STORIES TELLING STORIES

Pop Culture is dead. Long Live ASMR.

Today on STORIES TELLING STORIES, we go behind the cape and crack the knowledge protected by the master of the mystic arts… This is… The Book of Cagliostro, from Doctor Strange.

“This is time… endless, looped time!”

Created by Steve Ditko and Stan Lee, DOCTOR STRANGE made his first appearance in the July 1963 issue of STRANGE TALES (#110 if you’re counting). Doctor Strange serves as the Sorcerer Supreme, the primary protector of Earth against magical and mystical threats. Inspired by stories of black magic and Chandu the Magician, Strange was created during the Silver Age of Comic Books to bring a different kind of character and themes of mysticism to Marvel Comics.

Doctor Strange is described as "the mightiest magician in the cosmos"[63] and "more powerful by far than any of your fellow humanoids" by Eternity, the sentience of the Marvel Universe. In 2008, Doctor Strange was ranked 83rd in Wizard's "200 Greatest Comic Book Characters of All Time" list,[2] and in 2012 was ranked 33rd in IGN's list of "The Top 50 Avengers".[3] He was also ranked 38th on IGN's list of "Top 100 Comic Book Heroes".

“It’s Strange...”

Could Strange really have defeated Thanos 1-on-1 if he used the Time Stone? Is his facial hair superior to Tony Stark’s? And is the Cloak of Levitation ALWAYS listening? This is THE BOOK OF CAGLIOSTRO from DOCTOR STRANGE, as read by Bowling Ball Pumpkin Patch, on STORIES TELLING STORIES...

Wong told on me?!

With nearly three decades of laughs under their belts, THE SIMPSONS has been responsible for countless iconic moments, characters, and untold stories. A popular favorite, and series stalwart from the very beginning, C. MONTGOMERY BURNS has run the gamut from cartoonish billionaire, to washed-up can collector, to lazy army private, and nearly everything in-between that a rich man can stuff himself into. He even wrote a worst-selling autobiography, which is the focus of today’s episode… This is WILL THERE EVER BE A RAINBOW by C. Montgomery Burns.

Burns, voiced in the entirety of the series by Harry Shearer, was originally conceived as a one-dimensional villain, and personification of corporate america with his inability to remember his employees names, lack of care in their personal safety, and unquenchable desire for more money and power. But there’s something about the rich old codger that series writers like Conan O’Brien were drawn to, be it his dated humor or unspecific old age. But his evil ways stand above many of his compatriots, showing in his naming by WIZARD magazine as #45 greatest villain of all time.

The character of Burns, drafted up by series creator Matt Groening, was modeled after several well-known tycoons (principally a few of the Rockafellers) as well as his high school teacher Mr. Bailey. He was named for the Montgomery Ward department store and further crafted after the likes of Fox’s founder David Silverman, and the fictional character Charles Foster Kane. And, while likely unintentional, his mantis-like mannerisms and physicality are frequently cited as modern examples of the Commedia Dell'arte character Pantalone, which is to say there’s a whole lot of history and a whole lot of inspiration crammed into Springfield’s most prominent 104 year old man!

Does anyone know the TRUE age of Mr. Burns? Did he really know all the famous people he said he knew in real life? And will Waylon Smithers ever get the girl? This is WILL THERE EVER BE A RAINBOW, as read by Harry Shearer, on STORIES TELLING STORIES

In the SEASON 2 PREMIERE of STORIES TELLING STORIES, we take a look at another story gleaned from the driving inspiration behind this podcast, with “Murder at my Friend Harry’s” from the seminal 80’s dark comedy THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN…

“...even though he was mortally wounded...”

As discussed in the very first episode of STORIES TELLING STORIES, TMFTT was the directorial debut of one Danny DeVito and featured a star-studded cast that included the likes of Billy Crystal, Rob Reiner, Oprah Winfrey, and the late Anne Ramsey, whose only other notable cinematic performance is burned into the collective psyche as Mother Fratelli in The Goonies, before her tragic passing in 1988. But TMFTT, while lesser-known than The Goonies, garnered her an Academy Award Nomination for Best Actress, an award she would lose to Olympia Dukakis in MOONSTRUCK. But that’s not why we’re here… While also directing the film, Danny DeVito stars as struggling creative writer, and ridiculous man-child Owen Lift, stuck under the thumb of his aging and overbearing momma. Desperate to find his voice and become a famous writer, he takes a class with Billy Crystal’s Professor Donner at the local community college, where he attempts to write murder mysteries without any sense of what a good murder mystery entails… what he produces is a three-page story with only two characters, one of which was dead on page 2. Aside from the opening line, and a brief scene underneath the bed-sheets following a conversation with Professor Donner, we’re not entirely sure what else the story contained… until now.

