Gilian shares her strategy of processing adult interactions that don’t go as expected, including at times conflict and defensiveness.  Stepping back to consider how fear may be inspiring our responses and re-approaching the interactions with some perspective and curiosity can be very helpful.  Joelle and Gillian share some of their key strategies that may help when stress and fear are taking over-

Who is afraid of what? 

Slow down and back up

Share the worry

Get consultation from a trusted source

Visualize the situation as a contingency map - what is the goal and is there a different path? 

https://autismclassroomresources.com/contingency-maps-for-behavior-proble/

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/

The podcast welcomes our second guest, Aaron Lanou!  Aaron is one of Gillian's longtime favorite colleagues and thought partners, and you can read all about his work here:

In brief, Aaron worked as a special education teacher in New York City public schools for 10 years, working with students with autism and learning disabilities in inclusion and specialized settings, from kindergarten through high school.  He went on to be the Director of Professional Development and Executive Director of NYU's Nest Support Project, leading the team and supporting the largest autism inclusion model in the country. He developed and presented dozens of workshops, and consulted with hundreds of teachers and principals to help educators see and meet the needs of autistic students in inclusive classrooms.  Now, Aaron works as a fantastic consultant and trainer for school settings interested in supporting all learners in an inclusive and inspired way. 

In this discussion Aaron shares with us one of Carol Gray’s concepts, social humility.  Social humility refers to a stance in which one is “confused with a good attitude” and allows us to pause to understand what may be inspiring behaviors and let go of our basic belief that we (the adult in authority) is right and the unexpected actions of others are to be corrected.  In this discussion, we discover very practical and powerful ways to offer co-regulation, increase our understanding of each other, and create psychological safety.  We unpack the first main point of social humility that the social impairment surrounding autism is shared.  

Links:

Carol Gray:

http://carolgraysocialstories.com/

Social Humility Pilot Project:

https://carolgraysocialstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Social-Humility-Pilot-Project.pdf

Ross Greene's Collaborative and Proactive Solutions:

https://cpsconnection.com

Double Empathy Problem:

https://reframingautism.org.au/miltons-double-empathy-problem-a-summary-for-non-academics/

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/

Gillian and Joelle discuss their ever-evolving professional opinions on technology, social media, and video gaming use among elementary, middle, and high school students.  While it may seem clear what schools should do in elementary and middle school, high school turns out to still be an area of debate.  Joelle proposes that setting clear boundaries is easier than it may seem.  Gillian offers nuance from neurodiversity-affirming practice and what she is learning from self-advocates.  Our thinking may have even evolved during this conversation!  Join us to see how your experiences line up with our current opinions. 

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/

Joelle and Gillian welcome their first guest to the Podcast!  Meet Roger, a teacher in the Maryland/DC area.  Roger shares his approaches to supporting students in the context of heightened stress and certainty.  He shares a strategy that utilizes routine, writing, and connection to support students to access learning even when they are contending with powerful emotions.  Some themes that emerge include self-trust, sharing the worry, and always having a plan.  

We mentioned neuroscientist Dan Siegel's "Name It To Tame It:"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcDLzppD4Jc

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/

Gillian and Joelle talk about the framework of PDA and how it can both reinforce approaches we have long-used very wisely, as well as inspire some new ways of understanding student responses and needs.  As with any new concept, we can temporarily lose our sense of confidence and competence.  The ideas offered by the PDA framework can also increase our depth of understanding of the capacity for our community to support all learners.  Joelle and Gillian talk through some examples to play around with how the ideas offered through PDA can help us anticipate the reaction to various strategies and find approaches that are likely to work for a wide variety of students.    

PDA resource mentioned: Casey Erlich at At Peace Parents

https://www.atpeaceparents.com/

Other great PDA resources:

Low Demand Amanda: https://www.amandadiekman.com/

PDA North America: https://pdanorthamerica.org/

Collaborative and Proactive Solutions:

https://cpsconnection.com/

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/

Gillian and Joelle chat about frequent suggestions that they make to school teams to support students who are strugging to cope effectively.  They talk about the specific ways that we can approach a stressed person to help assure their needs will be met, validate their emotions, and move forward together successfully.  The strategy of replacing “You need…” with “I need…” along with other ideas helps align with the child against the problem, invite them to an alternate approach, and co-regulate.  In the stampede of the public school pace, school professionals are working to intentionally set their own personal pace and adjust the pace of an interaction to the needs of the students in that moment rather than the fast paced schedule.  It turns out that slowing down is ultimately faster and more efficient, when we need good connection to move forward.  Listen to the whole episode for these and more go-to approaches!! 

