Stop Wanting Him Back & Find Someone Better

Have you ever gone on a date and been worried about saying or doing the wrong thing? I was recently working with a client who asked the question, “what if I do the wrong thing, or do something embarrassing, and he was supposed to be my person?” That coaching call inspired this episode where we take a look at how we define right and wrong, and how that affects our ability to create the result of finding our person. I share with you some examples of things from my own dating history of right versus wrong, what I learned, and how it all lead me to calling in love and my dream man.

With the rise in self-improvement in our culture, and particularly on social media, I have seen a lot of content around this idea of positivity, and the idea that we have to always be positive in order to achieve the life that we want. But I want to call that out! Guess what? Positivity isn’t always the answer, and that’s especially true when we’re heartbroken and looking to heal. We can serve our hearts so much more when we honestly take a look at our thoughts, love ourselves, then begin the work of healing from a place of awareness.

We all have those moments, those vivid memories from relationships with our exes that make us question ourselves. On a recent group coaching call that I offered to students of my course, Stop Wanting Him Back and Find Someone Better, a client shared one of the times this happened to her and asked the question, “Why does he think I’m a monster?” In this episode, we explore the stories we create for ourselves, based on how we feel our partners think about us. I share some examples from my own dating history, how I take ownership of the role that I played, and how we also get to create the thoughts that serve us. And from there, how to do the work of recommitting our brains in order to create the result of finding someone better.

I want to take you through a recent coaching call I had with a client. She kept believing this story that her unavailable ex was everything that she wanted, and that all the qualities she had on paper for her ideal person, her ex checked every box. My loves, I know so many of you also hold on to this same thought. Let’s take a look at what is on your list of what you want your ideal person to have, get clear on why those are things on your list, and why your ex doesn’t actually fit on that piece of paper. And yes, I do mean an actual sheet of paper. Let’s get you over your ex, and find someone better.

Ten years ago today, I was experiencing rock bottom. I was underweight, didn’t really have a place to call home, and I was right in the middle of my worst breakup, and I still had dinner with him. All I wanted was for him to make me feel better. Ten years ago today, I didn’t have the tools that I have now in order to make myself feel better, love the fuck out of myself, and call in my ideal person. But now I do, and I want to share them with you.

This episode was inspired by an episode from a podcast I love, Date/Able, hosted by Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu. In this episode, they were reviewing bad advice from dating coaches, and one of the pieces of bad advice is when coaches give their clients the advice of, “You deserve better”. I’m happy to say that I am on the same page as these hilarious and brilliant women, and I want to dive a little deeper into this thought of, “I deserve better”. There are times when this can possibly be a helpful thought and other times when it just doesn’t serve you. I take you through how to investigate this thought for yourself and see if it’s working for you.

First things first, let’s celebrate 100 episodes! Before I started this podcast, I said to my business coach that I wasn’t sure if I could come up with a lot of topics around heartbreak. But here we are, 100 episodes later! Along the way, I have helped so many with healing their relationships with themselves, taught you how to call in the love of your life, and how to live your whole life to its fullest potential.

Have you been listening to this podcast for a while, been doing the work on cleaning up your thoughts and you still haven’t found Mr. or Ms. Right? I’m sharing a few of the thoughts that clients and listeners have shared with me that have revealed why they still haven’t found their person. Remember, your thoughts create your results. It is your thinking that has lead you to the result of not finding him or her yet. And that also means that when you identify what it is that’s holding you back, and you shift your thoughts, you can call love in.

This episode is inspired by one of my amazing clients. When she came to me, she was heartbroken over a douchebag, and now, after we’ve worked together and she has put in a lot of work, she still finds herself missing her ex, as is the case with a lot of heartbroken women. In this episode, I share with you why missing your ex isn’t actually a problem, how to identify when it is a problem, and questions to ask yourself and reflect on in order to move through it.

How many times have you been swiping on the apps, or gone on a first date and thought, “oh my god, this is my person”? I hear that so often from clients and have even felt that in my dating life in the past! The truth is, you’re “all in” to the idea of your person, and it’s not bad to be in your feels and into the idea of this person. However, it can put added pressure on a situation and won’t help you find Mr. or Ms. Right. In this episode, I share examples from clients, possible outcomes of this mindset, and how to show up differently in your dating life.