Standing Nowhere

What do we do with grief, synchronicity, and the strange ways love keeps showing up?

In this episode, I sit down with one of my oldest and closest friends, Raphael “Rafi” Rozenberg. We met in 1997 and have lived through almost everything together—high-school chaos, fatherhood, marriages, losses, and all the weird twists of life in between.

Rafi opens up about growing up in an Orthodox Jewish home, the accident that changed his father forever, the years of miscarriages he and his wife endured, and what it was like to lose both his father and his brother Pete. We talk about the shock of Pete’s passing, the long slow process of grief, and how you keep putting one foot in front of the other when life keeps breaking you open.

We also talk about the strange synchronicity around Pete’s birthday—how a meditation that morning brought him to mind, and what it might mean when the people we’ve lost show up in ways we can’t explain.

From there, we explore the path that led Rafi to his creative calling: becoming a full-time artist who designs and paints intricate 3D-printed sculptures. His business, Dungeon Master Minis, is a stunning example of turning pain, beauty, and obsession into craft.

If you want to see his work or support what he’s building:
🔗 Website: https://www.dmminisus.com/
📸 Instagram: @dmminisus
🎵 TikTok: @dmminis

If the show resonates with you, it would mean the world if you’d follow the podcast in your favorite app or share this episode with a friend who might need it.

I close this episode with a reading from Thich Nhat Hanh, offered as a kind of quiet blessing for anyone carrying grief today.

Thank you for being here.

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📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

You've been defending this "you" your whole life—getting offended when criticized, proud when praised, anxious about what others think. But what if the self you're protecting doesn't actually exist?

This episode explores ego and the illusion of the separate self. Not as abstract philosophy, but as something you can observe right now. Watch your thoughts arise. Did you decide to think that? Or did the thought just appear? If you didn't choose it, who's the "you" that claims ownership of it?

The paradox: you have to become somebody before you can become nobody. Spiritual development requires building a healthy ego first—integrating your shadow, becoming a functioning adult—then seeing through it. Like climbing a ladder to realize you never needed the ladder. This isn't nihilism (everything is meaningless). This is emptiness (no permanent, separate self—just awareness watching the show).

I share how my depression and burnout dissolved my ego enough to finally see through it, how suffering cracks the shell of the separate self, and why the exhausting work of maintaining your image can finally stop when you realize there's no "you" to defend.

Featuring J. Krishnamurti on "the observer IS the observed" (no separate watcher), Nisargadatta Maharaj's "I am not this body, not this mind—I am the awareness in which all this appears," Ram Dass on "I'm loving awareness," Thich Nhat Hanh on interbeing (you can't exist separately—you inter-are with everything), Paul on "I die daily" and "it's no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me" (ego death in Christian language), Jesus on "I and the Father are one" (dissolving separation), Buddha on anatta (no-self), and the Christian mystics who saw the same truth but called it "union with God."

We discuss: why language creates the illusion of a separate "I" (pronouns make you think there's a doer behind the doing), how thoughts think themselves without a thinker (just like digestion digests itself), the exhausting work of maintaining your self-image, why suffering dissolves ego faster than any practice (when you're in crisis, "you" disappears and only awareness remains), what remains when the separate self relaxes (spoiler: everything, but lighter), and how anxiety is just ego trying to control the uncontrollable.

If you're exhausted from defending yourself, struggling with self-doubt, feeling like spiritual practice hasn't touched your core suffering, or sensing there's something deeper than the "you" you've been told you are—this one's for you.

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💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

I can't afford to take time off. But I also can't afford not to take time off. That's the bind I've been in—and maybe you're there too.

This week, I hit rock bottom. Burnt out, behind on bills, working 50-60 hours a week and still sinking. My body finally said: Stop. Now. So I took an unscheduled week of rest, even though I couldn't afford it. And that forced pause revealed something I'd been missing: rest isn't the pit stop before getting back to work—it's the finish line.

Drawing from the Hebrew tradition of Sabbath and the writings of Abraham Joshua Heschel, I explore rest as the point of being alive—not a luxury you earn. We also dig into the guilt that comes with stopping, the trust required to let go of control, and the strange grace of rock bottom. When you can't fix your way out anymore, surrender becomes the only option—and that's where transformation happens.

In this episode:

• Why the Sabbath is a commandment to trust, not just to stop
• Rock bottom as the doorway to surrender
• How rest reconnects us to our center
• Carrying that rest back into work

Featuring insights from Heschel, Rumi, Meister Eckhart, Alan Watts, and Lao Tzu.

