There is a belief in our culture some of us subscribe to that we have to work hard for everything. If it comes easy, it’s either not worth having or we don’t deserve it. Our perception says there’s something wrong if it’s easy. We prioritize effort to force the results we emotionally live and die by, leading to a lack of boundaries followed by overwhelm and exhaustion. This is rampant in work environments where the “first to arrive, last to leave” ethos is valued. But it doesn’t just happen at the office. In both jobs and relationships, we look for challenges so we stay in perpetual motion, only feeling we have value when we’re solving problems. Unfortunately this can lead to creating drama and problems so we have something solve, but when that’s where we focus our energy, we’re avoiding. Great distraction, huh?

As a kid, if you didn’t know how to gain attention, unconditional love or validation for just being alive, you would start performing tricks to get it. This belief carries over to adulthood so you think you need to work hard to earn love, respect, recognition, money, etc. But it’s just not true. There are no gold stars for swimming against the current. If you go WITH the current you still have to swim, but you will go farther without working as hard. You’ll find you are more emotionally present and available too. This is the difference between struggle and ease. When you find yourself struggling, ask what will happen if you don’t put forth so much effort. What will you lose?

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