Table Rush Talk Show

I’m definitely on a down stroke on the 2CCX and the summit, and ready to throw in the towel.  But you know how these things go… It can all change tomorrow.

Show notes:  

Am I willing to be honest with you?  OMG my hairs unruly.  You can tell which rock group people liked by who they say my hair looks like.  Zep or the Who?

I think I’m done with the 2CCX. And this is just today, I could wake up and change my mind. 

But I am def having fun doing the podcast!  I want to do it for free and for fun.  I would rather be agenda free.  The 2CCX is an expensive way to start a podcast! I don’t need much to give me a little happiness…  and it’s getting very complex.

There’s the whole quitting aspect of it.  Do I just need to get the summit done and break through?  I was able to take the emotional abuse of starting the podcast! 

Help divorced dads find joy again.  What do you want to be known for?  Not that!  Maybe I just needed to talk it out.

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I had just done my morning mediation and was inspired to grab the microphone and riff while I was making my morning cup of coffee.  First inspiration for the summit then  the required next steps take me to the brink.  I describe some of my mental hopscotchery and how a little god in the pause helped me step back from the cliff…

Episode notes:

The Divorced Dads In Crisis Mode Summit…  This summit is for divorced dads in crisis mode :).  This is not to teach you how to get a new girlfriend or to get laid.

Pulling by myself up by my bootstraps, my can do attitude worked for many years and then all of the sudden it wasn’t.  I was a divorced dad, my parents died, then another failed relationship, then one of my sons wasn’t acting as I wanted, how I was relating to the world was no longer working.  Call it a midlife crisis, call it an existential crisis, call it PTSD, call it grief.  All’s I know is that it sucked. “Above the fold” means the first think they see.  Yet even more headline, summit, and above the fold ideas!  

Next steps on the summit.  How to proceed forward on the next steps of the summit.  Brings me to the cliff…   Apply your own tools.  I couldn’t remember my own 8 step process!  A review of my nightly inventory process. Mental hopscotchery that doesn’t need to be there…  I’m quitting the 2CCX and everyone can F off!  Wait step back from the cliff.  I think that’s whats so beautiful about meditation…

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I’m walking by a skatepark and a playground when an interaction between a father and his son susses out some old memories and regrets in me…  and it’s interesting how I need to attach circumstances to emotions.

Notes:

After many episodes of trying to have a cohesive message…  I record one on the fly.  Here’s my thought or idea, and it could be insane, i’m definitely not 100% on it, and my opinion of the idea could change. 

I’m walking by one of the encinitas skate park and wee tot playground.  A dad yells from the skate park to the play ground…  Get Johny up here…  Mom says, “He doesn’t want to!”  Which sparks a memory in me…  And reminds me of some of my older selfish behaviors.  At any family vacations I would prioritize my own entertainment, which usually manifested in me needing to surf.  I was addicted. 

So funny the neurosis I was projecting onto the skateboarding dad! 

A family outing would be to go to the beach…  I would be compulsively pulled to the bigger waves and the outside sets, and I would try to bring my young boys out to the heavy waters.  I have lingering regrets in that regard :).

I constantly tried to guide the family movement towards what I wanted under the guise of I do so much for the family.  Bottom line, for good or bad, I prioritized surfing over the family.  People would say I was a good dad, and I was. 

Lauri, my step sister reminds me, “That no matter how much I’ve done, it can feel like you’ve never done enough.”

Your kids will be dragging you out into the bigger waves soon enough.  Savor the shallow water with your kids. 

It’s interesting how I need to label emotions via circumstances…

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Today I address part #2) The stark awareness of the time it’s going to take to produce a summit.  It’s gonna take 16 hours a day for 90 days.  And I’m not gonna do it.  I’m gonna have to find a who or two to help.  Or perhaps just not do it at all...

