Surrogacy Made Simple

Surrogacy is an exciting and emotional journey—but it’s also complex and full of potential pitfalls. From choosing the cheapest option to rushing into the first match, there are mistakes that could cost you more than just money—they could cost you time, peace of mind, and years of waiting.

In this episode, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne breaks down 5 common surrogacy mistakes that can derail your plans. She shares insights from her own surrogacy journey and practical advice for avoiding these mistakes, ensuring your journey stays smooth, supported, and on track.

🎧 If you’re feeling overwhelmed by surrogacy options or unsure how to start, this episode is your guide to avoiding the biggest missteps.

What You’ll Learn:

• 01:40 — The hidden dangers of choosing the cheapest surrogacy option

• 03:12 — Why all surrogacy agencies are NOT the same

• 05:10 — How to ensure your surrogate shares your core values (and why this matters)

• 07:14 — Why rushing to match can hurt you more than help you

• 09:00 — The real cost of relying on online forums instead of expert advice

• 11:24 — How to assess agencies and surrogates with a clear, informed mindset

• 13:30 — How doing it right the first time saves you stress, time, and money

• 15:02 — The personal story behind Alyssa’s own mistake and what she learned
  

Resources Mentioned:

• Surrogate vetting essentials (surrogacy first 6 included)

• Bloombridge Sign up
  

Key Takeaways:

• Cutting corners on surrogacy can cost you years of time and emotional energy

• Agencies are not one-size-fits-all—invest time to find the right fit

• Clear communication, matched values, and solid preparation can save you money

• Don’t rely on online forums or incomplete advice—use expert support for peace of mind
  

Already feeling like you’ve made some of these mistakes? It’s not too late to course-correct! Download our Surrogate Vetting Essentials Guide and get expert tools to set yourself up for a smoother, less stressful surrogacy journey.

“Surrogacy doesn’t have to be a maze. The more informed you are, the smoother your journey will be.”

Ever wonder what your fertility clinic is really using to determine if a surrogate is a “yes” or a “no”?

In this essential episode, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne breaks down the official ASRM guidelines—the very framework most U.S. fertility clinics use to decide what’s acceptable, what’s risky, and what’s required in surrogacy. These aren’t laws, but they shape everything from who qualifies as a surrogate to how many embryos can be transferred.

This episode will help you understand red flags, ask smarter questions, and save yourself time, money, and heartbreak—especially if you're going independent or have already matched.

What You’ll Learn:

• 03:15 — What the ASRM guidelines are (and why they matter)

• 04:50 — How understanding them can protect you from losing tens of thousands of dollars

• 06:32 — Who qualifies as an intended parent (it’s more inclusive than you think)

• 09:48 — Who can be a surrogate and which health guidelines are non-negotiable

• 12:35 — Medical tests surrogates must pass before approval

• 14:37 — Why vaccination status matters in contract agreements

• 15:16 — The emotional side of surrogacy: what ASRM says about mental health support

• 18:14 — Legal must-haves before embryo transfer can begin

• 20:14 — Embryo transfer guidelines (spoiler: single embryo is strongly recommended)

• 21:57 — When two embryos might be considered and why nuance matters
  

Resources Mentioned:

• BloomBridge

• Surrogacy BluePrint Course

• Surrogacy Starter Kit

Key Takeaways:

• The ASRM guidelines aren’t laws, but they shape most clinical and agency decisions

• Not every disqualified surrogate is a “bad match”—context matters

• You don’t need to be infertile to qualify for surrogacy, just have a documented medical need

• Contracts, mental health screening, and single embryo transfer are all non-optional steps
  

Feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to begin? Download the BloomBridge app and grab the Surrogate Vetting Essentials Guide to get clarity before matching or submitting records to a clinic.

“Surrogacy isn’t simple—but with the ASRM guidelines in your back pocket, you’re not walking in blind.”

This episode is your all-access pass to the real surrogacy questions people are too afraid to ask—or don’t know they should.

From choosing a clinic and evaluating surrogates to understanding rematch policies, legal logistics, and even inducing lactation—Dr. Alyssa Small Layne brings her unique perspective as both an OB/GYN and a two-time intended parent through surrogacy. You’ll hear real questions from the community, broken down with clarity, honesty, and lived experience.

If you’ve ever wondered “is this normal?” or “what should I be doing differently?”—this conversation is for you.

What You’ll Learn:

• 01:38 — How to start the surrogacy process if you're using your own eggs

• 04:57 — What to ask during your very first agency consult

• 07:03 — The six non-negotiable values you and your surrogate must align on

• 11:49 — Why red flags aren’t just about medical history, but values too

• 12:26 — How to evaluate surrogate profiles (real examples included!)

