Another attempt at fulfilling John's request to attend church....no regrets but unfortunately for him, it was too emotional for myself and I opted for him to watch it live streamed for the remainder of his time with us.

Remembering last years Brunch at the Ranch and the memories we made...the physical memory won't be moving forward with me but the visual memory I will keep in my mind forever.

There are moments in our lives that hit hard in the heart. This episode explores one from a year ago.

Between the "what ifs" and the images/pictures in my mind this internal battle will never be over, and that's ok.

Following through on John's wishes and inviting then opening our door to Pastor Dave. Then no sooner had he left another team member knocked on the door and then another. Non-stop organizing can be draining. Although this is tougher than anything I've ever done, I'm grateful to be able to take the time and really "feel the feels" a year later.

Spending a day back in London where the only positive was John and his strength to know what he wanted.

It's hard to fake it til you make it when it comes to attending your daughters wedding. Not sure I succeeded but I know John kicked ass

Just the sound of his voice - the inflections, laughter, tone and softness sends me over the edge in my grief journey. Hopefully you'll enjoy the 50 second audio clip I added of him feeding "guy smiley" on this day 1 year ago.

Preparing for our youngest daughters wedding that was planned and executed in less than 2 weeks.

Packing up John's mom was a weight lifted from myself but at the same time a kick in the gut that my reality is my husband would be leaving this world before his mother, I felt and still feel he was cheated.