming and transpersonal approaches, and I help people heal through somatic self-care practices that honour how your brain and nervous system work, as well as your Self, that uppercase S for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. With new episodes each Tuesday, you can subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss new episodes.

And if you’re new here, you may want to check out other episodes, access deeper dives, free resources and more information at the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. As you listen to today’s episode, ask yourself, how are you feeling about Yule? How are you feeling about Christmas? It can be very dark, very cold, very joyful, very light. Welcome all the feelings, as always and just honour however it is you’re feeling.

For the feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework this week, you may want to take a Yule log for yourself. So this is a log that I’m going to be burning, and the chocolate cake dessert comes from this ancient tradition where people would carve or write things that they were ready to banish into the flame, and also intentions, letting go of, ready to welcome. I encourage you between now and Yule, the 21st of December, to write you might want to carve.

Me, I’m quite impatient. I use normally a permanent marker, sometimes biro. It depends on the log. I don’t have the patience for lots of struggle with it. I want it to be as easy as possible, but it’s really joyful to then burn the log and meditate on what you’re releasing and what you’re welcoming in, that sense of letting go, renewal, thinking about the warmth, the light to come, the joy.

And we have a little visit here from Meadbh. So I’m just going to welcome Meadbh to Episode 89/

And notice how that feels for you. If you don’t have an open fire, if you don’t have a log, you can write on a piece of paper. You can burn it safely with a candle in somewhere safe outside or safe inside. The intention is around really reflecting on renewal, and in order to renew, we release as well.

The more we let go with faith that we are clearing the way for more light, more warmth, more joy, more ease, more healing, more freedom, whatever it is you’re wanting, let yourself ponder, let yourself reflect, let yourself release and welcome.

As we move into the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework this week, you might want to grab your journal. You might want to do some embodied journaling and reflect on any pain, any imperfections, any feelings of being at odds with the season.

It may be around social awkwardness, it may be around sensory issues, it may be around family dynamics, friendships, anything like that. Journal in a friendly way for yourself, and it might be something that you choose to burn on the 21st with your log or instead of. Do your best to love your whole self, to welcome all of it and know that part of feeling and accepting the pain is shining a light on it.

The days are going to begin to get longer again. Sunlight is the best disinfectant, giving yourself that gift of letting yourself feel it all so that it can come up for healing. You’re feeling it at some level anyway, you might as well make it conscious and actually heal it!

Obviously if you need more support and find yourself a good therapist, coach and talk to a loved one, if that’s part of the despair, the darkness, the pain of this type of year, time of year.

As we move into the Heal, collective care element of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, think about either celebrating the community you already have around you, celebrating and honouring ancestors that may have passed or contemporaries that may have passed. Give yourself time, maybe light a candle, remember them and just really being gentle with yourself as you recognise those losses and think about the kind of community you’d like to create. It might be part of your intention setting and giving yourself permission, even if it feels impossible based on your current friendships or relationships.

Imagine light, imagine warmth, imagining feeling safe, welcome and loved wherever you go, allowing your nervous system to thrive. Really giving yourself permission to dream big.

This week in the Sole to Soul Circle, I’m inviting members to burn the Yule Log with me again.

We did it, I think it was last year and I will send an invitation by Zoom for that. You can join the Sole to Soul Circle as a free or as a paid member. Each Wednesday if you join, you’ll receive your deeper dive into each podcast episode and free subscribers get journal prompts and paid members, which is from just 8 euros a month, get exclusive video and audio recordings.

You might also like to sign up for my free weekly newsletter, Míle Buíochas Mondays. And each week it’s polyvagal-informed journal prompts really, while I also share some of the things I’m grateful for. I’m supporting you in building a gratitude practice that honours your nervous system by welcoming all the feelings and part of that involves not just the gratitude, but thinking about the things that have had you stressed out potentially in sympathetic survival (what I call Hiss!) We have ventral vagal Purr! when we go with the Polyvagal Purrs approach to Polyvagal Theory, using rescue cats to make it friendlier, helping you understand it better and you can kind of apply it to dogs, whatever you choose, lizards, anything you love.

We tend to be more compassionate with creatures than ourselves.

With the journal prompts each Monday, I’m encouraging you to connect with what’s been stressing you out, what’s had you in sympathetic survival mode, what’s had you in Hiss! as well as the ventral vagal Purrs, the glimmers, the good stuff. And also dipping a toe into the dorsal vagal, the Freeze! The sense of hopelessness and especially at this time of year, there is so much darkness, there is so much pressure, there’s a lot of advertising, which seems to make everyone feel like everyone else on the planet is having amazing times, apart from them, forgetting that these are films, these are advertisements, they’re not real, families are complex, friendship groups are complex, individuals are complex, we know this.

If you want to heal your trauma and befriend your AuADHD or ADHD brain, you can find out more about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, and you can also explore Self care coaching and other ways in which we might work together at selfcarecoaching.net. And you can access full show notes, including links and the full transcript at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

Wishing you the coolest of Yules!

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. This episode, like all of them, was produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can find full transcripts, links, and more information in the show notes, and also at selfcarecoaching.net, as well as more information about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, and if you’re interested in those deeper dives, joining the Sole to Soul Circle, as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings.

If this episode was helpful, please leave a five-star review. In a world in which so much is coming up for healing, and so many people are feeling unsafe, I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma, helping create a world in which everyone is safe, welcome, and loved physiologically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally able to thrive. Your subscribing or liking or sharing feedback and other support helps me help as many people of all genders with trauma histories and AuDHD or ADHD.

And your learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you, it creates a ripple effect helping others heal too. Keep looking after yourself, do what feels good, let yourself honour your nervous system, let yourself honour your charge, your life force, and míle buíochas! A thousand thank yous!

Do you feel overwhelmed not just by your own intense feelings but by everyone else’s too? This episode will help you honour and appreciate your sensitive nervous system.

I (Eve Menezes Cunningham, author, columnist, trauma therapist, senior accredited supervisor, coach, trauma survivor and AuDHDer) share practical strategies for managing hyper empathy which is common with ADHD, autism, AuDHD and trauma histories.

I encourage you to create protected silence in your life, from daily meditation to weekly 12-hour mini retreats, explaining why this isn’t indulgent but can be especially helpful for sensitive nervous systems.

Using my Feel. Love. Heal. framework, I guide you through:

• Creating buffer time and space for yourself (Feel)
• Accepting your sensitivity as a superpower (Love)
• Building community support for your needs (Heal)

Perfect for trauma survivors, AuDHDers, autistic people and ADHDers (and those who identify highly sensitive people or empaths) and anyone who finds themselves absorbing everyone else’s emotions and energy.

Le grá (with love),

Eve

Resources mentioned:

• Tracy Otsuka (ADHD for Smart Ass Women) and Episode 86 for our interview
• Alice Tew & Carly Radford episode
• The Sole to Soul Circle
• 365 Ways to Feel Better book

Topics: hyper empathy, ADHD, autism, AuDHD, trauma recovery, sensitivity, boundaries, nervous system regulation, self-care

Chapters

(0:00) Overwhelmed by everyone else’s feelings

(1:00) Honouring your extra-sensitive nervous system

(2:30) When boundaries collapse under sensory overload

(3:05) The Feel. Love. Heal. framework and creating space for silence

(4:39) When life gets “too peopley”

(8:17) Sensitivity as a superpower (when you protect it)

(10:33) Healing through community and collective care

(12:20) Imagining your future self with stronger boundaries

Links

Tracy Otsuka: Episode 86

Too Sensitive? Too Much? Says Who? Episode 78 with Alice Tew and Carly Radford

Shadow Work with Black Cats and Sharks: Episode 71

Be More Cat: Episode 70

Love your inner Smelly Cat this Bealtaine and beyond Episode 56

Cattitude: Purr! Hiss! Freeze! Episode 48

Sole to Soul Circle membership (just €8/month):

https://selfcarecoaching.net/sole-to-soul-circle/

Book: 365 Ways to Feel Better

https://selfcarecoaching.net/book/

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you ever feel overwhelmed not just by your own intense feelings but seemingly everyone else’s feelings?