• 16:32 — What to do if your surrogate backs out and you haven’t been rematched

• 19:24 — Why FDA testing requirements confuse international intended parents

• 23:09 — How carrier screening works—and when it should happen

• 24:54 — Can you do a DNA test after birth if you have doubts?

• 28:17 — Is it possible to induce lactation without medication?

• 31:10 — Can your surrogate deliver in a different city or state?
  

Resources Mentioned:

• Free Surrogacy Starter Kit⁠

• ⁠ASRM guidelines: Recommendations for practices using gestational carriers: A committee opinion⁠

• ⁠Surrogate vetting essentials⁠

⁠BloomBridge Surrogacy App⁠: ⁠https://gojunie.com/solutions/bloombridge

Key Takeaways:

• You deserve better than agencies showing unqualified surrogates

• Rematch policies matter—ask before you sign

• International parents face extra testing rules, but there are workarounds

• Early planning prevents delivery chaos—especially across state lines

• Your questions are valid, and asking them protects your baby and your peace of mind
  

Loved this Q&A format? Let us know your surrogacy questions for future episodes or explore the BloomBridge app for vetted tools, agency lists, and insider insights to guide every step of your journey.

“You’re not fumbling in the dark. You’re not at the mercy of the system. You’re the parent building your family—and you're going to get there.”

Ever wonder what your fertility clinic is really using to determine if a surrogate is a “yes” or a “no”?

In this essential episode, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne breaks down the official ASRM guidelines—the very framework most U.S. fertility clinics use to decide what’s acceptable, what’s risky, and what’s required in surrogacy. These aren’t laws, but they shape everything from who qualifies as a surrogate to how many embryos can be transferred.

This episode will help you understand red flags, ask smarter questions, and save yourself time, money, and heartbreak—especially if you're going independent or have already matched.

What You’ll Learn:

• 03:15 — What the ASRM guidelines are (and why they matter)

• 04:50 — How understanding them can protect you from losing tens of thousands of dollars

• 06:32 — Who qualifies as an intended parent (it’s more inclusive than you think)

• 09:48 — Who can be a surrogate and which health guidelines are non-negotiable

• 12:35 — Medical tests surrogates must pass before approval

• 14:37 — Why vaccination status matters in contract agreements

• 15:16 — The emotional side of surrogacy: what ASRM says about mental health support

• 18:14 — Legal must-haves before embryo transfer can begin

• 20:14 — Embryo transfer guidelines (spoiler: single embryo is strongly recommended)

• 21:57 — When two embryos might be considered and why nuance matters
  

Resources Mentioned:

• Surrogate vetting essentials

• BloomBridge Surrogacy App

• ASRM Guidelines
  

Key Takeaways:

• The ASRM guidelines aren’t laws, but they shape most clinical and agency decisions

• Not every disqualified surrogate is a “bad match”—context matters

• You don’t need to be infertile to qualify for surrogacy, just have a documented medical need

• Contracts, mental health screening, and single embryo transfer are all non-optional steps
  

Feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to begin?

Download the BloomBridge app and grab the Surrogate Vetting Essentials Guide to get clarity before matching or submitting records to a clinic.

“Surrogacy isn’t simple—but with the ASRM guidelines in your back pocket, you’re not walking in blind.”

When is the “right time” to tell your child they were donor conceived? And how do you talk about it in a way that builds connection—not confusion?

In this powerful follow-up to Episode 53, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne speaks with Wendy Kramer, co-founder of the Donor Sibling Registry and parent of a donor-conceived son. Together, they tackle the big questions: how early to start the conversation, what language to use with toddlers and teens, and how to support your child emotionally when their donor or half-siblings don’t respond.

Whether you’re still expecting or already parenting a donor-conceived child, this episode will give you real-world tools, language, and compassion to lead your family forward.

What You’ll Learn:

• 01:01 — Why waiting to tell your child can lead to deep regret

• 02:06 — How to raise donor-conceived kids with realistic expectations

• 03:19 — Why donors (and half-siblings) sometimes say no

• 06:00 — Tips for reaching out to a donor or relative respectfully

• 08:17 — How to start the conversation with toddlers and young children

• 09:19 — The children’s book Wendy wrote to guide these conversations

• 11:08 — Why kids deserve to grow up knowing their donor family

• 13:30 — When to start searching for half-siblings (hint: before birth!)

