Sunshine Parenting

In Episode 18, I talk with Tom Holland, a camp director and parent of four who has many excellent ideas for parents to teach kids to approach life with wonder and joy, learn leadership skills, enjoy the outdoors, and learn appropriate tech use habits.

Tom attended the camp he and his wife Katherine now own, Wilderness Adventures,  as a teenager. There, Tom discovered a passion for adventure and outdoor education. The program led him to get involved in the summer camp industry while in college. An award-winning educator, Tom spent three years teaching social studies at the secondary level before he left the classroom to work at a camp in northwest Wyoming (Teton Valley Ranch). After two years on the team, he was named the Executive Director, a role he held for six years. In 2013, he went on to work for the American Camp Association and held the roles of Chief Foundation Officer and Chief Executive Officer.

Known as a leading expert on the camp experience, Tom has spoken at both national and international conferences on youth development, the camp experience and children in the outdoors. He holds a B.A. in secondary education and an MBA from Washington University in St. Louis.

We talked about many topics near and dear to my heart, including:

Getting Outside

Benefits of Summer Camp

Family Dinner

Teaching Kids to Ask Questions

Modeling Good Tech Use for Our Kids

I especially like Tom’s idea of having his kids rotate leadership of the discussion at family dinner. What an amazing way to teach both leadership and good communication skills right around the dinner table!

Tom shared one of his go-to parenting websites, specifically geared towards dads, Fatherly. I took a peak, and today’s featured article was about celebrity dad Matt Lauer and what parents can learn from all the recent news about celebrities who use their powerful roles to harass and abuse.

You can read a few of Tom’s most popular articles here:

https://www.wildernessadventures.com/2017/10/the-joy-of-music/

https://www.wildernessadventures.com/2017/07/heading-home/

To find out more about Wilderness Adventures, as well as Basecamp (his day camp in Jackson Hole, Wyoming), visit the Wilderness Adventures website.

Inspired by this article, as well as my personal connection to her school, I recently got in touch with Corona del Mar Middle School Principal Rebecca "Becky" Gogel to talk about her new phone-free lunch policy, implemented at the start of the 2017-2018 school year.

Becky is in her third year leading CDM Middle School as Principal and, together with her teachers and staff, decided to implement the no cell phones at lunch policy after watching students and reading the research.

I enjoyed talking with Gogel about how she implemented the program and what the parent and student response has been.

This is a must-listen for educators and parents who want to hear about a great way to get our kids connecting better face-to-face during the school day. Kudos to Gogel for leading the way and showing other secondary schools how to implement screen free times and encourage kids to connect face-to-face!

Read more about Gogel in her welcome message to families.

Read the Los Angeles Times article and view more photos!

Inspired by this article, as well as my personal connection to her school, I recently got in touch with Corona del Mar Middle School Principal Rebecca “Becky” Gogel to talk about her new phone-free lunch policy, implemented at the start of the 2017-2018 school year.

Becky is in her third year leading CDM Middle School as Principal and, together with her teachers and staff, decided to implement the no cell phones at lunch policy after watching students and reading the research.

I enjoyed talking with Gogel about how she implemented the program and what the parent and student response has been.

This is a must-listen for educators and parents who want to hear about a great way to get our kids connecting better face-to-face during the school day. Kudos to Gogel for leading the way and showing other secondary schools how to implement screen free times and encourage kids to connect face-to-face!

Read more about Gogel in her welcome message to families.

Read the Los Angeles Times article and view more photos!

In Episode 16, I talk with one of our country's foremost experts on adolescent mental health, Dr. Jess P. Shatkin, about his parenting book, Born to Be Wild: Why Teens Take Risks, and How We Can Help Keep Them Safe. We cover a range of topics about teenagers and parenting, including sleep, social skills, summer camp, being present with our kids, teen decision making, and more. I highly recommend listening if you have 34 minutes!

I highly recommend Born to be Wild to parents of pre-teens and adolescents, as well as to school administrators and camp professionals. Shatkin offers important insights about why teens take risks and how parents and adult mentors can help prevent some of the more dangerous risk-taking.

