Table Rush Talk Show

Two stories.  First one from Waylon and this beautiful idea he had for people that he loves and what he hopes for from their wills.  Second one was from my brother Nick who was so supportive of me without even knowing it and that was beautiful too.

Episode notes:

Waylon’s step grandfather (my stepdad) passed away recently and their was no will…  And Waylon had the most beautiful thought.  He was hoping the will had a treasure hunt…  and what you find at the end is beautiful.  

My brother gave me a surprise phone call today.  And we are fairly close and when our parents passed we became closer, but we definitely don’t talk every day…   So we were talking about my podcast for the first time and he said a few things that were so supportive.

• “You’ve got to start somewhere”
• “Well? Why not you?!”
• “You know what, all lot of people have had a lot of success talking to hear themselves talk.”  

…He was not having any of my imposter syndrome :).

To recap: Waylon wants to find a will that has a treasure hunt to the cool family heirlooms with a loving note written by the deceased.

Oh yeah, Nick has is always supporting me in my shenanigans and has my whole life.  He always can’t wait to see what comes of what I’m up to.  Love you Nick.

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My hour mediation was hectic this morning.  The fun shiny thoughts are easy to watch go by and slip back into your breathing…  It’s the agitating ones that are the trick, taxes, financial insecurities, how come I’m so far behind, what am I doing with my life!  Those are the ones that want to lurch me out of my seat! 

Episode notes:

Still committed to my hour meditations…  The good fun juicy thoughts are easy to love.  It’s the icky ones that are interesting.  The overall idea of the summit is that there are so many cool things that we can do to get through a wonky spot.  From then Scientific to the Metaphysic and From the ancient to the modern.  Things to give you peace of mind and clarity.  What an order? Taxes.  The who not the how.  All this stuff and more sloshing through my brain in meditation.  These thoughts are wanting me to change my state!  At minute 40…  Get up and move!  They’re just thoughts let them go through…  To they are really real and I am uncomfortable.  Currently questioning, “Am I on the right path?”.  “Am I wasting my time?”.  “Are these episodes just an exercise in futility?”  “This podcasting???”  Some moments I have clarity and the vision is pure.  Taxes just shining a light on my financial insecurities.  My behindedness on this process.  Perhaps I’ll generate revenue with what I’m up too…  One day the illusion of my togetherness will shine through.

With an outtake at the very end of the outro that is the actual moment of inspiration for my summit name.  Maybe “Tools of a good life” is a good way to frame the summit?

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What happened today?  I pull a story out of the stack.   …So I’m walking around the neighborhood and someone is throwing out some perfectly good furniture…  (One man’s trash is another man's treasure).  And I like a little furniture arbitrage moment…   And then the mental and physical shenanigans start from there!  

Episode notes:

I write down episode ideas and days later I am not as excited about them or the stories don’t seem as fresh.  I won’t be able to convey the story as well as I could in the moment so I won’t do an episode about it.  I have stacks of ideas all over the place.  Do songwriters, comedians have the same thing?  It’s time to pull one of those ideas off of the stack and give it a go :).

I did have a funny moment…  I had sent an “I think I quit” email to the 2CCX.  (Which actually freed me to stay).  

So I’m walking along (and I’m re-commited to the 2CCX) and there are these two couches…  Let someone else find em.  Maybe if they’re still there I’ll take em.  They are still there…  I can flip em.  It’s full Beverly Hillbillies style…  and then the shenanigans start from there…  I’ve got all this big ass furniture in my truck!  and…

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After I left the super disciplined lifestyle of my successful sales career to be a stay at home’ish dad for my boys…  I became disciplined in my undisciplinedness.   Now, as I have clarity for my summit and it is time to reach out to speakers, I get to bring my business disciplines back on line.

Episode notes:

When I was in mortgages and sales…  I was very good and very disciplined at creating systems for prospecting.  I was extremely strategic in so many ways…  So disciplined in so many ways.  Coming out of 20 years of that.  Green time red time.  

