The AMPire Diaries Episode 8: “A Few Good Men” | “There Goes the Neighborhood”

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, we’re talking about “A Few Good Men” (Season 1, Episode 15) and “There Goes the Neighborhood” (Season 1, Episode 16). And boy do we have some questions. Would John Goodman make a good Giuseppe Salvatore? Who is “Bloodybecky”? Does Shay Mitchell have Canadian energy? Is Raising Helen a movie that exists? Did Damon “Damo” Salvatore and Carol “Carol” Lockwood have sex? Also, LaToya, Morgan, and Jill prepare for the “full Boy Time” that will be Episode 9.

“MOTHERS, BACHELORS AND BLOOD” (“A Few Good Men”)

“A NEW START” (“There Goes the Neighborhood”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? Mothers and bachelors and blood—oh my! “A Few Good Men” is truly AMPED.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

The Official CW Promo for “A Few Good Men”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XG57RikHqtg

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “A Few Good Men”: Mystic Falls Annual Founder’s Day Fundraiser Silent Auction Bachelor Raffle (yes, that is the official title)

The Official CW Promo for “There Goes the Neighborhood”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mI-EdL1cytY

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “There Goes the Neighborhood”: A normal teen double date and adults getting lit

“A Few Good Men” Deleted Kelly Donovan Scenes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-FtR_0EyvA

Playboy’s Miss June 1972: http://www.playmates.com/debbie-davis

The AMPire Diaries Episode 7: “Children of the Damned” | “Fool Me Once”

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, we’re talking about “Children of the Damned” (Season 1, Episode 13) and “Fool Me Once” (Season 1, Episode 14). LaToya is possibly now Jeremy Gilbert’s #1 fan, Jill just keeps hating on flashbacks, and The Vampire Diaries says the words “leverage” and “doppelganger” for the very first time. Plus, stick around until the very end (meaning, past the end theme) of the podcast for a special treat.

“A BLAST FROM THE PAST” (“Children of the Damned”)

“SECRETS OF THE TOMB” (“Fool Me Once”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? Again, neither are all that AMPED… But my imagined cadence for “SECRETS OF THE TOMB” comes from this Key & Peele sketch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxjNOv5QPzM), specifically once it gets to Passion of the Christ. So it wins on that alone.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

The Official CW Promo for “Children of the Damned”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoDOj6DceQU

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “Children of the Damned”: 1864, a very good year

The Official CW Promo for “Fool Me Once”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CNWn_dF9Og

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “Fool Me Once”: Duke’s party

Vulture’s “This Week in Comedy Podcasts” feature: https://www.vulture.com/2020/06/this-week-in-comedy-podcasts-a-couples-therapy-revolution.html

Comedy Bang! Bang! + “A MAN’S GRAVE”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLwtBSxKWAM

The AMPire Diaries Episode 6: “Bloodlines” | “Unpleasantville”

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, we’re talking about “Bloodlines” (Season 1, Episode 11) and “Unpleasantville” (Season 1, Episode 12). Is Morgan also Jeremy Gilbert’s #1 fan? Was Elena wearing a Bump It? Are the Salvatore brothers really brothers? Are the hosts of this podcast idiots? Tune in to hear a resounding “YES!” to all of these questions and more.

“STEFAN UNCOVERS A STARTLING CLUE TO THE PAST” (“Bloodlines”)

“50s DANCE THAT WILL LEAVE YOU BREATHLESS” (“Unpleasantville”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? Honestly, neither are all that AMPED… which is ridiculous, because both of these episodes are AMPED. But “Unpleasantville” wins by default.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

The Official CW Promo for “Bloodlines”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBwAISt3bWw

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “Bloodlines”: Damon kidnapping Elena and taking her across state lines

The Official CW Promo for “The Turning Point”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHzqiKv14xM

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “The Turning Point”: Mystic Falls High’s ‘50s Decade Dance

LaToya’s tweet to friend of the show Michael Chasin: https://twitter.com/lafergs/status/1249144182415020033

The AMPire Diaries Episode 5: “History Repeating” | “The Turning Point”

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, it’s now time for a little bit of “History Repeating” (Season 1, Episode 9) and “The Turning Point” (Season 1, Episode 10). Not only does this episode of The AMPire Diaries feature a message from your hosts from the future/present—because we recorded this episode back in April—it also has tangents about who on the podcast is Lea Michele’s #1 fan (back in April, of course), the constant disappointment of J.K. Rowling, and whether to watch Teen Wolf or not.

There is also some conversation about these two episodes of The Vampire Diaries.

“STEFAN LEARNS THE REASON DAMON RETURNED TO MYSTIC FALLS” (“History Repeating”)

“STEFAN AND DAMON HAVE SOME NEW COMPETITION” (“The Turning Point”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? “History Repeating” has the more “dun dun DUN…” logline, so it’s gotta be the more AMPED one.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

The Official CW Promo for “History Repeating”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWwvu2G3TWc

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “History Repeating”: The Slumber Party Seance

The Official CW Promo for “The Turning Point”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHFJPmsegQ

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “The Turning Point”: Career Night

The AMPire Diaries Episode 4: “Haunted” | “162 Candles”

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, it’s now time for some “Haunted” (Season 1, Episode 7) and “162 Candles” (Season 1, Episode 8). Vicki has a vampire costume and Stefan has a friend—both big moments in the series. Here are The CW’s official loglines for these episodes:

“A HALLOWEEN VICKI CAN SINK HER TEETH INTO” (“Haunted”)

“A HAPPY BIRTHDAY THAT WILL END IN TRAGEDY” (“162 Candles”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? Well, while “162 Candles” is quite honest, it’s gotta go to “Haunted” for the pun.