This episode, Episode 88 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, is for you. You can access show notes and everything else via thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com You can subscribe wherever you want to subscribe and you can also access loads of free resources and find out other ways in which we might work together through selfcarecoaching.net

Each Tuesday I release new episodes to help you take better care of yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, most miraculous part of yourself, create a life you don’t need to retreat from and help build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome and able to thrive. And that starts with you.

In today’s episode, we’re looking at ways in which, well I’m recommending one particular way in which you can honour that beautiful extra sensitive nervous system of yours and rather than feeling Gaaghh it’s overwhelming, I can’t do anything.

You recognise that you need extra care, extra buffer time, extra space that you’re deserving of connecting with your own feelings and I hope that what I’m recommending will help you.

With autism, with ADHD, with trauma, with AuADHD, sensory issues like hypervigilance, it’s all very much our day-to-day. And with that in mind, it’s natural that we have become, even if we weren’t born, attuned to other people’s needs and moods and potentially walking on eggshells, just wanting others to be happy, all of that.

For some people it goes into hyposensitivity where it’s just too much, shut down, not doing it. and for others it’s hyper, sorry, hyper empathy as opposed to hypo empathy where that feeling, not just your own but everyone else’s, it can feel and be debilitating.

It might be you go to a party and you get cornered by someone who you don’t want to be rude to, you learn boundaries, all of this gets much, much easier but boundaries are much easier to set and assert and maintain when we’re in that good place.

When we’re feeling bombarded, when there’s that sensory overload where it’s just too much, our defences go down and it can feel like we just want to move away to a cave in the forest in the middle of the earth. It doesn’t have to be like that.

Working with the Feel. Love. Feel. framework that I developed, for the Feel part, that’s the lowercase hyphenated self-care, the regulatory, the things you can do to help yourself feel better.

It’s really about looking at your schedule and thinking how can you create and protect some space for silence. I’ve talked about my weekly 12-hour mini retreats before and, full disclosure I had a journal to get off to press and I’m, at time of recording going away for my first holiday in over nine years. So manic preparations, trying to get everything prepared and it’s been a few weeks since I’ve managed my own weekly 12-hour mini retreat and I’m feeling it.

And I also know that when I get back from the holiday that will be a non-negotiable because it’s so beneficial for me. By having that silence, by having that time each week, I do over Christmas a 24-hour one which is even better but I’ve spoken in previous episodes about this, it just wasn’t sustainable.

I’d think to myself, oh on the bank holiday weekends I will do that and then instead I joined a Sub Aqua club and I’ve been going snorkelling around the country which has been really lovely but…

Doing less, 12 hours, half of what I thought I needed most of the year, most weeks this year, it’s been amazing. And I know each week when life gets too peopley and don’t get me wrong, I adore people, I love people but I need time to completely connect with myself, to tune in to myself and I need to not feel on call. Loved ones have my landline number, it’s not technically a landline, it’s that VoIP internet but it means I can switch my phone off, no telly, no washing machine, nothing noisy, just ahhh.

12 hours might sound like the height of indulgence to you. It might sound like nowhere near enough time, look at your schedule, think about what you need, be honest with yourself and create and protect that kind of space for yourself on a daily or weekly or monthly basis and experiment with it.

It’s not all or nothing, this is just about giving yourself space where you withdraw your senses from everyone else and you instead attune to your own. If you’re living with others it obviously complicates things but there are many people where they do kind of their silence in companionship and that can be even more nourishing depending on the relationships and this will be information as well.

But it might be that you live with lots of people and you can still take yourself away and have some time to think purely about whatever you want to be thinking about and not be bombarded with other people’s demands or perceived demands because you feel like you can feel what they’re feeling with that hyper empathy.

Moving on to the Love part and it’s accepting your sensitivity, it’s reminding yourself that you’re part of nature, you’re part of the Divine and you are created exactly as you ought to be. And the more you honour how you are, the greater the contribution to the world you can make, the more you can enjoy doing the things that help you make those contributions to the world.

Denying what you need is not going to help, beating yourself up is not going to help, telling yourself you’re too much, you’re too sensitive, any of that is not going to help.

If you haven’t already listened to my episode with Tracy Otsuka, the author of ADHD for Smart Ass Women, links in the show notes, she does loads around helping us remember that we’re not too much.

And there’s also the Alice Tew and Carly Radford [Too Much… Apparently] episode and Carly in particular is a sensitivity counsellor. She specialises in working with sensitivity, she’s autistic and both of them absolutely delightful.

I really loved recording both of those episodes so there’ll be links in the show notes and check them out and I’m also aware this is my job, this is my work, I spend so many hours every week talking to clients, talking to supervisees, talking to groups, writing, recording and I still have to use that soothing tone to myself when I feel like I shouldn’t need whatever it is I need or want whatever it is I want, I shouldn’t be too sensitive.

Recognising your sensitivity is and can be a superpower but that’s when you protect it, not when you let it overwhelm you. When you can be in that kind of ventral, that, think of a cat purring, it lets itself purr and it’s not helpless, it’s not defenceless, it’s allowing itself to be completely present and embodied and strong and it knows that if it needs to leap into action it can completely do that. But it’s not gonna stop giving itself that sun puddle, that glorious stretch, that delicious drink, whatever it might be.

We can all be more cat and if you haven’t already checked out the cat episodes, the Feline Better Every Day, the Rescue Cattitude and Polyvagal Purrs on Instagram, I’m actually going to be creating accounts for all the cats so they can… anyway that’s for another day but I use the rescue cats to help to illustrate Polyvagal Theory because it’s much simpler than the jargon makes it sound.

The more you recognise yes, your hyper empathy can be a superpower and you need to protect it, you need to honour it, you need to work with it and that might involve silence, that might involve space. This episode is around silent night coming up to Christmas, very cheesy, I know but think for yourself, it might be a silent hour, it might be a silent half hour, might be like I can’t imagine where I’d be without my daily meditation and I do it in different chunks.

I don’t do huge long chunks like some people, you need to work with your brain, you need to work with your window of tolerance, you need to love yourself exactly as you are and know that you were created and are perfect and you know what you need and it’s about giving yourself permission to have that rather than instead berating yourself and telling yourself you shouldn’t need it, so that’s the Love part.

The Heal part is to find or create community, the collective care, so the Love part it’s that uppercase Self care, that highest, wisest, truest, most miraculous, joyful, brilliant part of yourself and for the Heal it’s the collective care and the co-regulation.

In an ideal world, you’re going to be able to tell your nearest and dearest what you need, they’re going to respect it, all is going to be wonderful. In reality, people may want what’s best for you but they also have their own priorities and it’s potentially an advanced practice. And you’re going to have hopefully people in your life who help champion you and who help champion your need for space even when you’re struggling to honour it yourself, so think about who you would most love to talk to about this in your life, feel free to email eve at selfcarecoaching.net or comment on any of the platforms where you’re listening or watching or where you’ve come across this episode.