Hit the midlife crisis, existential crisis…   and quit to be a stay at home dad.  I was tired and over the disciplined business stuff.  I was done.  So I worked hard to be undisciplined.  I was very disciplined in my undisciplinedness.  I could hide out in structured circumstances.  

Anything that would come my direction that would keep me from being available for my kids I would walk away from.  Teaching yoga afforded me tremendous flexibility.

As I’ve gotten mew momentum with the summit…   The traditional and esoteric tools that are out there that we use for clarity and peace of mind and for fun.  All that stuff interests me.  Perhaps it comes from my father?  Who died on the operating table twice.  He liked to play with the metaphysical and the esoteric.  There are so many cool things out there.  I just have to know more…  I’m interested :).

So that’s what my summit is about!  Have experts speak on those modalities they use for clarity and peace of mind for when life gets wonky.  Traditional and non-traditional tools for when life gets wonky. “Your best life toolbox”?  “Your best life tools”?

It’s time to get speakers…  I committed to the idea…  It can provide value!

It’s time to be more disciplined in my approach and be more disciplined in my approach to reaching out to speakers.  

I can refine it as I press forward.  Finally people I am at next steps and taking action.  I get to be re-disiplined and use my business skillset.   I am not going to be disciplined in my undisciplinedness any more.

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Barbara Karnes has been in the hospice industry since the 1980's.  She knows about death and the art of dying.  As a matter of fact she can talk about dying all day...   Her booklets on dying and grief have over 35,000,000 in print in 12 languages.  ...But really, all we talked about was life, living, and service!  (And of course a little death and dying, cause that's what she does and it's beautiful).

Barbara is so gracious and lets me take the interview where I want to go and she answers all of my questions with an open heart.  And when I've got someone willing to talk about everything from living, dying, and the afterlife, and she has the experience to back it up...  you know I'm going to ask some questions.  And when we get rolling!  It's a ton of fun!

Episode notes:

You can find all her awesome booklets and literature at BKbooks.com.  This includes the two booklets I reference "Gone from my sight: the dying experience" and "My Friend, I care: The Grief Experience."  

How can people find you: 

• https://bkbooks.com/
• email me at [email protected].
• Sign up for her blog notifications. https://bkbooks.com/blogs/something-to-think-about
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/barbarakarnesrn
• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/barbarakarnesrn/
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/barbarakarnesrn/
• “I’m everywhere out there!”

Welcome Barbara - "Life has been good to me".  Life has been good to her, but it certainly has given her opportunities for growth.  Her Booklet “Gone from my sight” has 35 million copies in print in 12 languages and is really know in “end of life” circles.  Is about the dying experience…  

Why she wrote it.  She was a hospice nurse in early 80’s.  At that time people didn’t really know anything about dying.  “If someone was dying ,they were in a hospital, in a room, at the end of the corridor and no one went done there because no one new what to do…

Hospice and dying in the 70’s and 80’s.  She started studying end of life and there wasn’t anything. Mentions Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and grief.  

But first I’ve got to tell her the impact she's had on my life.  It’s called a “booklet!”  And how this whole thing came about…  

“Dying is not a medical event it is an emotional social experience”.  “I learned that there (is) a process to dying.   Death doesn’t just happen.  There’s only two ways to die.  You either die gradually or you die fast.”

Gradual death has a process to it.  She had seen hundreds of people die… and she saw the pattern.  

What you do with in hours before death with the family is what leaves them with ether an absolutely terrifying memory or a sacred memory.  My work was to make that experience a sacred moment for them that they would then carry with them for the rest of their life…

They aren’t dying like they are doing it in the movies…  (so it freaks the remaining living people out).

If you see hundreds and hundreds of people die you are going to see the patterns.  The living need support and guidance.  

Taking care of someone at end of life is different than taking care of someone who is going to get better.  but most people don’t know that.  