• 15:08 — How the DSR protects your privacy during early contact

• 17:06 — Why the industry resists openness—and who profits from it

• 20:24 — What Wendy wishes the donor conception industry would change

• 21:38 — The most powerful thing she’s learned from thousands of families

• 22:13 — The #1 message Wendy wants all intended parents to remember
  

Resources Mentioned:

• SMS #26 - The Man with 1000 Kids - Safety Precautions for Surrogacy

• SMS #54 - Why Biology Matters: How to Find Donor Siblings and Families for Your Child - Wendy Kramer

• Donor Sibling Registry

• Book Your family - a donor kids story: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Family-Donor-Kids-Story/dp/0692106936

• BloomBridge Surrogacy app
  

Key Takeaways:

• Don’t wait for your child to ask—start the donor conversation early

• If a donor says “no,” it’s often about fear or timing—not rejection

• Early openness prevents identity confusion and builds trust

• You can build relationships with donor relatives without losing your parental role
  

Ready to start the conversation—or deepen it—with your child? Explore BloomBridge’s donor conception resources or connect with Wendy and the DSR to join thousands of families leading with love and openness.

“You don’t wait for kids to discover their cousins—so why would you wait for them to find their half-siblings?”

What happens when your child starts asking about their biological roots—and you realize you don’t have all the answers?

In Part 1 of this thoughtful two-part series, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne explores why donor-conceived children often seek connection to their genetic identity, how families can prepare for these questions, and the pros and cons of platforms like the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR). Whether you're using an egg, sperm, or embryo donor, this episode will help you navigate the emotional, ethical, and practical sides of sharing your child’s origin story.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why biology matters to donor-conceived kids—even if you’re the full-time parent

• How early conversations about origin shape identity and trust

• The difference between anonymous vs. known donors

• What the Donor Sibling Registry is and how it works

• The emotional weight of “finding out” vs. “growing up knowing”

• Why openness now avoids difficult surprises later

• What to expect when connecting with donor siblings or half-sibling families

• Legal limitations around donor tracking

• How to emotionally prepare before searching

• Why this isn’t about replacing you—it’s about completing a part of them
  

Resources Mentioned:

• SMS #26- The Man with 1000 Kids - Safety Precautions for Surrogacy

• Donor Sibling Registry

• Book Your family - a donor kids story: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Family-Donor-Kids-Story/dp/0692106936

• BloomBridge Surrogacy app

Key Takeaways:

• Children often care about their genetic identity more than we expect

• Early openness creates stronger family bonds

• DSR is one of the few platforms that allows intentional, mutual contact

• Parents should emotionally prepare before connecting with donor-linked families

What happens when a baby born via surrogacy in the U.S. is suddenly left in legal limbo—unable to get a passport, unable to go home?

In this urgent and eye-opening conversation, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne sits down with attorney and former intended parent Lesa Slaughter to explain the fast-changing legal landscape around birthright citizenship. They unpack what the Trump-era executive order could mean for international intended parents, the risks of stateless children, and what you must do now to protect your baby’s legal status.

Even if you’re U.S.-based, this conversation touches on surrogacy agency ethics, escrow fraud, and how to choose the right legal support. If you're planning a surrogacy journey or already matched with a surrogate, this is essential listening.

What You’ll Learn:

• 01:18 — Why the executive order threatens birthright citizenship

• 03:00 — What the courts have said so far (and what’s next)

• 06:50 — How international parents usually secure a U.S. passport

• 08:00 — Why dual citizenship may not protect you

• 10:00 — Why international parents need three lawyers, not two

• 12:14 — What happens if the order takes effect (hint: you don’t want to be the test case)

• 16:35 — How babies born via surrogacy can become stateless

• 20:00 — Why manipulating birth certificates could be considered fraud

• 23:55 — Should you still pursue U.S. surrogacy? Lesa’s honest advice

• 26:30 — What to ask your agency about post-birth support

• 28:00 — Why surrogacy agencies are largely unregulated

• 30:00 — State-specific laws around attorneys and escrow

• 35:00 — Final advice: build a team, expect the unexpected, and prepare
  

Resources Mentioned:

• BloomBridge App ⁠

• ⁠Surrogacy Starter Kit⁠

• ⁠Lesa Slaughter Website⁠

• ⁠SMS#9 Steal my process to picking a great agency - insider tips you don't want to miss⁠

• ⁠SMS#42 Questions to ask a Surrogacy Agency: First-Time Intended Parent Advice⁠
• ⁠SMS#51 How to Pick a Fertility Clinic for Surrogacy (Without Regret)

Matched already? Planning your journey? Don’t wait—consult with an experienced U.S. reproductive attorney AND an immigration lawyer from your home country. Then download the BloomBridge app to map your legal prep step-by-step.

“You vetted your surrogate, picked the perfect clinic—now make sure your baby has a way home.”

When you're searching for a surrogate, it’s easy to focus on personality, values, or past experience—but there’s one key factor many intended parents overlook: BMI.