The book is based on Shatkin's vast experience counseling, teaching, and working with adolescents as a clinician. In it, he clearly outlines why the current educational efforts on important issues like sexual activity, dangerous driving habits, and alcohol and drug use don't work and how there is a vital need for a completely different approach, one that he has developed and practiced through his Child and Adolescent Mental Health Studies (CAMS) program at NYU.

Says Shatkin, "If we have enough time with students, we can actually have a huge impact through these character education efforts." His prescribed approach focuses on teaching teens about risk and resilience, role playing specific scenarios, and having pro-social adult role models.

Shatkin has positive things to say about summer camp experiences, as well, and notes that camp counselors can serve an important role by providing adolescents a few years younger than they are with something positive to strive for. Shatkin commented about his own camp experiences, "I thought my camp counselors were the greatest people in the world. I remember everything they taught me."

Some of Shatkin's insights are ones many of us already know but aren't necessarily doing enough about. Those insights revolve our kids' sleep, screen use, and the importance of staying involved in our adolescents' lives. Shatkin's specific, research-based recommendations offer the motivation parents may need to make some changes at home around sleep schedules and screen use.

There are additional insights that were new to me and gave me a lot to think about in how I am raising my teenage sons as well as how I can more positively influence the adolescents with whom I work at camp, both the campers and the young adult counselors.

One insight from Born to be Wild I shared with my husband and teenage sons was about Shatkin's research on how teens actually make risky decisions, which is not what most of us have believed. Parents and others have incorrectly thought that teenagers' poor decisions were based on an inability to properly think through consequences due to their not-quite-developed brains. Actually, the problem is teens spend too much time thinking and rationalizing their actions. Teens don't feel invincible and actually estimate the chances of something bad happening to them as greater than they actually are. But they will rationalize making poor choices "in the moment" rather than just using a decision-making skill that experienced adults use more often to more consistently make good decisions. Shatkin calls this more advanced decision making skill, which requires less (not more) thought, "gist" thinking. Experienced adults don't think about many variables before making a decision. Instead, they use their previous experience to always, for example, make the decision to use protection when having sex (unless they are trying to get pregnant). Teens, who often were not even planning to have sex and therefore don't have protection with them, think about different variables and rationalize in the moment that it's okay to have unprotected sex.

If you'd like to read more about Dr. Shatkin or listen to his weekly radio show, here are the links:

drjesspshatkin.com

About Our Kids Weekly Radio Show on Sirius XM Channel 110 (8 am-10 am, EST)

In Episode 16, I talk with one of our country’s foremost experts on adolescent mental health, Dr. Jess P. Shatkin, about his parenting book, Born to Be Wild: Why Teens Take Risks, and How We Can Help Keep Them Safe. We cover a range of topics about teenagers and parenting, including sleep, social skills, summer camp, being present with our kids, teen decision making, and more. I highly recommend listening if you have 34 minutes!

I highly recommend Born to be Wild to parents of pre-teens and adolescents, as well as to school administrators and camp professionals. Shatkin offers important insights about why teens take risks and how parents and adult mentors can help prevent some of the more dangerous risk-taking.

The book is based on Shatkin’s vast experience counseling, teaching, and working with adolescents as a clinician. In it, he clearly outlines why the current educational efforts on important issues like sexual activity, dangerous driving habits, and alcohol and drug use don’t work and how there is a vital need for a completely different approach, one that he has developed and practiced through his Child and Adolescent Mental Health Studies (CAMS) program at NYU.

Says Shatkin, “If we have enough time with students, we can actually have a huge impact through these character education efforts.” His prescribed approach focuses on teaching teens about risk and resilience, role playing specific scenarios, and having pro-social adult role models.

Shatkin has positive things to say about summer camp experiences, as well, and notes that camp counselors can serve an important role by providing adolescents a few years younger than they are with something positive to strive for. Shatkin commented about his own camp experiences, “I thought my camp counselors were the greatest people in the world. I remember everything they taught me.”

