Solo Parent

After becoming a single parent, you can feel stuck.  It is difficult to stand back up and have the courage to move forward. Fear can hold us back from taking risks and acting on what we know is beneficial or necessary. Sometimes we tell ourselves a negative story about how things will go and that keeps us from moving ahead. Things like having important conversations with our kids, setting boundaries with an ex-spouse or former in-laws can seem bigger when we are walking alone or don’t have a strong support system. Sometimes, feelings of being beat down or less than can keep us from doing things we should. 

We all need to learn how to face our fear and confront the obstacles to taking action. Our Solo Parent team researched and discussed how to do this and identified three steps to finding courage to take action. These steps are: 

Reframing

Planning and preparing

Doing it scared

To read all the detailed show notes with links click here - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/08/04/how-to-have-courage-to-take-action/

“What strikes me about Jesus is he is a remarkably true person. He never changes his personality to fit in with whatever crowd he finds himself. He is simply himself. He never plays to his audience. "

Author, leader, and therapist, John Eldredge spoke with Robert Beeson and Kimberley Mitchell about the value of building a healthy core community. John emphasizes that Jesus chose to have a core community. He modeled its importance during his ministry on earth. We see this when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane, the crucible of his life. He asked his disciples to be there with him and to stay with him. Then he invited three of them in even closer, to be part of his inner circle. Jesus’, God in human form, demonstrated the need to have a few people in our life with whom we can be our authentic selves.

Jesus provides this example but today it seems as if a close core community is hard to develop. John shares that we are busy, often isolated, and prioritizing the wrong things. Many relationships are impacted by social media. As a therapist for thirty years, John knows the value of face to face human connection. Today, he discusses priorities we can all look for in building a core community. For the full show notes and links click here - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/07/27/building-a-healthy-core-community/

Divorce changes life for our kids in profound ways. Their community is disrupted as they adjust to their parents living separately, going between two homes, and experiencing a new normal. During times of change, kids need community more than ever before. We need to be very intentional with who our kids are hanging out with and who has influence in their lives and how they are using their time. As kids grow up and become teenagers, they stop looking at their parents as the center of their universe. Their peers become more important to them and the voices of other young people around them speak the loudest. Whether you became a single parent through divorce or loss of a partner or for another reason, community can look different for our kids. 

Today we look at three ways to help our kids cultivate community, for the complete show notes and resources click here- https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/07/21/cultivating-our-kids-community/

“My name is Jessica and I’m a single mom. Since my divorce, I’m really struggling to find where I fit in at church. It seems like everyone who attends are families. And it’s so strange, but after attending for six years, I just feel like I don’t fit in anymore. Now, when I walk into church with my two kiddos, I feel like people are wondering what the story is, like, “Where’s the dad?” Maybe it’s just me, but I feel people are judging me because we couldn’t keep our family together.” 

Single parents experience spiritual community in different ways. Some don’t feel welcomed or seen by the church especially after divorce. Some have felt hurt or wounded by the church. Some attended church with their ex so going to church alone after divorce can feel awkward. Others continue their connection to church but overall, statistics tell us that 67% of single parents do not attend church. The primary reasons cited are because they feel they will be judged or that they don’t belong. 

Single parents need to have spiritual community, maybe more so than ever before, because we are parenting alone. Today we discuss how to rediscover Spiritual Community - For the full show notes and links - click here - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/07/14/rediscovering-spritual-community/

Redefining family after divorce, loss, or transition is challenging, not only because of hurts experienced but because there’s no exact road map for every situation. Family dynamics are complex, no matter how we became single parents, whether through death, divorce, unplanned pregnancy or anything else. Relationships without former extended family, our ex-in-laws, becomes an even more complicated road. One thing we need to keep in mind as single parents is that although we have lost spouses and relationships, our children never do. Those extended family members will always be part of their (and our) lives. Navigating these relationships is tricky and internally conflicting. Depending on where we are in these relationships, the process of moving on to a new normal as single parents is complex. Redefining family community looks different for all of us because our experiences are different.

Some single parents are grieving a change in family community. Some are rebuilding a family community. Some are relieved to have a change in family community.

