Solo Parent

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Solo Parent episodes

March 24, 2020TAMMY DAUGHTRY - SUCCESSFUL CO-PARENTING
Co-parenting can be so challenging - especially when the values and boundaries are not shared between the parents. Unfortunately, it is our kids that get the short end of the stick when our parenting dynamics are unhealthy.
We discussed this with Tammy Daughtry, a marriage and family therapist, author, and founder of Co-parenting international. Tammy’s basic co-parenting principles involve paying attention to:
1. The ‘Handoff’
This is how we manage the exchange of the child. (which will happen hundreds of times in a child’s life) It can be volatile or even just a convenient time to discuss co-parenting business. Agree to never talk about co-parenting issues during the handoff. Children are always watching, and we want to make this exchange tell a story that things are ok; they don’t have to be emotionally torn apart. To do this effectively we:
Prepare our child for the exchange - Don’t ever express frustration about the other parent when getting ready. Be the encourager about the opportunity to spend time with the other parent with positive reinforcement.

Prepare ourselves - We must prepare ourselves emotionally to not let our emotions show and impede the exchange. Give them the emotional permission to go be with the other parent, either verbally or in body language. Do this by setting our emotions aside for the hour leading up to and during the exchange.

Once we have handed off, have a sounding board that we can process all that we are feeling with.