Share with someone who might benefit, talk to them about it, how might you do it for each other, how might you help each other honour that space, that time, that silence however long or short and ask for exactly what you want, so you’re asking yourself and you’re giving it to yourself and it will get easier the more you ask yourself and others and you’ll recognise the benefits and it will then be easier to protect that and to honour it for yourself.

In the Sole to Soul Circle this week and there’s a link in the show notes to the Sole to Soul Circle, we’re going to be going to afformations, so similar to affirmations but afformations and they’ll be designed to help you and if you’re not already a member you’re welcome to join, but to help you imagine how you got to this space where future imaginary you, happy, healthy, delighted to be around people knowing that you have stronger boundaries and you’re no longer that hyper empathy victim to everyone else’s feelings but you can instead ground, you can resource yourself and you can be present but you are no longer getting sucked into that.

That’s our deeper dive this week. Thank you, as always for listening and this has been episode 88 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and there’ll be more next week.

If you haven’t already subscribed feel free to do so, if it’s been helpful it would be helpful for me if you were to leave a comment or like or share with someone who you think will benefit, leave a five star review, it helps to get it out, it’s a small independent podcast and basically the more people I can reach helping people with trauma, with ADHD, with AuDHD to help yourself create a life you don’t need to retreat from, that’s helping others as well, everything I do, everything you do, it has an impact, it ripples out, so in order to reach as many people as possible I really appreciate you doing as many of those things as feel good for you and thanks again for listening and you can find more at selfcarecoaching.net or the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com also follow me on any of the socials and there are links on the site as well to that.

Let me know how you’re getting on, I love hearing from you, I love sharing all of this and how we’re all so uniquely human and the more we get to know ourselves and the more we befriend our unique ADHD or AuDHD brains, the more we heal our trauma and the better life gets.

You were wired differently for a reason and it can be a wonderful, wonderful thing, so look after yourself and I look forward to sharing more next week.

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. This episode, like all of them, was produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can find full transcripts, links and more information in the show notes and also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and if you’re interested in those deeper dives, joining the Sole to Soul Circle, as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings.

If this episode was helpful, please leave a five-star review in a world in which so much is coming up for healing and so many people are feeling unsafe. I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma, helping create a world in which everyone is safe, welcome and loved, physiologically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally able to thrive. So your subscribing or liking or sharing feedback and other support helps me help as many people of all genders with trauma histories and ADHD.

And your learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you, it creates a ripple effect helping others heal too. So keep looking after yourself, do what feels good, let yourself honour your nervous system, let yourself honour your charge, your life force and míle buíochas, a thousand thank yous.

Get your free weekly journal prompts and more here

Dance movement psychotherapist Gwen Williams joins me (trauma therapist, AuDHDer, senior accredited supervisor, coach, author and columnist etc, Eve) to discuss how she combines yoga therapy, dance, art, and psychotherapy to help people reconnect with their bodies and heal.

Gwen shares her journey from yoga therapy training (while pregnant!) to completing her MA in dance movement psychotherapy, plus her exhibition “Reclaiming the Wild Body.” She offers practical insights on movement practices for ADHD and neurodivergent brains, explaining why gentle, slow practices work best when your mind moves at a million miles an hour.

Perfect for anyone interested in somatic healing, trauma recovery, creative therapy, or finding movement practices that actually work for neurodivergent nervous systems.

Find Gwen: Website: gwen-williams.com Instagram: @movement_art_therapy

Topics covered: ADHD, dance movement psychotherapy, yoga therapy, somatic practices, neurodiversity, creative healing, embodiment

le grá (with love),

Eve

Chapters

(0:00) Introduction to Gwen Williams

(0:53) Reconnecting after yoga therapy training 14 years ago

(2:09) Gwen’s evolving body-based and creative work

(3:57) Reclaiming the Wild Body exhibition

(5:12) Neurodiversity, ADHD and creative practice

(7:14) Where to find Gwen online

(7:48) Exploring Eve’s Feel. Love. Heal. framework

(9:22) Gwen’s essential Feel self-care

(11:05) Ideal and essential Love Self care

(14:49) Designing life around slower somatic practice

(16:22) Heal collective care: community, dance and co-regulation

(18:03) Reclaiming the Wild Body workshops

(19:20) Earth body, social body and transpersonal body

(21:02) Vegan chat and episode planning

(22:57) Where to find Gwen (recap)

(23:23) Closing credits and resources

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to episode 87 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Today’s guest is the delightful Gwen Williams. We trained together as yoga therapists for mental health and it was so lovely to catch up with her for this episode and reconnect.

She’s since become a psychotherapist and she is combining art and her psychotherapy and yoga and movement and just all around delightfulness. If you’re in Bristol check her out and online obviously also you can gain a lot from her amazing presence in the world. I hope you enjoy the episode and let me know how you get on.

Welcome Gwen, thank you so much for joining me. Thank you for having me Eve, it’s really nice to be here. It’s so funny because I met you like we used to sit together a lot in the yoga therapy training we did with the Minded Institute and you were pregnant at the time and you like I couldn’t believe that I was struggling because it was a lot.

It was amazing but it was a lot and there you were and now finding out how old your son your first son is it’s like wow like you say it’s a huge mark of time but yeah it’s gorgeous seeing what you’ve been doing with the work and how it’s evolved for you and it looks so beautiful in the video. Do you want to say a little bit more about how it has evolved for you, where people can find you?

Yeah thank you, yeah so it’s lovely to reconnect with you and yeah it was it was about it was like 13 or 14 years ago that we were doing that training together. So yeah so that training in yoga therapy with the Minded Institute, yeah so I suppose that’s been part of an ongoing process for me of exploring, training, sharing different body and movement based work.

So after that I did some training in Focusing so we’re kind of bodied, lovely, gorgeous, embodied, practised and in women’s health and then in dance I trained as a dance movement psychotherapist so I did an MA in that which I completed about a year and a bit ago.

Congratulations.

Yeah thank you and that was a very big big chunky training to do so all these things I kind of bring together now in a way of working with people that’s very much focused on the body, focused on movement, focused on the somatic experience of our body, of what’s happening for us in movement and in response to our lives and our emotions and what’s going on in the world.

And I also have been yeah reclaiming my own creative practice because my background years ago was in fine arts and then in cultural and media studies so lots of the work I’ve been doing that was part of my MA and then going forward has been working with creative practice through I suppose what you could broadly call performance art or movement and film based work.

And you had an exhibition? I had an exhibition yes I had so I had an exhibition in January in central Bristol in an amazing gallery called Centre Space Gallery which is a gorgeous place and that was an exhibition that showcased this body of art space research that I’d done I’d been exploring for probably about seven years in different forms and then it became the focus of my final year of my master’s in dance movement psychotherapy where I got to do this piece of art space research which was called Reclaiming the Wild Body and that was heuristic.

It was sort of very much my exploration my own process in this and then I felt like OK I’ve got to bring this work out into a public space so had this exhibition which was an amazing experience and then as part of that had a movement lab with an amazing multi-instrumentalist so we brought other people in I brought other people into it and we explored and now that’s become a piece of workshops that’s happening right now.

Multi-talented, multi-passionate and it’s obvious that you’re waiting for an ADHD diagnosis like kind of with hindsight with what we know.