Notes:

Content, speakers, well designed funnel, the production the copyright, etc etc…  If one person is going to tackle it it’s going to take 16 hours per day…  The stark awareness that Mischa is not going to put those hours in…  I’ve got to find the who’s…  Reminds me of my home loan days.  Am I creating a job for myself or am I creating a sustainable business that can live without me?  And I love that question.  In my Wells Fargo days I had created a job…  There were marketing things that I thought I was better served doing it myself…  Guess what, I should have hired someone to help me.  …I could have avoided burn out…  

It is now all about the who’s.  Who do I get to help me execute my vision?  Project manager, copy writer, social media, the building of the funnel, the tech aspect, the editing of the interviews, etc etc…  

What am I gonna do? I’m not failing any way I chose to go :).  How do I want to continue forward?  Pivot from big summit to a small scaled back summit…  or just stop with the summit process all together?

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A little rant on how the metrics of my podcast don’t matter right now and when I think they do it messes with my ego.  And a big “Thank You!” to those who are listening!  Part 2 is tomorrow.

Notes:

Would you know if was late and I didn’t tell you when I was recording?  A couple things, today I address 1) People freak out when I tell them that I don’t care about the metrics of the podcast.  Tomorrow I’ll address 2) The stark awareness of the time it’s going to take to produce a summit. 

Do I know downloads and listening times?  I try not to pay attention and it can be, or is, a waste of time.  The podcast is part of a bigger picture.  Subscriber base is just a shiny object.  At this point it’s just luck.  Thank you to you people who listen, from time to time or all the time.  …And my ego gets crushed when I look at the metrics.

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I’ve know Janice on the periphery for 13 years and when I saw she had a book coming out I had to interview her for the podcast.  The transformation she has embraced, the passion she brings…  She is so dedicated to community and has such a momentous energy…  I new it was going to be fun, profound, and perhaps irreverently entertaining.  The universe did not disappoint. 

Notes:

(Janice B Mulligan, aka Janice M. Just released an awesome book of daily inspirations called “Power in the Pause”, and her story "Unexpected Outcomes" is in JB Owens compilation “Ignite Happiness”).

Janice’s book “Power in the Pause: Daily Inspirations, A Path Toward Change” can be found here www.sobrietyrocks365.com

JB Owens compilation “Ignite Happiness”, which I reference, can be found here: (Janice's story begins on page 108) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1792341717/ref=cm\_sw\_em\_r\_mt\_dp\_JQJNDZYN8CEERCR97RT0

I read her 4 or 5 page story in the book “Ignite Happiness” and I was sobbing…  it was profound for me…  there were the suicides that were around her…  and she tells how she had this moment of awareness that she is these teenagers that are killing themselves but perhaps she is just taking a longer route…   

Which leads me to this question “Was I just so connected to source in the moment that like it was so impactful for me or do you find that people resonate with these stories?”  I find that people resonate, it connects me with others.  “I can identify, I understand, I know what it is to endure loss, I know what it is to endure loss as a young child.”

I had said forget you to source…  and that’s ok.  You can come back.

Surrender.

She was a Marine for 5 years.  From the age of 19.  She’s 6 foot tall…  She did not look like her average Marine. 

She has a Son who’s 28…  She might be considered a Jerry Springer show, because she has 5 kids with 3 babies daddies.  “they are all mine”.

Her addictions start when she was 12…  “I’m not much but I’m all I think about.”  I don’t have to do that anymore…  You can always come back to where you’re at?

What’s Christmas like?  Christmas now is much different.  She’s proud of her son who is buying a house, has girlfriend and has a dog… 

There were some heavy Christmases, there were a lot of feelings…  no one wants to have a separated household…

There was a time when my oldest daughter moved to her dads…  It was not in my plan…  There was a lot of anxiety and feelings…  My daughter hated me.  There was still a lot of healing that needed to transpire.  Perhaps I created a situation that was unapproachable.  My kids were afraid of me…  I was not very soft. 

The Christmases got better…  Everyone spends the night at my house :).  There is less anxiety that comes from the holidays.

Expectations and control.  Let them down.  “What if we all just relax and enjoy?” 

JB Owen - she put together the compilation book of the different authors…  There are 42 authors in “Ignite Happiness”.  A friend introduces Janice to JB to perhaps get help with Janice  writing a daily inspirations book (which becomes Janice’s “Power in the Pause” book)…  And JB invites Janice to put her story into “Ignite Happiness”.