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

The Official CW Promo for “Haunted”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv3MgO5wuOo

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “Haunted”: The Mystic Falls High School Halloween party

The Official CW Promo for “162 Candles”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBmlCQIYZHg

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “162 Candles”: Caroline’s party at the Mystic Grill and Stefan’s birthday

The AMPire Diaries Episode 3: “You’re Undead to Me” | “Lost Girls”

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, it’s now time for some “You’re Undead to Me” (Season 1, Episode 5) and “Lost Girls” (Season 1, Episode 6). Elena finds out the truth about vampires, Vicki becomes a vampire, and we also learn about Katherine from 1864 (who was, you guessed it, a vampire). Here are The CW’s official loglines for these episodes:

“NOTHING HURTS MORE, THAN THE TRUTH” (“You’re Undead to Me”)

“THE TRUTH CAN BE VERY, VERY DEADLY” (“Lost Girls”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? It’s gotta go to the one without the unnecessary comma. So, “Lost Girls.”

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

The Official CW Promo for “You’re Undead to Me”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDYiVdq_Z0k

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “You’re Undead to Me”: The Sexy Suds Car Wash

The Official CW Promo for “Lost Girls”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgmlHjyD06E

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “Lost Girls”: 1864 flashbacks and Vicki making the vampire transition

The AMPire Diaries Episode 2: “Friday Night Bites” | “Family Ties”

Moving along on this Vampire Diaries rewatch-slash-first-time watch (and mostly spoiler-free) combination podcast, it’s now time for some “Friday Night Bites” (Season 1, Episode 3) and “Family Ties” (Season 1, Episode 4). You gotta love puns, but you’ve also gotta love The CW’s official loglines for these episodes:

“MYSTIC FALLS IS ROCKED BY VIOLENCE” (“Friday Night Bites”)

“YOU'RE INVITED TO A PARTY TO DIE FOR” (“Family Ties”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? It’s gotta go to “Family Ties.”

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED (and horny) along with them on this journey. Ya gotta get AMPED.

The Official CW Promo for “Friday Night Bites”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPPlUfGlMCU

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “Friday Night Bites”: The Mystic Falls High Timberwolves vs. Central High Lions football game

The Official CW Promo for “Family Ties”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxTiect388w

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “Family Ties”: Mystic Falls’ annual Founders’ Party

The AMPire Diaries Episode 1: “Pilot” | “The Night of the Comet”

And so it begins: The AMPire Diaries. Naturally, it begins with the first two episodes of The Vampire Diaries, “Pilot” (Season 1, Episode 1) and “The Night of the Comet” (Season 1, Episode 2). It also begins (at least in these show notes) with the opening loglines for the official CW synopses for these episodes:

“DESIRE, HEARTBREAK, ENVY, REDEMPTION, FEAR, AND RAGE, BEGINS NOW” (“Pilot”)

“ELENA MEETS DAMON AND LEARNS ABOUT STEFAN'S PAST LOVE” (“The Night of the Comet”)

The more AMPED logline this time around? It’s gotta go to “Pilot.”

Whether you’re a Vampire Diaries obsessive or newcomer, join along with hosts LaToya Ferguson (Vampire Diaries obsessive), Morgan Lutich (Vampire Diaries obsessive), and Jill Defiel (Vampire Diaries newcomer) on their new podcast journey. Most importantly, get AMPED along with them on this journey. You just might learn something about yourself in the process.

The Official CW Promo for “Pilot”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5t1V8XG_JE

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “Pilot”: A back to school thing at the Falls

The Official CW Promo for “The Night of the Comet”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qm8LRsgXb7s

The Mystic Falls Event of the Week for “The Night of the Comet”: The Night of the Comet Festival

Introduction: The AMPire Diaries

“We know the risk, but we have to podcast…” (or some variation of that intro that will be constantly botched in the actual podcast… and I’m sorry for that — xoxo, Gossip Fergs)

Welcome to The AMPire Diaries, a Vampire Diaries recap and rewatch podcast. Hosted by longtime Vampire Diaries fans LaToya Ferguson and Morgan Lutich alongside first-time viewer Jill Defiel, The AMPire Diaries is all about The Vampire Diaries… and getting absolutely AMPED to watch and talk about it. Yep, that’s the pun we went with.

Based on no evidence but our own opinions on our conversations during these podcast episodes, this is the only Vampire Diaries podcast where you can find in-depth critical discussion AND completely unhinged horniness about the series. That’s right: One second we’re talking about race or consent or mental illness in The Vampire Diaries, then the next, we’re talking about our crushes or who we really want to smooch in The Vampire Diaries. If you have layers, then this is the Vampire Diaries podcast for you.

In fact, here is what you can expect of the podcast, according to all three of the hosts:

LaToya, who is probably the least correct, says, “1/3 horniness, 1/3 bits, and 1/3 intelligent conversation about TVD.”

Jill says, “25% bits, 25% intelligent convo, 50% horny.”

And Morgan, who is probably the most correct, says, “40% horny, 10% unrelated pop culture, 30% bits, 20% discussions about the episodes.”

For the next few weeks, we will be dropping two episodes of The AMPire Diaries a week — dissecting two Vampires Diaries episodes per AMPire Diaries episode — before (hopefully) settling into a more chill groove of one episode a week. (Heads up: We pretty much recorded all of Season 1 and, while currently in-progress, probably all of Season 2 in a quarantine vacuum.)

In pretty much most of these episodes, we don’t properly plug things like iTunes ratings (5 stars, please) or where to find the podcast… but if you are listening to this podcast, you probably already know where and how to do all that. The AMPire Diaries: We won’t insult your intelligence.

(P.S. The AMPire Diaries' theme song is "More Whiskey" by Tendinite.)