Standing Nowhere

I reached a point where not existing seemed more appealing than existing. That's a sad state of mind. But something shifted—a paradigm inside me changed everything. Now I'm under just as much stress (maybe more), but I have space inside. Joy. Elation. Enough energy to carve out time for this podcast. How does someone go from daydreaming about a car taking them out to feeling this alive?

This episode is about standing nowhere—not clinging to any rigid concept about reality, whether that's "God is a man with a beard in the sky" or "the universe is random meaningless chaos." Both are concepts. Both trap you. When you stand on a concept, it's got you by the balls, dragging you through the mud, forcing you to interpret everything through that filter.

Here's what loosened the soil for me: You are not separate from the universe. You ARE the universe. An apple tree produces apples; the universe produces people. You can't separate the two. Your body is material. Your mind is the universe expressing itself as you. When you describe your feelings, you're describing the universe. So it's objectively incorrect to call the universe "cold, unfeeling, random, stupid"—because you are none of those things. You are intelligent. You feel love. You came out of the Big Bang, so your potentiality was already there.

Featuring Alan Watts on "you are the universe waving" (the ocean isn't separate from the wave), Genesis as poetry about ego birth (Eve biting the apple = the moment humans could differentiate "this from that," creating the illusion of separation), Jesus' "I am" statements pointing to shared being ("before Abraham was, I am"), the pathetic fallacy being itself a fallacy (depends on illusory separation), opposites creating each other (you can't have up without down, being without non-being, life without death), the stick metaphor (mind abstracts two ends but there's just the stick), Lao Tzu on wu-wei (not forcing, not striving), Paul on "I die to self daily," and faith vs belief (openness vs clinging to rigid ideas).

We discuss: why church attendance is declining (rigid concepts drive people away), "love thy neighbor AS thyself" (not LIKE yourself—because you ARE them), why helping others feels like otherworldly joy (you're not separate from them), Genesis' "knowledge of good and evil" as Hebrew idiom meaning "knowledge of everything" (the ability to differentiate/classify), "Who told you you were naked?" meaning "Who told you you were separate?", why cause and effect are illusory (just one thing flowing), the yin-yang (you can't have known without unknown), and "standing nowhere" as standing NOW-HERE.

If you're a Christian who threw out the faith, a nihilist convinced everything's meaningless, or someone who senses these traditions all point to something but can't see past the contradictions—this one's for you. Let go of rigid concepts. Use them as exit ramps off the NASCAR ring of perpetual clinging. Come to your breath. Stand nowhere with me.

Closing with Alan Watts: "Faith is a state of openness or trust...the attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be."

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🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere
⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/standing.nowhere/
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

On my 42nd birthday, I finally hit record. As the title suggests, I don't know what I'm doing—but three years ago, I hit a point where I had this dark thought: "I would love it if a car would just take me out." Not suicidal—just exhausted. Working 60-hour weeks doing DoorDash, waking up at 3am sweating about rent, racing every day to get out of the red. I was crying on deliveries, pounding my steering wheel.

That lowest point cracked me open. Now I'm working the same brutal hours, but I have space inside. Joy. The peace that surpasses understanding. This episode is my origin story—and the moment everything clicked.

I was literally crying out "God, what do you want me to do?" while driving to deliver alcohol. I dropped it off, got the signature, drove away. The customer texted: "This might be out of place, but have you ever thought about doing a podcast? You have a beautiful voice."

You'll hear:

• How financial pressure and toxic "think your way rich" self-help brought me to my knees
• The simple mindfulness practice that met me where I was (hands on the wheel, breath in the chest)
• What "Standing Nowhere" means: trusting direct experience over concepts
• The shared heart of wisdom across traditions—Jesus, Buddha, and beyond
• Real-world practices you can try while driving, walking, or brushing your teeth

Featuring the farmer and neighbor parable ("that's too bad" / "maybe"), why "repent" in Hebrew means "turn back/look within" (not feel guilty), Jesus on "stay awake," why thoughts think themselves without a "you" doing them, and how your lowest mess might be the perfect mess to bring you inside.

If bills wake you up at 3am, if you're burned out from the grind, or if you're curious about a gentler way to move through your day—this one's for you.

Thanks for listening. If it resonates, follow the show, leave a rating, and share it with someone who needs to hear this. More conversations, practices, and guests to come.

⚠️ Content note: This episode discusses depression, financial stress, and past suicidal ideation. Please take care while listening. U.S. support: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). Text HOME to 741741.

Want to share a thought?

Support the show

---
🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere
⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/standing.nowhere/
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.