How about the bottom you talk about in “Ignite Happiness” which you sprung from 13 years ago? I was 36, I had 4 kids, I was planning a wedding.  I was literally exhausted I was dying.  I was being eaten alive from the inside out…  I was in the wedding dress store and I had that bitch slap, that god shot… 

The ignite action steps at the end…  “Tell me about those moments.”  It was everything I needed that I didn’t know I needed…  “Being able to open yourself up and crack yourself open and show your kids that your vulnerable and that you love them is powerful.”  “10 years ago I was not cracked open I was not very loving…  Today I get to be loving.”  I don’t have to be the hard ass…  I’ve learned so much from my daughters. 

There is nothing more powerful than losing my shit and sobbing in front of one of my girls.  And letting them know it is ok to be hurt, it’s ok to make a mistake, it’s ok to be let down, it’s ok to be disappointed.  I’m not that strong, and to let my kids know that is more powerful than anything.

Let’s talk about your book “Power In The Pause”.  How does that come about?  It’s published under Janice M. due to the anonymous nature.  After hemming and hawing about asking to ask for permission to quote other works…  A friend encourages her, “Why don’t you just ask?”  And through serendipitous events the answer is a quick “yes”…  JB was perfect for her and the  “Power In The Pause”.  “Wow, I wrote that!”  …If I’m not connected to source and I’m not doing what I need to do in the morning than then something like this will throw me off course. 

I’m an amateur, I’m not a professional, I have to not take myself so seriously.

I was annoying, I was intolerant, I was unstable.  My higher power put people in my life to stabilize me to show me the way.

Your significant others sacrifice some of your time with them when you embrace recovery.  It  can be hard. 

My kids are amazing…  If somebody is listing to this and waiting for their kid to call them and tell em that they love em, you got it wrong.  It doesn’t work like that.  It’s my job as their mom to let them know I’m proud of them and to let them know that I love them and to let them know I’m thinking of them…  …they love me and I love them.  They feel safe to come to me and to tell me stuff that I don’t want to know.  They know to show up.  They know to show up for each other.  I have these daughter and they show up  When I was that age I wasn’t able to show up.

Her soul shed? I couldn’t walk up the stairs anymore.  Some necessity is the mother of invention.

I have a gift.  And I know that I’m connected.  And for some reason people like being accountable to me.  I want to help people completely transform their life.  I believe the morning routine is the most important. 

Janice is available for coaching.  She’s not quite sure how this is all gonna play out, but she is available for coaching.  “I’m like the cliff note kind of a girl”.

Janice’s book “Power in the Pause: Daily Inspirations, A Path Toward Change” can be found here www.sobrietyrocks365.com Janice is available for coaching just click on that link! 

JB Owens compilation “Ignite Happiness” can be found here:https://www.amazon.com/dp/1792341717/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_JQJNDZYN8CEERCR97RT0

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I’m talking about 3 things today

1) It’s time to be a marketer again.  I relate that to my old cold calling days.

2) The acceptance of where I am in the process of starting new ventures and creating new opportunities via the coaching mastermind group I’m in.  It's a long road ahead...  Is my why strong enough?

3) I have a busy full life and I don’t know how I’m going to get all this done.  I’ve got to find the who’s. 

Notes:

Back in the loan days…  I would find a new niche, mine it for data, that I would call, mail, market to…  And I got pretty good at it.  But you needed to practice what you were going to say…Find a new niche, build your list, market to it, then get on the phones and start talking to your prospects.  And figure out how to sell them what they want (and the strategies within that).  I would fearlessly do that.  Now the fear is strong in me!  It hits me that I have this experience to carry forward…

The realization of where I am in this process…  What was driving me at the beginning of this new process was the newness, the new likes, the new subscribers, the downloads, the dopamine hits.  As I’m nudged to next steps, I realize this could be a haul.  It could take years for the big payoffs, financial, and/or otherwise.  It’s gonna be a lot of hard work.  It’s gonna take more than the dopamine hits to pull me forward… Is my why big enough!