Does Professor Donner lash out at Owen due to his own insecurities as a writer? Was Owen’s father Ned a poet with a pen, explaining why Momma is so against his writing? And in 2018 do I really have the courage to tackle Mr Pinsky’s coffee table book in a future episode? This is… MURDER AT MY FRIEND HARRY’S, from THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN… as read by Billy Crystal, on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“The man in the hat staggered into the dark night, like a milkman going out on his route...”

“I brought these gifts for you, they’re up in my bum...”

Seth MacFarlane is no stranger to mashing up musical numbers and farce. In Season 4, Episode 12 of Family Guy, “The Perfect Castaway,” we’re treated to a cutaway featuring Peter Griffin’s christmas album, presented in the style of those god-awful TIME LIFE music collection infomercials, which for the uninitiated are little more than glorified mixtapes of forgotten music at a premium price targeted at the boomer-nostalgia crowd, in-between reverse mortgage ads and Wilford Brimley’s diabeetus. Peter doesn’t know the words and in some instances barely knows the melody. It’s a short cut-away but it left it’s mark. Unlike this episode. We’re going to milk that cutaway for all it’s worth, just like Mr. Conway Twitty!

“Holy crap here comes Jesus, and he doesn’t look too happy!”

What other songs could be included in this masterpiece of holiday cheer? Does the average viewer realize that the voice of Brian is simply Seth MacFarlane speaking normally? And could Quagmire’s giggidy-goo be considered a biological weapon? This is A Peter Griffin Christmas, as sung by Seth MacFarlane on Stories Telling Stories!

“Reh-dyeh-seh-frah-huh-vraweweh-seh-meh-blah-naruh-reeaaahhh...”

“Good, Anakin, good… now kill him!”

Growing up, the prequel trilogy was “my” Star Wars. Being born in ‘84 I was too young to experience the original trilogy during their theatrical release, aside from the New Hope special edition, but was primed for the prequels, and unprepared for the backlash they would unleash. Perhaps I’m kinder to the maligned episodes 1-3 because I grew up with them; stoking my passion for the Force in the building anticipation of the next release? Perhaps I understand what George Lucas was “trying” to do, and trying to say, but with nobody on set with the balls to question his choices, he was unable? And perhaps I’m just wrong, and that I shouldn’t like those terrible prequels as much as I do. But I do. And I digress…

Episode III finds a vulnerable Anakin Skywalker being further seduced towards the dark side by his “close friend” Chancellor Palpatine, who manipulates Anakin through his insecurities, into ultimately betraying the Jedi order under the guise of protecting the Republic. Knowing that Anakin feared losing his wife Padme’ in childbirth, Palpatine tells Anakin of an old Sith legend about a force user with an understanding of the force so great he could create life and prevent death. And this is where our STAR WARS inspired episode of STORIES TELLING STORIES picks up…

“I AM the Senate!”

Is the Force reliant on miti-chlorian count? Can any living thing learn to tap into it? And if given the choice between a functioning lightsaber and a billion dollars, what color blade would you choose? This is… The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise, as read by Sir Ian McDiarmid, on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“It’s treason, then!”

“I am a GOLDEN GOD!!!”

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, brainchild of Rob McElhenney, follows the shenanigans and adventures of the employees of Paddy’s Pub, a perpetually-failing irish pub in Philadelphia, and the colorful cast of characters that somehow find themselves crossing paths. Dennis and Dee Reynolds are sociopathic siblings, their father is Frank Reynolds, a slovenly and boorish man played famously by Danny DeVito, who lives with the “wildcard” Charlie, and series creator McElhenney is the body dysmorphic and homosexual Mac. There are no heroes in this show. Everyone is a villian to varying degrees and between the core cast every major biblical sin is covered at least once. But there’s an odd charm to be found within all this blasphemy.

Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life made its television debut as the ninth episode of the fourth season on October 23, 2008 and is notable for featuring guest-stars Sinbad and Matchbox 20 frontman Rob Thomas. The episode opens with Dennis discovering Charlie has, on his person, his erotic memoirs. Upon questioning from the rest of the gang, Dennis explains how the book contains a tale of redemption told through his many erotic exploits that he hoped to publish someday and unleash on the world “in a fiery blaze of eroticism.”

“I’m a 5-star man!!!”

What words of wisdom can be gleaned from Dennis’ sticky pages? Is there a limit to the depraved things the production team can get Danny DeVito to do? And how do you like your milk-steak cooked? This is Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life, as read by Danny DeVito, on Stories Telling Stories!

“Demonstrate Value, Engage Physically, Nurture Dependence, Neglect Emotionally, Inspire Hope, Separate Entirely.”