When our kids come back, again, set our negative emotions aside and just listen and encourage the exciting stories they have come back with. If there are negative stories, listen without piling our own feelings on.
Our children have competing attachments. In a married family structure, loving mom (or Dad) doesn’t have any negative influence on the other parent. In a divorced situation, a child can begin to feel guilty or ashamed for loving or missing the other parent, which can trigger the parent. We need to compartmentalize our emotions so that we do not put our kids in a situation where they begin to feel shame or guilt for their love for the other parent.
2. Managing the difference in ‘cultures’ between the two homes.
( This is assuming there is nothing that poses a threat to our kids emotional or physical well-being ) When we have a different approach to our ex, related in the way we raise our kids, look at it like our kids live in two countries. The dynamics and value systems may be different, and we have no control over either. We need to just focus on the ‘country’ we are leading. Stand strong with statements like - “ I know that in their house things are done another way, in this house we _______” without diminishing the ‘culture’ of the other home.
3. Empower our kids to have a voice when they are being put in the middle.
Let them know they are free to say to either parent, “I am not comfortable talking about that, I would rather you ask (other parent)” when they are put in a position of being asked questions about the other parent.
4. Be a role model on how we do hard things.
There will be times when our child doesn’t want to go to the other parents. Understand that the chances for a healthy child dramatically increases when both parents are in a child’s life (assuming there is nothing dangerous), so invest in creating memories with both parents.
Resources
Co-parenting App - Appclose
FREE resource - 10 things kids of divorce wish they could say to their parents.
Coparentinginternational.com
Facebook.com/SoloParentSociety
53 min
March 23, 2020 TAMMY DAUGHTRY - SUCCESSFUL CO-PARENTING
Co-parenting can be so challenging - especially when the values and boundaries are not shared between the parents. Unfortunately, it is our kids that get the short end of the stick when our parenting dynamics are unhealthy.
We discussed this with Tammy Daughtry, a marriage and family therapist, author, and founder of Co-parenting international. Tammy's basic co-parenting principles involve paying attention to:
1. The 'Handoff'
This is how we manage the exchange of the child. (which will happen hundreds of times in a child's life) It can be volatile or even just a convenient time to discuss co-parenting business. Agree to never talk about co-parenting issues during the handoff. Children are always watching, and we want to make this exchange tell a story that things are ok; they don't have to be emotionally torn apart. To do this effectively we:
Prepare our child for the exchange - Don't ever express frustration about the other parent when getting ready. Be the encourager about the opportunity to spend time with the other parent with positive reinforcement.
Prepare ourselves - We must prepare ourselves emotionally to not let our emotions show and impede the exchange. Give them the emotional permission to go be with the other parent, either verbally or in body language. Do this by setting our emotions aside for the hour leading up to and during the exchange.
Once we have handed off, have a sounding board that we can process all that we are feeling with.
When our kids come back, again, set our negative emotions aside and just listen and encourage the exciting stories they have come back with. If there are negative stories, listen without piling our own feelings on.
Our children have competing attachments. In a married family structure, loving mom (or Dad) doesn't have any negative influence on the other parent. In a divorced situation, a child can begin to feel guilty or ashamed for loving or missing the other parent, which can trigger the parent. We need to compartmentalize our emotions so that we do not put our kids in a situation where they begin to feel shame or guilt for their love for the other parent.
2. Managing the difference in 'cultures' between the two homes.
( This is assuming there is nothing that poses a threat to our kids emotional or physical well-being ) When we have a different approach to our ex, related in the way we raise our kids, look at it like our kids live in two countries. The dynamics and value systems may be different, and we have no control over either. We need to just focus on the 'country' we are leading. Stand strong with statements like - " I know that in their house things are done another way, in this house we _______" without diminishing the 'culture' of the other home.
3. Empower our kids to have a voice when they are being put in the middle.
Let them know they are free to say to either parent, "I am not comfortable talking about that, I would rather you ask (other parent)" when they are put in a position of being asked questions about the other parent.
4. Be a role model on how we do hard things.
There will be times when our child doesn't want to go to the other parents. Understand that the chances for a healthy child dramatically increases when both parents are in a child's life (assuming there is nothing dangerous), so invest in creating memories with both parents.
Resources
Co-parenting App - Appclose
FREE resource - 10 things kids of divorce wish they could say to their parents.
Coparentinginternational.com
Facebook.com/SoloParentSociety
53 min
