The Aftermath: The Epidemic of Divorce, Custody and Healing

Charlie McCready, a life coach from London, talks with Mick and Kindra a second time regarding how to help yourself if you are a targeted parent of alienation and how to best serve your children after they have gone through that trauma.

The alienated parent is caught in a loop by our unconscious guilt and anxiety. We need to develop conscious thinking to believe positively and lovingly about ourselves. We need permission to get off that negative treadmill. 

We need to be conscious about the triggers that are negative since the alienator knows our weaknesses and seeks to harm us. They hate us.

This process can be turned around to spurt personal growth; the child will return after a time.

Frame your thoughts to fast-forward towards a positive reconciliation.

Life is as it is today but the damage will be overcome. Today is an opportunity to grow.

The child is not experiencing alienation; you are. Don't over communicate by saying things such as `I miss you.' That phrase harms kids as well since they are not in control.

The alienated child experiences a fear-based relationship with the alienator. The child is stuck in the middle between fear and loss.

Don't present yourself as sad or depressed. If you are confident and happy you are the strong parent and kids seek you out.

Your past is not the same as your future; there are good people out there. Find them.

Families and friends need to be coached against the injustice that you are feeling; it does not help.

Ironically the alienator is both the victim and the victor. Kids cling to the alienator until they mature and figure the trauma out by themself.

Kids will always want to have a relationship with the parents even in cases of abuse, neglect, and criminality.

PA is still not recognized formally by the legal and the psychological communities.

Legislative reform can only be done in the US on a stage-by-state basis and not federally. People in power do not take chance making decisions so they do not face a negative reaction.

Your actions such as taking the alienator to Court, will be taken out on the child. Change your tactics to lessen pressure on the child.

Parents need to sacrifice time and contact with the child to lessen the conflict. 

The alienator often arises from a conflicted, unhappy, and abusive home and they continue the cycle. These parents are poor at setting boundaries and are often child-like and immature themselves.

If a parent is immature the child tries to parent the parent thus upsetting the natural order. Parents should always be a parent. Kids just want to be kids. 

If the alienator finds a new relationship now you are contending with two adults. 

Family members and friends choose between the alienator, children, and you. They can turn on you further isolating you.

Develop resiliency to help yourself, family, and children.

Reach out to Charlie via Facebook and Instagram DM Charlie. He has a twenty-minute introductory video, and in a small group setting has an eight-week program which repeats four weeks later as a follow-up. 

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Strife (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Charlie experienced PA in 2013; his former wife limited contact with his two children.

His 9 step program is holistic addressing three points: children, self, and inside the alienator's head.

The child is a tool to attack the other parent.

We need skills to understand the alienation.

We need to focus on the mindset of the child.

The alienating parent is monitoring all contact and communication. 

The parent manipulates the child to avoid the other parent. 

The PA syndrome is similar to the Five Stages of Grief by Kubler-Ross: https://www.psycom.net/stages-of-grief.

PA is a similar process; but unlike grief, the child is still alive but alienated. 

Three main topics are covered:

1. Helping children through Parental Alienation (PA);

2. Reducing damage done through trauma;

3. Restoring personal mental health. 

Reach out to Charlie via Facebook and Instagram DM Charlie.

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Strife (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Theresa Agostinelli is an Author, Media, Biz Coach, Corporate Trainer, and JMT Author of The GRID System: The GRID System: Creating More of What's Good in Your Life

https://www.amazon.com/GRID-System-Creating-More-Whats/dp/1990801005

Theresa pointed out the difference as a preferred provider due to her experience and expertise in the Court system during divorce and custody situations. 

She shared that Parental Alienation Syndrome is more recognized today than in the past. It is not a clinically accepted situation but therapists and counselors are equipped to deal with the negative impact it has on children. 

She has developed an eight point system for counseling children and has published about it as well. 

Her process of helping includes: ask, suggest, and requirement depending on what is needed in each individual case. 

The custody process entails that either a Judge or an attorney will choose a counselor and can serve on both sides, for either a mother or a father, and they deal with the same attorneys repeatedly. 

Theresa stressed that Court Orders should be enforced and Judges should be vigilant in requiring parents to comply. 

COVID brought on a whole new set of issues in that children or parents were ill, arrangements were more difficult to fulfill, and anxiety increased as a result of the conditions. 

If a party during disputes was not cooperative she suggested that Contempt filings should be made so that parents could work together co-parenting. 

A unique aspect of her expertise had to do with the important role that grandparents (and family generally) play in custody and divorce situations. 

The role of the grandparents can bring stability and support to the children caught in the middle of custody. 

Free Zoom Meet Up January 11th 6-7:30pm EST

Learn How to: effectively help your child, accelerate progress in the relationship, conquer the most challenging moments with an uncooperative co-parent and more

Email Theresa for the link.