Yeah yeah yeah so as I was mentioning I’ve been on the waiting list for about four years for an ADHD diagnosis pretty sure I fit that model and often have multiple threads in different things going on that sort of all link together but often doing lots of things at once yeah yeah some diversity in the picture.

And I think that I know for me understanding oh it’s a differently wired brain it really has helped and continues to help me honour that more rather than oh I shouldn’t be or I should be or all of that.

Yeah absolutely yeah I think my own process with understanding neurodiversity and knowing I’ve been dyslexic my whole life and going and doing well actually when I did my degree it felt like quite a big deal when I did my Master’s it felt like quite a big deal and yeah shake off some ideas I had about what I was good at. And I actually did really well, amazingly, in my in the writing aspect which was a surprise because sometimes I’m like a thousand million ideas and I want to get all in and it can end up feeling a bit chaotic but wonderful.

Yeah it’s been really helpful to kind of understand a bit more about ADHD and be like, OK this is just how I this is kind of the way my brain works and there’s not something wrong with me. No what it is what I do but I think that’s what I think is really helpful in this growing interest in neurodiversity and I ADHD brain I’m not sure if you mentioned your website or website or Instagram I did yeah so my website is gwen-williams.com so you can find on there about my work that I do with groups one-to-ones and a little bit about my creative work and then my Instagram is at movement_art_therapy

Wonderful yeah and we were talking a bit about how I’ll be asking about your ideal and actual self-care so I work with the Feel. Love. Heal. framework I developed and the Feel bit is the more regulatory lowercase self-care the Love is the the uppercase s Self-care like connecting with your miraculous highest wisest wildest truest self and remembering that we’re all part of the divine remembering that we’re already whole no matter what we’ve survived whatever challenges we’re facing and then the Heal bit is the collective self-care the co-regulation.

It might be spaces you hold for others but also very much how you allow yourself to be held and to heal. If I start with the feel what would stand out as an ideal self-care and the essential for you?

I love this model. Great. It’s really nice breaking it down into these three parts so I’d say the kind of Feel yeah so the so the kind of yeah as we were saying sort of the I don’t want to call them basic self-care because they can be challenging and different circumstances but for me I guess I’m sort of eating relatively healthy food whilst also not denying myself any particular foods. But healthy foods fairly regularly. Getting hopefully just about enough sleep and having time I’ve got a little pooch who’s just sat here on the sofa next to me so walking out I’m very lucky to live in a city but one where there’s lots of nature around and woods and fields and a river. So being outside for a good part of the day and also just having time with my boys who are now teenage and tween age and maybe even sneaking in some cuddles with them in front of a good tv series we’re all watching and having some walks and time with my family.

Wonderful yeah they make a lot of self-care wonderful and I’m remembering when I stayed on your houseboat when you were on the river and waking up and seeing swans glide past the bedroom it’s like oh my god that’s incredible but yeah that’s gorgeous.

What would you say, and I always feel a bit evil asking this question but if you could only pick one thing what would be your essential self-care in that category?

I suppose I’d have to go for the snuggles and they’re like family time.

I love it I love it and moving to the Love part, so with the Feel part it’s very much when we have the bandwidth to do the things that will help us regulate. With the Love part that can often be harder because we are all part of the Divine and we forget, through trauma histories, through neurodivergence, and being told we’re wrong our entire childhoods and growing up. But when you like if you were to think about that highest wisest truest part of yourself like that acceptance that knowing that you don’t need to do a thing to improve. You’re already whole and everything. What would be your ideal and essential I realise I sound like I’m contradicting myself but there are things we can do to help us be in that mode more and does that make sense?

Yeah, totally and I guess I was thinking as you were saying that that we also exist in a society in our Western society that also doesn’t support this it doesn’t us are remembering that we are whole we are perfect we are part of divine love we are all enough as we are. And to me the remembering I really need to remember and my practice is really about remembering that and the way that I do that is really through the body and through my movement practice. So my ideal is that I get up at six in the morning and I go to my mat and I light a candle and I do some sitting meditation and I do some moving meditation combination of movement and yoga and I’m going to be honest that these days that doesn’t happen so much because I also you know end up going to bed a little bit too late and want to sleep in the morning. Yeah I do find it’s pretty much a necessity for me to do some morning movement practice ideally each day or as many days as I can manage in a week and it’s through my movement practice that it’s like it settles my nervous system.

It settles me back into my body back into myself and it’s through that that I access those things you mentioned wonderful so what one thing would be it’s my own movement practice at home on the mat.

Yeah did I just totally ADHD and ask you the exact same thing again?

Well I don’t know or maybe I did the ADHD thing and sort of went all over the place probably with it. Yeah my ideal is getting up and doing it in the morning but my like if that’s which a lot of the time it does and my kind of one thing is at some point at least a few times in the week.

Yeah I was thinking when you were saying about, so my brain did kind of go like the 6am as ideal: Is that because you’d like it to be or because you think it should be or because…?

And yeah I think it’s because it’s easier when I do do it. Yeah, less distracted by like oh maybe I need to do those emails or maybe I need to do that thing or I just need to wash up the breakfast things or need to be somewhere at a certain time.

So it makes it easier when first thing I do is my practice. Yeah that just doesn’t happen you’ve got two children like you’ve got so often it’s like they go to school and then I do a bit of practice and then I get on with my day.

And have you been able to design your day around it or like are you able to?

I do design my day around it and because it feels quite essential. Yeah I think you know talking about neurodiversity, a movement practice which is very soft, it’s very gentle is because my brain goes at a million miles an hour. So doing a movement practice that is very dynamic or pushes me and fast pace it’s like my brain is already doing that so I can just slow.

Gentle practice yeah actually it’s pretty essential for me to stay well and to stay regulated.

Yeah, I love it and moving to the Heal part you’ve already mentioned snuggles. That’s part of the kind of co-regulation the collective care and like kind of potential post-traumatic growth it’s the you are doing so much in your community I just love seeing your posts and hearing about it.

And do you want to say more about in an ideal world what you would offer and accept in terms of the Heal part? And also the bare essentials?

Yeah, so I suppose maybe I’ll start with the bare essentials so yeah there’s kind of the collective in my family that connection and then for me I dance in in shared spaces in Five Rhythms class and somatic dance classes. Having that once a week feels pretty essential for me. And that’s going as a participant, being held in that space, being part of this amazing community that really really lucky to have access to.

That does feel like kind of an essential and then it’s great if I can get it up to a couple of times a week. Oh you can probably see a little bit here and then also what I offer so I’m currently offering a somatic yoga and mindful movement group and that again it’s like sharing my practice. It’s a little bit of still meditation and a little bit of moving meditation and the reason I offer that is because that’s like my anchor.

Yeah, I benefit from offering those classes I’m also participating. We create the presence and the focus together. That’s one of the things that I’m offering and is part of my kind of ideal. And then I’m also offering this series of workshops called Reclaiming the Wild Body which explores this work for arts-based research and the work that came into the exhibition and now the series of workshops.

Yeah I just love it. Reclaiming the Wild Body. There’s so much power in that like oh my god just and like the world as well the earth the connection with nature the healing all of it.

Yeah yeah thinking about that collective like you said part of that work is exploring our bodies not as separate from nature not but as nature. We are nature. We are part of this bigger system and microcosms in the macro and it’s been a process of exploring what happens to my body when I’m in the landscape and in the environment. And when I really submerge myself in that, what happens to my nervous system, my body, my movement, my breath, my internal experience, my internal landscape.