March 17, 2020 SOLO PARENT CRISIS RESPONSE - CoronaVirus (COVID-19)
Today is Tuesday, March 17.
We are entering uncharted territory here in the US and certainly around the world. The President has declared a State of Emergency in our country, and we all know the complications that has and is presenting. When you are already struggling to get by as a single parent and the country is thrust into emergency, we know it can be scary, and an advanced sense of isolation can set in. So we wanted to gather some insights and tips to help you and your kids cope in this time of unknowns.
How do we help our kids? (DETAILS HERE)
1. Do your homework - be the source
2. Let them lead - they are getting lots of info, so ask, "tell me what you have been hearing" through social media, friends. Let them establish what they are ready to hear.
3. Tell age-appropriate truthful answers - be the trusted voice in their life. ie. "I will always tell you the truth."
4. Find the helpers in the situations. Every crisis has them. This helps shape a positive way to look at things. (first responders, doctors, and nurses, our government)
5. Talk about / make things that they can control ( let them dress weirder or choose foods that usually you don't let them eat)
6. Give them places to process emotionally (journaling - talking)
7. Limit exposure to the news
8. MOST IMPORTANT - Manage your own anxiety because they pick up on it.
How do we deal with it emotionally?
1. Focus on the Spiritual realm.
Spend twice as much time focusing on the truth than on the news.
Pick a verse and hold on to (Put it everywhere. Write it out - make it your screen saver)
(33 Great Verses)
2. Remember the faithfulness of God. Single parents are incredibly resilient. Focus on how He has been there for you and continue to rely; He will continue to sustain. There is nothing to fear.
3. Find a sounding board but not your children
4. Exercise
* Dealing with anxiety
- Deep breathing exercises gets us back to the correct thinking and redistributes blood flow to correct part of the brain
- Grounding techniques. Focus on something specific, try this with your kids, say "pick as many things as you can the color red."
How do we deal practically?
1. Create a Preparative list
- the exercise forces the perspective
- It provides direction in the off chance we need it, if we don't have time to think.
- List the core things we need (if we can't leave the house for 2-4 weeks)
Meds
Non-perishable food
Water
List contacts and numbers in case
Let it become a project with our kids
2. Let our kids know the plan
Wash hands whenever we come into the house. Hang a sign at the door to remind kids. If we eliminate what comes in, we are better prepared
Leave shoes outside
3. Find humor / be silly. Funny movies, games, stories
4. Be the kindness that someone needs
5. Make it quality time (Check out our podcast on this)
Join our FB Community for updates and live broadcasts - HERE
40 min
March 16, 2020 DR. MEG MEEKER - GUIDING OUR CHALLENGING KIDS
Parenting alone can feel overwhelming especially with strong-willed kids who test limits. We know consistency is important but what can we do when our kids continually test boundaries?
We talked with parenting expert Dr. Meg Meeker, a leading authority on parenting teens and children's health, bestselling author, pediatrician and a mom.
Here are her baseline tips:
1. Don't feel like you have to be both parents. You are only one person. That's enough.
2. Parents need to intentionally find ways to have one on one time with their kids every week. Connect. Look them in the eye. Ask them how life is and listen.
3. Timing matters. Give your kids space after school or athletic practice. Bedtime can be a wonderful time to connect.
4. Our approach matters too. Go in gently. Don't lead with correction. Sit at the end of the bed. Ask questions but don't demand feedback. Say, "I haven't seen you much this week. How's life?"
5. Keep going back. Your persistence lets your kids know you simply want their company. They will open up but only if they think they can count on you and that you will listen.
A sudden change in demeanor or pulling away can signal that something has happened outside of your home. Use the same curious, persistent approach. Ask, "You're not your usual happy self. Is there anything you want to talk about?" Go where they are, they need to know you are in it with them.
If your child doesn't want to talk, try asking about their friends. They may share more openly if the focus is not on them, especially if they are embarrassed or think may get in trouble. When they do share, don't overreact.
Remember, acting out and defiance aren't usually about you as a parent. Unhappy kids are defiant. "Inside of them, curled up, is a little kid who is in a tremendous amount of pain." Give them language to express themselves. Say, "I understand something is going on and you're really angry but even when you're mad you can't _____." Let them know their feelings are okay while giving them ownership of their behavior and the consequences. "If you say this or do that, then I'm going to have to take your phone away. I hope you don't put me in that position." For single parents, don't let guilt make you reluctant to set limits.
Meeker says our message needs to be that life includes pain and we understand. Let them know it's okay to let their feelings bubble up to the surface and that you will be there to help them process.
