After loss, even happiness can feel wrong. We fear that if we laugh, love, or feel joy, we’re betraying the memory of the one we lost. But healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means remembering with love.

In this episode of Soulfire, we explore the courage it takes to feel again, to open your heart without guilt, and to welcome life back in.

✨ Soulfire Work:

Journal about a moment you felt joy after your loss.

Reflect on what your loved one would say if they saw you smiling again.

Breathe:

Hand on heart and hand on your belly-

Whisper: “It’s safe to feel. My love and my healing can exist together.”

💌 Want to share your story on Soulfire? DM me on Instagram—you’re invited. @thejesicabush

I love you all - keep going i believe in you and you are not in this grief alone

Avoidance feels safe in grief. We stay busy, distract ourselves, or numb the pain, convincing ourselves that if we don’t look at it, it won’t hurt as much. But avoidance doesn’t heal us—it delays the pain, strains our relationships, and keeps our wounds open.

In this episode of Soulfire, I share how avoidance showed up in my journey, the hidden cost it carried, and how I finally learned that facing my grief was the only way to move forward.

✨ Soulfire Work:

1. Write down the ways you avoid your grief.

2. Reflect on what you’re afraid will happen if you stop avoiding.

3. Breathe deeply and whisper: “I give myself permission to stop running. My Soulfire can hold this.”

💌 Want to share your own story on Soulfire?

DM me on Instagram—you’re invited. @thejesicabush

Grief doesn’t always show up as tears—sometimes it shows up as anger. In this episode, I sit down with Guinevere Smith to talk about her grief journey, the fire of anger that rose after her loss, and the ways she is learning to honor her Soulfire through it all.

This conversation is raw, real, and a reminder that there is no right way to grieve. Anger, silence, laughter, pain—it’s all part of love.

✨ Soulfire Work: Write one thing you wish you could tell your loved one. Reflect on what truth lies beneath your anger. Breathe in, hand on your heart, and whisper: “I honor my grief. I honor my love. My Soulfire is still alive.”

💌 Want to share your own story on Soulfire? DM me on Instagram—you’re invited. @thejesicabush

Guilt is one of the heaviest chains in grief. It whispers “I should have…” and “If only I had…” until we start believing the lie that we failed the people we loved most.

For me, the loudest guilt came from the last day I saw my mom alive. I set boundaries to protect my kids, and when she asked to come home with me, I said no. Hours later, she was gone. For months, I replayed that moment, punishing myself with the belief that if I had chosen differently, she might still be here. That guilt drove me deeper into drinking, anger, and isolation. It nearly destroyed me.

But what I’ve learned is this: guilt isn’t proof of failure—it’s proof of love. We feel guilty because we cared, because we wanted to do more, because our hearts cannot accept that some things were never in our control.

In this episode of Soulfire, I open up about my own battle with guilt, how it twisted my grief, and how I finally found the courage to begin releasing it. Through forgiveness letters, raw self-reflection, and learning to honor love over punishment, I discovered that guilt doesn’t have to keep us chained forever.

If you’ve been carrying the weight of guilt in your grief, this conversation is for you. You are not alone. You did the best you could with what you had in that moment. And your loved one sees the love in you, not the blame.

🔥 Soulfire Work — Episode 4

Write: Write a forgiveness letter—to your loved one or to yourself. Don’t hold back. Say the words you’ve been carrying in silence.

Reflect: Ask yourself: “What would my loved one say to me if they saw the guilt I’m carrying?”

Breathe: Place your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and whisper:
“I forgive myself. I did the best I could. Love is what remains.”

then i want you to Burn that letter, bury it, shred it up and flush it- but you need to release this. then i want you to shake your body. shake your arms and hands out, do jump n jacks.. the point is to ensure this energy doesn't stay stagnant in out body.

remember i love you and you are not alone. Your SoulFire is still alive .

you can always DM me if you have questions or want to be a guest on the show to share your journey.

Anger shows up in grief like a shield. For me, it felt easier to rage than to feel the unbearable truth that my mom was gone. Anger kept me moving when the weight of my pain threatened to crush me. It gave me something to hold on to when silence felt like too much.

But here’s what I’ve learned: anger is grief’s armor. It isn’t weakness. It isn’t wrong. It’s a way our hearts try to protect us when the loss feels too heavy to carry. The problem is, if we stay there too long, we can get stuck in the fire and never touch the love beneath it.

In this episode of Soulfire, I share what it was like to live in that anger—the moments I lashed out, the times I felt consumed by rage, and the lessons I discovered about what was really hiding underneath. This conversation is raw, real, and for anyone who has ever felt safer mad than broken.

Because anger isn’t your enemy. It’s part of your love. And when you learn to honor it, you’ll start to uncover the healing that waits beneath the fire.

🔥 Soulfire Work — Episode 3: When Anger Feels Safer Than Pain

Step 1 – Write ✍️
Grab your journal and write down: “Who or what am I most angry at in my grief?” Don’t censor it. Let it spill out raw and unfiltered.

Step 2 – Reflect 💭
Ask yourself: “If I look underneath this anger, what pain is hiding there? What am I afraid to feel?”