And the flip side of that so I kind of it’s again it’s like a three-part model in a way so I call that the Earth Body and then kind of from exploring that I then explored the kind of opposite of that I suppose or another aspect which is the Social Body the body that’s exists within a society history and has a tradition part of that history and tradition is to separate humans from nature humans over nature humans as not all one but as separate individuals individualism and capitalism and so there’s all these stories that we’re all assisting in stories about many kind of aspects of our visible bodies that come from a historical position so also part of that and that can feel a little bit more kind of edgy or a little bit more there can be some discomfort in some of those things yeah also and then the last part of that model is the Transpersonal Body or the body that is part of this bigger system that other bodies humans animals plants beings reconnecting with us.

I love it. Oh yeah are you vegan?

I’m not vegan actually I’ve been vegetarian most of my life and now I’m a bit flexitarian.

No I was just trying to remember when you were saying that I remember when I did the training I wasn’t but a lot of you were going out for these very healthy I am now but I could use much more whole food and less of the ultra processed deliciousness but no I hope you don’t mind me asking.

No no I’m a bit like probably many of my meals are vegan I don’t have very much that’s not vegan but I do have a bit. My son is actually vegan. He’s all in with it a bit of accommodating that.

I’m only thinking it’s in terms of I want to get this out as soon as possible and I’ve promised that next week it’s going to be for World Vegan Month and I thought oh if you’re then I will change! And but no anyway I will do what I promised at the end of the last episode for next week but that model just sounds beautiful.

It’s amazing, gorgeous talking to you. You’re going to stay with me for the Circle and I’m going to ask you a bit more about the fast brain and slower yoga and how you work that because I’ve very much found that myself and someone recently said to me I was in a like warm yin class and he said I had a “yin vibe” and I was like oh that’s so sweet it’s so not true. I have to work so hard it’s utter torture but nearly 50 I can manage it and benefit from it. In my 20s in London it was pure torture and so I’d love to go into a little bit more around that for the Circle.

So thank you. Do you want to say again where people can find you?

Yes so you can find me I have a website gwen-williams.com you can also find me on Instagram which is at movement_art_therapy and I have to think as I say that because my dyslexic brain just muddles those three words up into different orders but yeah movement_art_therapy

Wonderful. Thanks a million.

Pleasure.

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. This episode like all of them was produced by me your host Eve Menezes Cunningham you can find full transcripts links and more information in the show notes and also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and if you’re interested in those deeper dives joining the Sole to Soul Circle as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings.

If this episode was helpful please leave a five-star review. In

Welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast! Today I’m thrilled to share my conversation with Tracy Otsuka, host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women podcast and author of the book by the same name.

Get your free weekly journal prompts and more here

Tracy was one of the first voices I discovered on my own ADHD journey, and her strengths-based, neuro-affirming approach has been truly transformative. She’s a former lawyer who boldly celebrates the brilliance often overlooked in ADHD while being refreshingly honest about the challenges.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why ADHD is an identity problem, not just a productivity issue
• Exercise supporting and sometimes replacing medication for managing symptoms
• The power of finding your “sweet spot” where executive function challenges disappear
• Revenge Bedtime Procrastination and the most creative solution I’ve come across
• The 43% of ADHDers with excellent mental health that nobody talks about

Whether you’re newly diagnosed, long-time ADH or supporting someone who is, this conversation is full of practical wisdom and hope. Enjoy!

Chapters

0:00 – Introduction to Tracy Otsuka and her work

2:51 – Personal impact of Tracy’s podcast and book

4:02 – Finding Tracy and her programmes

4:41 – ADHD as an identity problem and building on strengths

5:46 – Ideal self-care practices

6:19 – Exercise and medication experiences

8:13 – Morning routines and dopamine

11:26 – Reading, hyperfocus, and slow dopamine

12:13 – Gardening, tapping, and somatic practices

13:12 – Sleep and managing bedtime resistance (Revenge Bedtime Procrastination)

15:20 – Strategies for easier evening routines

18:55 – Advice for younger self and understanding ADHD

21:07 – Self-expertise and navigating medications

23:42 – Following interests and creating meaningful work

24:51 – Music, piano, cello, and doing things your way

26:25 – Singing, family, and supporting creativity

27:29 – How you can find Tracy

FULL TRANSCRIPT

I can’t wait to introduce today’s guest. She’s someone who has helped me enormously on my own ADHD and now AuDHD journey. Hers was one of the first podcasts I found when I started going down that rabbit hole.

The very fantabulous Tracey Otsuka, host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women podcast and author of the book ADHD for Smart Ass Women.

Her podcast is really working with the brilliance that is often overlooked with ADHD. She’s very bold, very dynamic, former lawyer, and really confident, honest about the challenges, honest about the disabling aspects, but really it’s probably one of the most strengths-based neuro-affirming approaches I’ve heard.

And I just love her guests. She is wanting to draw awareness to the 43% of ADHDers with excellent mental health. So I hope you enjoy our interview.

I’m really looking forward to talking to her. And I hope that without any kind of toxic positivity, without any negating of the struggles, you too will be able to own your challenges, know that you deserve support for your challenges and make space for your brilliance. Let me know what you think.

Welcome to Episode 85 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday, I share new episodes helping trauma survivors, ADHDers and AuDHDers take better care of yourself, create a life you don’t need to retreat from, and help build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome, and loved, able to thrive. So literally working with your nervous system, your energy, and it’s a very holistic approach.

You can subscribe if you haven’t already, and you’re very welcome to share. I do a lot of free content because I know not everyone can afford one-to-one work. I’ve got another group event coming up, and there’s always the Sole to Soul Circle.

But if you check out selfcarecoaching.net, there’s information about the book, more about the podcast, loads of free resources around different areas and conditions. And you can also visit the www.thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com. I hope you enjoy today’s episode, and thank you for listening and watching whatever you’re choosing to do. So welcome, Tracy Otsuka.

I can’t believe I’m talking to you because you are such a huge influence on me befriending my own ADHD and now I understand AuDHD brain. This is the first time we’ve spoken, like we’ve just had a brief chat now, but I’ve listened to so many of your episodes, your book, and I recommend it to so many people. I mentioned it in the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, an article I did about late diagnosis, and I love your strengths-based approach.

I love that you don’t gloss over the challenges, like you’re human, we’re all human, but even the idea that, is it 43% of ADHD is experienced good mental health?

No, no, not good, not good. Excellent. Excellent mental health. And no one ever talks about that. Why have I never heard or read about this other than that one article? Actually, there’s a few articles on that one study.

Yeah, I absolutely love it. So I’m so grateful for your work. Where can people find you and what are you working on at the moment?

Probably the easiest place that they can find me is on our brand new app called AOK Mind, and you can find it in the App Store or Google Play.

Wonderful.

And there’s tons of free resources there, so a lot of the trainings that I’ve done over the years are in there.

You also have your patented programme. Do you want to mention that?

I do have my six-step patented programme. We call it Your ADHD Brain is AOK. I think my camera’s a little crooked. And so I don’t believe that ADHD is a productivity problem. I believe it is an identity problem. We’ve spent our entire life trying to be who they want us to be at the expense of figuring out who we really are. And so the reason why this is so important is if you can build that foundation of what is it exactly that you value? What’s truly important to you? What are the strengths that are just natural born? You can’t help but practice them. You’re practicing them now. What are the talents that you’ve built skills around and turned into superpowers? What of the many passions? Because that is one of our challenges. We have sparkly syndrome where we try this, we try that, we try little bit of this, then we go down here and try more of that. And so it can make us feel like we’re all over the place. And then of course, our purpose. So if you can figure out what that sweet spot is, that is your foundation and do work in that sweet spot.