If a rebellious child is making bad choices, and the behaviors aren't dangerous, Meeker says hold on and stick with them through it. Most kids will eventually develop enough maturity to get past it. But, if they are doing dangerous things, you have to monitor their behavior closely. Sometimes rebellion is a test to see what you will do. They want to know how far you will go to get them. They may scream, be mortified, and say they hate you but, as a parent, you must do the hard things. Dr, Meeker says, "Your job is to raise a healthy 25-year-old not a healthy 18-year-old" because their brains aren't fully developed until then.
Meeker adds, "No situation is beyond fixable. Don't parent out of fear. If your child is in danger, recruit some help and go after that kid. Let them know you are not going anywhere. Kids who are pursued feel so loved."
For more - www.meekerparenting.com
FB - @SoloParentSociety INSTA - @SoloParentSociety
43 min
March 16, 2020 DR. MEG MEEKER - GUIDING OUR CHALLENGING KIDS
Parenting alone can feel overwhelming especially with strong-willed kids who test limits. We know consistency is important but what can we do when our kids continually test boundaries?
We talked with parenting expert Dr. Meg Meeker, a leading authority on parenting teens and children's health, bestselling author, pediatrician and a mom.
Here are her baseline tips:
1. Don't feel like you have to be both parents. You are only one person. That's enough.
2. Parents need to intentionally find ways to have one on one time with their kids every week. Connect. Look them in the eye. Ask them how life is and listen.
3. Timing matters. Give your kids space after school or athletic practice. Bedtime can be a wonderful time to connect.
4. Our approach matters too. Go in gently. Don't lead with correction. Sit at the end of the bed. Ask questions but don't demand feedback. Say, "I haven't seen you much this week. How's life?"
5. Keep going back. Your persistence lets your kids know you simply want their company. They will open up but only if they think they can count on you and that you will listen.
A sudden change in demeanor or pulling away can signal that something has happened outside of your home. Use the same curious, persistent approach. Ask, "You're not your usual happy self. Is there anything you want to talk about?" Go where they are, they need to know you are in it with them.
If your child doesn't want to talk, try asking about their friends. They may share more openly if the focus is not on them, especially if they are embarrassed or think may get in trouble. When they do share, don't overreact.
Remember, acting out and defiance aren't usually about you as a parent. Unhappy kids are defiant. "Inside of them, curled up, is a little kid who is in a tremendous amount of pain." Give them language to express themselves. Say, "I understand something is going on and you're really angry but even when you're mad you can't _____." Let them know their feelings are okay while giving them ownership of their behavior and the consequences. "If you say this or do that, then I'm going to have to take your phone away. I hope you don't put me in that position." For single parents, don't let guilt make you reluctant to set limits.
Meeker says our message needs to be that life includes pain and we understand. Let them know it's okay to let their feelings bubble up to the surface and that you will be there to help them process.
If a rebellious child is making bad choices, and the behaviors aren't dangerous, Meeker says hold on and stick with them through it. Most kids will eventually develop enough maturity to get past it. But, if they are doing dangerous things, you have to monitor their behavior closely. Sometimes rebellion is a test to see what you will do. They want to know how far you will go to get them. They may scream, be mortified, and say they hate you but, as a parent, you must do the hard things. Dr, Meeker says, "Your job is to raise a healthy 25-year-old not a healthy 18-year-old" because their brains aren't fully developed until then.
Meeker adds, "No situation is beyond fixable. Don't parent out of fear. If your child is in danger, recruit some help and go after that kid. Let them know you are not going anywhere. Kids who are pursued feel so loved."
For more - www.meekerparenting.com
FB - @SoloParentSociety INSTA - @SoloParentSociety
43 min
March 11, 2020CREATING QUALITY TIME WITH OUR KIDS
Quality time with our kids is important! But how do we manage it, especially as single parents whose time is already so limited? And, sometimes we feel added pressure to make the time together a big deal.
It helps to consider that kids remember the time you spend with them much more than the things you do.
A recent study in the Journal of Marriage and Family says the quality of time is much more important than the amount of time parents spend with their children. It isn’t about endless hours spent together—it’s about how you choose to spend the time that truly matters.
So, how do we, as single parents, create quality time moments with our kids when time is one of our rarest commodities?
We considered four ways to create quality time with our kids:
Rituals: Build quality time into the normal rituals of daily life. Instead of trying to add in more activities, make the ordinary moments count.
Routines: Establish routines that become meaningful ways to show up for your kids while you’re in the car, during meals, and at bedtime.
Random: Look for opportunities that pop up unexpectedly and make the most of them. Fun memories can come from quality time “on the fly”.
Responsive: Be aware of the times your kids need you to respond in the moment. Some things can’t wait. Stop what you are doing and make your response to them a priority.
Here are some suggestions single parents came up with to establish quality time in these areas:
Start seeing times with our kids not as a chore but as a privilege