Step 3 – Breathe 🌬️
Place your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and take three slow breaths. As you exhale, whisper:
“My anger is not my enemy. It is part of my love.”

as always you can dm me on IG @thejesicabush

In this episode of Soulfire, I take you into the foggy days after my mom’s passing—the days where nothing made sense but life refused to stop. I was numb, broken, and still expected to plan a funeral I couldn’t afford, all while trying to keep traditions alive for my boys and hold my family together.

I share the story with you about my estranged sister and her roll in the funeral after not seeing her or hearing from her for almost 2 decades.

This is the part of grief no one prepares you for: when the world keeps spinning, holidays arrive, bills pile up, and you’re just trying to breathe through the heaviness.

I share what it felt like to be in that walking coma, drowning in regret and anger, and the small moments of survival that kept me moving when I didn’t want to.

If you’ve ever felt like you were on autopilot in grief—showing up for everyone else while silently falling apart—this episode is for you.

You’re not alone in the fog.

🔥 Soulfire Work (Reflection Practice)

Step 1 – Write ✍️
Write about the funeral- or leading up to it- did you go? did you plan it. What was it like to go through it?

Step 2 – Reflect 💭
What feelings stand out most from that moment—anger, numbness, guilt, exhaustion, or even small glimpses of joy?

now I want you to write a forgiveness letter to yourself- refer back to end of episode to gain insight on how I walk you through this process - remember to burn that biootch

Step 3 – Remember 🌹
Choose one ritual, song, or tradition from that time. Sit with it. What did it stir in you then, and what does it stir in you now?

Step 4 – Release 🌬️
Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart, and one on your belly, and breathe deeply three times, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Whisper:

“I don’t have to be okay today. but I am safe. My Soulfire is enough. I love you, I'm sorry, I forgive you , thank you”

remember you are not alone in this journey.

if you have any questions or want a topic talked about or just want to connect you can DM me on IG

@thejesicabush

https://www.instagram.com/thejesicabush?igsh=MXh0dGdhdHl0anQzNg%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Grief doesn’t send a warning. It arrives like a storm, ripping through your world and leaving you standing in the wreckage of a life you no longer recognize.

In this very first episode of Soulfire, I take you to the day my life split in two—the day I got the call that my mom was gone. October 22nd started like any other Friday. My husband and I were ironworkers, cut loose from the yard early, ready to enjoy an unexpected afternoon of freedom. But then my phone rang. I saw my dad’s missed call. When I called back, his voice was hollow, carrying words that would forever change me: “Jes, it’s your mom. She’s gone.”

In those moments, time collapsed. My body went numb, my spirit cracked wide open, and all I could do was whisper “It’s okay” when nothing would ever be okay again. Grief tunneled my vision, consumed my thoughts, and hurled me back into a version of myself I thought I’d left behind—the reckless, raging woman who knew how to survive the streets. That weekend, fueled by desperation and pain, I found myself on a manhunt, knocking on doors, chasing answers, and stepping into the trailer where my mom took her last breath. I gathered her belongings, her car, her clothes, anything I could hold onto—because I couldn’t hold her.

This episode isn’t easy to tell, but it’s where my story begins. It’s where grief became real, raw, and relentless. It’s where I realized that grief isn’t something you “get over.” It isn’t something you can fit into five stages and check off like a to-do list. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal. There is no one way to grieve—there is only your way.

Launching this podcast on my mom’s heavenly birthday is my way of keeping her spirit alive. This episode is a dedication to her, but it’s also an offering to you. If you’ve ever felt broken by loss, silenced by grief, or abandoned in your pain, this is your space. You are not alone.

Through Soulfire, I’ll share my journey of grief, sobriety, healing, and purpose. I’ll tell you the truth about what it’s like to lose someone you love and to find yourself in the rubble. Each episode will carry raw stories, honest reflections, and practices that helped me keep going. And at the end of every episode, I’ll give you Soulfire Work—simple reflections and practices to help you honor your own journey.

In this first episode, I leave you with this: take a moment today to write down one memory of your loved one that still makes you smile. Let that memory become your Soulfire, even if just for today.

My mom’s story—and mine—isn’t about tragedy alone. It’s about love, survival, and the fire that grief can’t take from us. That fire lives in me. And I believe it lives in you, too.

So join me, as I begin this journey. This one’s for you, Mom. And for every soul who needs to be reminded: your Soulfire is still alive.

🔥 Soulfire Work —

Grief can feel like chaos, but even in the storm there are threads of connection. Today, I want you to pause and write.

1. Memory Capture: Write down one memory of your loved one that makes you smile. Don’t overthink—just let it come.

2. Anchor Object: If you have one of their belongings, hold it in your hand as you write. Notice what feelings rise up.

3. Letter to Self: Write a short letter to the version of you who first got “the call.” What do you wish you could tell them now?

4. Breath Practice: After you write, place your hand on your heart and take three deep breaths, reminding yourself: “I survived that day. I am still here. My Soulfire is alive.”

You can always DM me on IG to connect :

You are not alone in this.

@TheJesicaBush

https://www.instagram.com/thejesicabush?igsh=MXh0dGdhdHl0anQzNg%3D%3D&utm_source=qr