[email protected]

How do you reach Theresa?

website: www.profwithpurpose.com

email: [email protected]

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Strife (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Hear what our next guest, Theresa Agostinelli, will be speaking about. Besides a professor at Immaculata University, she is an author, speaker, licensed psychotherapist, and coach.

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Listen to his podcast: The Doctor of Digital™ GMick Smith, PhD | Podcasts on Audible | Audible.com

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Stri (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Joe Cordell, Co-Founder of his company with his wife, is an attorney in Missouri who represents the largest domestic relations firm in the U.S., with a presence in 42 states, 300 attorneys, and who represents about 96% male clients. Joe maintains dadsdivorce.com, mensdivorce.com, and mensrights.com. There are helpful resources such as a YouTube channel, Tips to Be a Better Co-Parent, and a Back to School Co-Parenting guide.Some ideas that emerged from the episode include the following.

In the 19th Century men were favored in awarding custody because they earned money and had the means to support children. Whereas, women generally did not because they did not work outside the home. 

Divorce is a messy business and that is why all the major religions discourage the practice. Men in their late 40s early 50s are vulnerable to having an affair, often in the workplace, and although stereotypes may be fading it was a common occurrence.

In Kentucky with 50-50 parenting there has been less conflict and fewer cases to include attorneys. Sexual abuse is less of a weapon today than in the 1990s but an Order of Protection is also used, is effective, and easier to obtain since it requires less evidence. The physical size of men works against them and Protection is easy to believe as a result. 

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Strife (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Fighting for fathers’ rights is what motivated Mr. Cordell to become a divorce lawyer for men.

“I was galvanized by guys who were my clients and trying to get primary custody of their children. Even though they were the better parent, they still couldn’t get across the finish line in the courts,” Mr. Cordell said. “The more frustrated I became, the more incentivized I was to help them.”

Since co-founding the firm with his wife, Yvonne, Mr. Cordell and his team of more than 200 divorce lawyers have helped thousands of men going through divorce.

He is frequently featured in national media outlets, such as The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Time Magazine, and CNN. Please see “Media Appearances” below for a comprehensive list of Mr. Cordell’s online, print, radio, and TV interviews.

Mr. Cordell is also an adjunct faculty member at Washington University School of Law. Additionally, Mr. Cordell is the past president of the American Academy of Attorney-Certified Public Accountants and in 2017 was named President of the AAA-CPA Missouri Chapter.

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Listen to his podcast: The Doctor of Digital™ GMick Smith, PhD | Podcasts on Audible | Audible.com

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Stri (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Join Mick and Kindra as we discuss our conversation with Hope Firsel, life coach and trauma survivor.

Hope is a Life Coach who survived infertility, cancer, and divorce. She hired a surrogate mother and is co-parenting after her 18 year marriage ended. 

Therapy helps us to understand ourselves and therapy can help others. 

Co-parenting is a business relationship with finances, coordinated calendar, and tasks. 

In the midst of chaos, parallel homes work with shared values. Respect each other and let parenting work. 

Keep hostile discussions away from children and use technology tools to your advantage: communicate by text, phone, and Zoom. 

Parallel parenting means working for the best interest of the child or children. 

Take care of your mind and spirit. Have an outside source to shine light on your life. 

Always suggest including a therapist early in a relationship. 

A life coach can help you be an advocate for yourself. 

Life coach vs. therapist: a life coach is for your future whereas a therapist discerns your past to help in healing.  

We are only responsible for our own actions; we should be self-aware.

The biggest lesson learned from divorce is that no one is coming to save us; healing comes from within. 

Work on yourself and be self-sufficient but you can find help for what you need from others. 

The miracle of life shows us that we have superpowers, unique talents, and abilities to recognize. Use your gifts. 

Dress yourself and pick out how you want to present yourself daily as you do as you don your clothes for the day.

Often, we are angry at ourselves and there are strong emotions during trauma but we shouldn’t target others, usually our ex.

Art, music, journaling, exercising are all good outlets for our strong emotions during a traumatic time. 

Conscious parenting shares the alienation of negative emotions but reminds children that as parents you still love them. That love does not end. 

Everyone should take time after a trauma and often friendships with the opposite gender can be helpful before getting into a new relationship. 

Be whole first as yourself.

Visit her website to learn more. https://hopefirsel.com/

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Listen to his podcast: The Doctor of Digital™ GMick Smith, PhD | Podcasts on Audible | Audible.com

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Strife (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Hope Firsel is a Life Coach who survived infertility, cancer, and divorce. She hired a surrogate mother and is co-parenting after her 18 year marriage ended. 

There are various forms of trauma that negatively impact core pieces of our humanity.