If you've ever felt like you can't afford to rest—or like your life will fall apart if you stop—this episode is for you.

Stop. Rest. Trust.

If this resonated, a rating or review truly helps the podcast reach others who might need it. Thanks for being here.

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⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/standing.nowhere/
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

In your twenties, it’s easy to feel like you’ll always belong somewhere — a friend group, a workplace, a Saturday night ritual that feels like home. But what happens when those circles fade, and you suddenly find yourself everywhere in the city… yet belonging nowhere?

In this deeply personal episode, Jacob shares the story of poker nights and found-family friendships, the sudden loss of someone who helped anchor his world, and the quiet isolation of gig work that left him feeling like a ghost — unseen in restaurants full of laughter and connection.

And yet… that ghostly invisibility became the doorway to something unexpected: aloneness — not loneliness — but a deeper, more courageous way of being with yourself.

Through grief, silence, and a chance encounter with the teachings of Alan Watts and Ram Dass, Jacob uncovers what it means to lose borrowed belonging… and slowly rebuild connection from the inside out.

This isn’t a story about giving up — it’s a story about remembering who you are when no one is looking.

Topics:

• When community feels like home… until it doesn’t
• The slow erosion of belonging — and why it hurts so much
• How crisis can become a turning point toward a truer life
• The difference between loneliness and aloneness
• Practical ways to reconnect with yourself and others

If you’ve ever felt invisible in a room full of people — this one’s for you.

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🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere
⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
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🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

Three years ago I was broke, sharing an apartment with scorpions, and couldn't see a way forward. Then I discovered that laughter—the real, spontaneous kind—can be a powerful spiritual practice.

In this episode we explore why ego and humor can't coexist, and how laughing at yourself transforms everything from meditation to life's hardest moments.

What we cover:

• The scorpion story and the spiritual breakthrough that followed
• Why heaviness is "spiritual death" and lightness is life
• How to spot the cosmic joke in your own struggles
• Ancient wisdom on softness vs. rigidity in spiritual practice
• The line between toxic positivity and genuine humor

Featuring G.K. Chesterton's idea of "divine delight," Taoist wisdom on yielding over forcing, and practical ways to bring levity to real-world challenges.

If spirituality has started to feel heavy, this is your permission to lighten up without losing depth.

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🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere
⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/standing.nowhere/
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

Fear doesn't want to destroy you. It wants to wake you up.

In this episode Jacob gets unusually honest — three failed recording attempts, 63-hour work weeks, bills backed up, air conditioning out, and a podcast he's terrified isn't good enough. This is what fear actually looks like from the inside. And this is how he's dealing with it.

Drawing from C.S. Lewis's Screwtape Letters, the Bhagavad Gita, Thich Nhat Hanh on Mara, Proverbs, and a genuinely unsettling dream after watching a horror movie with his daughter, Jacob explores fear not as an enemy to defeat but as a threshold — an entryway back to presence.

This episode covers:

• Fear defined as a contraction around imagined loss
• Self-doubt as fear with a voice
• Gratitude as a practice when everything is going wrong
• The Buddhist figure Mara and why the Buddha needed him
• Facing your inner demons instead of running from them
• A guided moment to sit with your fear without fixing it
• Closing with Psalm 23 and Thomas Merton's Prayer of Unknowing

If fear has been louder than your faith lately, this episode is for you.

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🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere
⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/standing.nowhere/
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

I've quit alcohol and cannabis. Kicked my energy drink habit that was costing me $150-200 a month. But I still can't stop buying ice cream at the end of brutal work days. And I'm obsessed with making this podcast perfect, going back to edit old episodes when I should just let them be.

This episode is about attachment, desire, and why we can't stop wanting things even when we know they're not making us happy. It's not about becoming a monk or renouncing everything—it's about nothing owning you. We explore the difference between healthy desires (like wanting to help people) and the burning attachments that enslave us (scrolling, shopping therapy, substances, perfectionism).

I break down what "sin" and "repentance" actually meant in Aramaic and Greek (spoiler: they're directional statements about being off-center, not moral failures). We look at why the relief from buying something comes from the cessation of wanting it, not the object itself. And I share practical experiments for letting go: delaying cravings, befriending your withdrawals, and the "don't tell the devil your plans" strategy that actually works.