In this episode, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne shares what BMI really means for surrogacy, why fertility clinics and agencies have strict BMI cutoffs, and how to approach the topic with compassion and clarity. This is the conversation Alyssa wishes she could have with every intended parent before they fall in love with a surrogate match that doesn’t meet medical screening.

🎧 If you’re unsure what “too high” or “too low” really means—or what the risks are to your surrogate, baby, and budget—this episode is your roadmap.

What You’ll Learn:

• 01:44 — The BMI red flag in a forum post that sparked this conversation

• 02:23 — Why a surrogate’s OB clearance doesn’t mean clinic approval

• 03:44 — The medical risks of high BMI for surrogate and baby

• 06:52 — How high BMI affects embryo transfer success and miscarriage risk

• 08:27 — Real-world costs of BMI-related complications

• 09:32 — What are the actual BMI cutoffs (and who sets them)?

• 11:14 — The “double standard” debate: IVF for self vs. IVF for surrogacy

• 13:20 — Why BMI is more than a number—and when to make exceptions

• 17:09 — OB clearance vs. final clinic approval

• 18:05 — Why independent surrogacy doesn’t mean cutting corners

• 21:40 — How to talk about BMI respectfully with your surrogate

• 23:26 — Ethical concerns when agencies push surrogates outside guidelines

• 25:26 — 5 steps to protect your journey and future baby
  

Resources Mentioned:

• Free Surrogacy Starter Kit

• ASRM guidelines: Recommendations for practices using gestational carriers: A committee opinion

• Surrogate vetting essentials

• BloomBridge Surrogacy App: https://gojunie.com/solutions/bloombridge

• Case management
  

“It's not about judgment—it’s about lowering risks and giving your baby the healthiest start possible.”

When it comes to IVF for surrogacy, not all fertility clinics are created equal. And the wrong choice can lead to delays, surprise restrictions, and missed chances at parenthood.

In this episode, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne shares four often-overlooked—but crucial—factors to consider when selecting a fertility clinic. From restrictive agency requirements to embryo thawing policies, this honest conversation is a must-listen before you commit to any clinic.

🎧 Whether you’ve already created embryos or are still exploring, this guide will help you avoid common mistakes and choose a clinic that truly supports your journey.

What You’ll Learn:

• 02:28 — The surprising shift in support when you switch from IVF to surrogacy

• 04:06 — Why exclusivity deals with lawyers or therapists can be a red flag

• 08:17 — How independent surrogacy is treated differently by some clinics

• 10:54 — The surrogate vetting mistake that changed everything for Alyssa

• 13:18 — How to work around clinic pushback when going independent

• 14:30 — Real stories of communication delays that stalled surrogacy journeys

• 16:18 — What to ask about portal access, turnaround times, and surrogate updates

• 18:09 — The embryo transfer dealbreaker no one tells you about

• 20:21 — Why freeze/thaw protocols matter when changing clinics

• 22:11 — A 4-part checklist for choosing the right clinic
  

Resources Mentioned:

• SMS #39: 4 Crucial Tips for Choosing a Great Surrogacy Clinic

• ASRM guidelines: Recommendations for practices using gestational carriers: A committee opinion

• Surrogate vetting essentials

• SMS #11 Should you risk shipping embryos for surrogacy to a new clinic?

• BloomBridge Surrogacy App
  

“You’ve already waited long enough—don’t let the wrong clinic make you wait even longer.”

Should you work with two surrogates at once? What does it take—mentally, emotionally, and logistically—to grow your family through a dual surrogacy path?

In this vulnerable and empowering episode, Dr. Alyssa Small Layne speaks with Carly Joseph, a mom of two babies born via two separate surrogates just months apart. Carly shares what led her to pursue surrogacy after eight IVF cycles and six pregnancy losses, what it was like to walk two paths simultaneously, and how she now supports others as a surrogacy concierge.

🎧 Whether you're an intended parent exploring your options or just want to hear what resilience really looks like—this one will move you.

What You’ll Learn:

• 03:12 — Why Carly turned to surrogacy after years of IVF and loss

• 06:28 — What fertility clinics don’t tell you about the process

• 09:28 — What happened after her first surrogate’s pregnancy ended in loss

• 14:43 — Matching with a second surrogate while grieving and hoping

• 16:51 — The emotional weight of transferring embryos to two surrogates

• 18:55 — One surrogate pregnant, another on deck—when the timeline overlaps

• 23:30 — NICU stays, caregiving logistics, and becoming a parent to two babies

• 27:50 — The practical and emotional challenges of dual surrogacy

• 35:51 — What Carly wishes she had known before starting
  

Resources Mentioned:

• Surrogacy Step-By-Step Guide

• ASRM Guidelines on 2 surrogates

• Surrogacy Made Simple #9

• Carly Joseph