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/

Gillian offers a version of the stance of curiosity that will guide our approaches with students who are non-speaking.  Our culture is so reliant on spoken communication that we can have implicit bias that influences our social behavior to under-estimate the capacity of those who communicate via different channels.  How can we change our mindset to presume the competence of non-speaking learners, while taking responsibility to adjust the pace, volume, and language that we use in our conversations without talking down?  Joelle adds ideas related to problem solving including attunement, educated guesses, and modeling.  Visual tools are brought up as a trusted go-to to augment communication.  As always an open, curious, and flexible approach always serves us well.  

Check out this amazing video on using Collaborative and Proactive Solutions with non-speaking learners!

Alliance against seclusion and restraint youtube channel 8/24/23https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDOq2JPyb8E

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/

In this episode Joelle and Gillian talk about a strategy to support students who are seeking a connection from a teacher in which they have some kind of status or privilege that is atypical.  This pattern often comes up among students who do not have the basic human need met of feeling special in some part of their lives.  Sometimes this pattern comes up when students have family lives outside of school in which their parents are overwhelmed, the student is in foster care, or the student feels anxious about parental well-being.  This can also come up when school-based trauma like bullying is happening for a student. In such cases, they may seek the grounding of special connection from the teacher without knowing what is driving their actions.  This dynamic can also occur if the student feels chronically unsuccessful in school academically and socially.   This pattern may begin with the student seeking out positive connection, being extra helpful, and being very charming.  When the teacher inevitably sets a reasonable boundary for their relationship with the student, this can feel like a deep rejection rather than a helpful limit setting, as might be expected.  When this felt rejection occurs, teachers may be surprised by a shift in the student’s engagement or behavior.  The student may seek their attention through escalation rather than helpfulness.  Recognizing that the student may need to feel special and creating a path to meet that need in a predictable and relatively insignificant manner can shift the dynamic to be one in which the student gets a regular reassuring dose and the teacher is not overwhelmed by needs inspired by factors outside of their control.  Joelle and Gillian discuss scenarios and give fun examples for this approach.  

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/

A liminal experience is a concept related to an "in between" time in which there is both familiarity and disruptive change.  Joelle and Gillian talk about the impact of the many significant challenges of public schooling in the past five years including the COVID-19 pandemic, staffing shortages, budgetary changes, and the current political context.  They talk through how to deal with all this, with the conclusions that:

• Grounding can be found in one’s values, core beliefs, and goals.  
• Complex communities can create space for varied coping styles.  
• We can be a source of guidance for our students not by being perfect in our responses but through being willing to be a transparent about how we are feeling and willing to learn from our own mistakes.  
• Most importantly, our efforts are to reduce isolation and get curious about each others' experience so we can be the most consistent, affirming and regulated adults possible for the children around us.  
• We take care of us!

 https://hbr.org/2024/11/how-to-lead-when-the-future-feels-unpredictable?ab=HP-bottom-popular-text-4

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/

Gillian and Joelle explore the theme of being humans in helping professions, and especially in schools when it can be important to stay “on” and present as fully regulated when in front of students.  When we are experiencing big emotions but can’t show them, this can contribute to something called “allostatic load,” or the stress response our bodies and brains have to try to address a problem and come back to homeostasis.  Joelle and Gillian consider an “emotional parking lot” to remind us of big emotions that we needed to “put somewhere else” during the day but may still need a chance to turn toward and feel before day’s end if possible.  Joelle and Gillian also review the theory of “allostatic load” in general, and how compassionately noticing, turning toward, and offering some form of completion to our personal “road signs” of fight flight or freeze responses can bring us back to homeostasis more than chronically avoiding these can do.

Here's the awesome book we mention during the episode:

https://www.powells.com/book/-9781984818324/7-2?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAz6q-BhCfARIsAOezPxn0B9TRewy-G3rkTMIkiF2uP28q05CnyMeEnLydl1FA3W3xkXE3wYAaAjNbEALw_wcB

Find us on Instagram!

Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/

Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/