The body is programed to die.  We are born to die.  Now with our medical prowess we think we can defeat death and that death is a failure.  There is a time to say I have given it my best shot and death is going to come.  And then lets help a person live with in the best confines that we can…

She was working as a nurse in a hospice facility in the 80’s before it was a thing…  

Did you have an idea that you were onto something in that early time?  I am just doing the best that I know how to do to support everyone.

She was involved in the AIDS epidemic…  We knew that if you got it you were going to die.  Her first patient…  dies.  Her 2 year old son who survives…  is going to die 2 years later…  He is now 4 years old…  as he is close to death…  “You can’t convince me that mom wasn’t there to help him get from this world to the next.  He taught me we do not die alone.  You can be on a desert island island, you will not die alone.

This work has taught her so much about living as well as dying.  “I have come to understand more about life.”  “We’re more than our physical body.” “There is a driver to this vehicle we call a body.”  “This driver can get our of our car.”  And that’s all this physical body is is a vehicle used to get around this planet.  …the driver is releasing it’s physical hold on its body.  We really begin building our place in the other world.  

Let’s run with that for a minute…  We tend to think we are born, we experience, and then we die…  Some people believe that when we die that’s it, it’s over.  “What working with death and dying as shown me…  simply put, I have seen so many people die…  I believe our loved ones who have died before us come to help us get from this world to the next.  We withdraw because our work becomes this internal process of what this life was about.  

There are dynamics to dying…  We are going to die the way we lived.  We are going to dye according to our personality.  Our personality doesn’t change just because we are dying, actually it intensifies.  

What about the fast death?  “Fast death is that you’re alive one minute and then you are dead the next.  I mean it’s just that simple.  But it’s also extra hard on us the survivors.  She says that gradual death is a gift of time.  “I would guess that it is a shock to the person that dies”.  

The withdrawal of the person who is dying…   That withdrawal…  …There is a shift in one to three weeks…  Where they literally go completely within themselves…   It is not that they are conscious that they are doing it.  It is a unconscious natural process.  She couldn’t eat.  She wanted to disconnect.  Not consciously…  It’s an unconscious process.  It’s like breathing.  

In the weeks before death a person…  they are not in a place where they are going to have a profound conversation with you about what they’re experiencing.

Tell me about the denial of the family that is going to live can make the process more frustrating for everybody.  Because we have limited control over the time that we die…  Often we will try to stay here for those that we love.  It will often make (the dying) labor longer because (they) will try to stay here.  (They can’t), they have limited control.  

In the hours to minutes before death…  When the person is completely withdrawn and they have gone within.  They are in labor and actively dying, know that a person can hear you.  I believe a person can hear you even in the moments following death.  That’s kinda going out on a limb there”.   “We don’t know for sure when the driver of the car leaves the area.”  I encourage everyone who is there at the bedside in the days to hours before (they) think death is coming to go in alone and talk to the person who is dying.”

She encourages you to spend time with the body, talk to them, etc, even after death before the funeral home comes to get the body, because “it is your last opportunity to say goodbye in a natural setting.”  

I kind of had this idea in my head and I think you are squaring that idea.  If someones trying to disconnect from the earthly sensation…  I almost felt like it was a disservice keeping that person on the earthly plane.  Of course she answers that thought beautifully.  “You are supporting that person that is dying by your presence and your love.”  It is a communal social event it is not a medical event.

Let’s switch to “My friend, I care.  The grief experience.”  Mom did the gradual death.  My father did the Fast Death experience.”  

We continually shed layers and sand down the rough edges…  I stumble across your family…  So sweet and so open…  Let’s talk about your family.  

“I don’t know why they are so wonderful”.  “I know that … I’m on this planet to educate… about end of life.  That’s what I’m here for.”  I feel strongly about that”.  

“The desire to be of service is very much apart of Barbara Karnes Books.  It isn’t that we just sell books…  If someone calls into our office we are there to support them and their story and to guide them.”  It isn’t just me educating about end of life.   Everyone who’s involved with Barbara Karnes books; it’s we’re about the humanity of what people are experiencing.”  