As I’ve been give the ok to progress to next steps, I have realized the amount of work that’s coming.  I have a full busy life and I don’t how I’m going to get this done…  It’s gonna take who’s, and what does that look like?  Trade, pay, people who believe in my why…  The way my life is now where I have the vision, I’ve got to find the people to help me do it, because it’s not gonna get done if it’s just left to me… 

Perhaps I’ll make it the “Divorced Dads Summit…”.  I’ve just blown out half of my speaker list.

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Effectively I get the ok to move forward with my headline and move on with the next steps of the summit process.  I.e. starting to interview speakers, all the tech side of things, etc.  As the excitement wears off and the magnitude of the coming steps of the process settle in…  I get to decide if this is something I really want to do, or can I even do it?  I’ve got a simple life, and I like that.

Show notes:

I am so distracted tonight…  It’s been one of those days…  Glory frustration, Glory Frustration… It took 19 takes to get started! “It’s time to be a marketer and not a student.  It is time to do.”  There is a small version of that and a large version of that.   The small version…  It’s time to take next steps with summit.  Pick your go live date start engaging with the speakers.  It’s time to pick my sword and go to battle.  I want perfect and there is no perfect weapon for this battle.  Time to learn as I go in real time.   The bigger version, it’s time to take what I’ve learned in life and bring it to the people.  

Coach Vince, pick one that’s good enough, go to battle.  Pick one and go!  So I did, and he said, “Not that one!”

Working with the headlines has become an obsession, call it an addiction, perhaps to the detriment of my life.

Vince gives me sign off.  Now comes a lot of work and I’m not sure if I like that.  Am I ready for this?  It’s a humbling sobering moment.  Am I ready to do this work?  Do I want to do this work?  Of course I am…  Or am I?  The one week process of picking a headline took me three months!  Yes, I have a little bit of fear.  

If you’ve made it this far in this episode, God bless you!

And some further tech frustration.  

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The A Course In Miracles incites some funny god talk, ego talk, and a little vulnerability.  And how do I have the hard conversations with love?

Notes:

The course in miracles just gets juicer and juicer… I am not required to “not have impure thoughts”.  But it does require that you have “no thoughts that I would keep.”  I’ve got to let go of all thoughts, good and bad, I don’t get to decide.  Let god be the judge of that.  Freedom in the moment…   If I am host to go and hostage to no one and to no thing, why does that scare me and why wouldn’t I want that?  Because my ego wants you to be host to me and hostage to me.  My ego demands that.  I want you to be beholden to me to adore me lol!  How do I have the hard conversations with love?  How do I lovingly connive my thoughts instead of keep them inside?  Am I willing to not compartmentalize who gets to hear what? 

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I go down a bunch of thought rabbit holes on this episode which is super fun!  For example: You only need to live in the moment when you want to live in the moment and the thoughts that stem off of that.  What is required to have a good human experience? The idea of keeping your thoughts to yourself and feeling isolated.  A little on Self Love.  I little on can I transcend the idea of having to “do good” to feel good.  And even more!

Notes:

…To me that means being in the moment.  And you’ve got to want it.  Some people would rather live in the moment, and I love that.  You only need to live in the moment when you want to live in the moment.  You only need help when you want help.  you only need to do things differently when you want to do things differently.  You’re not sick until you want to get well.  God I give you my plan, what is your plan.  Am I willing to seed control and accept everything as it is.  If humans are the be all end all I will always be discontent.  Why is it so important for my bloodline to continue?  What is required to have a good human experience?  If you don’t have certain experiences your life is unfulfilled; that is an illusion.  

The idea of not keeping my thoughts to myself…  If I keep thoughts to myself, and I feel disconnected, isolated, alone in a crowd vs if I consistently share my thoughts and then I feel connected even if I’m supposedly isolated.  If I don’t have self love I believe no one has self love.  When I finally find self love I feel like I’m the person who’s found it and I think everyone else now needs to find it.  

Mother f’er I’ve always had self love!  It’s a lot more complex than that…  Ranting on about self love.  Podcast is a great place to share your thoughts.  Publishing is a great place to practice talking your ideas, concepts, etc.

If I am always having to “do good” to be ok - Can I transcend that?  Smiling when I’m walking down the street can be a massive act of service.  

My ego does not want to give up the shiny objects sometimes.  So no, I am not willing .

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