Three single parents share their experiences with these different dynamics. FOR THE COMPLETE SHOW NOTES CLICK HERE - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/07/07/redefining-family-community/

A common experience we hear about often from single parents is codependency. “Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, underachievement. A core characteristic is an  excessive reliance on other people’s approval for a sense of identity. It can be a serious condition that wrecks relationships often unseen or identified until it’s too late.” Codependency hurts us because we are never meant to be the end all for somebody else and it hurts them because they end up becoming entitled or reliant on others for their own happiness. 

Grammy nominated musician and mentor, Paul Colman, shares his wisdom, strength and experience after learning some hard lessons about himself and about codependency during divorce. Paul started therapy after his wife asked for a divorce over ten years ago. The process was challenging, but through it, he learned he struggled with codependency. Wanting approval from others had become an idol and a drug. Codependency was a disease that plagued him, but it was hidden by the image he projected. What he found out through therapy and by getting to know himself, is that he didn’t need the projection, he just needed to be present for those in his life. 

Read the rest of the show notes https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/06/30/overcoming-codependency-paul-colman/

To get Paul's music search 'Paul Colman' on Apple Music or Spotify or PaulColman.com

Finding peace after divorce, during change, or life transition is difficult. How can single parents manage the chaos of crisis and find peace in the midst of this?  For insight, we talked with Dr. John Delony,  a mental health expert and leading voice on emotional wellness with extensive experience in crisis response.

For the full show notes click here - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/06/23/a-sound-mindset/

Finding peace while we are in the middle of the pain can seem impossible but when we get in touch with the gift of our whole heart we also find peace. 

Chip Dodd, counselor, mentor, speaker and best-selling author, shares how embracing our emotions leads to wholeness and peace. In his book, “Voice of the Heart”, he invites us to begin to know our hearts better so we can know ourselves and from that place, live more fully in relationship to God and others. Chip says a broken heart is a heart that needs something, it’s a heart that needs healing and rebuilding. When we bring our broken hearts to God, He promises to bind them together again. He wraps his love around the broken places and bring healing, peace and wholeness.

For the complete show notes with links and resources click - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/06/16/peace-and-the-gift-of-our-emotions-whole-heart/

“My name is Stacy. I’m a single mom of two. I just wanna feel and be content. Especially in the world of social media, I struggle with having to see everyone’s picture perfect life on the screen. Somehow I feel like I got cheated and its hard for me to live in the moment and feel content.” Can you relate?

Peace. How do we find it in our world of comparisons and the challenges of being a single parent?

Contentment is a pathway to peace… but, that sounds like a tall order. Our team of solo parents met to talk through how we can find peace even when inundated with “highlight reels” on social media and the constant pursuit of more and better. Sometimes our fear and loneliness fuels our discontent and discontentment destroys our peace.

We hear that comparison is the thief of joy. It’s hard to go anywhere without feeling like you’re not good enough or don’t have enough, particularly when you feel like your family doesn’t fit the norm. After the upheaval that led to becoming a single parent, our hurts can lead to feelings of being less than. Single parents know this reality. In our solo parent discussion, we found three practical ways to help unlock the secrets to finding peace even during hardship.

Mindset

Perspective

Humility

GET THE COMPLETE SHOW NOTES AND LINKS HERE - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/06/08/finding-peace-through-contentment/

“With COVID, job security, and finances I just wonder how everything is going to work in the future. I know that God’s got this, but I just can't help but worry.” 

These are the words of a single dad. Have you been there? Are you there now? When you have so much going on as a single parent, life can seem like a journey to survive instead of to thrive. How can single parents have hope for the future in midst of their daily grind and the concerns we face raising kids alone?

Worry is something we all experience at one time or another, sometimes regularly. The future can be scary, and that fear is compounded because we are doing it alone. Add in the pandemic and current events, and it can be overwhelming. But there are ways to deal with worry even when our anxiety peaks.

How do we find the peace God promises us that passes all understanding while wondering if we can pay the bills this month and managing all the tasks on our to-do lists? 

For the complete show notes and links click here - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/06/01/how-to-have-peace-for-our-future/ ?