Therapy helps us to understand ourselves and therapy can help others. 

Co-parenting is a business relationship with finances, coordinated calendar, and tasks. 

In the midst of chaos, parallel homes work with shared values. Respect each other and let parenting work. 

Keep hostile discussions away from children and use technology tools to your advantage: communicate by text, phone, and Zoom. 

Parallel parenting means working for the best interest of the child or children. 

Take care of your mind and spirit. Have an outside source to shine light on your life. 

Always suggest including a therapist early in a relationship. 

A life coach can help you be an advocate for yourself. 

Life coach vs. therapist: a life coach is for your future whereas a therapist discerns your past to help in healing. 

We are only responsible for our own actions; we should be self-aware.

The biggest lesson learned from divorce is that no one is coming to save us; healing comes from within. 

Work on yourself and be self-sufficient but you can find help for what you need from others. 

The miracle of life shows us that we have superpowers, unique talents, and abilities to recognize. Use your gifts. 

Dress yourself and pick out how you want to present yourself daily as you do as you don your clothes for the day.

Often, we are angry at ourselves and there are strong emotions during trauma but we shouldn’t target others, usually our ex.

Art, music, journaling, exercising are all good outlets for our strong emotions during a traumatic time. 

Conscious parenting shares the alienation of negative emotions but remind children that as parents you still love them. That love does not end. 

Everyone should take time after a trauma and often friendships with the opposite gender can be helpful before getting into a new relationship. 

Be whole first as yourself. 

Visit her website to learn more. https://hopefirsel.com/

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Listen to his podcast: The Doctor of Digital™ GMick Smith, PhD | Podcasts on Audible | Audible.com

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Stri (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Join Kindra and Mick as they share tips and tools to help you cope through the holidays.

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Listen to his podcast: The Doctor of Digital™ GMick Smith, PhD | Podcasts on Audible | Audible.com

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Stri (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.

Children of divorce can learn love, compassion, responsibility, accountability, forgiveness, boundaries, kindness, and consideration for others.

Counseling is not an automatic panacea but keep at it and persist. There may be lapses.

One person can not fix a marriage; it takes two. If you reach a point of no hope then that is the breaking point.

Physical and expressive outlets are positive. During tango for example, partners need to lean on each other. Marriage is analogous to tango dance. Actions speak louder than words.

Simply moving from one relationship to another is not a solution. Problems carry into each relationship: grief, unresolved issues, hopes and dreams all need to be processed before a new relationship. Relationships are based on wholeness. People should feel peaceful and worthy of love.

Identify and acknowledge your feelings: I belong, I am worthy, I am capable of being loved. Recognize triggers that set your feelings off that you are not valued. A third-party can help you untangle your feelings vs. your partner's baggage. 

We are attracted to people who share core values but both partners need to be conscious of their feelings, harmful words, and triggers. 

Programs such as Marriage Encounter can help encourage healthy relationships.

Therapy early on in a relationship is beneficial. Health is wholistic: physically, rationally, spiritually, and emotionally. An annual contract with an option to renew is worth considering. Check in regularly with your partner. Give and receive.

You are either dynamically building walls or bridges with your partner. 

Find a support network and re-learn how to love yourself. You are enough. Pursue who I should become and not who I should find. Not all religious counselors are created equal. You have to find the correct advisors. Look for people who stretch a hand down to help you up like a child who needs assistance when learning how to walk. 

Some groups are trauma dumping so avoid those and you may need to keep looking to find a compatible group. 

Say yes to all activities that are not obviously harmful. Be open to new life experiences, be curious, explore, expand, network, and look for opportunities. There are beautiful things following the aftermath of trauma. For example, forests restore health after a fire. 

Look for healthy information such as the Wake Up to Real Love podcast. 

Turn lessons into blessings. To reach Dawn:

512-773-5860

https://www.facebook.com/theawakeningwithdawn/

https://www.dawnrishard.com

Wake Up to Real Love

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wake-up-to-real-love/id1472828220

Learn more about your hosts Mick Smith and Kindra Riber. They are waging the war on ending the pain of divorce, parental alienation, custody battles and the break-up of families. Their purpose is to give you the tools on how to heal in the aftermath of family trauma and drama.

Learn more about Mick Smith:

Get Mick's Book: Burning America: Amazon.com: Burning America: In the Best Interest of The Children?: 9781956353259: Smith, G Mick: Books

Listen to his podcast: The Doctor of Digital™ GMick Smith, PhD | Podcasts on Audible | Audible.com

Learn More About Kindra Riber:

Meet Kindra | Speak Life Into Stri (kindraspeaks.com)

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce or a custody battle, please reach out to us at:

[email protected]

This has been a Mediacasters Production.