Be deliberate about being ‘present’ in moments

Remember your kids don’t need “big” moments. Sometimes just being in the same room together for homework, bedtime or watching TV is enough.

Do chores together. Make projects a family event. Even loading the dishwasher together can be quality time.

Go to where they are and join them in what they are doing. Don’t expect them to come to you.

Be present in ordinary moments like picking them up and during car time. Stay off your phone when in their presence.

Connect face to face with your kids whenever possible. Schedule it and let this be a non-negotiable on your calendar.

Find something that can be done every day. Examples: read together at bedtime, make bedtime prayer a routine time together. Eat together with no technology.

Create a list of easy activities or experiences you can choose from when the opportunity arises. Examples: Waiting for a sibling to finish an activity, google knock-knock jokes or play “Would You Rather?”. Stop by the pet store or humane society to pet the dogs and cats, stop by the playground and play tag or swing for 20 minutes.

Throughout your day and week, look for random moments where you can just enjoy being with your children. Have FUN! Be silly.
Whether in the rituals and routines of your daily lives or in the random moments that pop up here and there, take every opportunity you can to be responsive to your kids. If they had a hard day or seem out of sorts, put what you can aside and give them your undivided attention. Even 5-10 minutes can pay off. If they have a question, put your phone down and make eye contact. Demonstrate you are there when they need you.
With quality time, especially as single parents, it comes down to being deliberate with what we have and intentionally carving out simple moments to be special. Remember, it’s not about quantity, and it doesn’t have to be big, it just needs to be authentic and real.
Join our community - facebook.com/SoloParentSociety
29 min
March 10, 2020 CREATING QUALITY TIME WITH OUR KIDS
Quality time with our kids is important! But how do we manage it, especially as single parents whose time is already so limited? And, sometimes we feel added pressure to make the time together a big deal.
It helps to consider that kids remember the time you spend with them much more than the things you do.
A recent study in the Journal of Marriage and Family says the quality of time is much more important than the amount of time parents spend with their children. It isn't about endless hours spent together—it's about how you choose to spend the time that truly matters.
So, how do we, as single parents, create quality time moments with our kids when time is one of our rarest commodities?
We considered four ways to create quality time with our kids:
Rituals: Build quality time into the normal rituals of daily life. Instead of trying to add in more activities, make the ordinary moments count.
Routines: Establish routines that become meaningful ways to show up for your kids while you're in the car, during meals, and at bedtime.
Random: Look for opportunities that pop up unexpectedly and make the most of them. Fun memories can come from quality time "on the fly".
Responsive: Be aware of the times your kids need you to respond in the moment. Some things can't wait. Stop what you are doing and make your response to them a priority.
Here are some suggestions single parents came up with to establish quality time in these areas:
Start seeing times with our kids not as a chore but as a privilege
Be deliberate about being 'present' in moments
Remember your kids don't need "big" moments. Sometimes just being in the same room together for homework, bedtime or watching TV is enough.
Do chores together. Make projects a family event. Even loading the dishwasher together can be quality time.
Go to where they are and join them in what they are doing. Don't expect them to come to you.
Be present in ordinary moments like picking them up and during car time. Stay off your phone when in their presence.
Connect face to face with your kids whenever possible. Schedule it and let this be a non-negotiable on your calendar.
Find something that can be done every day. Examples: read together at bedtime, make bedtime prayer a routine time together. Eat together with no technology.
Create a list of easy activities or experiences you can choose from when the opportunity arises. Examples: Waiting for a sibling to finish an activity, google knock-knock jokes or play "Would You Rather?". Stop by the pet store or humane society to pet the dogs and cats, stop by the playground and play tag or swing for 20 minutes.
Throughout your day and week, look for random moments where you can just enjoy being with your children. Have FUN! Be silly.
Whether in the rituals and routines of your daily lives or in the random moments that pop up here and there, take every opportunity you can to be responsive to your kids. If they had a hard day or seem out of sorts, put what you can aside and give them your undivided attention. Even 5-10 minutes can pay off. If they have a question, put your phone down and make eye contact. Demonstrate you are there when they need you.
With quality time, especially as single parents, it comes down to being deliberate with what we have and intentionally carving out simple moments to be special. Remember, it's not about quantity, and it doesn't have to be big, it just needs to be authentic and real.
Join our community - facebook.com/SoloParentSociety
29 min
March 04, 2020 RAISING HEALTHY KIDS
Parenting is meant to be a team sport, but now we find ourselves having to do it alone. Often we ourselves already feel beat up, defeated, and even like a failure, so to parent from that position, with no checks and balances, can seem overwhelming. Knowing that parenting in and of itself is hard, we can find ourselves wondering, “How can I raise healthy kids on my own when it is designed to done as a team with my spouse.?”
To address this pervasive fear, Solo Parent Society has pulled together 5 anchoring approaches to help raise healthy kids. These are not behavior modifiers for correction; rather, these are simple but profoundly helpful approaches to developing successful and healthy adults. Giving focus and deliberate effort to instilling these principles while our kids are in our care will better prepare them for their own enriched lives as adults.
We call them our 5 R’s:
RELATIONSHIP
This principle is paramount to all the others. We must teach (and model) the value and power of healthy relationships. Teaching our kids what healthy relational dynamics look like includes:
-Learn that people are all different
-Our emotions in conflict shouldn’t match others who are elevated (Staying calm and not reactionary)
-The power of really listening
-There is a time to keep our mouths shut
-Allowing them to teach us - and when they do TELL THEM
-Pursue peoples hearts, not compliance
RESPECT
In a society that seems to have lost this fundamental principle, we must teach (and model) the importance of honoring others. It starts with them showing respect for our position in their lives - our job is to keep them safe, their job is to be a kid. Showing respect goes just beyond the parent-child relationship to include:
-All of those in authority - adults, the other parent, teachers, government as examples. It is OK to differ from those in authority but it is critical to show respect.
-The opposite sex - teach chivalry
-Other races, traditions and people with differing opinions
-Honoring others by making eye contact, shaking hands and being comfortable making conversation
RULES
While relationship and respect are fundamental principles, we must teach that in life, there are absolutes. Everything we do costs something - there is a cost to not being able to do whatever we want whenever we want it, there is also sometimes a more significant cost to getting our way all the time… called consequences.
Rules and consequences are essential to teach the way the real world works, but always remember rules without relationship (trust) equals rebellion.
RESPONSIBILITY
Helping our kids develop an independent and contributing mindset is an investment into their future. Teaching them to fish over just bringing them a fish helps guide them into strong individuals. We can do this by showing them:
-There are things they can do on their own
-Helping out around the house develops a contributing mindset
-The importance of a good work ethic - we work hard to accomplish what we want
RISK
Along with all the other principles teaching them that taking risks are an essential part of life. Embracing the famous quote, “What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”
-Failure is not bad - failure is often the best teacher, especially while they are in a safe place… in our care.
-Teach our kids through modeling and discussing the importance of taking chances.
These R’s are not meant to be the exhaustive list of do’s and don'ts - the point is to be deliberate about what we are investing into our kids' lives to mold them into successful and healthy adults. The goal is not to just correct our kids into compliant children but to guide them with anchoring principles that develop their character.

