Solving Disconnection & Creating Connected Relationships (for Couples & Parents)

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Host: Jason Polk | Series: Solving Disconnection — Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents
Duration: ~5:30

Summary:
Jason Polk, a couples therapist and coach with over 10 years of experience, breaks down a fundamental relationship reality: you can't control your partner — and trying to usually backfires. 

Drawing on a recent training for couples therapists, Jason introduces a simple but powerful framework: in any relationship struggle, you have two choices—change or acceptance. 

Using relatable examples (dishwashers, socks next to the hamper) and a personal story about his own marriage, he explores what healthy acceptance looks like, when it's the wrong move, and why focusing on your side of the relationship is where your real power lives.

Key Topics & Timestamps:

• 0:01 — Welcome and intro to the episode
• 0:36 — Why trying to control your partner fails (pushback or temporary compliance)
• 1:00 — The two-choice framework: change or acceptance
• 1:25 — Everyday example: the dishwasher and the socks
• 2:00 — The grief of acceptance: mourning the partner you imagined
• 2:40 — Personal story: living with a partner who has ADHD
• 3:35 — Acceptance isn't giving up — it's stopping the fight with reality
• 3:45 — When acceptance is NOT the answer (abuse, betrayal, addiction without accountability)
• 4:15 — Focusing on what's within your control empowers the relationship
• 5:00 — Closing thought: your greatest power is how you choose to show up

Key Takeaway:
You can't make your partner become who you want them to be. But you can choose how you respond, what you ask for, and whether to stay, leave, or accept. That's where your power has always been.

Learn more about Jason's core offering: Couples counseling in Denver.

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Couples Therapist and coach Jason Polk explains how retaliation in relationships—making a partner feel bad because they made you feel bad—creates a negative pattern that keeps couples disconnected. 

He argues retaliation doesn’t build closeness, protect from hurt, or effectively teach, and can instead foster resentment, fear, and lead to controlling dynamics such as an “authoritarian dictator” stance met by a passive, submissive, or resistant rebel stance, increasing stress and disconnection. 

Polk notes retaliation may be learned in childhood from retaliating parents and urges listeners to recognize it as a reflex and respond as a mature, wise adult. 

He recommends working with the anger that protects hurt feelings and communicating calmly from a centered place, naming the hurt and making a clear request (e.g., asking the behavior not to happen again) to promote openness and connection.

00:00 Retaliation Defined
00:46 Why It Disconnects
01:51 Control And Stances
03:32 Where It Comes From
04:17 Wise Adult Response
04:54 How To Say It
05:47 Closing Encouragement

Jason offers marriage counseling and couples intensives in Denver, CO. Click the link to his couples therapy practice. 

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Every couple disagrees — the real question is how you handle it. 

In this episode, therapist and relationship coach Jason Polk shares practical communication tools he's developed over 10+ years of working exclusively with couples, drawing on the work of Terry Real and Stan Tatkin.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why self-regulation is the single most important communication skill
• The difference between speaking from your anger vs. as a representative of it
• How to stay on your side of the street and avoid triggering defensiveness
• Why requests work better than criticism — and how to make them
• The Feedback Wheel tool (link below)
• How to create agreements around persistent issues
• When and how to use a timeout before things escalate
• Why accepting that reality is subjective can transform your conversations

Resources mentioned:

• Feedback Wheel worksheet
• Fair Play Card Deck

Whether you're in couples therapy or working on your relationship on your own, these strategies will help you communicate more clearly, fight less destructively, and reconnect more quickly.

This is Part 1 — stay tuned for Part 2!

Learn more about our core offering: Marriage counseling in Denver & Colorado Springs

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Discernment Counseling: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Solving Disconnection Podcast with Jason Polk

Guest: Lana Isaacson, Licensed Couples Therapist (CO & MA), Certified EFT Therapist

Episode Summary

Jason and Lana explore discernment counseling — a short-term, evidence-based process designed for couples on the brink of divorce or separation, where one partner is "leaning out" and the other is "leaning in."