Featuring wisdom from James and Ecclesiastes on the vapor of things, Krishna's ocean metaphor in the Bhagavad Gita, the Buddha on unshaken mind, Meister Eckhart and John of the Cross on divine union, Rumi's furnace of stress, and Paul's secret of contentment. Plus my own ongoing struggle with frozen pizza and productivity addiction—because I'm not perfect either.

If you're trapped in any cycle of wanting—substances, screens, food, achievement, perfection—this one's for you.

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Support the show

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🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere
⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/standing.nowhere/
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

Spirituality can be the biggest ego trip of all.

In this episode, Jacob works through Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche's concept of spiritual materialism — the subtle (and not so subtle) ways the ego hijacks spiritual practice and turns it into another identity, another badge, another club to belong to.

From growing up in church to virtue signaling on Instagram, from religious one-upmanship to the meditator who thinks everyone else is asleep — Jacob traces how belonging and truth are not the same thing, and why the path only becomes real when you stop performing it.

This episode covers:

• Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche and Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism
• Belonging vs. truth — and why only one of them sets you free
• Roles, identities, and spiritual one-upmanship across every tradition
• Richard Rohr on mistaking the messenger for the message
• Jesus on righteousness for show (Matthew 6)
• The Pharisee and the tax collector (Luke 18)
• Triangulating traditions — Christianity, Buddhism, Taoism, Sufism
• Closing with Kabir's The Breath Inside the Breath

If you've ever caught yourself performing your spirituality, this episode is the mirror.

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Support the show

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🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere
⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/standing.nowhere/
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

"Why didn't you just leave?" It's the question everyone asks about domestic violence - until they hear Kate Mageau's story and realize how trauma bonds, gaslighting, and the cycle of violence make leaving the most dangerous moment of all.

Kate is a licensed therapist (LMHC, ADHD-CCSP), author, and toxic relationship survivor. In this conversation, we explore her memoir Rose Colored Glasses and unpack the psychology behind why smart, strong people stay in abusive relationships. We discuss the warning signs she missed or excused, the wedding night slap she pushed out of memory, how abusers create crises then "heal" them to strengthen trauma bonds, the isolation and gaslighting that erodes reality, why leaving is statistically the most dangerous time for murder, and what finally gave her the clarity to escape.

Kate shares practical guidance for people currently in toxic relationships: calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE / thehotline.org), creating safety plans, preparing go-bags disguised as natural disaster kits, getting cash without detection, and why you should never go back unprepared. For friends and family: how to support someone without saying "just leave," recognizing the signs, and understanding that their life is more important than your relationship with them.

We also myth-bust the "I would just leave" narrative, explore the concept of moving goalposts and self-blame, discuss Kate's mindfulness practices as a therapist (hint: it's not full lotus meditation), and close with the Survivor's Bill of Rights that's read at the end of every support group.

Kate Mageau, LMHC, ADHD-CCSP, is a therapist, author, and toxic relationship survivor. Rose Colored Glasses teaches about toxic relationships through story, with psychological explanations after every chapter. The Healing from Toxic Relationships workbook teaches the mechanisms of abuse in more detail, and provides thoughtful journal prompts and coping tools. Kate Mageau is available for coaching worldwide, for ADHD, writing memoirs and self-publishing, starting businesses, and career coaching. https://www.katemageau.com/

Content warning: This episode contains discussions of intimate partner violence and abuse.

If you or someone you know needs help: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org

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Support the show

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🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere
⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/standing.nowhere/
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

You've done the research. You've made the outline. You've prepared and prepared and prepared. So why won't you just move?

In this episode, Jacob explores the Zen concept of wobbling — that state of hesitation where you're split between faith and fear, never fully here, never fully acting. Drawing from the Bhagavad Gita, Einstein, Alan Watts, the book of James, and a drill instructor in boot camp, he traces the fine line between wise planning and the paralysis that keeps you stuck in your hobbit hole while the adventure leaves without you.

This episode covers:

• What wobbling actually is and why it causes suffering
• The etymology of the word "decide" and why every choice is a small death
• Analysis paralysis and the point of diminishing returns
• Career fear, dating fear, and the fear of the unknown
• The Appointment in Samarra — why death is your greatest motivator
• Why forward motion itself is an act of faith
• Closing with Tao Te Ching Chapter 9

If you've been preparing to start something for longer than you care to admit, this episode is for you.

Want to share a thought?

Support the show

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🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere
⭐ Leave a review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/standing-nowhere/id1822619607?action=write-review
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/standing.nowhere/
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@standingnowherepodcast
💬 Discord: https://discord.com/invite/4yfaU7x4nF
📧 Email: [email protected]

Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.