You will have none, if not very, very few of the executive function challenges that you have in most other areas.

Yeah, wonderful. And if you were to think, because I know you’re a great proponent of the things that you talk about exercise and the things we can control, even when they might be more challenging, what would be your ideal self-care practices, both in terms of like basic self-care and that uppercase S, the highest, wisest, truest part in your spiritual practices, and also collective care? You’ve mentioned your group, but what would be your ideal? So my ideal and I try my, there’s certain things that are non-negotiables and you know, the number one for me is exercise. Unfortunately, and I know I have developed this reputation. I’m not sure how that I am against medication. I am not against medication at all. Are you kidding me? If I could use medication for the things that are difficult for me to get done, like anything to do with numbers or frankly, memorising anything, I would use medication in a heartbeat. It does not work for me, however. And so when things don’t work for you, you have to develop other workarounds.

And so I’m so appreciative that medication didn’t work for me because if it did, I may not have gone out and developed the other workaround. So what we know, number one, my number one strategy is OK. 20 minutes of exercise at 70% of your high heart rate studies have been done about this is as effective as a course of Adderall and Prozac. Even if you are taking medication, it is going to make your medication work better and there are no side effects. So I work out every morning. I used to work out in the evenings.

I’ve always worked out. There was something that my brain just knew I felt better. Um, so I’ve always worked out, but I used to work out in the evening.

And when I discovered that I had ADHD, I realised, OK, I need to change this up because I feel like my brain is like an airplane on a runway and I need to get it off the runway. And what gets it off the runway first thing in the morning is dopamine. That’s, you know, what’s going on with our brains.

We don’t know is that we make, we don’t make enough of it, or is it that we process it differently? They don’t know for 100% certainty what it is. And so I know I’ve got to get that dopamine up in the morning. And if I can do that, everything is better throughout the day.

The first thing I do is I literally get up. It was hard initially, but at this point I have trained my brain (neuroplasticity) to the point that I get up in the morning and I’m like a robot. I never thought in my head, I don’t want to do this. It’s cold. It’s, it’s just so odd, but I think it’s because I know this is my medication and if I don’t do it, I’m going to feel bad.

I would say it’s that, and then getting it out in nature. So I will do, we have two dogs, Teddy and Mo and I will take a walk with my husband. And then if I get up early enough, I really like to do some sort of reading in the morning rather than picking up my phone and scrolling, you know, which is fast dopamine, which 15 minutes later makes us crash.

It doesn’t help us, versus slow dopamine, like reading a book where it’s a little hard to get into it, but you know, hyper-focus once we’re interested, we’re locked in and then we can’t put it down. I read, I’m not a fiction reader at all, but a friend of mine who I adore wrote a fiction book. And so I thought I’m a crappy friend. If I don’t read this book, I did not want to read this book. I had no interest. And I picked it up at 10:30 on Saturday morning, hyper-focus. I finished it at 3:30 in the morning. You know, but it was because it was so well-written and it was so interesting. The Covert Buccaneer, by the way.

I was going to say, do you want to plug the book in the author?

It’s so good. I wish I had it sitting here, but I don’t, it’s called The Covert Buccaneer. And it’s kind of this dual timeline where you’re talking about the present tense, which is really kind of, it’s a story about her life. She’s a lawyer that fought for caregiver rights. And then it also has, she found this manuscript from her great grandmother. No, was it a great, great grandmother? And who was a suffragist, suffragist, is that how you say it? You know, in the late 1800s, early 1900s.

And so, you know, we do things like that, right. Where when we pop in, it might be hard to start, but then we pop into hyper-focus and granted I spent the whole day doing that. I never, ever, ever do something like that. Not for fiction. I mean, not for nonfiction and certainly not for fiction, but there was something about, I was like proud of myself. I was like, wait a minute, I can do this.

So again, it’s about interest, right? We have ADHD brain is a brain of interest. When we find something that is interesting to us, even if in our mind, we’re like, I don’t do fiction because the last two fiction books, the last one was Anna Karenina. It took me eight months to finish it because I had to, you know, because I’d forget what I had read and I was just honest to God bored.

Those are the three things that in an ideal day, that is how I start my morning out. The first two are non-negotiables. The third one, it’s when I can get up early enough, we have daylight savings time flipped back.

I have an extra hour so it’s been a little bit easier, but the downside to that is I can never get myself together before 9:30 in the morning because it’s, and I get up early, you know, but it’s just all of these things that I need to do to make sure that when I show up for someone like you, my brain is working, you know, maybe not as best as it can, but a lot better than if I didn’t do it. Yeah.

And, what about like kind of later in the day or like once a week, like, is there anything else that you would love to fit in?

I love to garden. Again, that’s nature. And I don’t know what it is about gardening, but that it is one of the few things that I can do and I’m not thinking about other things. I don’t know why I I’m just not, I’m just in it, you know, it’s, you know, it’s somatic kind of all about somatic therapies and when I’m struggling, I would say my number one thing is tapping. Yeah.

I do. Yeah. It’s fantastic.

So, what if you could only do… this feels evil because I depend on many myself and it’s like, take any of them away. Like, I start with like, kind of, I’m not going to do all I’ve done in other episodes, but all the things I’ve trained in, they’re all essential to me. They were all to save my life before I knew I had ADHD.

Yeah. If I were to be evil and say that one thing, what would that be? The one thing out of all the things that I’ve mentioned. You know, the other thing I need to mention, because I was such a sleep denier, I don’t need sleep.

I literally wake up… most people, they wake up at 5:30 in the morning and they’re going to get up at six. They’re, they’re thinking, Oh, I want more time. I am literally, I don’t want to go to bed.

And I don’t, I, so if I wake up and I wake up early, I am the kind of person who it’s like, Oh, please don’t make it too, too late. I mean, don’t make it too early because then I’m going to have to go back to bed again. I just, and I don’t need sleep.

So I thought I didn’t need sleep. Right. And then I heard that the quality and quantity of your REM sleep is directly proportional to your lifespan. And once I heard that, I was like, Oh crap, you better start paying attention to this, especially, you know, as we’re aging, as we’re getting older. So I would say sleep is so important. I’m still not perfect, but I am so much better than, you know, four or five hours a night, which I was doing for years.

Yeah. And what helps? Cause I know it’s really hard. Like sleep is one of my specialisms.

I used to be an insomniac as a small child, but I also know with the hyper-focus I can get obsessed with like reorganising my closet in the middle of the night or working until three in the morning, just because I love what I do, but also a lot of different angles to what I do. What helps you? I have reminders on my phone, like time to stop work, Evie Cat? Cause I use the rescue cats to illustrate polyvagal theory.

And it’s like, I have to do it as a question mark to not have the pathological demand avoidance and like Time for bed, Evie Cat? at 11. And like, if I can, and then I might read, Oh, like do lots of things, but the friendlier I can make it, but there’s still that like teenage and toddler part of me, like, no, I want to do all the things. Revenge, bedtime procrastination.

Right. Totally. A couple of things. I, it’s about removing the resistance. Right. And so we know for our ADHD brains, if we can make something fun, challenging, social or urgent, we can get it done.