36 min
March 03, 2020 RAISING HEALTHY KIDS
Parenting is meant to be a team sport, but now we find ourselves having to do it alone. Often we ourselves already feel beat up, defeated, and even like a failure, so to parent from that position, with no checks and balances, can seem overwhelming. Knowing that parenting in and of itself is hard, we can find ourselves wondering, "How can I raise healthy kids on my own when it is designed to done as a team with my spouse.?"
To address this pervasive fear, Solo Parent Society has pulled together 5 anchoring approaches to help raise healthy kids. These are not behavior modifiers for correction; rather, these are simple but profoundly helpful approaches to developing successful and healthy adults. Giving focus and deliberate effort to instilling these principles while our kids are in our care will better prepare them for their own enriched lives as adults.
We call them our 5 R's:
RELATIONSHIP
This principle is paramount to all the others. We must teach (and model) the value and power of healthy relationships. Teaching our kids what healthy relational dynamics look like includes:
-Learn that people are all different
-Our emotions in conflict shouldn't match others who are elevated (Staying calm and not reactionary)
-The power of really listening
-There is a time to keep our mouths shut
-Allowing them to teach us - and when they do TELL THEM
-Pursue peoples hearts, not compliance
RESPECT
In a society that seems to have lost this fundamental principle, we must teach (and model) the importance of honoring others. It starts with them showing respect for our position in their lives - our job is to keep them safe, their job is to be a kid. Showing respect goes just beyond the parent-child relationship to include:
-All of those in authority - adults, the other parent, teachers, government as examples. It is OK to differ from those in authority but it is critical to show respect.
-The opposite sex - teach chivalry
-Other races, traditions and people with differing opinions
-Honoring others by making eye contact, shaking hands and being comfortable making conversation
RULES
While relationship and respect are fundamental principles, we must teach that in life, there are absolutes. Everything we do costs something - there is a cost to not being able to do whatever we want whenever we want it, there is also sometimes a more significant cost to getting our way all the time... called consequences.
Rules and consequences are essential to teach the way the real world works, but always remember rules without relationship (trust) equals rebellion.
RESPONSIBILITY
Helping our kids develop an independent and contributing mindset is an investment into their future. Teaching them to fish over just bringing them a fish helps guide them into strong individuals. We can do this by showing them:
-There are things they can do on their own
-Helping out around the house develops a contributing mindset
-The importance of a good work ethic - we work hard to accomplish what we want
RISK
Along with all the other principles teaching them that taking risks are an essential part of life. Embracing the famous quote, "What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?"
-Failure is not bad - failure is often the best teacher, especially while they are in a safe place... in our care.
-Teach our kids through modeling and discussing the importance of taking chances.
These R's are not meant to be the exhaustive list of do's and don'ts - the point is to be deliberate about what we are investing into our kids' lives to mold them into successful and healthy adults. The goal is not to just correct our kids into compliant children but to guide them with anchoring principles that develop their character.
36 min
February 25, 2020KNOWING GOD'S LOVE
As a single parent, sometimes we can feel like there’s a wall between us and God because we believe we’ve failed and are a disappointment, so we see ourselves as unworthy. For some of us that have lost our spouse to death we may feel angry for God letting this happen. These things can lead to comparing ourselves to other people that seem to have it all together spiritually or otherwise.
Here is the good news, knowing God’s love can actually be more intimate during this solo season than in any other season, and it is the basis for everything we try to be about at Solo Parent Society.
Here are the 3 areas of focus that we employ at SPS that help us encounter God’s love.
Confession
Confession is expressing the good and bad - The doubts and praise. Ultimately it is about expressing with our mouths (or writing it down) our completely transparent and honest feelings. A few questions that might be helpful:
How do you feel when you think about coming into God’s presence?