Some of Shatkin’s insights are ones many of us already know but aren’t necessarily doing enough about. Those insights revolve our kids’ sleep, screen use, and the importance of staying involved in our adolescents’ lives. Shatkin’s specific, research-based recommendations offer the motivation parents may need to make some changes at home around sleep schedules and screen use.

There are additional insights that were new to me and gave me a lot to think about in how I am raising my teenage sons as well as how I can more positively influence the adolescents with whom I work at camp, both the campers and the young adult counselors.

One insight from Born to be Wild I shared with my husband and teenage sons was about Shatkin’s research on how teens actually make risky decisions, which is not what most of us have believed. Parents and others have incorrectly thought that teenagers’ poor decisions were based on an inability to properly think through consequences due to their not-quite-developed brains. Actually, the problem is teens spend too much time thinking and rationalizing their actions. Teens don’t feel invincible and actually estimate the chances of something bad happening to them as greater than they actually are. But they will rationalize making poor choices “in the moment” rather than just using a decision-making skill that experienced adults use more often to more consistently make good decisions. Shatkin calls this more advanced decision making skill, which requires less (not more) thought, “gist” thinking. Experienced adults don’t think about many variables before making a decision. Instead,

I think it's one of my favorite parts of my job, getting to form these really positive, effective, and fun partnerships with parents. -Sara Kuljis

Last week during a trip to Southern California, I had the pleasure of an impromptu visit and Facebook Live session with Sara Kuljis, my dear friend who happens to also be a camp director like me. Sara and her husband Steve own and direct Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp.

Sara and I both have decades of experience working at camp. We both love working directly with our campers and training our counselors, but a big part of our job as camp directors involves working with our campers' parents. And, like all people (teachers, coaches, etc.) who work with other people's children, we have strong opinions about what makes a parent great to work with.

Following our conversation, I thought I'd sum up the traits we discussed, because it's always in the best interests of kids for parents to partner with teachers, school administrators, coaches and camp directors! So, even if you don't have time to listen to the podcast or watch the video, following are the six traits we discussed.

TRAITS OF PARENTS WHO ARE GREAT TO WORK WITH #1 Parents who understand children grow through challenge #2 Parents who are willing to help prepare their child for new experiences #3 Parents who are willing to share insights about their child, without getting defensive #4 Parents who admit to their own fears about "letting go" #5 Parents who understand that in order to gain some independence, kids need - at some point - to try new things away from parents #6 Parents who don't "label" their kids

Note: We side-tracked into an interesting conversation about our thoughts about whether or not parents need to find a buddy to go to camp with their child the first time. This insightful comment came through on Facebook from a parent who listened to our interview (thank you, Christine!):

My daughter was nervous to go to camp without a friend, but when she got home she commented that it would have changed the experience to have a friend with her. She feels she was really able to be herself and do things she may not have done if she went with a pal from home.

-Christine, Camp Parent

Watch the 17-minute video of our talk on Facebook or listen to the podcast by clicking the play button on the link at the top of this post.

Want to hear more from Sara and Audrey? We're available (together or individually) to come talk to your parent group!

Send Audrey an email or visit her speaking page to inquire, or email Sara directly.

I think it’s one of my favorite parts of my job, getting to form these really positive, effective, and fun partnerships with parents. -Sara Kuljis Last week during a trip to Southern California, I had the pleasure of an impromptu visit and Facebook Live session with Sara Kuljis, my dear friend who happens to also […]

In Episode 14 of the Sunshine Parenting podcast, I interview Catherine Pearlman, founder of The Family Coach. She co-hosts (with her sports writer husband, Jeff Pearlman) The Sports Parent podcast and is author of the recently released parenting book, Ignore It! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction.