The Grief Experience…  Some of my history and she comments…   We experience many deaths.  You lose your job.  You move.  The death of relationships. With Covid right now, the death of our freedom to come and go.   There’s all kinds of deaths that we experience everyday in our life that we’re not even aware of, but we’re grieving.  And we grieve the same way for all of the deaths…  All these deaths close together intensify your grief.  It makes the grief you feel for one person is magnified for all of the people.

I think the self-awareness that you have is a really special tool…  That it sounds to me like you’ve worked really hard to have this self-awareness tool.  When we’re angry we need to have that self-awareness tool to recognize “Oh” I might be intensifying my anger because of this feeling.

“We are grieving whether we’ve had physical death in our life or not.”

“We have had our rituals taken away from us this year.”  “The ritual of funerals, of memorial services, the rituals of being at the bedside when someones dying.”  We are grieving those as well.  “The church ladies aren’t bringing their casseroles.”

What I think brings comfort…  Is to know “that the person isn’t totally aware.”  They are not feeling the panic of “OMG this is my last breath.”  

Here’s what I suggest and have been suggesting for a while…   If you can’t be with your special person in the days or hours or weeks before they die…  Sit down at home in your favorite recliner and picture in your mind…  Whatever your heart tells you to do in your mind…  With love in your heart and in your mind…  “Thoughts are things”.

I was purging generational pain.  Not only my own pain but generations forward and back…  Any thoughts on that?  “The first thing I thought of was the the term hitting bottom…”  “In life, often times to really grow, we have to hit bottom.”  “We have to start swimming up to the surface.  That’s where some of our best growth comes from.”  It’s an opportunity and some of us take that opportunity and some of us don’t.  

(Our) healing certainly provides a healthier environment in relationship.  With not only your boys but with everyone…  Each one of us have our own path to tread and our own bottom to run into.  Because that’s the name of the game.  We’re born, we experience, and then we die.  Life is a school, and school can be hard work.

Her bottom: It was in her 30’s.  I had two children and I was pregnant with twins…  and they died…  I really appreciated my family more.  That loss taught me that I didn’t have control over what was perfect and wonderful and that life doesn’t always go the way you want it too.  That was the turning point of me asking “what is life all about?  What am I here for?  That is when I started asking questions.    

From the point of hitting bottom to the mid 70’s…  I was teaching self-awareness classes and hospice and that philosophy just kind of slid in to all this knowledge.  With what I believe about living and dying…  I can work with people who are dying.  I have something to offer.  I look back at my life and it all comes to this point.  Everything that happened has happened to get me to where I am today and how I can be of service.

What are the two or three books that stand out “during that growth for knowable time”?  Illusions by Richard Bach.  Shustah, a three year course, which opened her eyes to life.  There is so much that has broadened my mind.  It has allowed me to think outside the box.   And I think that that’s important, to be able to look beyond just the structure that we tend to live in.  

“I mean how we interact with people, I mean that’s an illusion…”  And she relates it to my hair!  It’s beautiful!  The news, that’s illusion too.  The trick, “you’ve got to find what’s real for you”.  “And what’s real for me is not necessarily what’s real for you.”  

You must have some insights into the other side…  Tell me about that.  “I do have my belief, my illusion.”  “But I don’t share that because I don’t want someone to get caught up in my belief and have it be different than theirs.”  “And then they negate everything, all of my teachings.  So I don’t talk politics and I don’t talk religion.”

“…There is also a time for physicians and medical personal to step up and say “hey, we’ve given it our best shot and we can’t fix you”.  So that that person can take their gift of time and use it wisely.  If we could just recognize that dying is a part of life and it’s all about living the best we can until we are dead”.  

Outtake…  What’s next do you feel?  Your path of service to the world?  Now she does Q and A’s and podcasts…  I’m educating, that’s my role now, to educate.  She’s working on an “end of life course” for doulas, etc.   The focus is not medical…  Education is what I’m here for.   Whatever I can to educate.  