Timestamps

• 0:00 — Introduction & guest overview
• 2:20 — What is discernment counseling?
• 2:33 — The leaning out vs. leaning in dynamic
• 4:07 — Up to 5 sessions: how the process works
• 5:09 — Does discernment counseling involve both partners?
• 5:59 — What happens in the first session
• 6:40 — Does the counselor have an agenda?
• 9:44 — Top reasons couples consider divorce today
• 10:58 — Growing apart: the #1 cause
• 14:21 — What does success look like in discernment counseling?
• 29:23 — The personal agenda for change
• 34:04 — "Divorce is never an emergency" (Bill Doherty)
• 36:12 — Research outcomes: the 3 paths (53% / 31% / 16%)
• 44:52 — Script for the leaning-out partner: how to start the conversation
• 46:29 — Script for the leaning-in partner: how to respond
• 50:23 — Avoiding "half-hearted" couples therapy
• 53:50 — Active affairs: how discernment counseling differs from couples therapy
• 58:53 — How to get started: clarity call with Lana

Notable Quotes

• "Success isn't whether a couple decides to stay together — it's whether both partners learned something really valuable about their relationship and themselves."
• "Divorce is never an emergency." — Bill Doherty
• "The natural drift of contemporary married life… is toward less spark, less connection, less intimacy." — from Take Back Your Marriage by Bill Doherty

Resources Mentioned

• Take Back Your Marriage by Bill Doherty
• Learn more about Discernment Counseling at Colorado Relationship Recovery.
• Learn more about our core offering of Couples Therapy in Denver.

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Guest: Athena McCullough, LPC, LMFT

When families are caught in high-conflict divorce—battling in courtrooms and struggling to communicate—Athena McCullough steps in. She's a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in the complex intersection of family therapy and the legal system.

What We Cover

In this conversation, Athena shares her expertise on helping families navigate high-conflict divorce, the real impact of parental conflict on children, and practical strategies for maintaining healthy relationships during difficult times.

Timestamps
[0:00] Introduction - Who is Athena McCullough?
[1:30] Attorneys vs. mediation: What's best for divorcing couples?
[4:45] Do therapists go to court?
[6:15] The big question: Should unhappy parents stay together for the kids?
[10:00] How high conflict affects children
[13:30] Triangulation and emotional parentification
[17:45] When kids become their parent's emotional support
[21:00] Communicating with teens during conflict
[24:15] Active listening: Hearing what's underneath the anger
[26:30] Managing your own reactivity as a parent
[29:15] What is reunification therapy?
[31:00] Athena's journey into high-conflict divorce work
[32:00] Final advice: Slow down and listen

Key Takeaways

• Slow down and listen
  • Ask more questions than you give advice
• Behavior is communication
  • Problematic behavior means your child is trying to tell you something
• You can only control yourself
  • Focus on your own reactions, not controlling others
• Kids say important things in difficult ways
  • Look past the tone to hear the message
• "There's no traffic jam on the high road"
  • You don't get to keep misbehaving just because someone else does

About Athena McCullough

Athena is a licensed therapist based in Littleton, Colorado, who owns a group practice specializing in high-conflict divorce and court-ordered family therapy. She works with families navigating complex court systems and provides reunification therapy for disconnected parents and children.

Connect with Athena:
McCulloughFamilyTherapy.com | Serving clients throughout Colorado

Learn more about Jason's practice: Colorado Relationship Recovery

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Summary:
Jason shares five habits healthy couples avoid to maintain strong, connected relationships.

The Five Habits to Avoid:

1. Waking each other up to talk when upset—sleep first, discuss later.
2. Assuming your partner is trying to upset you—differences aren’t disrespect.
3. Expecting your partner to fix your anxiety—self-regulation is key.
4. Using distance or avoidance to calm anxiety—space is healthy only if it leads to reconnection.
5. Feeling entitled to sex—focus on intimacy, not demands.

Final Thought:
Healthy couples are intentional, self-aware, and patient with each other.

Link to Relationship Style Quiz

See it in blog form: 5 Things Healthy Couples Avoid

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Episode Summary: In this episode, Jason Polk, a couples therapist with over 10 years of experience, shares the six key signs that indicate it might be time to seek couples therapy. He explains why seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and offers practical examples and personal insights.

