I have talked about the stories we tell ourselves, based on our experiences and negative beliefs… but what happens when you’re the star of someone else’s story? Maybe someone has decided who you are and what you’re about. If it’s negative, you may go to great lengths to prove them wrong. Maybe someone calls you selfish even though you bend over backwards to be generous. For reasons of their own, they have created a story about you, but you still do everything you can to be MORE pleasing, MORE generous, MORE of whatever you believe you fall short of. But of course you can’t control what other people think about you and trying to change their story is futile.

Have you ever been there for a friend who was going through a breakup, being a shoulder to cry on, bringing meals, etc. only to hear him/her say, “No one cares about me.”? Maybe this friend thinks you should be doing more, so despite your best efforts, you feel you’ve fallen short in their eyes. Or you hear from someone else you didn’t do enough. As much as you may want to defend or redeem yourself, it won’t help. You have no control over how others perceive you. If someone doesn’t like you, only THEY can decide to change their opinion, and the best chance of that happening is just to be yourself. It’s also much less exhausting than jumping through hoops.

Resigning yourself to the situation isn’t necessarily the answer either, putting up with someone who doesn’t think you do enough or ARE enough. Is maintaining your relationship with them worth the price? How is that taking care of you? If someone has a story about you, don’t try to change it. Feel the uncomfortable feelings around what they think of you, then be you regardless of what they believe.