How can people find you: bkbooks.com email me at [email protected].  Sign up for her blog notifications.  Facebook, LinkedIn, etc, “I’m everywhere out there!”

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I respond to Lisa’s response to my episode.  It’s all got me thinking some wild thoughts, which I go ahead and record.  I wasn’t sure if I was gonna publish them…  But what the heck.

Episode notes:  

I respond to Lisa’s response.  She is a memory Specialist…  We have been having an interesting conversation…

Lisa had asked me, “If I had one piece of advice to pass down to the universe at large, what would it be?”  “Don’t take yourself so seriously.”  The list of neuroses stemming from taking myself so seriously goes on and on…  I get offended by so many things that people may tell me.  I will take things personally.  I imagine things are being directed at me and that I’ll take personal.  It’s all about me when I’m taking myself to seriously…

Loved the idea of “Treat your thoughts like they are children, always let them get enough rest…”  

Can we transcend that our thoughts effect us?  Let the thoughts run and they don’t need to effect you.  Is there a difference between fears and thoughts?  

The death thing…  We grieving the death of the illusion that veils the reality of life.  Is there a right way to die?  Must I be 83 years old, mind is 70%, and I have 63% of my mobility, 42% of my sight, 36% of my hearing, then, then thats the time to die?  The sudden death thing…

I have a new appreciation for the monks that light themselves on fire…  Are they saying, “I am 100% convicted that all these things out there that (you) western humans are obsessed about, is an illusion.”  I see how someone could be rationally be in that headspace.

It was fun to try some banter.

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A friend records  her respond to my “The definition of Illusions” episode.  So I went ahead and turned it into an episode (with her permission).  Here she is thoughts and all!

Episode notes:

The thoughts actions chicken egg conundrum.  …It’s the thoughts that produce the actions.  Thoughts are energy.  Thoughts, words, actions when those are in alignment my body can be at peace.  

• “The Gift”, Edith Egar.  The importance of our thinking and the importance of being vigilant about where we are letting our thoughts go.
• “If you had one piece of advice to pass down to the universe at large, what would it be?”  Her one: Treat your thoughts like they are your children.  Always let them get enough rest…  I’m in charge of directing my thinking.
• Sudden Death.  Shootings.  If you’re of the mindset that death is freedom…  That death is spiritual expansion out of the physical body…  It’s impossible to not grieve the human experience.
• Illusion.  It’s all about illusion.  It’s all about our… election of which direction we perceive an idea or a topic…

She's done :)!

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I come across the word “Illusion” in what I’m reading this morning which inspires me to look up the definition “according to Webster” and leads to all sorts of fun thoughts :).

Episode notes:

ACIM "The Forgiveness of Illusions"…  Learn to accept the comfort of our teaching we are teaching all the time.  

• The illusion that we are doing good or bad is what comes to my mind there.  
• The illusion of cause and effect being true.  We see the outcomes we want to see.  Good or bad.  The illusion of good or bad.  If I choose to see good.  If I choose to see bad.  It can be from the exact same circumstance.
• Are thoughts energy?  Act your way into good thinking vs thinking your way into good acting.  Are both relevant?  Are thoughts things?  Can you think your way into better actions?
• Are you willing to take 3 or 4 big breaths in and out?  Or are you like a child stomping your feet…  Reminds me of some stories of course.
• The definition of illusion.  ACIM: Illusions are but beliefs in what is not there.  
• The definition of illusion.  Websters: 1.a.1: A misleading image presented to the vision (an optical illusion).  All that people are doing is shining a light on my own neuroses.  Now that Trumps not president are you bored?  We are all gonna die and we don’t know how or when.  If people dying suddenly is deeply disturbing to me perhaps I need to grow my relationship with god.
• The definition of illusion.  Websters:1.a.2: Something that deceives or misleads intellectually.  Some people are perfectly happy isolating.  A community of One.  We can grasp on to ideas that encourage our discontentment.
• The definition of illusion.  Webster: 1.b.1: Perception of something objectively existing in such a way as to cause misinterpretation of its actual nature.
• My favorite new definition of Illusion.  Webster: 1.b.3: A pattern capable of reversible perspective.  What thought systems do I have that I could reverse the perspective?
• The seeming conflict between truth and illusions can only be resolved by separating yourself from the illusion and not the truth.
• Def cont 2.a.1 the state or fact of being intellectually deceived or misled.
• Def cont 2.a.2 an instance of such deception.
• Def cont 2.b. (Obsolete) The action of deceiving.
• Def cont 3. A fine plain transparent… usually made of silk and used for…  dresses.  