Let’s scrap urgent because that does not help our nervous system. Yeah. One of the things that I just hate doing and it prevents me from going back to the bedroom is taking off my makeup and washing my face and brushing my teeth, flossing.

And I just hate all of that. So what I find is if I can do it throughout the night, it’s much easier for me to go to bed. So I have, you know, toothbrush, you know, those wipe things I have, you know, cleanser, in our guest bathroom, because that’s actually the bathroom that I’ll use, you know, if I’m sitting on the couch and I’m reading, or if I’m watching a program or whatever.

And so whatever you can do to remove the resistance. So I’ll grab one of those wipes, I’ll bring it into the family room and I’ll be getting rid of, you know, the first coat while I’m sitting there, just anything to make it easier. And then the other thing I did for Additude Magazine, I did a webinar for them on Revenge Bedtime Procrastination.

And the first thing, when I heard about how important our sleep is, the first thing I did is I thought, OK, how can I make it fun? And so I have an A L E X A, do they have those in Ireland? The Alexa. Yeah. Yeah.

Mine will go off. So sorry, I don’t, I realised why you were spelling it out, what it is, right? Yeah. You’re trying to not activate it by saying.

It’s a nosy little thing.

Yeah. And so what I initially did was I thought, OK, Cinderella, you know how she has to get home before midnight. Otherwise she’ll turn into a, or the, I guess the carriage will turn into a pumpkin.

So I played a game with and I set up my A L E X A to play church bells. And so minutes before I, so I am not, and you know, if I can get to bed by midnight, that’s good for me. So at 11:50, I set off the church bells and that was the cue to get up off my seat and to start, you know, closing windows, locking things.

And, but I had to be out by, you know, by 12 o’clock when the clock struck midnight and I would find myself running around the house, like laughing at myself, but it’s kind of what you were saying, right? You have to make it fun. Yeah. And I, I only had to do it maybe three times and it kind of got in my brain that, OK, you know, we’re going to be in bed by midnight.

And sometimes I get bad and I start slacking, but then I remember, OK, no, this is what serves you. And you really have to pay attention, right? Because we forget how we feel. So when I go to bed late, how do I feel in the morning? Usually I’m not able to do any reading.

I’m running through my workout. I’m running through the, you know, the walk with the dogs. And so things just feel again, it’s all, and you know, this, if anyone knows this, it’s all about nervous system regulation, right? So if you can start your day out calm and feeling in control, it’s always going to work better than if you’re running through everything, just trying to tick it off of a box.

Yeah. I love it. And, um, what advice do you have for younger you? What do you wish you’d known earlier? What advice do I have for younger me? Well, I wish I knew I had ADHD.

A couple things. I wish I knew I had ADHD. I wish I knew that the ADHD brain was a brain of interest. And so maybe that’s why I shouldn’t have started studying dentistry in college. Oh, wow. So you went from dentistry to law and then this.

Yeah, because I didn’t know. So, you know, I was, I have a tiger mom and a tiger dad, my father’s Japanese American, and my mother’s German. And, you know, we got up, we were required to get up every morning at 6am to play an hour of our instrument.

And if we didn’t - classical instrument, of course, I hated it. You know, I just absolutely hated it. But I was raised, what was the question you just asked me? What you wish younger you had known, like what advice you’d have? Oh, OK.

So the instrument is an example of, OK, that’s what my parents wanted for me. That is so not what I wanted for me. But I didn’t know what I wanted, you know, given the choice today, I would have said, OK, you want me to do something...

Do you feel like your vegan diet or food allergies make you “difficult” at restaurants and social gatherings? You’re not alone. And you deserve better.

In this World Vegan Month episode, I (author, trauma therapist, senior accredited supervisor etc, Eve Menezes Cunningham) share some of my journey from being an “awkward vegan” with a severe bell pepper allergy to (more) confidently advocating for my food needs. Learn how to:

✨ Ask for what you need without shame

✨ Use somatic techniques to feel empowered when ordering

✨ Navigate social situations where you’re the only vegan

✨ Recognise which people and places truly support your needs

✨ Turn advocating for yourself (stating dietary requirements) into self-healing

Whether you’re vegan, have food allergies, sensory issues with food or any dietary requirements, this episode validates your experiences and provides practical tools for feeling safe, welcome and nourished.

Perfect for anyone with trauma, ADHD, or AuDHD who struggles with the extra layers of complexity around food choices.

🎙️ Feel Better Every Day Podcast Episode 85 Host: Eve Menezes Cunningham Next week: Special guest Tracy Otsuka, author of “ADHD for Smart Ass Women”

📚 Free resources and full transcript: selfcarecoaching.net

#VeganLife #FoodAllergies #ADHD #TraumaHealing #SelfCare #Neurodivergent #WorldVeganMonth

CHAPTERS

(0:00–1:25) Asking for what you need and embracing awkwardness

(1:25–3:50) Power poses, confidence, and feeling worthy of good things

(3:50–5:44) Compassion for yourself when being vegan feels awkward

(5:44–7:15) Sensory needs, boundaries, and finding your people

(7:15–9:01) Speaking up for yourself and healing old wounds

(9:01–11:24) Food, co-regulation, and making socialising easier

(11:24–13:24) EFT tapping, tenderness, and trauma-informed care

(13:24–16:10) Rippling kindness outward and staying idealistic

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you ever feel like being a vegan makes it hard for you to enjoy food out with friends, loved ones or even at home?

Do you ever feel like you’re being too awkward if you have any kind of food allergy?

This episode for World Vegan Month is for you and I want to encourage you to acknowledge the accommodations that you need and deserve and to help you ask for what you need with less shame.

I’m nearly 50 and I am much better at it than I used to be but I used to call myself an awkward vegan for many years because I’m also allergic to bell peppers and they’re in so many vegan dishes.

The older I get, I mean I say the older I get, a couple decades ago I was writing for an allergy magazine about the pepper allergy and it was before I went vegan but about the difficulty. It’s not one of the big 14 [allergens].

Back then there was a big 10 and there’s more awareness around allergies but I guess the relevance for this episode is recognising the special needs needing to be accommodated like it could kill me. And it is very stressful a lot of the time and also I love food and I want to enjoy it, I don’t want to be off of the salads.

Welcome to episode 85 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I’m your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and every Tuesday I share a new episode where it’s helping people with trauma, ADHD and AuDHD take better care of yourself, create a life you don’t need to retreat from and help build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome and loved.

This here is Mighty Meadbh and if you haven’t already subscribed you’re very welcome to and you can find out more information at the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and that will lead you to the book and all sorts of free resources as well as ways of working with me.

For the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework today, I want to encourage you to get into your body to empower yourself. It might be that you feel a bit silly doing a power pose before making a phone call to a restaurant or even looking at a menu outside. But it’s hard being in a minority. And with food being so central. We co-regulate with other people and we connect with others so often through food so if you’re the only vegan in your circle it can be really challenging.

You might want to take a power pose to remind yourself that just as you wouldn’t tell anyone else what they should or shouldn’t be eating no one else has a right to be telling you that. And you deserve delicious food.

Notice the way you’re sitting. Notice if you can straighten up. Notice if you can send those signals of safety up via the vagus to the pons part of the brain (if it’s not too awkward depending on where you are when you are you might want to take a Power Pose).

I’ve removed my arms from Meadbh I don’t know what she’ll do now. If you’re standing up, maybe place your hands on the hips but anything that helps you have that open-hearted posture.

