Sucktastic Cinema

What more is there to say, other than we adore this movie. A celebration of music, the 80s, kung-fu, and black culture, this movie has got it all!

This week, it's the penultimate episode of Sucktastic! Two glum children in their neo-50's neighborhood, are in for a wild ride when they're visited by a loud, bombastic, off-the-wall giant Cat! Just when the trio start to cut loose, their new feline friend takes things too far! The antics of two Things, some off color humor, and a mysterious crate are on the brink of completely destroying the children's house! The crate's lock hops off and attaches itself to the family dog, who promptly runs away! The kids and the cat set out to retrieve the dog, all while trying to evade their mother's slobby, two-faced boyfriend. Can the team get the dog, and the lock back before the crate opens and decimates the home forever!?

This week on Sucktastic, Slyvester Stallone is the law! Watch the 80's action dynamo take liberties with an established comic character, cram in a bunch of one-liners, and commit his most egregious mistake...employ Rob Schneider. At least we have Diane Lane in the movie; so that's a plus.

This week on Sucktastic, Jackie Chan plays a bumbling taxi cab driver with no confidence. However, after a series of unfortunate events, he finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now he has to pass himself off as suave, super skilled secret agent, and must stop a water tycoon from poisoning competitors reservoirs! But Jackie isn't alone on his mission. Not only is he joined by a pain- in the- butt rookie field agent, but he also is in possession of the ultimate super weapon: a technologically advanced combat tuxedo!

This week on Sucktastic, for the last edition of this year's Jean-Claude January, we subject ourselves to a mess of a movie! The Mussels from Brussels teams with the Worm, Basketball's bad boy Dennis Rodman, to try and take down a global terrorist. Thier odd couple dynamic works out as well as you'd expect...which is not at all. No amount of poorly delivered one-liners, gun play, or hints at anything remotely engaging can save this train-wreck!

This week on Sucktastic, Jean Claude Van Damme returns as Luc Devereaux to try to defeat a rogue Unisol, The U.S. government, and Bill Goldberg. Sounds like a pay-per-view in late 90's WCW.

This week on Sucktastic, it's hot 90's action involving the coolest game on earth! JCVD plays an everyman firefighter, who finds himself in the cross hairs of a magnetic maniac trying to pull off the biggest heist in history! Jean Claude must also race the clock to disarm explosives rigged to blow, and seriously put a damper on the Stanley Cup finals.

This week on Sucktastic, we KICK off a tradition we started on the Radkast, where we devote a whole month's worth of shows to the Muscles from Brussels himself, Jean-Claude Van Damme! For this first offering, JCVD plays twin brothers who never knew the other existed! However, they must work together to avenge the deaths of the parents they never met, and reclaim a birth right they've never known about! Just because!

This week on Sucktastic, The Parker family is back! Except this time, they aren't at all how you remember them! The lovable old man is now a cheap grump, and Ralphie is a horndog loser, who wants to swap the red rider for a car, not to mention a dame to sit shotgun! Hopefully you weren't too attached to the warmth and charm of the first film, because it's sequel has none of it!

This week on Sucktastic, a well meaning rambunctious boy causes all sorts of trouble in his neighborhood. With Christmas just around the corner, the mishaps he causes put a financial strain on his family, and puts his grumpy neighbor Mr, Wilson under physical and emotional distress. However, when a random angel shows Mr. Wilson that he needs more empathy for the people in his life, things change for the better, and Christmas can be Christmas again!