Stay Soft, Stay Open

This episode is about the grief that comes with the changing of the seasons, and the things I’m going to miss about winter.

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This episode is a reading and reflection of my newsletter, “We will all become dust again.” You can read along below.

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This episode is about holding my 10th Asian American Art Club meeting! We talked about having integrity as artists, while living in a capitalist society. We talked about artists’ relationships with money. We talked about the value of art and the lack of compensation artists receive and are expected to receive for their labor.

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This episode is about watching 82년생 김지영 (Kim Ji Young: Born 1982). This is one of my new favorite movies. I cried so much. This entire movie was so incredibly resonant — as a Korean, as a woman, as a mother.

I created a technology drawer to create a boundary between me and technology.

I’m scared of reading books. They feel intimidating. I started reading The Magical Language of Others, by E.J. Koh.

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This episode is about trying to balance my life out being a parent, being a human, and being an artist. I got stuck in a stroller hole. I journaled. It was illuminating.

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This episode is a reading of the essay I wrote about 삼일절 (Samiljeol), The Korean Independence Movement, called: The Enduring Courage of the Korean People. You can read the essay linked below while listening to this episode.

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This episode is about moving through unexpected loss. It required tears, anger, grief, pain, a witness, movement, and more positive experiences to balance out the negative experiences. I need to fully sit in the grief of the injustice.

If a boulder falls on my back, I will get crushed. Getting crushed by a boulder is not a choice. Emotional pain feels just as excruciating as physical pain. I just need to grieve.

“Oh, my God. I cannot believe that happened to you. Are you OK? Of course you’re not. I’m so sorry. That should’ve never happened to you. F**k that guy.”

Our pain needs a witness. We need each other to heal.

I deserve to have a day. I deserve to have a good day. I don’t want my day to get hijacked by somebody else’s problem.

Get in my body. Get outside. Keep it moving.

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This episode is about 삼일절. I wrote this piece on March 1, 2022:

Today is 삼일 운동 (Samil Undong), also known as 삼일절 (Samiljeol), the Mansae Demonstrations, the March First Movement, and Independence Movement Day. In Korean history, this day marks one of the first public displays of Korean resistance against Japan’s brutal colonization of Korea, between 1910 and 1945.

103 years ago, on March 1, 1919, 33 independence activists signed the Declaration of Independence at a small restaurant in Seoul, that was read out loud by independence activist, 정재용 (Jung Jae-Yong). Hundreds and thousands of Koreans gathered in Seoul to listen to the Declaration of Independence and protest against Japanese occupation, colonization, and forced assimilation. The March First Movement inspired 2 million people to join the fight for freedom and sparked over 1,500 spontaneous nonviolent rallies, parades, and demonstrations, all across the country and the world, extending to China, Manchuria, Japan, and the United States. These peaceful protests lasted for six weeks.

In addition to activists, Korean women, students, and farmers joined the nonviolent protests to try to secure their country’s independence. The March First Movement was the first step towards Korea’s eventual independence in 1945. It was also the catalyst for other nonviolent independence movements, like the May Fourth Movement against imperialism in China, and Gandhi’s peaceful protests against British colonization in India.

In the two months following the March First Movement, 7,500 people were killed, 16,000 people were injured, and 47,000 people were arrested by Japanese authorities. 경성감옥 (Gyeongsong Gamok), also known as Seudaemun Prison, located in central Seoul, serves as a sobering memorial to the thousands of activists that were imprisoned and tortured there, in the struggle for Korean independence.

17-year-old independence activist leader, 유관순 (Yu Gwan-Sun), who was tortured to death at Seodaemun Prison, said this:

“Even if my fingernails are torn out, my nose and ears are ripped apart, and my legs and arms are crushed, this physical pain does not compare to the pain of losing my nation. My only remorse is not being able to do more than dedicating my life to my country.”

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This episode is about writing a letter to 아빠 as a way to metabolize my grief, watching a video of him golfing, going to my friend Gyun’s birthday party with Haejoon, and making glass artist friends. I met her glass artist friends and I learned so much about glass-making and the glass industry.

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This episode is about the 17-month anniversary of 아빠’s death. It has been 1 year and 5 months since 아빠 died. For me, it’s important to hold some kind of ritual every month on the 26th. If I don’t, I feel like we’re moving on and 아빠 is being forgotten. We went to IKEA, which was not a ritual.

Haejoon is a gift from 아빠.

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