What do you think he may be disappointed in?

Proud of?

If you were to name a feeling that my be creating a wall what would that feeling be?
The goal is to authentically be known in our most intimate state by God and at least one person and/ or a journal.
Absolutes
This is where we search out truth about what we have confessed. This could be as simple as a google search - “What does the bible say about anger/shame/doubt/ fear?” This step must take place AFTER we have transparently confessed what might be causing a wall between us and God. Whatever the wall is search scriptures about what God says about that.
Study what God promises to take care of and find evidence of His faithfulness in our lives. Write those promises down and post them on the wall - Example Isaiah 54:4-5.
Acceptance
Taking what we have uncovered in our heart - Confession - and what we discover in our head - Absolutes - now we need to incorporate into a life style.
One way is a remembering exercise.
Step 1. Remember
Practice remembrance by taking the time to list all of the ways God has worked in your life. Here are some helpful categories to write out some experiences:
Childhood

Teen years (middle and high school)

Early adulthood (18-25 years old)

Adulthood (25+ age)

Other areas like in motherhood/fatherhood, marriage, etc.
Step 2. Recognition
Practice recognizing all the small ways God works in your life every day. This is a daily practice of gratitude. For example, each day write down three things for which you are grateful. Try to not repeat yourself. Write down new things or new ways to express gratitude even about a recurring blessing. You will likely have to get creative, which can cause you to be more aware of where and how God is at work in your life.
Step 3. Repetition
Continually repeat these practices. This isn't a one-and-done. Go back to your lists and add to them. Ask God to reveal the ways He is at work around you so you don’t miss anything. Our busy lives can often distract us from what is most important. The old adage “Count your blessings” may seem trite or cheesy, but in the Solo season, this attitude can be strategic in your growth and healing.
God’s Love is personal and intimate. The obstacles or disappointments we believe create a wall between us and God are often the very things that create an opportunity to discover a more intimate relationship with Him. God doesn’t love me for what I do for Him, He just loves me, even when I do nothing at all… that is wild, wild stuff!
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27 min