It’s not about being awkward. It’s not about being difficult. It’s about being polite but also knowing that you have a right to eat in a way that feels good for you.

I’ve actually considered stopping being vegan because it feels so awkward sometimes and I just… it might be the justice sensitivity with the ADHD and it might be the trauma history and kind of taking the animal suffering, the bee suffering, so to heart, but I would really struggle to live with myself.

I find it much easier to live with myself trying, I mean I’m not… like kind of that sounds dramatic. I don’t mean it like that. But it’s a friendlier way for me personally to walk through this life where humans do so much damage.

To not be a part of that. But there’s nothing wrong with anyone making any choices that are right for them whether it’s through taste or through health reasons or anything else.

But it’s about you giving yourself permission to know what you want and ask for what you want. Where there might be allergies it can be extra awkward. There’s generally more understanding around coeliac… it seems like kind of people seem to be doing well getting gluten-free food.

There is a huge lack of awareness still around what vegan actually means. People are often like, “oh, it has eggs” or “it has honey”.

It’s like that’s not vegan! Plant-based being offered a salad. Let yourself feel how you want to feel don’t be forcing yourself to contort your tastes. If you want chips that’s fine. If you want salad that’s fine but also know that you, like everyone else at the table, is worthy of a meal that you will genuinely enjoy and feel nourished by. You deserve that just as everyone else does.

As we move to the Love part of the framework, remembering that you like everyone else are part of the Divine. Part of nature. And there’s no need to feel awkward.

It might be that your dietary requirements have nothing to do with being vegan but it’s to do with sensory issues. And again, you have a right to eat in a way that feels good for you. That makes sense for you. You don’t need to change a thing.

And it can sound harsh but I know for me with the being vegan and having the anaphylaxis pepper allergy… it filters out people who aren’t good for me. Because if someone is caring and considerate and patient… often people have… my loved ones… my partner has to be very patient sometimes where it’s so difficult for me to get something edible.

It filters out people who are dismissive. Who consider one option that’s barely edible to make the venue a vegan restaurant. And food, again it can be so connecting, it can be so joyful, it can be so… and it can also make you feel like very disconnected.

For the Love part of the framework this week, I really want you to just give yourself some love.

Connect with that part of you that maybe doesn’t feel worthy of the… I was going to say concessions, the accommodations, the awkwardness.

Know that someone would have no problem asking for whatever they wanted in a very specific way. You have every right to frequent establishments that make you feel welcome and that make you feel like you’re not putting them out and that they want to.

And often, it’s really like kind of seemingly meaty places that will be the most welcoming, and where they specialise in that farm to table. Or it’s interesting. Don’t underestimate that there are some amazing places out there and where they will respect your vegan or other dietary requirements and treat you like someone who is deserving of food and you also like kind of really enjoying being there.

Stop arguing with reality. If someone is making you feel worse about it then you might already be feeling that person isn’t good for you those people aren’t good for you. It might be that they’re family. It might be that you have to keep them in your life but you can really be extra tender with that part of yourself that feels rejected and potentially betrayed and uncared for having specific food requirements can be triggering in terms of inner child stuff coming up for healing. A lot of childhood stuff, a lot of like needs not having been met, all sorts of other needs additional needs so really be tender with yourself as it all comes up for healing. And recognise that every time you speak up for yourself, you are healing. You are shining a light on it. And you can bring other people on board. You can let them know how they can support you in it.

One of the things that’s really helped me this year is taking on the booking for a group that I’m part of. It means I can do the research and I can make sure that there’s going to be something edible for me. Something delicious hopefully. I’ve been treated well so far but it makes me feel like I’m not then adding to the person booking workload.

And also, that the person responsible for the food knows about the seriousness of the allergy. So find ways if it’s available to you, to take more ownership over the choices so that everyone can be happy and have delicious food.

And that really is part of the Heal element. The co-regulation, the collective care. The recognising groups where you feel comfortable doing that, groups of friends or more formal groups.

Noticing the restaurants that you feel most comfortable at. The environments you feel most comfortable eating in. The neighbours who might be the most carnivorous creatures on the planet but who welcome a vegan burger at a barbecue or whatever it is. It’s not about, again, changing anyone else’s taste or choice. It’s about honouring that you are as deserving as they are. And they are as deserving as you are. Everyone has a right to food to nourishment and to safety and to feeling welcome.

We know that with Polyvagal Theory, we thrive when we feel safe, welcome and loved. It’s easy for so many people (or it appears to be easy for so many people) when invited to stay for dinner or a cup of tea or anything like that. And it just can feel like an extra barrier. Sometimes, where it’s like, you’d love the company but it means having to say oh, I’ll often just have a hot water rather than go through any kind of milk issue or anything like that.

Think of ways in which you can make it easier for yourself. Think of ways you can make it more enjoyable for yourself.

Let me know how you are getting on in terms of what you do now that you didn’t think to do when you were younger and things that have really made a difference in terms of you embracing that part of you that needs the extra care, the extra tenderness, the extra consideration.

And knowing that again whether it’s through a vegan diet an allergy an intolerance or any kind of sensory issues, knowing that you are worthy.

Let me know how you get on and I look forward to going deeper in the Circle. We’re going to do another EFT Tap Along to help get rid of some of that around decades of potentially feeling unwelcome and too much and impossible to handle and all the things that can be especially triggering with extra sensitive nervous systems, with trauma histories, with ADHD, with AuDHD.

I hope you will join me for that. And you can join via the website at selfcarecoaching.net

Thank you for listening. This episode like all of them has been produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. And you can find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and you can find full transcripts and links and show notes via the blog at selfcarecoaching.net and also loads of free resources around confidence, around anxiety, around menopause, all sorts of things trauma obviously and neurodivergence. Very trauma-informed neuro-affirming approach.

Lots of things you can do for yourself so check that out. I would like to be able to help as many people as I can which is why I do the podcast. Not everyone can afford one-to-one work and not everyone can attend workshops or events.

I love sharing the podcast and it would be really delightful if you feel that it’s helpful if you are happy to share a five-star review or share it with someone who you think might find it beneficial.

This will help in terms of reaching other people with trauma with AuDHD, with ADHD, and with the ripple effect of taking better care of yourself. It really does change everything if you take the example of the food. When you’re well fed, when you’re taking care of yourself, you’re leaving that restaurant or wherever it is feeling like you’re in a better humour, you’re better able to notice if someone else is in need and to help.

To stop to open a door. Tiny tiny tiny little things that add up to give someone the benefit of the doubt to be gracious in all sorts of situations. The more you’re taking care of your nervous system, the more you’re acknowledging your energy levels and what’s happening with your energy your chi, your prana, your life force, the more it ripples out.

And I know it sounds grandiose, but it can if we all took care of our own nervous systems, if we all made sure we were as regulated as possible and if we all came together to topple the systems that thrive on inequality and suffering world peace will ensue.

I might be too old to be an idealist but I still am an idealist. I very much appreciate you listening watching sharing commenting engaging in whatever way feels right for you. And I look forward, next week, to sharing an especially special episode with an author who really helped me when I first began looking into the possibility that I might have ADHD.

Her approach - it’s Tracy Otsuka who wrote ADHD for Smart Ass Women and before that and still she has her podcast by the same name but she’s so dynamic so confident so delightful and so bold – is really exploring the 43% of ADHDers who experience excellent mental health and particularly looking at women with ADHD.

I hope you will join me for that and that you have a delicious week ahead.