“Oh and dude, “chinaman” is not the preferred nomenclature, asian-american please.”

A cult-classic, preserved forever in the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress for being considered culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant, The Big Lebowski initially disappointed at the Box Office and received mediocre reviews from critics at the time of release. Arguably the gem in the Coen Brother’s catalogue, The Big Lebowski follows the exploits and adventures of “The Dude,” his bowling buddies Walter, and Donny, and the colorful cast of characters that populate a surprisingly sleepy corner of Los Angeles at the tail end of George H.W. Bush’s presidency. Politics glaze over like dust in the wind as The Dude gets dragged into a conflict he wanted nothing to do with, just because he shared the same last name as a local millionaire, and some asian-american peed on his rug. The movie is well worth your time, although try not to take it too seriously.

After The Dude’s car is stolen, it is recovered by police but missing a briefcase full of money. Wedged inside the seat cushion, The Dude finds a crumpled up piece of paper that his friend Walter is able to trace back to the son of television writer Arthur Digby Sellers and that’s where this week’s episode of STORIES TELLING STORIES picks up.

“Shut the fuck up Donny, you’re out of your element!”

Are the nihilists true nihilists since they seem to care so deeply about Lebowski’s money? How did The Dude gain his iconic nickname? And if Donny was in his element, would he still be alive and with us today? This is Eric R Hill’s take on “Larry Sellers’ The Louisiana Purchase” from THE BIG LEBOWSKI, as read by John Goodman on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“I’m calmer than you are, dude...”

“I'm feeling a little anxious if you know what I mean. It's been about six hundred years after all...”

A 90-minute drive south from Milthouse Studio sits the majestic and picturesque town of East Corinth, Vermont where, in 1987, Tim Burton brought the fantastic tale of Beetlejuice, the Deetz, and the Maitlands to life. After Burton found success with the 1985 classic “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure,” he was looking for a new script to sink his teeth into while working on a version of BATMAN that the studio would green-light. But Burton burned through stacks of scripts, disillusioned with their lack of originality and imagination, before being handed Beetlejuice by studio head David Geffen. The original script was a far cry from what would become the film, with such changes as a less comedic and more serious tone, Beetlejuice being a winged demon, in the form of a short middle-eastern man hell-bent on killing the Deetz family, and being played by Sammy Davis Jr. Let that sink in for a moment…

To bring the unfamiliar up to speed, Upon their untimely deaths, the Maitlands find themselves prisoners in their own homes, as it sells to the Deetz family, with only a small book to guide them on their journey to the afterlife. Seeking the help of a freelance “bio-exorcist” by the name of Beetlejuice, the attempts to scare away the family backfire, bringing in outside forces wishing to cash in on the haunted phenomena contained in this picturesque house. After obtaining the handbook, unbeknownst to the Maitlands, a seance is performed, which turns out to be an exorcism. To find out what happens next, you’ll have to check out the film.

“Go ahead… make my millenium...”

What other wisdom can be gleaned from the handbook besides exorcising ghosts? Do the Maitlands really have to spend the next 125 years in that house? And if sand worms are apex predators, what the hell do they eat? This is Eric R Hill’s take on “Handbook For The Recently Deceased” from Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice, as read by Winona Ryder and Michael Keaton on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“Nice F#$%in’ Model! honk-honk”

“The First Rule of PROJECT MAYHEM is you do not ask questions!!!”

THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS… YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. The work of Chuck Palahniuk has inspired me as a writer for the better part of the 21st Century, but my torrid love affair with the modern master of cultural apathy began in the late 90’s when David Fincher’s explosive rendition of FIGHT CLUB took our pre-911 sensibilities by storm. Pitching the Clinton-era model of American consumerism on its side, FIGHT CLUB was a far cry from the other major films of its time. The optimistic luster of the brink of a new millennium was wiped away in a fury of secrets, insomnia, back-room fisticuffs, and homemade dynamite. David Fincher opened the floodgates of our imagination to the future possibilities of modern cinema and storytelling, and provided a grim premonition of the Millenial’s struggle to find meaning in a new century where the elite and powerful have stacked the odds against them; an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars… This is it… ground zero...

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything...”

What happened to Jack and his cognizant body parts? Would Tyler Durdon’s message of the human condition have continued to spread, had the narrator not interferred? And just how many soldiers have enlisted in Project Mayhem anyway? THE FIRST RULE OF PROJECT MAYHEM IS YOU DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS! Okay, I’m sorry. This is Eric R Hill’s take on “I AM JACK’S BODY” from Chuck Palahniuk’s FIGHT CLUB on STORIES TELLING STORIES.

“The things you own… end up owning you.”