Somebody Save Me: The Official, but MOSTLY Unofficial, Smallville Podcast

*** NSFW EPISODE ***

Little Mikey, Pt. II: The Superboy Edition

Alexander Luthor, Lex's clone, returns as "Conner" only for Tess to reveal that he's actually a clone of Lex and Clark's DNA. With now having a full on biological "reset" due to his Kryptonian genes, he has all of Clark's powers and needs a mentor. Clark basically says "gross" and Conner runs off to Lionel-2, who happens to unleash the kid's dark side by using red kryptonite. This pushes Clark to try and stop Conner before he robs more stores and sexually assaults Lois.

Lucas Grabeel (High School Musical, Switched at Birth) returns for his final appearance as Lex's clone, a.k.a. Alexander, and his first and last appearance as DC Comics' original character Conner Kent, a.k.a. Superboy.

John Glover makes another special appearance as Earth-2's Lionel Luthor.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those five stars...but NOT for this specific episode LOL.

The Hangover: Smallville Edition

The Sisters, Megan (a.k.a. The Nurse) and Colleen, join us one last time as co-hosts this episode!

The bachelor/bachelorette party takes a quick turn after the gang celebrates with a bottle of champagne...that was spiked by Zatanna herself. Once the hangover hits nobody can remember what happened the night before. Lois gambled away her engagement ring, Chloe thinks she married Clark, Tess and Emil apparently love cosplay and Oliver is somehow having the time of his life. Time to backtrack! Good thing Emil recorded the whole night (wink, wink).

James Kidnie (Arrow, This is Wonderland) makes his first and only appearance as DC Comics' original character Amos Fortune.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those FIVE STARS!

DisA$$ is...

Welcome back to Chloe-ville! Chloe and Oliver have their fantasy date night turn into a murder orgy by another one of Darkseid's loyal servants, DeSaad. Eventually Clark comes to the rescue, but he needs to come up with a solution to his "disguise problem" before Lois calls off the wedding (JK, she never would). Yo, where's Tess?!

Steve Byers (Slasher, Immortals) makes his first official appearance as DC Comics' original character DeSaad.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those FIVE STARS!

APRIL FOOLS, BABY.

"Hello, you've reached the Baker Family. Clark Kent isn't here right now, but leave a message and he'll get back to you next week."

That's right! Two parents. Twelve kids. '02-'03 Tom Welling. Time to be happy again!

The Luthors Return...

Martha Kent makes a return, so it's time for the heroes to go political. During her speech Martha gets shot by the missing Lex clone ("Alexander"), but now he's much older and even more gross-looking. On top of that, Earth-2 Lionel shows his face and learns how horny Martha makes him (again?). Clark somehow forgets he has fans, so Lois reminds him in the most corny way possible. Chloe has fully returned and her presence is somehow making everyone bully/hate Tess now.

Lucas Grabeel (High School Musical, Switched at Birth) makes his first appearance as Lex's clone, a.k.a. Alexander.

As always, enjoy the show and give us them FIVE STARS!

The Return of Chloe "JUST TRUST ME G.D.I.!" Sullivan

Welcome to Smallville's version of The Matrix where our heroes have been abducted by the V.R.A. enforcers and put into virtual "real world" simulator. Chloe, basically Neo, is using her virtual avatar in order to get Clark, Lois, Oliver, Dinah and the rest of the team back into reality. But guess what? They're having a hard time trusting her! Also, we find out Chloe has been running The Suicide Squad for a while now...so, yeah, she still sucks.

Alaina Huffman and Ted Whittall return for their final appearances as DC Comics' original characters Dinah Lance (a.k.a. "Black Canary") and Colonel Rick Flag, respectively.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those FIVE STARS!

Mid Proposal. Mid Eye-Patch. Mid Funeral.

The VRA has turned its enforcers into the Metropolis Gestapo and are cracking down on all suspected vigilantes and supporters. A somewhat decent marriage proposal, and banger engagement party, gets entirely overshadowed by General Slade's return and Hawkman's "death". Chloe also returns...in a flashback, smh.

Michael Hogan and Michael Shanks both return for their final appearances as DC Comics' original characters Slade Wilson (a.k.a. "Deathstroke") and Carter Hall (a.k.a. "Hawkman"), respectively.

Britt Irvin and Alaina Huffman both return as DC Comics' original characters Courtney Whitmore (a.k.a. "Stargirl") and Dinah Lance (a.k.a. Black Canary), respectively.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those FIVE STARS!!!

Transference, Pt. II: LuClark "I love my daddy" Luthor

After being the official heir of Lionel Luthor, Tess receives a Kryptonian artifact that allows the user to swap places with their mirrored counterpart from Earth-2. Clark activates the device and goes to a world where he was raised by the Luthors, is a well-known murdered/tyrant called Ultraman, Oliver and Lois think he's a douche and apparently is having a secret affair with his "sister" Tess. After realizing this world sucks Clark has to figure out a way back home in order to stop his evil twin from taking over the planet and banging Lois.

John Glover returns for a special guest appearance as Smallville original character Lionel Luthor.

Tom Welling takes on the role of DC Comics' original character Ultraman.

As always, enjoy the show and give us those FIVE STARS!

General Slade "Cagemaster" Wilson

HUGE appearances this week as the Vigilante Registration Act gets its first hero sign-up: Oliver Queen. General Slade Wilson, who is not at all comic-accurate, hides his superhero concentration camps behind the VRA bill. AC, a.k.a. Orin, returns with his new wife Mera to destroy these secret torture spots. Clark is reluctant at first since the new couple is solid competition, but he eventually comes around. Lois feels left out of Clark's superhero loop, but she gets to see Mera naked sooo...worth it?

Michael Hogan (Battlestar Galactica, Teen Wolf) makes his first appearance as DC Comics' original character Slade Wilson, a.k.a. Deathstroke.

Alan Ritchson (Reacher, Blue Mountain State) returns for his last appearance as DC Comics' original character Arthur Curry, a.k.a. Aquaman.

Elena Satine (Cowboy Bebop, Magic City) makes her first and only appearance as DC Comics' original character Mera.

As always, enjoy the show and give us those FIVE STARS!

Smallville Presents: The Girl Called Lutessa

Tess finally gets her long overdue origin story with none other than Granny Goodness! After reliving a memory in the form of a nightmare Tess is "called" back to the orphanage she was raised in, and drags Clark along with her. Lois is crying nonstop after watching her late mother's videotapes, and then decides to play mediator between Clark and Jor-El's relationship. The Dark-Ass Counsel finally unites.

Teri Hatcher (Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman) makes her first and only appearance as DC Comics' original character Ella Lane.

The late Julian Sands (Arachnophobia, The Medallion) returns for his last appearance as DC Comics' original character Jor-El of Krypton.

Helen Slater (Supergirl, The Lying Game) returns for her last appearance as DC Comics' original character Lara-El.

Christine Willes (Trick 'r Treat, The Wicker Man) makes her first appearance as DC Comics' original character Granny Goodness.

Steve Byers (The Man in the High Castle, Slasher) makes his first appearance as DC Comics' original character Desaad.

Michael Daingerfield (Sausage Party, Dreamcatcher) returns as DC Comics original character Gordon Godfrey.