We have an enlightening discussion about the book and it's applicability not just to the younger set (toddlers) but to teens and young adults, as well. As I said in the interview, I wasn't sure I'd find this book helpful with my teenage sons, but I already have found success using Pearlman's Ignore It! technique, which is not quite as simple as it sounds. In the book Pearlman outlines the occasions when ignoring behavior is appropriate, how to reengage when the behavior stops, and how to praise and reinforce desired behaviors. I was, of course, happy to hear that Pearlman has vast summer camp experience as a camper, counselor, and director!

The book jacket description is accurate:

This book teaches frustrated, stressed-out parents that selectively ignoring certain behaviors can actually inspire positive changes in their kids.

With all the whining, complaining, begging, and negotiating, parenting can seem more like a chore than a pleasure. Dr. Catherine Pearlman, syndicated columnist and one of America's leading parenting experts, has a simple yet revolutionary solution: Ignore It!

Dr. Pearlman's four-step process returns the joy to child rearing. Combining highly effective strategies with time-tested approaches, she teaches parents when to selectively look the other way to withdraw reinforcement for undesirable behaviors. Too often we find ourselves bargaining, debating, arguing and pleading with kids. Instead of improved behavior parents are ensuring that the behavior will not only continue but often get worse. When children receive no attention or reward for misbehavior, they realize their ways of acting are ineffective and cease doing it. Using proven strategies supported by research, this book shows parents how to:

– Avoid engaging in a power struggle

– Stop using attention as a reward for misbehavior

– Use effective behavior modification techniques to diminish and often eliminate problem behaviors

As Pearlman says, the book is for parents of kids from 2-21, but the techniques might also be useful in other settings, including with adults who have difficult behaviors!

Let me know what you think about the podcast and the book! Comment here or send me an email.

Resources/Links:

The Family Coach Website

Ignore It! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction.

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In Episode 14 of the Sunshine Parenting podcast, I interview Catherine Pearlman, founder of The Family Coach.  She co-hosts (with her sports writer husband, Jeff Pearlman) The Sports Parent podcast and is author of the recently released parenting book, Ignore It! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction.  We have […]

"You are to use that [strength] to defend the women in your life against men that are abusing their strength." -Heather Haupt

In Episode 13 of the podcast, I'm talking with Heather Haupt about her book Knights in Training: Ten Principles for Raising Honorable, Courageous, and Compassionate Boys.

After interviewing Kathleen Buckstaff about her book Get Savvy, reading this book and interviewing author Heather Haupt was a natural follow up. While we want our girls to learn to protect themselves from harm, just as important is raising our boys to be the "noble" men that Buckstaff describes.

After reading several books on the topic of knights, Haupt was inspired to use the concepts to inspire her boys. In her research, Haupt discovered that "chivalry is so much more than how a man treats a woman. That was just a small aspect but it [chivalry] was a whole code of conduct and way of living."

Haupt used the principles of a Knight's Code of Chivalry to create a "Knight Training" for her young boys (ages 6, 4, and 3 at the time she started the training six years ago). In describing how she introduced the concept to her boys, Heather recounted what she told them:

"We're going to learn to embody not only the skills the knight had, but his heart, because that is where his true strength lies. And so I read to them the Code of Chivalry, and I said, 'This is what I'm calling you to live up to. Are you up for the challenge?' and they gave a resounding, 'Yes!'"

Haupt's boys loved using foam swords and learning to follow proper dueling rules, practicing climbing and jousting skills, and practicing archery. In addition, they mastered "squire's work," which included chores like setting the table and tidying up their "knight's abode." Learning the art of disagreeing, manners, and situational awareness are part of the chapter on the code of "don't give offense."

The code became a way to both teach practical skills and discuss character traits Haupt wanted to instill in her sons. She ends each chapter with a section called "Throwing down the Gauntlet," where she offers ideas for teaching each aspect of the code.

While Haupt writes from a faith-based perspective (she opens with the code of "Love God"), most of the knight training concepts are applicable for families of any religious background who want to teach boys values like standing against injustice, respecting women, speaking truth, persevering, and pursuing excellence. Even though my own boys are beyond the age of training with toy swords, I found many of the concepts still applicable.

Find out more about Heather's work and speaking events:

heatherhaupt.com

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