Ten Ideas

Come little children and listen up now

your time is a coming, and this'll be how.

You'll yell and you'll scream, run up and down aisles,

You'll kick backs of seats and you'll do it with smiles.

But the KACKIT is watching. The KACKIT sees all.

And when you're not looking, The KACKIT will fall

from the overhead bin where your mom stowed her bag.

The KACKIT will grab you, and off you'll be dragged

to a part of the plane where no one must go

to a black, freezing room only KACKIT-kin know.

So settle down childrenand stop all your tears

stop yelling, stop screaming, stop making noise here.

For the KACKIT will hear you and take you away,

deep in the dark, and your parents will say

"Such a shame such a shame, it just isn't right.

Oh 'twere our child back!

but until then

This is such a nice flight."

Siobhan Thompson (!) is on Ten Ideas this week to do two things: use her iron talismans to keep the Fey at bay and measure places by how Narnia they are. And guess what? She's all out of iron talismans. You'll need a hot subway Barbicide shower to wash the stink of this one off you, babies. Listen up and find Siobhan @vornietom somewhere inside the Twitterplex.

You've heard of the animated classic They're Back! but WE'RE back?? Now I've typed everything. Ryan's out of the hospital (voluntary surgery re: face stuff) and Ten Ideas is back with a delightful little sassy-puss named James Dwyer. Give a listen, don't pollute.

Pat O'brien and Ben Wietmarschen are our guests this week and we got a corker. A real corker. What is this? A podcast or the mouth of a bottle of champagne, because all I see is a bunch of corks! JK, unless if by corks you mean a bunch of corn steelin' ghaggots. We're swimmin in those. You can see Ben and Pat in their spectacular stage show Baseball Is America at the UCB Theater on September 22nd at 8pm, visit here for more info and tickets: http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/3849

This week, filmmaker and libertine Kirk Larsen shows us the front of his hands, the back of his hands, where the little boy made of pop tarts lives in his condo, what happens when you don't play by the rules, the future of barber vlogs, and just so much more. Start listening now; the pizza guy will come soon.

This week, New York Comedian James Dwyer plants his flag in the pliant mons pubis of Ten Ideas and makes naked the nascent racism in "Dixie", plumbs the depths of Jeff Foxworthy's prophetic under-mind, and buys loosie potato chips for all the turtisses in his Fun-Drunk Colony. Sew your lips together and settle in; this is a good one.

Tall wheelchairs, dolphin-cam robot articulators, beef sashimi, American Idol theme restaurant hostess training, jerky stew, another idea about meat, commuter simulation for mandatory ab havers, and a new way to....wait. Hold up. You got some boozefruit in your lip chimes. Other side. There ya go, you got it. What was I saying?

This week, Steve Theiss and Zack Willis will goosestep into your ears and then stomp the yard of your heart. From the Cambodian Killing Fields to the Basque of the Giraffe Half, everyone loves this episode of Ten Ideas. This is a good one.

Langan Kingsley and Aaron Jackson are in the Ten Ideas Cathedral today and they are dolling out liturgy after liturgy of great ideas that are gonna knock your ass back into the Gay Library where you belong. Try not to slip on the rosary beads, and don't step on Toko. He's a littl--oh dang man, you got Toko everywhere.

Writer and comedian Joe Stanton is right here, right now, and he's brought enough pico de gotta-go for everyone! Spread it on the wet walls of the ham pit (not the befouled one) and dig in. For real tho, NOT the befouled one.