That's it.  You're free.

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On the cusp of a quitting moment coach Vince tells me some “Performance related tech” to keep me in the game.  It was so good and so poignant and it had me laughing my ass off…

Episode notes:  

I have new life and focus for the summit.  What that means is I want to keep my episodes to 8 minutes.  To save time on the recording side as well as on the editing side.

The purpose of this episode to tell you about the coach Vince call I had.  Gave me new clarity, willingness, inspiration to move forward.

I’ve got a good life here.  This is chill.  I don’t need this insanity this mental hopscotchery.  The motivation to pull me forward is just not there.  “It sounds like you have no clue who you want to be in five years.”  That’s not necessarily necessary.   “Don’t be broke and destitute and five years.”  “Great, that’s your vision, be broke and destitute in 5 years.”

This is going to be performance related tech (motivation).  

On an organizational standpoint:

1. What;s the message?  Where is the business going?
2. What are the resources I need?
3. What is the incentive?

On the individual side:

1. You’ve got skills knowledge
2. Capacity
3. Motivation.

And how does all that fit together.  Think of it as a lever.  The things to lift and elevate your life.  

What are my incentives?  As an organization I have fuzzy incentives.

“I don’t know if god’s gonna tell you anything…  but what I can tell you is that you need to come up with some incentives that will motivate you.”

The summit will help me grow the podcast…  That was enough to tip the scale…  I can do the simple steps.  

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The continuation of some thoughts I had written down: 1. “I want to go to bed being proud of what I ate.”  2. “How do I welcome and celebrate god into my life?”  3. “May I ask you a challenging question?”

Episode notes:

1. “I want to be going to bed proud of something I ate.”  Waylon my 18 year old son is walking out the door to go to work…  As a parent we get to make our kids food, sometimes that is different than what I want, so there could be 1.5 or 2 meals made at a meal time.  You can judge accordingly.  Often times it is pretty much what he wants.  Sometimes cheeseburgers are made.  I’m painting the picture for you…  He is grateful and he lets me know often times.  Now he’s in an I want to eat healthier phase.  He says to me  And I love that thought and that concept…  “Well I was gonna make cheese burgers tonight”…  We could try protein style.  He is reprioritizing taste and comfort of his food to a more healthy experience.
2. “How do I welcome and celebrate god into my life?”  Different people do it different ways, some more overtly than others…  And how does not matter.  And perhaps knowing that you are does not matter either.  Some people do it simply by living their lives.  The illusion that I have to be able to talk about the god experience.  Am I being appreciative of the little things of god in everything?  As I’m pulling the bark out of my rock beds.  It’s so meditative…  Reminds me of the Zen masters.  I love that visual representation.  No need to judge one vs the other and the illusion that there is a difference?  Just because I don’t see somebody talking about it, acting about it, acting out about it.  There are so many amazing an assuming people in the world.
3. “May I ask you a challenging question?”  I want to start asking that in my interviews more.  It is coming from a place of true interest for me.  I’ve held back sometimes because I’m not here to shock people…  I look forward to the time that I get to ask that question…  

Thank you for being on this journey with me :).  

Start podcasting!  Get the Shure MV88 mobile mic, you can literally take it anywhere on the fly https://amzn.to/2Mnba3Q

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