Six Signs It's Time for Couples Therapy:

1. Constant Fighting: Recurring arguments over both small and big issues, often with deeper cycles beneath the surface.
2. Constant Avoidance: Lack of communication and emotional distance, which can be more damaging than fighting.
3. Deep Resentment & Contempt: Sharing resentment without boundaries, leading to defensiveness and a cycle of blame.
4. Mistrust: Persistent uneasiness, anxiety, or infidelity that undermines trust in the relationship.
5. Lack of Connection: Not making time to connect, which can amplify annoyances and distance.
6. Inability to Repair After Conflict: Struggling to reconnect or be vulnerable after disagreements.

Key Takeaways:

• Couples therapy is a proactive step toward a healthier relationship.
• Repairing after conflict and maintaining connection are essential skills.
• Even therapists benefit from couples therapy!

Mentioned in This Episode:

• Episode 66: More on repairing after conflict
• Personal stories and examples from Jason’s own relationship

If you recognize any of these signs in your relationship, consider contacting a couples therapist. Remember, seeking help is a sign of hope and commitment to growth.

Couples Therapy in Colorado

Thanks for listening!

For more episodes and resources, subscribe to the podcast and follow Jason Polk for ongoing insights into relationships.

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Show Notes: Understanding Narcissism in Relationships

Host: Jason Polk, Couples Therapist & Agency Owner

Episode Overview: In this episode, Jason Polk explores the complex topic of narcissism and its impact on relationships. He breaks down what it means to be a narcissist, the origins of narcissistic behavior, and how these patterns affect both partners and families.

Key Topics Covered:

• Jason's definition of narcissism
• Quote on shame and false empowerment in the development of narcissistic traits
• How narcissists respond to feedback and accountability
• The emotional toll on partners of narcissists, including depression and loss of self
• The challenges and strategies of marriage counseling with a narcissistic partner
• The importance of leverage and motivation for change in therapy
• Practical advice for partners, including setting boundaries and reclaiming your voice

Resources Mentioned:

• PDF on functional psychological boundaries 

Takeaways:

• Change is possible, but it requires motivation and structure
• Partners have more influence than they may realize
• Sometimes, the work is about reclaiming your own needs and sense of self

Connect with Jason Polk: For more support or to learn about therapy options, reach out to Jason and his team of RLT therapists.

Jason's agencies: 

Colorado Relationship Recovery – Couples Therapy

Real Therapists Group (insurance-based practice)

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Jason Polk, a seasoned therapist specializing in couples therapy, hosts Brandon Schwartz, LCSW, from Colorado Relationship Recovery on the podcast. 

Brandon shares his journey of becoming a therapist, influenced by overcoming bullying, depression, and a transformative experience with his own therapist in middle school. 

He discusses his educational path, shifting from a desire to join the Marines to pursuing psychology, eventually finding his passion in couples therapy. 

The conversation touches on the modalities of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and its differences from other therapies, the concept of grandiosity and narcissism in relationships, and the profound impact therapy can have on personal and relational growth. 

Brandon emphasizes the importance of empathy, accountability, and differentiation in therapy, explaining why he finds his work both revolutionary and rewarding.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome

01:09 Brandon's Journey to Becoming a Therapist

02:47 High School and College Experiences

04:04 Choosing Marriage and Family Therapy

05:36 Impactful Therapy Experience

09:02 Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and Couples Work

13:57 First and Second Order Change in Therapy

15:34 Family Influence and Accountability

18:28 Understanding Human Behavior in Therapy

19:20 The Importance of Self-Realization

20:22 Personal Wake-Up Calls

22:21 The Role of Direct Feedback

25:31 Defining Narcissism in Therapy

31:51 The Revolutionary Impact of Couples Therapy

To learn more about Brandon and work with him, visit his About page.

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In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' therapist and coach Jason Polk delves into the importance of repair in relationships, why it's challenging, and how to effectively navigate it. Polk explains the concept of repair as restoring relationships after conflicts and discusses two main barriers: ego and lack of skills. He shares personal insights and strategies, including the importance of repairing in the moment and post-conflict methods like offering a sincere apology and sharing vulnerability. He emphasizes that repair is vital for healthy relationships and provides practical advice for couples to enhance their connection. Listeners are encouraged to prioritize repair over ego for the sake of their relationships and families.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:28 Understanding Conflict and Repair
01:11 The Role of Ego in Repair
03:39 Repairing in the Moment
05:15 Repairing After a Fight
08:00 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Feedback Wheel PDF

This episode was inspired by this blog: The Art of Repair: What It Means and Why It's So Hard